Sex is FREE!

I thought this video was cute. It is two guys kissing after being prodded or dared by their friends. If they were girls it would be soooo 1999.

The last comment in my cap is priceless. Sure homosexuality is wrong in your head, but in your pants it’s oh so right!

And yes for the record I love to watch guys kissing but in RL, not so much on video.

I built my first homepage in early 1995. I have always loved home pages built by people who talk about anything and everything that is of interest to them. I admire someone who will go through the trouble of documenting their life and hobbies to teach others. It takes a bright and intelligent individual to figure out how to make a website and then consistently add to it.

MySpace

Today however, the web is not reserved for bright people anymore and every vapid attention seeker and her dumb little brother can have a MySpace page or a Facebook account. When Kendra Wilkinson or Brody Jenner refer to their MySpace page as their official blog, I just cannot help but chuckle. How can you say this in the same breath as you talk about business and professional aspirations. A few years ago people would have told me to shut my elitist mouth up because MySpace did give us celebrities like Tila Tequila. What would we be without Tila?! In two years will we be asking “Where would we be without Tina Chen“? The state of the world is so glib that the bar has dropped very low on acceptable distractions. Anything will do.

Facebook

I have never had a MySpace account but I joined Facebook after a few friend nagged me to join (By that I mean in person nagging, not stupid e-mail spam notifications.) While Facebook is getting dumbed down, it is possible to configure it so you don’t have to suffer the consequences. Today I only have a few applications and they all display things that I have made myself such as my pictures, my videos, my Kiva.org businesses, my crafts, RSS feeds from 4 blogs (but not this one) and the few books I have read through. No glitter text porn star name for me (though I am very proud to not only, have a “porn star name”, but own the accompanying domain name too LOL) Basically my motto is: “If I didn’t painstakingly make it myself, it does not belong on my Facebook profile.”

I am quick to point out to people the security problems associated with certain settings in Facebook especially when it comes to viewable pictures that might depict something that is funny to them and their friends but perhaps not appropriate to show friends-of-friends or the public at large. That’s when they usually think I am a crazy stalker and ignore me until they run into someone they barely know who make salacious comments about their new thong bikini.

I discovered that there are crazy mass befrienders and pedophiles on Facebook when I became friends with Yoshi’s (TPB’s) 13-year-old brother Chibiyoshi. I triangulated all of his “friends” dropping the schoolmates and sports celebrities only to wind up with a list of a dozen random adults he did not seem to know in person. These people were either “friends” with a whole bunch of teenage boys or published inappropriate content (pictures and video) to his SuperWall. I went over the profile with Yoshi and we identified all the inappropriate applications that give access to him (by unknown adults) and Yoshi took care to clean up his little brother’s profile (and endure the firestorm of complaints and anger that ensued obviously.) As adults we are responsible for his well being even if we are not his direct parents. Too many kids are hurt while unrelated adults mind their own business. I think it is hard to explain to young teenagers how adults use their photos because they do not have a sophisticated understanding of “adult sexual intent” and most likely will never fully understand criminal, sexually deviant, psycopathic or sosciopathic intent. The number of these people is not great but applications like Facebook makes it easier for them to find you in search by searching through high schools. After almost 20 years on BBses and the Internet, I am still learning the makeup of the intent, desires and thought process or people who fall into those categories. After using Facebook to track and hunt down a very active criminal I can also appreciate that Facebook is a great counterstrike tool as well.

I feel that I must do something though to warn parents who’s 13 year olds will soon have access to Facebook as they enter high school next month. I live in a French speaking area and I fear French speaking parents do not have access to adequate information to understand and supervise their teen’s access to Facebook. The few articles written on the subject are only available in English and they only scrape the surface of how Facebook works. There are other issues as well because Facebook will most likely be the first public forum that teens access where online responsibility is a must. Because Facebook associates everything to your real name, great care must be taken when you use it.

But then again, sometimes we can be glad some dumb people don’t.

