Sex is FREE; but they get you on the accessories!!!

I almost threw away this delightfully mistranslated trial packet of lubricant! I think that Chinese translation cannot be blamed for this one.

Courtney Stodden is a teenage dominatrix who is currently punking the world with her bimbo experiment. For months when I saw Courtney and Doug on The Ridiculist I usually felt that she would probably wake up at 24 and be completely embarrassed by the past 8 years (as young adults often do…) But now I have changed my theory and it makes much more sense to me; or at least it gives more hope for humanity.

When I was Courtney’s age I fantasized that I was exactly the same person I have become today. In my fantasies I had 100% control over my life, did many spur of the moment projects, was in a plural marriage with 3 awesome men who got along great and dated a lot of really creative people. This is what I fantasized about constantly from about 12 until my early 20′s when I was able to do concrete things to realize my fantasies. It is therefore entirely believable to me that Courtney’s current phase could be a ploy to realize a very specific socio-sexual fantasy.

So far she has put on an award-worthy bimbo show, lured in a z-list celebrity husband who lives to clean up after her, shopped a lucrative reality tv show and has Dr. Drew on speed dial. Dr. Drew’s secret theory seems to be that Courtney will wind up on his ‘Celebrity Rehab’ program before she is even 21 but I am holding out for my own prize.

My theory is that after only a few years of punking the media with her bimbo experiment, creepy wedding and subsequent shower of inappropriate Facebook pictures, Courtney will tell us it was all a joke/performance to distract us and come out with a tell all book about the vapid creepy Hollywood bubble she now inhabits.

‘Cuz that would be funny and I would say ‘Bravo!’ and buy that book…

Recently, a woman asked Mitt Romney a follow-up question about his stated support for the ‘life at conception’ amendment. She made it easy on the Mitt, including basic reproduction and contraception information so that it might be easier for him to formulate an answer. With the affect of a frightened dad receiving an awkward sex-related question from his daughter, Mitt simply demonstrated his complete incompetence on matters of sexuality, reproduction and contraception with a dismissive non-answer. His constituent then explained something very important: Hormonal birth control prevents attachment of the fertilized egg to the uterine wall potentially making many forms of birth control illegal if a ‘life at conception’ amendment was to become law. Rachel Maddow explained this in more detail on her October 20th man-cave segment. It is worth noting that all contraception methods that would become illegal are those methods that a woman can choose and use at her own discretion. They are used by most adult women, often in addition to a condom which protects against STDs.

Why are creepy old men injecting themselves into the private life of women?

It becomes really obvious that the ideology behind these abortion push-back bills is to declare women incompetent when it comes to making decisions about their body. This can also be seen in a really creepy video shown by Melissa Harris Perry on The Rachel Maddow show of August 30th, 2011 (at 3:17 of the segment). The old gray-haired men whom, by the way, have failed to display any knowledge or understanding of women, their bodies and reproductive system sincerely feel they are better adept at making decisions regarding reproduction than women and even their doctor. In their world, the condom is the only convenient method of contraception, and therefore the man, is the one who decides the purpose and outcome of sexual activity.

Without reproductive freedom, all women are sentenced to poverty.

Because we have to work harder for less pay and raise children while we take on most or all of the household work, it is imperative for us women to control when and how we have children so as to give them the best possible care during their life. This is why the demonization of Planned Parenthood in the U.S. is so shocking. The fact that abortion is legal and the idea of family planning is what has contributed to the betterment of the lives of millions of people in the last 40 years. Regardless, 1/5th of children in the U.S. still live in poverty and poverty affects women at a greater rate than men.

This medieval mindset rules the GOP.

In addition to having no knowledge of reproduction and contraception, Mitt Romney has very little regard for women’s concerns as he dismissed a woman’s extremely important question without ever answering it! Furthermore, the birth-control pill has many other uses including, but not limited to, as a menstrual cycle regulator for millions of women whom, like me, suffer from Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrom (PCOS).

This article by Salon.com titled The sex ed hall of shame attempts to explain the lack of important education in the US school system. I have been a long-time observer of the United States culturally, economically and politically. Originally I was just watching a very entertaining slow train wreck but after almost 30 years of way too much TV, newspapers and magazines, I see my spotted trends realized and I am VERY sad for the future.

If sex if free, then why do people spend so much of their money on the mere promise of it?

I have come to believe that most North Americans do not know what sex is whatever their age. It takes a long time to develop sexual intelligence and sexual competence but it seems everything is set up to disable people from attaining these goals. For me sex is a fun, pleasurable and bonding activity and I now credit my success at it on my basic knowledge of the sexual body, the sexual brain and, very importantly, on my ability to select ideal compatible partners. For most people, sex is a product created to separate them from their money.

