Sex is FREE!

I think Britney Spears met my M0j0D4ddy and wrote a song about him. But all things considered I have developed a comprehensive appreciation of him over the past 9 months. This weekend I woke up to the fact that I have developed really useful skills in relationship building and managing.

I mean I must not have been that bad at it before having juggled the 4 boyfriends BUT I think that having one relationship for the long term with a piece of work, no less, would be A LOT more complex.

I am kind of tortured right now. I am being deluged with flowers, adoration and praise by those who actually deserve my attention and yet, out of the blue, Mr. M. shows up to ask a whole bunch of questions about my current relationships and plans. He seems to love to prove me wrong so he has not disappeared at the first sign of conflict but hey, it’s barely been a week!

Of course I have current relationships and plans. Have I ever not had those!? He kind of waltzes in like he’s Caesar or somthin’ asking a whole bunch of personal questions (bringing us right back to square one of what we want/need from each otehr and life in general…)

I have current relationships and plans with guys who are not too impressed with how Mr. M. wooed me and sort of dumped me 10 months ago… look it up! I have an active love-life and while I look forward to focusing on a spouse in a monogamous relationship, I cannot easily be plucked from my life and conveniently divorced from it… Even by the Prissy Emperor.  At least now I much less inept, hapless and uncontrolled around him… I have been working on my secretarial skills with M0j0D4ddy for the past 9 months! I’ve even been working on the silly, silly girl part!

Today, at lunch, I fessed up to The General that while last year he suggested a definite NEITHER when I posed the question: “M0j0D4ddy or Mr. M.?” I seem to be stuck with both. Mr. M. because, well, just because I have annoying inexplicable feelings of wanting him ohhh so very much… and M0j0D4ddy because I have worked my butt off to define a custom-made lifetime relationship that is really cool for each one of us (The stage after our current Boss/Secretary-like thing.)

Scandalously, that relationship is akin to a BDSM Daddy-Girl dynamic (which can mean a million things.) The General, who is a vanilla dad, asked: “WTF, is a Daddy-Girl relationship!?” and I simply answered: “It’s the exact same thing as you and me!!!” That he seemed to understand quite well even in his hyper-vanilla way LOL Originally when I was attracted to The General I did not know that the mentorship-protection-encouragement was what I was actually looking for from him. I pondered this for years! I don’t say that I have daddy-issues… I have ‘no-daddy’ issues hahaha

In the past 5 years I have dissected what I want from that dynamic and the fact that I have been able to maintain healthy and very happy relationships with men over the past 5 years is entirely related to the love and support that I get from The General (and he knows it.) So it would appear that in absence of having a supportive family of my own, this relationship is key to me having the strength and security to deal, intelligently and gracefully, with all those relationship issues that normally arise as well as with personal issues such as parenting, health and work. But The General is moving on this Fall or early next year… hence the opening for a new mentor-type in my life.

So I told my would-be Daddy this weekend that I was seriously considering petitioning him officially for this role. It’s a lifelong leather-bond. In our definition it is non-romantic and non-sexual and not particularly Dom/sub either, simply the close protective emotionally bonded relationship of two people who have projects and goals in common. I once wrote that I wanted a pet lion because I was unaware of the existing Daddy-girl dynamic and I got myself EXACTLY that. I’m not letting go!!! And I have been “Daddy’s little princess that can do no wrong” for a while already and I hear all the time how he is very proud of me.

But there are variables that I do not know of. How do our prospective spouses (that do not exist at this time) deal with this very non-traditional relationship?! We both REALLY want to get married again! I want to be with a man who is strong enough to deal with this and I inform the men I date of my ’special’ relationship with M0j0D4ddy ahead of them becoming attached or possessive of me. But unless M0j0D4ddy and I travel together, which we should do a few times a year, he lives 1000 miles away and doesn’t believe in meddling in my relationships. It is super obvious to me that none of my existing mentor-type relationships, even though they have existed for 1-10 years, would supersede my relationship with my spouse…

So I continue to ponder my decision while my pet lion is already rolling around purring all happy. I think I am going to make and send him something crafty this week as I await for his roar to come back. The poor kitty has lost his voice after breathing particles while isolating his attic.

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