Whenever I write a long-winded post about how entertainingly fantastic my life is, I lose it. Recently my old hard drive died taking along with it a post about the day-to-day description of the best week ever. Almost everyday is the best day ever but writing about it seems like gloating but that post had some funny bits.

Most of what I find fascinating about the soap opera that is my life is the connection I feel to my friends and lovers. It is that trust and comfort that allows for free and open face to face communication. For the past two decades my entire professional life has been spent dealing with things in the virtual world. Over the past 5 years I have managed to create a deep connection with people in the real world because I see how online is eroding the connection we have to each other. It makes my life truly joyful everyday to create and nurture those connections.

I recently fired my boss. I am not talking about the hot ‘daddy’ that is my supervisor but the guy above him… the guy that is so ‘connected’ he never looks up from his Blackberry or iPad to talk to his employees. I find that unacceptable. My boss was not universally disliked but I think he provided little in the way of leadership and was perhaps the least value-added person I have ever met. I often talk about leadership because it is a misunderstood skill that too few people have. However, my boss’ absenteeism provided me with the immense freedom of suggesting some cool improvements and networking with a lot of key people in the company. Perhaps one day my boss will find out about what I did at work when one after the other all his directors say: “It’s too bad Eva left, she would have known how to fix this problem.” I once called my boss an imbecile within earshot of others (and I had valid reason) therefore it was useless for me to be all happy-go-lucky and positive towards him after he got a slap on the wrist for being a stranger and HAD to come over and talk to me. I changed department despite his “Give us a chance…” because his general douchebaggery is progressively pushing out all the best employees. Since he tweeted about being underpaid, he will likely use the ‘cachet’ provided by his current position to land a similar position elsewhere.

I do not plan on leaving the company unless my other projects make it impossible for me to find enough time in my schedule for a full-time job. I love poking at every part of a big beast just to figure out a path to accomplishing great things. But I can also accomplish things on my own so I am giving myself the freedom to be myself in the process. This way I can align myself with compatible leaders and not scared shit less managers. It’s not easy trying to convince a huge company in reactive mode to take a moment to relax, breathe and plan to be innovative, different and fantastic. There is risk in being fantastic… and its harder ‘to accomplish than simply copying what everyone else is doing. I took a 35% pay cut to join a big company in an entry-level job that is completely different that what I usually do. I have gone form managerial to technical starting back at the very bottom. In return I have gotten a very interesting ‘undercover boss’ experience. Now I am moving into nerd central with all the engineers and it’s going to be a different experience… because I love nerds and engineers!

This vapid report from ABC news sounds a bit strange but they are reporting that Heidi Montag wants larger breasts. Which is most interesting is that they posit she has Body Dismorphic Issues which is something I brought up in my Puremoan.com article this week called Heidi Montag: The Impact of Glamour Comes Full Circle. Oh Heidi, you don’t even look like Heidi anymore!

This week my current supervisor sent a meeting request to my old supervisor and myself and the title of the meeting was “Affection Eva”. I can appreciate this novel way of organizing a hot threesome. In this meeting my old supervisor said he would love to have me back on his team but we reached an agreement where I split my time between both at my discretion based on a few priority rules. I think I have experience managing and splitting my time between two guys… and my supervisor does know how to write “affectation” but in my experience, Freudian slips are always true… it’s perhaps the only thing Freud got right.

And today is Friday and I have my long meeting with my favorite co-worker. We have cool strategy to do and perhaps a bit of gossiping but other than that this week I hit my hustlin’ high score on Tuesday as I continued to mold my job and make strategic partnerships for idea development Wednesday and Thursday. Yes, you read this right, I have concluded three (3) major business partnerships and moved on a few more for incredibly fun projects. I have a new brand in soft launch and that is why I have put Puremoan.com on the back burner until next week when my UK associate is on vacation.