There is a weird catch-22 going on in sex today. Schools teach abstinence only to teenagers who are marketed sex 24/7. If teenagers had true, scientific and usable information about sexuality they could build on their sexual intelligence. Knowing what a healthy and pleasurable sexual lifestyle is, they would probably not buy into the sex that is sold to them in pornography or rom-coms. As an adult, I spend a considerable amount of time researching sexuality through reading, discussing and practicing awesome sex with awesome partners. What few people know is that most human sexuality is unrelated to the sum of its sexual parts. But in order to discover the wonderful sex life that is 75% technically abstinent, you have to grow up in a gender-equal community that values knowledge and emotional intelligence and accepts discussion about all topics of adult life including sexuality (and economics, parenting, marriage, etc.) Just a note here, abstaining from having sex with sexually uneducated, incompatible and immature partners is a good thing. Going through a series of regrettable experiences forced upon you by peer pressure in a society of one-upmanship fueled by Internet porn is not so great…

I am very sad when I get very basic questions about sex from men in their twenties. I have sat in a room full of twenty something women talking about their sex life. It has always seemed to me that young women take for granted that what they know is correct and ae the ones less likely to ask for directions. But then again, indirectly, I notice more women in adult sex classes. And yes, as an adult, you should attend sex classes!!!

I understand why our world is set up to create people incredibly uninformed about sex. As North Americans we are groomed to become consumers and therefore purchase every aspect of our humanity ready-made. We purchase our values printed on t-shirts, paint-on our gender with makeup, select passive entertainment from a database of millions of titles as we eat our food pre-prepared and drink suspect liquids from a plastic bottle because we have even forgotten that water comes from the tap. Oh and of course, most of these products come packaged with the sexual innuendo-filled promise of sexy sex.

Here’s a tidbit of info: Even if you reach the base camp of Mount Consumerism, you won’t be able to see the top of the mountain and will always feel like you need more things to be happy, sexy and fulfilled. Powerful moneyed people demonstrate everyday how there is not enough money in the world to reach the top of that mountain.

We live surrounded by sex but very little useful information about sex. We know all the details of the ailing sexual lives of politicians, false prophets and billionaires. We can watch the regrettable sexual encounters of celebrities online but have very little insight from people who are doing sex right. So without ongoing comprehensive age-appropriate sex ed, teenagers will continue to learn about sex through a series of regrettable experiences forced upon them by peer pressure in a society of one-upmanship fueled by Internet porn. And that path doesn’t even lead to a happy and fulfilling adult sex life.

In order to know what sex is, one has to get correct basic information about our sexual organs and how they work. Most information available online about the sexual organs of humans are still incomplete! There are three facets to the physical sexual curriculum, reproduction, sexuality and sexual health and hygiene.

The majority of our sexuality lives in the brain. In order to enjoy it we must know how to do research, communicate with others, ask questions and talk about sex in a mature non-judgmental way.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to seriously tackle the issues of sexual conversation in a connected age with education about sexting, social media and online dating.

We have to discuss other aspects of adult life related to procreation such as the true personal and financial costs of child bearing, birth and rearing (parenting and family planning).

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

In order to go through adolescence understanding the changes that we go through and that our peers go through, we have to develop an understanding of what gender is and what sexual orientation is (and know that these two things are VERY different from each other.)

We have to develop tools to understand ourselves and what we value in a partner whether it is for play or for a long-term relationship.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to look at sexual and gender roles through history and see how sexuality followed suit.

We have to be able to look at suggestive or sexual messaging in various marketing forms and develop the skills to understand how it lies about the sexuality it is trying to sell us. This tools are very useful in preventing the epidemic body-issues that affect boys and girls and will impact negatively in their future sex-life.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss how pornography (the leading source of sexual information for children and teens) affects people in a negative way both emotionally and physically (in addition to being very questionable as a source of sex info.)

We have to discuss illegal and prescription drugs and how they enable, inhibit, improve or impair sexual activity and sexual health.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss consensuality, emotional abuse, sexual assault and rape.

We have to discuss what an ethical sexual lifestyle might entail. From discussions on selecting and vetting potential partners to negotiating sexual encounters.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss what marriage is, what committed relationships are, what monogamy or being faithful means and develop communication skills to attain egalitarian relationships where all parties proactively define what these things mean within their own relationship.

We have to look at a a gazillion sexual products, most of which come without instructions, and dissect what they are for, their potential benefits or risks and if even if they have any use at all.

And of course we would have to talk about the complete relationship cycle in today’s intensely connected digital world including breakup etiquette.

And we probably still haven’t had sex yet!

This incomplete curriculum could certainly sustain weekly sex ed through 8 years of schooling! And there are so many more topics to tackle once we reach college!