I was going to write about how I love Facebook too but I’ll keep it for another time…

I will be going on with my charitable arts project but I will begin it in mid August. This one I cannot do in secrecy so I will have to come out of the closet for it. For now though, I have gotten a large contract to deliver quickly. As I apply 10% of my income to charity (currently Kiva.org) I can count on funding my own project 15-20% in the next few months and this is the last I will mention of it here.

So I like forensic pathology shows and movies. I started watching CHiPs when I was 8 or 9 but then discovered Hawaii 5-0. It was on much later but had bloody murder in it! At the time however, I did not dare watch Quincy because I thought I would pass out like the guy in the opening credits. Those shows may not have been appropriate for tweens but they were light fare compared to today’s gore and sex fest television. I grew up in an insular French-Canadian community (Beauport, Québec) watching US tv shows made for adults. I had access to knowledge and ideas that would only filter down to my community 2-3 years later if ever. It would be “impossible” for a teenage girl in the early 80’s to be well-read (TIMES magazine), informed (20/20) and smart so I had to endure the stigma of being weird all my adolescence. To some degree I still do because I have candor on life and can discuss most anything without getting overly emotional about it like crime and criminals.

So back to the cop shows, an enduring obsession for decades… The whole idea of reverse engineering a violent crime based on the scene is really fascinating to me especially when there is nobody to tell the tale. I watch CSI (the original) and miss the days when the writers had a dart board of perversions in their office and would randomly select a kink to fabricate a gory murder scenario (okay I only SUSPECT that’s how they managed the first 4-5 year’s plots.) I can’t say I would be good at the science that goes into forensics (especially chemistry and physics) but I always figure out the motives and psychological machinations of the murderer early on in the plot.

In the past month I have found following, documenting and analyzing a very active criminal in Montreal very interesting. After speaking with his little brother who admitted his older sibling was “like that” for about 11 years, I told him that I had testimony of his actions as young as 8 years old… and that kind of surprised him proving that EVERYONE who knows that man is obfuscated by his lies even his mom, dad and little brother. This finally proves my theory that he doesn’t actually exist in the same sense that WE do. In the end when you put his whole story together it becomes somewhat comical, maybe not to his countless past and future victims but to the rest of the world who can see that a life of crime is useless, pathetic and lonely.

In the movie Pathology we follow a rag tag of competitive forensic pathologists who enjoy discussing the perfect murder, amongst other questionable activities. I don’t believe there is such a thing; today anyway. I believe “crime solving professionals” are not as well equipped in time, money and equipment as TV shows make us believe.

I enjoyed this movie because it is mostly set in medical examiner labs (complete with a sea of dead bodies in various stages of examination.) It has long medical terms I’ve never heard before. I find that much more interesting than watching movies that follow flamboyant serial killers with inexplicable pathologies on their pre-meditated killing spree… But don’t think Pathology doesn’t have any of those!

Pathology is a very gory and dark film that leaves me with one question: “Why would a fine doctor like Grey (Ventimiglia) play along?”

I have been really annoyed with these lose weight ads that shows up every 2 pages on Facebook. Teresacenric decided to publish her own counter ads. Now I am getting all sorts of evil ideas!

I don’t know about you but I found this page to be very funny. I come from a world where I get things by asking nicely and by doing something for someone before I ask anything of them.

As a domme in a world of BDSM it appears I am doing this all wrong LOL But I wonder if I could apply BDSM rules to philantropic dreams.

I dream of living in a lifestyle where I can spend my whole day just doing what I please and not having to worry about paying my bills. I started on my way to this lifestyle by reducing my expenses by at least 50%. Over the past 3 years, I have worked 50% of my time and taken the resulting free time to spend with my child, do everything for myself (DIY) and returned to volunteering.

I now TAKE the time to do random things for other people, often people I don’t even know. I don’t apply my time that strategically but where it is most urgently needed. I am also quite secretive about it. I cannot expect people who have almost nothing to be able to repay me in kind but I do enjoy the karma. Karma is a valuable commodity that repays me with interest in surprising, random and fun ways.

