Sex is FREE!

Here’s some tabletop prose I created with BelovedSchoolBoy. I am making earrings… a bit slow on that task simply because drilling small hole in the corner of those dice is hard. But I think I will post them on Etsy soon.

Just as people have started reading my blog, I’ve wandered off tinkering with crafty things. While some of those things are a bit kinky, there is no success to report yet.

Witness this attempt at making cute nipple jewelry. Basically I want to create a basic shape in wire that has something going on atop the nipple and a place to put dangles. I find the current models a bit boring.

But so far. Nipple Jewelry = FAIL. Kinky word die earrings are going a bit better though. pictures to come.

I’ve been feeling super blue lately espescially with the developing situation in Iran. In my opinion Iran has the greatest disparity between the loveliness of its people and the darkness of its leaders. I sincerely believe that progress is inevitable and Iran doesn’t lack bright progressive people but my fears lie with the possibility of international meddling.

Mr. M. and I have been doing a bit of writing back and forth. He has a blog now and if he gets to writing in semi-public the truth he tells in private, it may become a must read. Since I’ve had the miss communication problems with him last year I’ve been working on creating greater communication flow between my partners and I (old and new.) Not that all interpersonal conflict in my life are my fault but I try to gain insight from ALL situations.

I should always strive to be a better communicator because I have many partners and I have limited time to spend with each one in person so I have to make it count. The quality of my daily communications with them by phone or in writing will make a huge difference in the quality of our relationship in the long run. I had been looking to attain a new level of honesty, directness, closeness with them but also to foster security in my partners regarding our respective relationships. The only tool I have for that is communication.

Because my goal is to have only one partner in an exclusive monogamous relationship, I have to be honest about it with my partners. Communicating about how our relationship may wind up having a time-limit is a bit strange. Though it’s not as daunting as discussing poly partner rank (or priority.) Right now, I do not have a primary poly partner. BelovedSchoolBoy was my ‘interim spouse’ for a while when we lived together but that was an unfair situation for him being 15-20 years younger than the spouse I want to be with. I have no idea if this wish will ever materialize. It may just be that my goal to enter into a TiH relationship is outdated or that a ‘husband-type’ would not care for my previous lifestyle or obsessive interest in alternate sexuality LOL. But I digress…

While I do not talk much with The Bearded DiCaprio even though he has been my lover for 5 years, I communicate quasi-daily with The General, M0j0D4ddy and Mr. P (All of which are over 40.) I also maintain the communication line open with BelovedSchoolBoy because even though we have been separated since December, I love hearing about how happy he is and how much he pro-actively rules his entourage like a successful little Kingdom. I also love how after we separated he continued to ask me for advice on many matters including how to approach and ‘land’ his adorable new girlfriend (with whom he now lives.) Then it dawned on me that I have raised him to be like the man I wish I could meet in my 35-45 y.o. age group. At 21, I think he will provide me with a lifetime of awe. I also truly enjoy the constant appreciation and thank yous for the last 3 years.

I grew up in a family where partners were not self-aware and were secretive in order to avoid conflict. Avoiding the matter or editing the news is a very bad strategy. Honest direct communication is so rare that when I hear it my heightened appreciation of the communicator outshines the content of the message! Recently, I have gotten many flowers from my lovers (and some friends) regarding the ‘quality of our relationship’ in regards to communication so I must be affecting things right.

I now live in a world where women fight for the sexual interest and attention of men (online and off) and horde it so that their man must not pay any attention to anyone else! While I may have had a foot in the eye candy market when I was 20 and hadn’t yet had my drastic breast reduction, I found that it didn’t provide me with access to very interesting men. Today, I do not even try to sell sex (be sexy) because as a 38 year-old woman, I would simply look like a clown next to a 20-year-old (I’ve watched the real Housewives of New Jersey!) I have also come to realize that most pretty women (even the ones who are naturally lovely) feel insecure about their looks and seem much less happy than the average. Also, women who are professionally decorative, are rarely role models and exhibit the worse behavior and lack of class (Hello Charm School!) Even if this can change over time, it will always be overshadowed by reality tv antics! Beauty is a rat race with no prize at the end. Most women do not know this because standards change and the race never ends.