If abstinence-only education came with actual information about sex rather than a bucket load of shame and denial then it wouldn’t be detrimental to the lives of so many young people.

Sexual education is not about having sex, it’s about learning to survive and eventually thrive in a world that specifically intends to keep you from reaching a healthy mature *AWESOME* sex life.

I tried to comment on this post on Jezebel but it didn’t work for some reason so here it goes.

There is controversy brewing about Dr. Bachmann’s practice in the media. Last night, Jon Stewart and Jerry Seinfeld did a very funny segment on Mr. Bachmann’s apparently gay affect. Jon called him a hypocrite which shocked me. I am a coach myself, I teach men to attain relationship and sexual bliss. A lot of that involves establishing a strategy and putting in into play over many months. Journalists deride the Bachmann’s in various ways bout it is obvious to me that these are two sincere individuals. You can’t be sincere AND a hypocrite at the same time. You can be sincere AND completely wrong that’s for sure. I have researched the ‘pray the gay away’ movement and come to the conclusion that the only people who sincerely think that homosexuality is a choice are the people who have chosen not to be gay. I am someone who has specifically chosen my lifestyle and constructed a life of bliss based on my vision of adulthood since I was 12 (i.e. being an influential person in the life of my friends and enjoying a non-monogamous lifestyle of knowledge, play and sex) The Bachmanns seem to me like people who have accomplished that as well. They seem happy together, sound sincere when they speak and have raised 5 children and fostered two dozen more. As a couple who devotes time every single day to the welfare of other, they are exceptional. They are walking the walk on what THEY sincerely believe unlike the Koch whores who make up a considerable amount of Congress. Considering what appears to be Mr. Bachmann’s choice, it’s probably not easy! I can’t deride them for making a choice and sticking to it and I understand why their first jest would be to get others in on their bliss!

The caveat is that I know from experience that embarking into a ‘role’ in adulthood or a relationship can be, as Michele says: ‘Bondage!’ and lead to heart disease, depression and regret in some people. Life is kinda short and that tends to hit home in the 40s. And you thought that was a mid-life crisis?!

Now as much as I admire them for their family skills, they would be unlikely to admire me. I gladly travel on the edge of society and every time I’ve gone once around, I discover that the edge has moved a little bit outward and once again I go. I upgrade my knowledge of how people think, feel and love on a daily basis. The Bachmanns, however, are running on legacy software. Faith is one thing. For instance, it’s quite cool that God speaks to Michele directly. Hey God speaks directly to me too! But I suspect her entourage may also have helped convince her to go into politics. Religion is a whole nother ball game though. It’s a program. And religious people’s reasoning is based on a database of information which has little to do with facts or science. Clusters of people who run on the same legacy software like Catholicism or Evangelical Christianism are natively compatible and they get along swell. Often these people are in the same age group so their priorities are similar as well. But their legacy software is full of security holes (superstitions) that pose a REAL threat to progressive society. But when legacy software people try to broadcast their antiquated ideas and pseudo facts to a generation under 30, we collectively return a WTF?! error. And that happens en masse during political campaigns.

There are moneyed interests whom, after years of investing in think tanks, have figured out a way to hack the legacy software and install it in all aspects of U.S. life with devastating effect. And kudos to them for acting at the exact right time when people who run on buggy and insecure legacy software are still young enough to be bought and used in politics, notably the U.S. Congress. And what a resounding success it has been for the roll back of human rights in the U.S.

Just so you understand my position here :

It is wrong to prevent people from unionizing or uniting for a cause when corporations can have unlimited amount of lawyers. It is abusive to prevent people from expressing their gender and sexuality. It is psychologically abusive to indoctrinate children into a religion. It is anti-humanistic to remove access to sexual health preventative medical care. It is just plain cruel to declare women unable to make decisions about their own heath and reproduction. And, it is also wrong to micro-manage a soldier’s career based on whether or not they attend religious rallies organized by some of their leaders.

You know when you grow up and suddenly realize that your parents don’t know any better, are blatantly wrong, are somewhat embarrassingly daft. Well it must be how some young adults are feeling in the U.S. At least I hope that that is how they are feeling because they are stuck interacting with people who refuse to upgrade their database to include recently acquired knowledge, scientific progress and a reasonable understanding of how people experience their lives today. Unfortunately we can’t enlighten them against their will. We could try to influence them by writing what is important to us on 100$ bills! Perhaps Colbert SuperPAC can make a difference even though progressives are a few years lacking in that effort.

It is important to push DIFFERENT people into politics. Sincere people who make sense. Michele and Marcus represent a subset of the population who are working hard to turn all of us into the gut bacteria of giant multinational corporations. That is their hopes and dreams for the future.