I have taken the whole month of June “off” and stayed home to write a website about a criminal who is ripping off 2-3 people a week. Originally I had decided that I would travel to New York City but I was not able to raise enough cash in May. I fell down the stairs and thus, re-injuring my back. I had many other things to do but I got sidetracked big time.

For a whole month now I have been reading, researching and calling countless people in an effort to deconstruct cons, scams and crimes. I confess to working a little but only billed the equivalent of 7 hours for a whole month. Unfortunately, my Kiva.org investments will be almost nil this month as I can’t scrap enough cash to pay all my bills. This month, instead of donating into my own account, I sent out a gift certificate so Yoshi can start his own fund. I hope he will continue to contribute to it in the long run. But my “vacation” has cost me more than I planned for and I didn’t even buy anybody souvenirs!

The low notes of my “vacation”.

Today I had an incredibly pissed lady on the phone who wanted to sue me… why? She hired that convicted felon who had a 100% fake CV to work in her supermarket where he defrauded at least four employees in 2 weeks. No wait, that is HER mistake. She was mad at me because I mentioned the supermarket by name and it includes her employer’s first and last name. I removed the exact name of the supermarket at her bequest but I should have left it in just for the fact that this particular banner owner is notorious for requiring that people refer to the supermarket by her name rather than the banner name! You know you can’t cry when your stock falls after making mistakes in business; ask Martha Stewart or Arthur Anderson, founders of famous and later infamous eponymous companies.

The high notes of my “vacation”.

Getting to collaborate with the police, talking to victims and offering them answers and moral support and gathering the basis of a what could be a great book.

So what about July?!

I have begun working on my next project but I do not know yet if I will be able to offset my living expenses to find enough time to put it together in July and deploy it in August. This project will cost between 3 000-5 000 dollars and will impact 100-200 4-24 year olds over 6 months. It is supposed to return enough material to publish something amazing that will likely change perceptions of youth for thousands of people in our country. The resulting experience documentation and instructions will be released under Creative Commons and applicable in any city in the World. But it’s still a secret I have one assistant and one education specialist working with me right now. I am not worried about raising the needed money for the supplies as I have wonderful business contacts in related companies. I am worried about becoming homeless in the process as I do have bills to pay.

So here are my living expenses for a month so that some great people can come along and pay them for me In return I offer my ear and opinion on life and love. While no topic is taboo, I do not offer phone sex. I offer something that is worth much more: a unique chance for you to talk openly and confidentially with a woman who has a deep understanding of the human soul, understands men, has vast popular culture knowledge and candor on life, sex, relationship, women and love.

So here we go, I am now officially an Internet beggar.

Rent: 995$ (Adopted*)
Heating: 144$ (Adopted*)
Food: 300$ Available
Internet: 60$ Available
Phone: 0$
Kiva.org fund: 100-150$ Available
Personal care (spa, hair, etc.): 200$ Available
Clothing and shoes: 200$ Available
Travel expenses: 200$ Available

( *Thanks mom and dad )

I will announce in 2 weeks if I am doing my mysterious project in July and each person who has personally contributed will get news of the progress. I can be reached at evavavoom (at) gmail (dot) com.

I returned to Lavalife a few days ago in order to look at their better interface. Actually it’s much worse than it used to be! I created a brief profile in the orange section. I’m not trolling for sex with random strangers I just don’t feel my profile fits into the other categories.

I am looking for a man who is a lion in the board room and a freak in the bedroom.

Writing that phrase made me laugh! I don’t expect to find anyone on LL because I really never have other than BF#2 (I restrain myself from writing long posts about how much I adore him; I just tell him as often as I can <3)

Strangely enough I got messages from two guys from my past: The Venetian Prince and the Starbucks Dude.