That’s not bad for a girl who was looking at hitting Detroit for the Leather Leadership Conference. The past few weeks have been huge as I have stuck to my promise not to worry about M0J0D4ddy and just do my thing. I did specifically sit him down on March 24th before he left Montreal to go back home to discuss how he cannot be my priority anymore. But I will continue to call him on the weekend to see how he is moving along with his medical issues. That is why we are not meeting in Detroit this weekend. I have a plane ticket banked and I might use it to go to Virginia this summer.

So there 10% of the cool stuff that happened this week… but I’m out of time!

I worry about people’s inability to be away from a cell phone that beeps and rings. I understand that it makes them feel like somewhere out there someone ‘needs’ or ‘wants’ them but it progressively undermines social and emotional intelligence (if there was any to begin with.)

Here is an interesting video from PBS about Cellphone Etiquette.

Around 8:45, Fernando Castrillon talks about affective issues that develop in teenage years. Though I think it bears saying that people who are under 35 live in a mindset that is truly akin to those of a teenager and they can remain teens as long as they wish for corporations and marketers love them best that way. However, for all the envy we have for teens for being young and devoting a lot of their time to having fun, teens often seem incredibly lonely and sad.

Besides sadness and loneliness, teens have to learn to deal with boredom and with a device that beeps all the time to give you the impression that you are ‘in a network’ or ‘have friends’, you can’t face those feelings or learn to deal with them. The inability to deal with sadness, boredom and loneliness lead to addiction.

I have a crappy old phone and train people NOT to call me… EVER. It doesn’t have a camera and it’s incredibly clunky. It’s a pay-as-you-go hand-me-down from my editor-in-chief (I get the prize for most hyphenated word in a phrase right there!) I know for a fact that life is blissful having fun with the person or people who are right in front of me, right now.

I make allocation for business people who have to be reached for a decision, clarification or emergency; God knows I have loved a many system administrators who have those coitus preventing devices strapped to their groin; but if you answer your phone while you are with me and it is apparently pointless and you do not have the balls to cut it off immediately, I will gladly get up and leave.

You see that’s the thing, I have a long list of actual things to accomplish and people I love to be with so there is little room in my life for a smart phone that would allow people and machines to ping me and distract me. There is little room in my life for other people’s annoying smart phones and that’s why most of my friends and lovers don’t have smart phones (or a cell phone at all) And that is how I know that a smart phone does not make your life better.

Right now I never get a phone call from a lover while I am having sex with another lover! And the list of reasons why I don’t mind it when I forget my phone is very long!

If you have a cell phone, you have to have the ability and intelligence to manage access to yourself and your time very wisely so that you protect the quality of your time with the people who are right in front of you.

And I hear you say that you need an iPhone for work but I know from over-hearing all of you mad gab about that latest application that makes poo that business is not what keeps you completely addicted to your iPhone.

In closing I have to admit that I have a small yearning for a Motorola Milestone because I want to develop Android applications. When I do get it, I will have to hide it because I refuse to see my quality of life and intellect go down because I have a smart phone. A few months ago a TV director friend of mine friend lent me his Blackberry for a week and I found myself looking at it while crossing the street. That clitoris-like trackball thingy is absolutely awesome and possibly deadly!

Over the past thirty years I have observed the landscape of sex change considerably. And yes, I was very much into observing sexuality (of adults) when I was in pre-school. There is a huge difference between sex then and sex now. In the 70’s and early 80’s sex had a lot of mystique because porn wasn’t omnipresent. I used to read about sex or adult lifestyles a lot in Playboy, Penthouse and even got my hands on Emmanuelle and The Happy Hooker (I wasn’t allowed to buy the latter, at only 12 so, I lifted it from the pharmacy).

Today sex is a ‘lifestyle product’ that is sold to us like everything else on the shelves (or the Web). I have often asked myself “If sex is free, than why do I feel like a lot of people spend most of their money on it?” and it became the topic of this blog which I have written over the past 5 years. I have also written about marketing and consumerism on four (4) other blogs amassing over 400 articles in the last 10 years.

As a blogging coach to my friends, colleagues and many others who want to skip the middle-man and become recognized as an expert in their field, I stress the importance of having a blog to train yourself to write. Writing is hard, in the beginning, when you haven’t yet found your voice and are looking for ideas. Then at some point the amount of ideas outweighs the time you have to write.