But take the case of Ron Paul. I don’t know if his policies are all feasible yet but researching them is quite an adventure! Heck he could be sincere AND wrong like the Bachmanns but most of what he says makes enough sense to me to be involved into researching whether or not ending the Federal Reserve is feasible or even a good idea. Mr. Paul is sincere and consistent and that has netted him his own army of followers and helpers. When Ron Paul speaks you get the impression he is speaking to the priorities of his core supporters who affect his work through volunteering, not just giving money!!! So it is possible for non-billionaires to affect the quality of politician we get!

So your homework today is to change the world changing the politicians. You will look around you and try to spot that one person under 30 whom you feel has the leadership qualities to represent you. And then you will embark on a campaign to get them to accomplish something important on their list of things to do. Then, you will continue this effort by getting them into a leadership position at a local or state level. One would have to be a raging narcissist to decide for themselves to go into the political scene (Or want to increase their speaking fees and sell more books…) Leadership develops really well when people around you encourage you to take issues and projects on.

Everyday I wake up and look at the news to see who’s lying today. Politicians are turning into soul whores and it takes a lot of work to figure out who’s sponsoring their words and vote on any given day. What has become really odd this week though is that a relatively mundane miss-tweet has been blown up to immense importance. And you kind of expect news outlets like Fox and becoming-like-Fox CNN to avoid covering actual news and descend into water-cooler gossip but it gets worse. This week Jon Stewart devotied 4-5 show segments to Anthony Wiener’s²! Really!? Colbert followed suit on Wednesday by ALSO talking about the Wiener tweets which reference The Colbert Report and The Daily Show. Not only was that not necessary, it VERY Entertainment Tonight. I expect more from these people like biting commentary and funny skits about what actually matters.

I saw the Wiener tweet as it came out. Not from the source but as a screen grab repost. I immediately thought about the time I used Twitter’s new multi-account iPad app to tweet my glee about being invited to a lesbian sex party… to my consultant account!!! Big Oops. This is the kind of thing that will happen to everyone who uses social media services with the intent of sharing private information. Where mere mortals once embarrassed themselves by Replying to all, they now mistakingly @reply instead of private messaging. Yes, it will happen to you too!

Now that the content of the tweets are coming out I am surprised at how un-creepy they are. And I’m not comparing Wiener to Tiger Woods here (who should hold the creepy SMS message crown for a long time to come) but to messages that I have seen or received myself from married or attached men. I will explain later why those are inevitable. I tend to limit access to me by married men but I still count many a close friends.

As to pundits judging Wiener for cheating on his spouse, I find it odd and weird. Personally I reserve the term cheating on a spouse to engaging in secret behavior (sexual or emotional) that can harm a relationship or goes against a couple’s stated rules. Any act in itself cannot be construed as cheating by strangers who are not aware of a couple’s relationship rules. As a very attached polyamorous woman I spend a lot of time discussing such matters with a select group of people. In addition to my principal partner, I have one lover and recently released my slave boi after coaching him to build the BDSM relationship he wanted with his wife. Coaching men to accomplish their ideal sexual lifestyle is what I do… So obviously I spend a lot of time planning out my activities with my lovers and friends and keep my principal partner informed of my activities. In the end however I am responsible for my choices and my actions so I cannot go around sexting random men or tweeting naked pictures of myself because that would be unreasonable for someone who has no problem creating quality F2F time. I understand the incredible embarrassment public people must feel when their private conversations become public but I also think they should have known better. I take for granted that all my internet activity is public event if distributed in a very organized way to reach only the intended reader. I am not doing it to be secretive, I am doing it to spare people TMI moments. It very well may be that one of those recipients would release our conversations or that such conversations could become public through technology shortcomings, failure or vandalism.

There are some tidbits of info that don’t seem to be common knowledge yet.

Ladies, one of the things men worry about all the time is ‘Am I attractive to women in a sexual way?’. And they worry about this constantly even if they already have ONE woman. This only decreases slightly when they have TWO. While they are doing the stuff that Wiener did, they are seeking validation and thrills. It has nothing to do with intent to cheat on their partner. This is incredibly immature and very annoying for women but it’s the state of the world we live in. At this point it seems like all elected officials are using their clout and celebrity to get laid while proclaiming their family values, sexting shouldn’t be an issue.

And here’s another thing.

Gentlemen, most women on this planet will frown at receiving an intimate picture of you. 99% of women will puke when receiving a picture of your penis. I try to take this into consideration when teaching my cock-bondage class. I offer double warning when posting pictures of my previous work and mention in BOLD LETTERS in my class descriptions that I will have a live model and that many participants will bring their own pet trouser snakes to practice on (read: boyfriend or submissive).

And now we move into almost secret territory.