However, in the contest of being smart, open, non judgmental and communicative, I can occupy a place that is more stable and permanent in the emotional space even with those who are easily distracted by the eye candy. Because I have been able to develop truly meaningful and loving fulfilling relationships based on these new communication efforts over the past six months, I have rethunk the narrow definition of ‘lover’. I hate it when people say ‘we are just friends’. As someone who has had true friends for 30 years and, in absence of having a spouse, puts friend before lover, I find that a bit insulting. It would seem to me that in a world where ‘friend’ has been diluted to mean ’someone I never talk to who is in my Facebook list’, we should have a new definition for ‘lover’ as well. So I have decided to consider someone my lover when they declare loving me and have spontaneously said that we shall be together ‘forever’ (…and then re-iterate it a few times just to make sure LOL) As long as this feeling is mutual and we do have a somewhat sensual relationship then ‘lover’ seems like an appropriate term. Too bad it sounds very sexual when said out loud. Even though I may use that term here, I will still refer to most people in my life as friends. Never ‘just’ friends or worse ‘fuck’ friends which are two terms that diminish the importance of the friend relationships in life.

I have been quite happy with most of my relationships as of late and feel very loved, secure and appreciated. That was never my goal but what a wonderful gift. On the other hand, I know one of my relationships is doomed to end soon but it has been on that path for a while. Right now, I have no craving for attention or even sex so I am hurting my sexual relationships by electing to stay home alone rather than go out. But I do say yes to going out when asked.

But I don’t want to go see too many movies… I strive for conversation and communication!

I would have to say that conversation with Mr. M. is crack cocaine. Though, NOW, I know that we will communicate briefly, his words or questions will open up a can of worms (and inspiration) then he will disappear unexplained leaving me with withdrawal anxiety. I have always been overwhelming and gauche in my struggle to gain access to him. I would love to be able to count on him for conversation even if it was scheduled or limited in time. (I sometimes schedule time-restricted conversations… seems weird but it works!)

I have multiple partners who put up with the fact that I am not exclusive nore very available (physically) because I provide them with rare difference, openness and acceptance. I put up with Mr. M. because he provides me with rare higher intelligence and dry wit or irony and also because his interest channels seem to be aligned with mine. Though sometimes his dumb typos will open up a door for unexpected hilarity such as the time he wrote that his girlfriend gave him a ‘dry mouth’ piece of artwork for his birthday. So I sassed him on how such artwork is the kind that you look at, bewildered, with your mouth open for a long time (thus inducing dry mouth.) I could also have pondered how it is the opposite of mouth watering artwork (which could be a still life of food or, as marketers would define it, graphics that are mostly orange.) So I was eventually accused of being corny while I was simply making fun on his attempt to (I suspect) write ‘dry mount’.

I have been developing a relationship with a Lady who seems fascinating to me. While she has been generous so far with giving me access to her (providing her personal number and inviting me to go stay with her) I am worried about being overwhelming. I was very forthcoming about my desire to serve her (in the BDSM sense) for the simple pleasure of personal access to her but it turns out I do not really have anything specific to offer that she needs (and that will be until I have the chance to cook for her.) I like having a ‘device’ to warrant regular communication with a Dom or Sub during the initial phase of getting to know each other because I have developed ‘access anxiety’.

I’m sure this is heightened by not wanting to experience the pain that I felt when Mr. M. and I hit it off very well and then NOT after only a short time. I had given him unrestricted access to me talking for hours into the night which I never do because I need my sleep to be able to manage an eight year old during the day. It is unfortunate that such an experience has made me scared of giving access or time again for the purpose of developing friendship or love.

The FetLife Badge (buttons) I created for John for the FetLife Mixer are now official promotion images for your blog or website. Show your love for “The Facebook for Kinky People” with these cute buttons!

Soon there will be more things available from that page, but I can’t tell you yet

“Bonk” author Mary Roach delves into obscure scientific research, some of it centuries old, to make 10 surprising claims about sexual climax, ranging from the bizarre to the hilarious.

I am currently watching ‘The Long Way Round’ with Uber Hottie Ewan McGregor. He sports a fabulous beard for most of his motorcycle trip around the world. Looks like Ewan is also a fan of Puppy Kisses! It seems like I don’t have much time to think about sex these days, it’s all garage sales organizing, dance recital and… kitten kisses :P. But next week I will see my Scotsmen and I promise myself to go out on TWO dates!

This video is awesome! An BTW Ewan, that dog is simply hungry and he’s begging you to throw him up some food LOL

Got your attention?!

I have listed my rope bondage kits on Etsy. These were sold during my Cock Bondage classes in March and I still have some. I plan on offering a few other naughty creations eventually. I have not submitted my candidacy as presenter for any upcoming shows in the US though I will likely be at Floating World 09 as M0j0D4ddy is presenting three classes. I’ll bring plenty of rope!