Over the past few months I have been busy working full-time doing SEO improvements on many big Women’s magazines websites and, in the process, have seen how the topic of sex is coming out of the closet, slowly. The April issue of our local ELLE Magazine even has an article about Sex Bloggers (Tour du monde de la blogosphère érotique) and Chatelaîne gave 20 pages to honor Lesbians including my heroes and friends Meow Mix’s Miriam Ginestier and Nat King Pole!

It’s a great time for sex trailblazers!

while I could have been sex blogging all the latest relationship 2.0 events of my life, I have been working on four (4) personal social media projects and a new sex blog: Pure Moan.

Pure Moan is about the landscape of sex as seen through products and the Media. The sexuality that is sold to us as a novelty and without instruction or a warranty. Sometimes it’s useless, fake and of little value and sometimes it’s eye opening, thought provoking and awe inspiring.  Pure Moan will be repository of sex in all of its contexts and I hope it will help you chart a more direct course towards blissful sex.

I want to share with you what I have learned about sex over the past 30 years and how it has changed or remained the same. I am incredibly fortunate to live a surprisingly successful poly-amorous life surrounded by men who are not afraid to tell me what they really think. I want to tell you the things that men say after “I have never told anyone this but…”

As I work on Pure Moan with some awesome contributors (and an info database of 13,000 sex-related products) I will continue to write here about my personal life. But I am at a cross-roads. I feel like the life I have carefully crafted over the past 5 years is so unique and precious that sharing the joys of it with you makes it into a product. Also, remaining anonymous is what enables me to live life to the fullest and write about the people very close to me. My life is free of judgment, heckling or harassment and those who know of my lifestyle are delightfully giddy when asking questions or seeking advice. I love to teach but my first responsibility is to my child and I have chosen to protect her childhood rather than expose her to my lifestyle. Life is great the way it is, I am known, adored, cuddled and respected by a few and on the verge of closing my dance card and the worst thing that could happen to me would be fame. And that’s another dubious thing I will gladly write about on the Pure Moan Sex Blog.

In the meantime, Patrick (M0j0D4ddy) is coming to Montreal this Wednesday for a week. The Spring thing is turning into a tradition. This time, it will be a little less bacchanal as we will teach self-defense to two group of women who are at great risk of sexual and physical assault: sex workers and transgendered women. This year Patrick and I have decided to concentrate on modern self defense and Martial Arts seminar even though he is receiving requests for Fusion Martial Arts/BDSM classes left and right. But there is another issue, he has a severe case of bone spurs on his C5 vertebrae and will have to undergo spinal surgery in April preventing him from being his hyper-dynamic self for 3 months. The intense pain hasn’t prevented him from teaching-through-the-pain more classes and doing more fight seminars in the past 4 months because that is who he is… So I know that surgery-recovery will be tough on him emotionally.

But while he is in Montreal, there will be one Elegant Pain Compliance class and perhaps the infamous EH demo if a brave soul steps forward for the experience (the last one in Seattle was attended by 50 astonished people! Write to evavavoom (at) gmail.com for info.)

Patrick and I will re-negotiate our relationship boundaries (which sounds technical but is actually fun). In November we had a breakdown of our relationship but things have greatly improved since then. It is surprising how conflict and meddling fails to break us apart which is a great indicator that we are a strong team. Next week, I will introduce Patrick to my new lover whom I have been blissfully dating for a few months. They are both, strangely enough, former Infantry/Martial Arts Instructors/Engineers from the same disciplines so they might just have things to gab about.

The last plug I would like to make is that I am looking for more sex questions to answer on Pure Moan. I have been coaching men to achieve their goals, sexually, over the past few years and I am quite happy with the success that has been reported back. What I am missing is questions from women about men. So if you have any, send them to ask (at) puremoan.com and I will gladly answer.

And to illustrate my point, I will simply share with you a screen cap of an Entertainment page on The Huffington Post.