Male nudity makes women uncomfortable because we are not raised an socialized to see a man’s genitals as a source of pleasure. For a great portion of women on this planet, a penis is a sign of miss-used authority, a weapon of war, a tool of rape and a constant reminder of men’s sexual obsession made even more obvious today by pervasive porn culture in everyday media. If you are not sure yet that porn culture has invaded the media at large, just watch the MTV movie awards for just 30 minutes to hear at least 10 references to extreme sex acts which us Sex educators, perverts and BDSM folks usually reserve for discreet private conversations.

And this brings me to the next topic: Men behaving extremely badly.

I have been scrutinizing the media and researching women’s issues for about 30 years. I started reading Playboy and Penthouse at 10 years of age and have been searching for adult material since then. By adult material I mostly mean media created for adults, it didn’t have to be sex-related. But I can say that I have closely watched the commercialization of women’s sexuality in both pornography, TV, movies, beauty and fashion. And now I find myself living in a strange time. In the West we have women who think they are empowered but devote an enormous amount of their time being a slave to fashion and beauty standards that are unreasonable and unattainable. At work, they are still discriminated against, paid less and have to put up with men who behave like immature morons and get away with the sleaziest habits.

There is one thing that I am happy about right now. The ascension of women in the media. Because more and more women are journalists and gain clout in the editorial room, the stories of the women of the world are coming through in media. Stories of war, rape, assault, discrimination and also the stories of women heroes who are working hard to make a difference. These stories may be overshadowed by all the noise created by the Weiner’s² gigglefest but they are there to us who seek true reporting about what really matters.

It is imperative that we work to bring equality for women everywhere because it is women who create the most value in this world and are the stewards of quality of life. And they continue to do it out of compassion and love despite being grossly violated along the way. The fabric of our society is disintegrating before our eyes as 50% of the world’s population is violently kept from contributing to a better tomorrow.

We have to stop gawking at the sex scandal of the day and focus on issues that have an enormous impact on our future.

Here are some stories that require your attention and why:

Does Wal-Mart Have A Sex Discrimination Problem?
Stay tuned, we’ll find out in 2025 because for the past 10 years women who have been systematically discriminated against during their employment at Wal-Mart have been fighting an interesting battle. They want to band together and sue Wal-Mart but the insanely rich company is fighting against their right to a class-action lawsuit. 10 whole years to get a decision on this matter?! This lawsuit demonstrate how hard it is for regular folks to bring attention to grave corporate matters because they have to take on armies of lawyers who have all the money in the world to drag out lawsuits until the complainants run out of money. However, this lawsuit affects 1.6 million women and it is the largest potential class-action suit ever proposed. The Supreme Court’s decision will give us an insight into their priority. I can’t wait to find out: Does the Supreme Court work for the biological people or the corporate people?

The Secret World of Child Brides
All over the world, girls and young women are traded as property and sexual objects. I am fascinated by international stories of family, love, sex and cultural traditions. In fact I would love to travel the world to document personal life, courtship, love and marriage in the world. There are two topics which are important in my every day life and those are sexual and reproductive freedom. Women in developing countries who do not have those rights and choices find themselves harmed by their elders before they even have the time to reach adulthood. I will repeat that women are the Earth’s greatest treasure and failing them will kill any hope we have for a decent future civilization.

And there are many more.

Posted by @thisisJenDoll on Yfrog

Today is International Unfollow Charlie Sheen Day. Since I didn’t follow his twitter, written by an employee, I don’t have to do anything. It’s almost impossible to avoid the ensuing memes but Charlie Sheen said that he is winning!!

I agree with Charlie Sheen on that one. For the past 20 years he has been a consistently rude abusive drug-crazed asshole yet managed to marry and make babies with beautiful women and become one of the highest paid actors on TV netting him enough revenues to pursue his life of compensated dating, boozing and partying for the rest of his life. He may be on the fast road to dying alone but his ‘right now’ is a wonderful example of getting everything and winning despite being a complete asshole along the way. The fact that he doesn’t deserve it has little to do with reality because he lives in a world of enablers and other men just like him. In Hollywood, the end justifies the ‘meanies’ and the money is as Donald Trump so eloquently states: “a way to keep score”.

So if money is good enough to keep scores for men, then it should be good enough to keep score for women. However, Sheen has taken to calling each and everyone of his former partners silly lying ‘gold diggers’ including the ones with whom he settled out of court. Now this is where I disagree with Mr. Sheen because no amount of compensation can make up for being shot at, having a knife against your throat and being threatened to have your head cut off, being thrown a chair at, being hit in the head for refusing Sheen sex or living in constant fear after being threatened with death. Abusive men think that if they are only insufferable assholes 10% of the time then they are 90% fantastic which is not the case. A lot of politicians seem to think that way too. If you are riding on a roller coaster that is known to injure riders only 10% of the time then 100% of your time forced to ride that coaster will be spent in total fear for your life.

