Sex is FREE!

My blog has been down for almost a week. Wasn’t supposed to but evidently the DNS server was not refreshing quickly.

I sent Mr. M. my thank you note. I’ve been pondering doing that for 1 month now. It’s been distracting me. I am glad I did. Seems he had recently stopped by here to see what I was up to. Let’s see, in a nutshell, 50% moping over the loss of him, 50% thinking about what I want out of life and making it happen. Two months ago he was stressed out because of work. I wonder how cute he is now that he has a new job and is all happy : ) We are both convinced that we would, hands down, beat the other in a Pad Tai cooking contest. Like I know he could beat me at Scrabble but there is no way ANYBODY could beat me at Pad Tai.

Recently I realised that I have only so much processing power. I can allocate time to my partners according to our availabilities. But when someone else comes in and requests my attention, it causes major allocation problems (read: That annoying feeling of being pulled in all directions.)

Right now I am looking for a husband-type. Though I should really define it as a monogamous relationship with someone who is there a lot. Because I have always disliked the pagentry of weddings and all that stuff that surrounds it. I went through the motions once but it wasn’t for my benefit. Basically I want to concentrate my attention on one man.

So basically someone in my age range, has relationship experience, is a dad (0-100% parental responsibility, doesn’t matter), very bright, cute, fun and monogamy-minded. I am looking in and around the BDSM community because it is where I have found people who are more self-aware, open-minded, accepting and communicative than anywhere else. I find it incredibly annoying to be with someone who is not open-minded about the kinkyness of me and every single person I know and love. I have completely changed my strategy so that I do not have to put up with the incessant pinging of 20something guys who want to go see a movie together.

I wanted a Lion and I got myself a few surprisingly awesome ones to consider. Strong goal-focussed high-profile alpha males are more intense then I ever imagined. I am quite intense in my communication style so maybe it’s partly my fault : ) I love being challenged but with three relationships to maintain and protect it is kind of freaking me out.

So in order to be emotionally available to get to know someone new I have decided that I should be single. You know, technically I have not been without a relationship for more than a few months in 15 years. But sincerely, having a support system like the one I have had for the past 4 years probably makes me the least bitter person on the planet : ) But now I am finally ready again for a relationship in the traditional sense.

So I have had the talk with the boyfriends. They have known about my plans since Spring but it was only a few months ago that I actually met someone worth getting all excited about. So in the past month I have been ending awesome relationships on a high note. I have never left one guy for another guy so this way of concluding things makes me feel much better. I am also not on the rebound from a bad relationship so that is something cool as well.

I have pondered a lot of things recently and I may have taken on too much stuff to fix in short order. Like losing weight, quitting my favorite drug (caffeine anyone!?) It’s not easy because the blessing of not being sick (without pain or PCOS) is messing with my brain and it bugs me, even if it is good messing : )

Yesterday I changed my Facebook status to single. I know it’s silly but before that it would have been kind of a lie so I am pretty darn happy.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.