Only in America can a pornstar hire one of the most well-known lawyers in the country to get CNN to broadcast her request for an apology from a celebrity sportsman who appears to be done with her.

I cannot believe that Gloria Allred kept a straight face as she explained that her client halted her career as a pornstar because her lover, Tiger Woods, a married man, was jealous and did not want her to be with other men.

How can a woman, Joslyn James, who chooses of her own free will to pursue a relationship with a married man have any recourse to accuse him of lying when he is either forced to end the relationship upon getting caught or she discovers that she is not the only “other one”.

The daily nitty gritty of their relationship as could be gauged from text messages, e-mails or phone calls, means absolutely nothing considering that they come from someone who has affective issues (sex addiction)

If this is not obvious to this woman, an she is after all a porn star in her 20s born yesterday, then it should be explained to her at length by the people she is seeking legal COUNSEL from. She said: “I do not wish to be a burden to his family” is complete horseshit as she does not have any legal recourse against Woods. If this were true she could certainly shut up. The only way she can eek out a settlement will be by legally polluting his family’s life with the embarrassing rehash of the minutia of their relationship until Wood’s legal team pays her a settlement plus legal bills.

It is very transparent extortion and Allred is driving this circus as she has done many times before. Seeking financial gain from rich assholes is a business that is booming in the US.

I am used to being pursued by married men, know how to put things in perspective and manage my life accordingly. I am also polyamorous and gladly teach men to attain the same lifestyle I enjoy (happy non monogamy) and I don’t think that people are naturally monogamous. I would never in a million years throw away my privacy and quality of life by attracting such attention to myself no matter which superstar I was involved with. I am a bit bewildered that someone with the charisma and the social and financial means that Tiger Woods has could not figure out how to have his cake and eat it too. The amount of mess and embarrassment he has created for himself is monumental. His private life is none of our business but he obviously made a huge mistake by bedding so many attention-wh*res who are all too happy to brag about their involvement with him.

These mistakes understandably impact the part of his career tied to endorsements but as far as the golf is concerned, this should not be an issue.

On the other hand, none of his mistresses, no matter how special they think they are have any legal recourse against him for cheating, lying or any promises he made while vertical or horizontal. Unless one of them can prove that she successfully tricked him into getting her pregnant, it’s simple extortion… in the latter case it’s fraud but that’s another ball of wax.

I am so incensed that CNN chose to air 5 minutes of the Allred press conference right after Wood’s apology. Since I heard about the incidents that lead to this media circus last year I paid very little attention to the stories other than be outraged at the pollution of supposedly serious media with the minutia of Tiger Wood’s alleged second life.

But now can we just get over it and move on?

PETa offers actresses the opportunity to pose naked and attract attention to themselves and re-energize or boost their career or rise their decorative stardom. Let’s face it, there are few people who advocate for the kicking of puppies, so a PETA ad is safe and as a bonus, delivers all the attention-whoring punch of a Playboy pictorial without the stigma.

I appreciate Sasha Grey’s effort to diversify her activities and career but while some of my guy friends talk incessantly about how hot she is, they have yet to read her mainstream media articles or interviews or watch her mainstream movies and therefore the Sasha Grey conversation begins and ends rather quickly. I think her fan base is ONLY interested in her lack of a gag reflex so perhaps PETA’s aims to reach the porn gobbling masses with this message will not get much reach. And that is too bad because there is more to Sasha Grey than the extreme and unsafe sexual party tricks she can perform on screen for money (a little bit more…)

The day that the millions of children who are enslaved into work or sexual slavery (espescially girls) get to go to school and get at minimum a 10th grade education, I will start to really care about the general welfare of cats and dogs in North America. People should not contribute to PETA financially because it has no significant effect on global welfare. In North America, pets are products and even people who vehemently scold others about animal welfare dress up their toy dogs and drive the market for questionable practices of massively inbreeding expensive dogs leaving them susceptible to terrible congenital malformations and painful diseases. Treatment of animals is unlikely to change until people recognize that animals are animals and not anthropomorphized accessories that drive a billion dollar pet accessory industry.