I think it is a woman’s choice to be with whomever she wants to be and craft a relationship however she wants it regardless of outside influence or ‘norms’ imposed by society so I cannot make any comments about ‘The Goddesses’ (It would be hypocritical as I absolutely adore all the lovely ‘Gods’ around me.)

So we have established that Charlie Sheen is, in fact, ‘WINNING!!’ but another douchebag has a leg up on him. No I’m not even talking about Berlusconi here… Consistent manipulators, rapists and abusers who just happen to have more power and money than their victims always seem to come out on top, free to continue behaving in the vilest way. For instance, American Apparel CEO Dov Charney has created a confidential arbitration process so that his former female employees cannot accuse him of sexual assault publicly. This administrative manoeuvrings creates an opportunity for his victims to lodge a civil complaint in a way that does not bring negative attention to the company and keeps the criminal complaints at bay. His company makes exiting employees write a complimentary letter about him, sign a confidentiality agreement and sign away their right to sue him or the company. AA dangles a severance package of 2-5k to accomplish these goals. For someone who has been agonizing for weeks or months because they have lost their job it’s weak compensation but probably needed (working in a situation of violence or sexual harrasment is not sustainable at all so I can say from experience that once the boss goes over the line, it’s a sad day as one tries to figure out a way to get out without reprisal.) These procedures are a way for AA to legally harass any former female employee with suits if she comes forward but thanks to Ms. Morales, we will soon know for sure if these waivers are legally binding.

For employing teenagers with limited resources and literally screwing them out of their job with his lawyers’ help Dov Charney is a douchebag of a double winner!

I captured this on my iPad while watching ‘How TV Ruined Your Life’ with Charlie Brooker.

The message I hope men get from this video is that they should not tolerate such comments from other men and be fully involved in the battle against this sort of attitude which has no place in today’s supposedly evolved society. (See below for context of this ad in the UK)

I grew up in a family situation where talk about sex was snarky, where comments about women were demeaning. When complaining about my mother’s peeping-tom boyfriend she would call me viscous and whore, which were words I did not understand. I understand what it is like to grow up in a place that blames women for the lewdness and vile actions of men. Such an education made me a ‘pervert’ starting at a young age (when I would have been just happy not having to deal with adult topics or sexuality) and it took me decades to develop a healthy sex life.

Now, as an adult woman involved in raising boys I understand that I also have a huge part to play in educating them in a positive and non-judgmental way about sex and women.

Emotionally mature and sexually educated men are a great gift to women

We need to shift from telling women not to get raped to telling men (who are the problem) that they have an important role to play in fostering a society where responsible sexual freedom flourishes and women are not victimized in the process. We are at a juncture in history where we must get together and end the cycle of violence (verbal, physical and sexual) against women in our Western society so that we may save the future of all man and womankind.

While I enjoy tremendous freedom as a polyamorous life hacker and dominatrix, I realize that I do not live is a sexually free society. Over the last 100 years, women have gone from being considered ‘non-humans’ to attaining a sort of liberation. The cost of this liberation is immense. Women may seem free to do as they please but have to endure endless criticism about the attractiveness of every part of their body, face ageism and wage discrimination in a society that still expects them to be twice as good and work twice as hard, while looking great, to merely fit into a world still rules by greedy rich old white men. Women may be free but they remain objects and products to a large sector of the male population.

I started thinking about these issues while writing promotional material for a self-defense class for women. Self-defense classes today do not address the reality that 97% of women who report rape or sexual assault knew their attacker. In most cases it is the romantic partner or date who victimizes a woman. Yet regular self-defense still teaches women how not to get mugged in a alley because if a woman gets victimized while on a date or during sex that becomes non-consensual, then she “was asking for it”. It became soul killing for me to sell self-protection to women when it is men who are the problem so I shifted my thought process to figure out a way to teach men how not to rape and I might be on to something that is positive, fun and in-line with my appreciation of men.

One important aspect of sex education that might be missing from the curriculum is teaching teens how to identify and not tolerate misogynistic speech and behavior around them. Right now, however, we are seeing the pendulum of sexism swing dangerously in the misandry direction. Negative speech about men abounds in ads and tv shows and it’s creating a divisive situation (for profit) that might infect a generation and make it harder to attain true equality of the sexes.

Another important step in educating young people to create a society where they enjoy a life of sexual knowledge, sexual quality and sexual happiness is misinformation. The lack of quality sex education in the past 20 years, or rather ‘abstinence only’ education, creates a wide open place for misinformation about sexuality. On one side, peer-to-peer education lacks context and facts. On the other, pornography is completely devoid of useful sex information. In the culture of porn one-upmanship actors perform to a sexual script that isn’t pleasurable to either participant. Also, for some reason porn producers have decided to package most everything they do as a product that infantilizes, demeans and victimizes women. I can see how creating a product that is highly addictive and captivating while harming the viewer’s self-confidence and reducing his ability to communicate with women is a wicked brilliant business plan… but it is hardly useful to us women.