I've met The Venetian Prince three times and have mentioned to him that the economic canyon that separates us makes me feel uncomfortable. He is a member of the Colbert “White Gold” Club and left F1 in 2004 before buying a business in Montreal. I do like the guy I mean he is enterprising and bright but he never gave me the impression that he was very much into me. I told him about this too. So again after saying he wishes we could get together, I bet he will continue to not call or write to me.

Then there is the incredibly hot Starbucks dude. We hooked up 3 1/2 years ago and he looks as yummy as ever. I could also call him the milf hunter! He is funny, stable, open minded and a bit Scottish. I can’t find anything to hold against him, he’s all kinds of adorable. I guess he is your average pervertible English-Canadian boy, the kind that makes an excellent long-term secret boyfriend

Other than that I made a few first contacts with 2-3 guys but I don’t expect anything from it. To make sure they absolutely never write back unless they know what they are getting into I sent them the link to my blogs.

I still have not found a succinct way to make a guy understand that there is no way I will ever be interested in him sexually unless an intellectual connection exists between us. Every sexual advance that comes before that is a total turn off for me.

Recently the shy nerdy guy who used to sit next to me in HS French class asked me out for a beer. That totally made my day until I realized I could not go And I asked him to keep trying but he hasn’t yet. And to think I was jumping up and down about having a chance to catch up with him.

And the Lavalife profile is now deleted

Theodore Laffoon lost his left eye in an unfortunate hacky sack accident. That did not prevent him from becoming a world renowned breeder of Siberian cats. Unfortunately, that’s how he lost his other eye.

The first 3 phrases of a novel… I will never write. But there’s nothing stopping you from adding to it.

–
These short social commentary and comedy scripts are meant to be made into cartoons, videos or art pieces. They are released under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 Canada. To browse the Creative Commons scripts see the Scripts category. I have further material that is too long to post here at this time and will develop into TV treatments.

Theodore Laffoon’s Legendary Journey by Eva Vavoom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Canada License.
Based on a work at www.evavavoom.com.

I preface this by saying that while I live in Canada, the decline of the U.S. empire affects me too.

On June 2nd, 2008 Jon Stewart welcomed former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan on what was, in my opinion, a landmark Daily Show. McClellan is plugging his book “What Happened“. The administration is bringing a lot of attention to the book as well by getting their panties in a bunch. Stewart put McClellan through the ringer in what was one of the most interesting interviews he has ever done. McClellan remained candid while being shushed a la Dr. Evil by Stewart. I don’t know if reading this book will enlighten me or just prompt me to say “Oh the Hell with it, I am powerless against evil giants, where’s my mindless entertainment?” I can say that I will be entertained for years as the underworld of the Bush administration is played out for the world to consume in the form of books and movies.

Over the past few decades we have seen publicly elected officials piss on people’s heads and tell them it is raining. It is affecting Americans in visible ways.

Let me rewind a bit over a decade.

I grew up during the Reagan years so I will skip the obvious Nixon stuff and get to the dinner theater I witnessed myself. During his presidency, Bill Clinton lied about having “sexual relations” with Monica Lewinsky. Turns out she performed oral sex on him and Clinton was arguing on semantics. Obviously, had Clinton just fessed up to it instead of making a statement that “oral sex” is not really sex, there would have been little to speculate about in the following weeks. Hey I’m not knocking oral sex, it’s just that IT IS real sex and it involves the same risks as regular sex (and to those who will reply “You can’t get pregnant from it!!!” I suggest you evaluate your sexual practices based on what you CAN get from it rather than what you CAN’T.) This campaign of disinformation trickled down to teens and recently, Slate revisited the normalization of oral sex (Slate, May 28, 2008) in a graphic statistic-filled article. In fact you can also thank the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal for making it acceptable for mainstream media to titillate viewers with descriptions of graphic sex.

So I guess we all grew up to learn that

• Friends lie; they must be immature.
• Parents lie; they must want to protect us.
• Teachers lie; they have no choice or they’ll get fired.
• Boss’ lie; they are just protecting the shareholder’s interest.
• Spouses lie; what they don’t tell us won’t hurt us.
• The President lies; he just knows what is best for us.

