“I love you” is a statement, not a question
Question I was asked: Why do I write about my feelings here and not send them to to the concerned party only?
Well, there are many intellectual reasons for this but let me tackle this romantic one instead.
I have noticed that men seem to have been educated (whipped) into thinking that “I love you” is some form of confrontational question that requires an immediate answer. I certainly do not return the “I love you” all the time. I have not figured out yet if that education comes from women’s reactions or from movies that portray love as some kind of mental disorder that leads to murder and mayhem.
If you are a guy then you may already know how annoying it is when a woman cannot receive a simple compliment or shoots you down when you try to open a door for her (That’s the closest similar situation I could come up with.)
“I love you” is supposed to be a gift, an unconditional one. I have gotten tired of explaining this so I have become more stealth in my love saying and love making.
That being said I don’t write much of these feelings down whatever feeling motivates them (love, lust, admiration, sadness, etc.) I can imagine in vivid details a long complimentary note about how a single moment in time made me feel but it’s mostly mental masturbation. I’d love to publish but I have to get over being afraid that it would cause jealousy.
But it can also provide a window in polyamory that is more significant than an excuse to have sex with a lot of people.
In person, I do the stealth “love making” all the time. My favorite way is cooking something special. A lovingly prepared home cooked meal has become a rarity. And because I have been on the receiving end of much adoration and even proposals based on my cooking, I figure my loving intent REALLY gets across this way. Perhaps the recipient knows that is what I am doing, or perhaps not. But because there is no specific “I love you” then our time together is devoid of all that awkwardness.
And there is nothing that annoys me more than the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” cliché of the 20th century. I can explain how and why I love someone in as many unique ways as there are feelings in my heart. I would never say that overused piece of bullshit because it basically appears to mean “I’m not that in touch with my feelings, and really I don’t know, but I feel pressure to say something to fill this awkward silence so… errr …” It’s okay to say nothing or express your own feelings in your own way (smith & Sam, 6:35.)
It is unlikely that your love for me is exactly the same as my love for you. Plus I am way more into showing it than saying it anyway.
A month ago I spent a considerable amount of time making a small handcrafted object. I spent all of that time improvising this work thinking about Mr. M’s sweet words to me. I am done with the “boohoo, I lost him!” and can appreciate the person he is without that sadness. But it’s like that small object belongs to him and it’s just wrong that I have it instead of him.
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