I can attest with authority that men DO enjoy the intimate company of strong intelligent women who do not dress like teenagers. Usually, these are the same men who consume little to no porn and have well-aligned priorities. And, I am not down on all adult entertainment because intellectually challenging and emotionally mature ‘porn’ is awesome.

But back to the topic of sexual education…

The UK is WAY ahead of us on sex ed but only as a an urgent reaction to being the worst off country in Europe when it comes to STIs and teen pregnancies. Add legendary UK teen heavy drinking and drugs to the mix and you get the new reality of rape and assault which is that over 97% of women are assaulted by someone they know (NOTE: The same percentage of women report knowing their attacker in Canada and the US) Because there is a very low number of actual criminally insane serial rapists in the world compared to the growing number of crimes reported, it means that rape happens at a juncture of immaturity, impaired judgment, lack of education, misogynistic attitude, carelessness and stupidity and it is entirely preventable through a change in attitude and though education starting in high school.

Blaming women for rape is akin to saying rape is unpreventable and therefore it removes the blame from men who rape. It is wrong.

All of us have to figure out ways to fix this situation together here in the West. Then, and only then, we will not have the maturity and strength to help women and girls in developing countries recover from the violence of war and genocide and prosper. Else we are ALL fucked.

My sweetheart came home late on Friday night and said: ‘It’s very good for my 42 year-old ego to wipe the floor with a bunch of young guys.’ He had just finished four hours of training at his martial arts school where all but 2 of his students are half his age. The night before he told me how he planned to train his students until they couldn’t walk anymore (squats, push-ups and his special brand of crazy neurological shock exercises that make you want to vomit) and then do defense against multiple attackers. Then he said I would be happy to avoid that class. I retorted by asking: “You are having a Gang Rape Play class and think I will enjoy NOT being there?!?” That made him laugh… for quite a while. He can count on me to twist everything he says and does into a kinky way but I do it for entertainment.

What is interesting though is that all of his students pay for the privilege of getting a severe beat up and then come back for more. Maybe they are masochists…

I am not a masochist but I am in a truly happy relationship with a professional torturer. While all the other torturers I have known in my life are motivated by desperate fear and low self-esteem (abusive bullies) my sweetheart is a physical scientist who has spent decades studying how the body and brain works when it comes to violence and fear. He’s completely encompassed into this world of war nerdiness and all of his recent friends are special forces and combat geeks. This specialization is typical of his Aspergers but he is knowledgeable in other areas as well. Working with him has reduced my pain and stress-related tension levels and has improved my mobility. He walks on me, has attacked my permanently cramped muscles with whips, sticks, knives, shovels and hatchets. It is more painful than anything I have ever felt except of course being crushed in between two cars. All of this ‘therapeutic torture’ comes from a generous intelligent place making it beneficial physically and emotionally. The whole metaphysical aspect of his martial arts is a bit harder to grasp. His discipline comes from an old tradition of Soviet special forces and it’s only been practiced outside of the iron curtain for 15 years. I call his instructors vampires because it’s obvious they are not made from the same stuff that we are. I cannot explain their advanced capabilities as they seem to read and control the mind. So I continue to observe the interesting relationship he has with his students. While my boyfriend is not kinky, he understand the BDSM dynamic and has noted publicly the similarities in his field of work many years ago. He is his student’s Dom.

In the meantime I am learning to take care of my man in the same way because he is not immune to tension from spending most of his time training and grappling. So, I still get to whack the heck out of someone but with a more therapeutic inclination. This might be my Dominatrix Phd.

In the past 6 months I have learned to let go of my issues with pain. It’s important because I have a serious fear of winding up in the situation I was in 2008-2009 when pain from injuries sustained years before got so bad that it rendered me unable to think at the same level as before. I got mathematical amnesia and was unable to do my job (programmer analyst). I am working again in my field making continuous headway to my ideal job. But even though being in pain is no longer as stressful, I still harbour fear of losing my intellectual abilities because of it. I can accomplish really awesome things using my brain, from coming up with solutions to inventing stories to entertain and amuse my friends in a way that is more sustainable than by simply being pretty. In return I get compliments, admiration, love and long-term attachment in ways that always surprise me. I am very attached to my intellect!!!