Who will we excuse for lying next?

In the past decade I have seen an interesting trend develop. While those who are older than me (40+) have come to accept a world dominated by corporate secrecy and back-room politics, those who are younger (30-) have come to embrace a world where transparency is a virtue through blogging and vlogging. However, it seems like both worlds exists in their own distinct bubbles. The Daily Show and the Colbert Report seem to have found a way to mix the two up. Unlike the mainstream media, which is now mostly talking about itself and patting itself on the back, the writers for The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have enough cultural memory to hit where it hurts the most with hilarious results.

Last year I explained to someone that theoretically, you could build a statistical model with every single piece of information about a topic (usually historical data) and have all known experts validate the info. Then the system would write the most likely true scenario and change it as new data is supplied and verified. A friend replied simply: “It would not work, there is no such thing as the truth!” Perhaps he did not understand my concept correctly because it DOES take for granted that there is no truth and only seeks to calculate how likely a statement is to be true. Perhaps a worldwide panel of historians could then decide how “thruthy” history should be and we can enjoy the fruit of such an effort.

The American people have been lied to so much they can’t really tell when someone is telling them the truth anymore. Take someone like Barack Obama who is obviously intelligent and sincere. His message is simple and clear yet people are still weary of him. Personally, I think that Bush lowered the bar so low that Barack Obama should be applying for a more prestigious job.

So let me put this in porno terms so you understand what I am trying to say here. In 1997, Obama was in England at a bachelor party in a bar. When the surprise stripper showed up he exited the party. (I heard this on BBC Radio so did this blogger.) So what we are seeing here is that even if nobody’s looking Barack Obama is unlikely to use the Oval Office as a setting for afternoon delight with someone other than his wife.

The “sit down chat” is a tool I use to get to know someone. It is a short meeting with a set ending time (because I always have a meeting after.) I am usually the one who initiates the chat and sets the rules.

This is contrary to modern courtship rules. Customs dictates that a man should invite a lady to a nice dinner as a first date. I don’t care to “date”. A date involves spending 2-3 holes hours with someone who just might be a complete bore. For a first meeting, a short chat is sufficient.

So I mentioned in a previous post that I was going to have a sit down chat with my #1 crush. I made a quip that if he wanted to pay me cash for my services there was a coffee fee. He happily invited me for coffee and during a confirmation call turned that into dinner (a very early dinner because I still had my thing to get to afterwards!)

Now here’s the thing. Obviously, I think this guy is awesome and therefore I know it shows in my attitude towards him. Now, he, on the other hand, doesn’t know who I am besides a friend of a friend and a business contact. So I was prepared for this to be somewhat awkward (for him!)

The meeting was delightful and what struck me as most interesting is how he is EXACTLY the way I figured him to be. What is most strange is that I had planned on making a joke about the hidden letter in his name but instead just asked him what it stood for. He made the exact same joke. Makes sense, we are the same age which means or comedic approach to certain things are similar.

He is English Canadian so it can be expected that he would have an encyclopedic knowledge of Kids In The Hall. I too was devouring them with the same interest but since I am French Canadian, people tend to think I will not know anything about anglo culture. Getting who I am is a bit more complicated. I am this unique gizmo that can provide really random entertainment but my user interface can only be figured out by bright and creative people.

Obviously there is no reason for us to sit down like this on a regular basis so I just enjoyed the moment.

He inspires weird sketches in my head but not in his usual character. It is his ability to appear serious that inspires me more. I see a time in the future where we collaborate on something funny but at this time I see no path to it. Perhaps it is because he is the one who will initiate the collaboration and I have no control over that.

So I move on with my busy and crazy life. In fact the day after my sit down chat with my #1 crush I spent 8-9 hours in a writing meeting with Yoshi to discuss topics for MilfandHoney.net.