While pets will never seek revenge on us for mistreating them, millions of forgotten, mistreated and enslaved children around the world will eventually wreck havoc on a global scale… or at least those who survive to adulthood.

Don’t give money to Peta, instead, foster cats and dogs from the shelter so they are not stuck in a cage for months I’ve done it! If you can’t have a dog full-time, it is a pleasant experience to keep a cast-off puppy from the shelter and properly socialize it. In fact, you should encourage everybody who shows interest in buying a cat or dog to do this for a month just to make sure they understand the implications of ADULT pet ownership.

If they reply: “But I want a cute puppy!” Kick them for me!

ETA: Given that my neutered male cat, can be convinced to have sex by an un-spayed female, the message on the ad wasn’t necessarely true… so I re-mixed it to something factual and straight-to-the-point.

I have been writing articles for my upcoming sex education website paying special attention on outlining my articles on porn. While I will attempt to provide some useful info on a category of 13,000 products that fail to come with instructions, I do not plan on selling porn. Not that it wouldn’t be a great cash cow but I haven’t made money from porn online so far so now is a great time NOT to start. I feel that in a sea of ’sex products’ pornography is the one commodity that adds absolutely no value to consumer’s life. And it’s going to be quite interesting to write how porn fails to deliver on all levels and go through the long list of misinformation that is propagated by porn.

Yesterday I watched BBC3’s 2007 special Teens Hooked on Porn (it is available on Youtube) and I was quite shocked. For the past year I have been keen to progressively kick one of my partners into sex rehab after realizing that his addiction to online dating sites and porn is keeping him back in all areas of life. I was shocked to see these 16-year-old boys progressively destroy their potential for life enjoyment though abusive use of pornography. How sad it is to discover sexuality as a packaged product rather than the old fashion way (secretly making out in the shed!?) When you think about it, us girls still had to put up with old gropey pervs who made inappropriate comments when we were growing up (in the 80’s) altering our perception of adulthood, sexuality and men. And it sucked. When boys tap into pornography they are inviting the same kind of ideas, short-circuiting their brain before they even develop their ability to socialize with their peers and girls. What I have been discovering over the past 5 years of talking about porn and asking questions is that porn is very harmful to men in so many ways.

So about a month ago I realized that I did not want to enter into a lifelong commitment with someone whom I feel is on the road to personal destruction. And I am not talking here about how his addictions are fucking up any and all chances for us to have a normal relationship but how it is first and foremost making him his worst enemy. Sex addiction is tricky because it would appear that it has very little to do with sex and a lot to do with socio-affective anxiety. I live for the day I can take him along when traveling around the world to document that happy, joyful, sad and shocking state of sex around the world today, however, at this stage he would not be able to deal with this and not because of the topic of sex, because of the issues of violence, hate, anger, misogyny and bullying that surround the commercialization of sex as a product.

I was quite surprised that rather than walk away he has made every effort to address the situation seeking a therapist for weekly sessions and going to SAA group 2-3 times a week. He even deleted all his online dating accounts and porn and has maintained sobriety for over a month. While I am very impressed, it is most interesting to talk about it and see his outlook change from a culture of outside validation to a state of inner satisfaction with accomplishing a bunch of stuff he had put off. Because that is the issue here… not HOW he spends his time (he could be wasting time gaming or drinking… it’s all the same) but the fact that he makes a concerned effort to accomplish things that are important to him and that is what fills the well of self worth, creates joy and attracts interaction with other joyful people.

More and more I feel that addiction to porn or reliance on less mindfull entertainment like video games, movies/TV and online memes is a sign that someone has fallen into the soul killing downward spiral of :

Loneliness and Boredom

Little did I know that when attending an evening of travel presentation at the local Yacht Club with Mr. P., I would meet Tas, a talented baker of perverted cakes. Tas, whose background is computer science and math, is even looking for ways to incorporate advanced features (animated parts) into his creations. Read the rest of this entry »