As a woman, and an almost 40 year old one at that, it’s hard to blend in the martial art class. I am pitted against shy 17-21 year olds who take a long time to get passed the awkwardness of grappling with a woman. In my head I do not look at myself with the lens of gender and in essence always forget that I am a woman so when the mirror of my gender is thrown at me by my grappling opponent and I realize that we are not equal, it’s somewhat disappointing. I have finally convinced my ex (TPB) to continue coming with me because he is quite used to horizontal activities with me and the unintentional boob grabs don’t phase him. Of course, being close to him like that brings its own set of awkwardness but it beats being shoved around by the class dimwit uncoordinated gorilla who has injured me twice in the past two months.

When I can’t (or don’t want to) grapple with the young ones, I simply sit on the edge of the mat and watch my boyfriend tap out guys one after the other from his own class and his partner’s MMA class. And then we go out for burgers and talk about particle physics or the UFC and then go home to have sex. This has kind of been my life for a few months.

A few years ago I stumbled onto The Ultimate Fighter (season 6) and I have been a fan ever since. This show provides enough male-o-drama to satisfy my weekly cravings. Now that I have SpikeTV it’s hard to look away from the endless stream of UFC specials, recaps and compilations.

I am not unfamiliar with the world of fighting. I grew up on wrestling in the mid 70s. My experience of this entertainment started with the Rougeau Brothers and ended with the Roddy Piper. After that, wrestling became an overblown fake soap opera outside of the ring as well. While I was looking away I stumbled onto an epic episode of ‘The Weakest Link’ with the MacMahons as special guests and I was overjoyed to realize that HHH (fellow Québécois Paul Levesque) and his wife Stephanie, daughter of senate hopeful Linda McMahon, were quite witty and fun. In fact the meathead stereotype associated with fighters is incorrect. It would appear that there are more brainiacs per-capita in the UFC than in other professional sports.

This week, I was overjoyed by Bones when Temperance Brennan exclaimed ‘Eureka: A gathering of Guidos!’. I had been told to pay attention last year but never got passed the first episode of Jersey Shore, that documentary about the Guido tribe. Good thing our favorite anthropologist is paying attention! Myself, I will continue to study the UFC tribe which is surprisingly large.

The other night, I told my sweetie how my teenage boyfriend found me on Facebook. He is an Ontarian I met when our 9^th grade classes were matched in 1985. I can trace my total anglo-canadian fetish back to that exact day. I kissed him in the lobby of the Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City. It was a little bit passed the curfew! We continued our relationship for years through mail and the phone. I sent him lots of letters and even a topless picture of me. One thing that people don’t know about me is that I have lived a more eventful life than the average person and many of those experiences involve choosing to do risky things just for the experience. So one day I went to the local Zellers-type store at my local mall and stood hiding the photo chute for 4-minutes until my topless pictures came out. In today’s camera phone obsessed world it’s hard to know for sure, but there aren’t supposed to be any nude pictures of me on the Internet. When I was a senior in high school, I used my exemption from the English class to write my beloved Ontarian sexy stories. I am confident that doing so provided me with more education than being in a moronic English as a second language class. In fact I always had a disdain for ESL classes because they missed the mark completely by not teaching social and conversation English. Back then I read Penthouse Letters and watched Playboy Channel for a peek into adult culture. I also took over my college-level English class about idioms by using a particularly awesome vintage Rolling Stone Magazine articles about drugs.
During my long-distance teenage relationship with the sexy Ontarian, I remember I had other relationships, I have always been sort of poly I guess, even if I obeyed the physical rules of monogamy.

When I was 18 and between two stints as a tour guide (guiding groups of tourists in tour busses in U.S” and Canada), I was ‘technically single’ and I went to visit him. My stay there was rather awkward. I came home with a sense that he wasn’t that into me and continued my life. The next week I met Chuck in Amos (a fellow tour guide) and so many formative and life-changing things happened to me since then. When I read the profusely affectionate and apologetical e-mails he sent me this week, it seemed odd because to me, it seemed like he would have forgotten that I ever existed by now.

I guess Facebook does that to people every day, thrusting them back together after twenty years and giving them the opportunity to reconnect where they left off. But one thing is for sure is that I am not the same person I was twenty years ago and it is unusual to have someone in front of me who has no knowledge of my life adventures.
While I am always very attached to and place great value on people whom I have known for a long time, I don’t really need yet another married man friend in my life who comes to me for entertaining conversation, stories of my life on the other side and advice about marriage. It doesn’t bring me anything in return.

I’m still dating all the other guys I was dating last year while searching for my sweetie. I don’t consider that I have enough time to conduct another sexual relationship right now but it’s fun to be offered the possibility all the time. Even though I’m not open to having other sexual relationships right now the growing emotional attachment I have with the others winds up being the same as if we were having sex. I have decided not to close the door on my established relationship with my slave boy. But I have goals to accomplish before I can continue that relationship and, of course, I will have to have a discussion with my partner about it. Have you ever had a talk with your boyfriend that starts with: ‘How would you feel about me having a slave boy?’