JT Stockroom, purveyor to the pervs, have just added a new item to their most interesting and unusual selection of sex toys and tools, the Ultimate 12-inch Power Bullet. It would seem it is the same as little portable bullets with a button on the end except it’s huge! Why not outfit it with a wall plug because it’s certainly not that portable. This is the giggle of the day.

Do you remember when porn had merit as an art form? When performers seemed sincere and situations, while a bit contrived, were fun and realistic. Do you remember when porn actors looked like you and me? When male actors were filmed above the waist? When performers were rather nice to each other and were not expected to perform a series of parlor tricks, most of which are unpleasant and unsafe? Probably not because that was a LONG time ago!

I started watching ‘porn’ on television in the late seventies. I wasn’t even a teenager back then but I began seeking out and watching ‘adult’ entertainment. I don’t mean porn per say just things that were made for a more mature crowd. It was kind of hard to find but I persisted. I remember when Playboy TV came on and, low and behold, guests were allowed to use the Fword in interviews on the station’s ‘Late Night’ show. I remember one of the guest in the late eighties, he used to pick up chicks off the street and film himself or another actor having sex in a very amateurish way. His name was Buttman a.k.a. John Stagliano. He gave us Gonzo, imported Rocco Siffredi and, unfortunately, a market for copycat Max Hardcore.

Sometimes my encyclopedic knowledge of porn kind of spills out in vanilla settings and causes a bit of an uncomfortable moment. The first time I saw Rocco Siffredi on screen, in Night Trip II (1990), I thought he was so hot that I mentioned it to my girlfriends at school the next day. My college girlfriends knew I was a bit ‘different’ because I submitted anonymous ‘confessions’ to our college papers and eventually came out to them… But they were not fans of porn.

While I started watching erotica at a very young age, I am glad that sex was not yet packaged as a product. A product so different from reality that it would have prevented or ruined my enjoyment of it. Sex in older films looked more sincere, more real. It was attainable! Sex in old porn looks like my own sex life! Yes, even the freaky threesome parts! Sex in current porn I could have but why?! And I am perfectly comfortable with explaining to a partner why I don’t care to have ‘porno’ sex.

I don’t think porn is demeaning to women in general. The oversexualization of everything else might be. But porn is porn and the performers are paid to act out unrealistic sexual encounters which are supposed to be male sexual fantasies. Based on my research they are more based on a system of one-upmanship than actual fantasies of your average guy. Porn is one of many industries where profit is king and people are used, abused and thrown away quickly. There are a few male porn stars who appear to be skilled sexual tops (one of which is Mark Ashley) but all in all men in porn seem to have sex AT a woman rather than with her. These nuances are not obvious to teenagers who start watching hardcore porn at a very early age today. I think that watching porn hurts a man’s enjoyment of sex, lowers his self-esteem and provides little usable skill. But, having had a few partners who have grown up with access to Internet porn in their teenage years, I cannot say that I have noticed ‘porn damage’ anymore in men in their 20s over men in their 30s through 50s. Porn hurts women by making men annoyingly insecure. It takes away their ability to enjoy regular women over twenty. Of all my male friends and lovers, those who do not watch porn much or at all report having and enjoying a normal sex life. They are generally more happy people.

However I do not think the male landscape has changed that much. I’ve always thought that only one guy in 20 is worth fucking so rather than fuck the next 100, I have decided to develop skills to spot a keeper and then… well keep him, at least for a while.

But back to the fake sex…

There are a few people in porn that I admire. They are the ones who take it up a notch or have a real insight into their work in the grander scale of things and are truly enjoyable to listen to and watch.

In 1982, Annie Sprinkle, already a frequent performer in x-rated loops, directed her first full-length movie. When I saw this recently I thought it was adorable and I have included the first few minutes of it. Dr. Annie Sprinkle has explored human sexuality for 30 years and is still active as a lifestyle educator today.

Why am I revisiting vintage erotica? Well, I have have been thinking of putting my observations of alternate human sexuality over the past 30 years on paper and… well in the meantime a sweet bit of iconic 70s erotica is trying to resurface. We are talking here about the most recognized franchise in erotica for the past 35 years… I don’t know if it is faith but it’s on my desk and I feel what Tom Cruise must have felt when he snagged Mission Impossible… Now I just need to write down my ideas and find me a Paula Wagner!!!

M0j0D4ddy has consistently refused to tell me what his middle name is. I had to find out myself! I know lots of engineer types… they have this tendency to invent stuff. And with invention comes…. Patents!!! Thanks to our friends of the U.S. patent office, I now know Patrick’s middle name! Holy fuck, I will have fun with this when the time comes!