Sex is FREE!

Little did I know that when attending an evening of travel presentation at the local Yacht Club with Mr. P., I would meet Tas, a talented baker of perverted cakes. Tas, whose background is computer science and math, is even looking for ways to incorporate advanced features (animated parts) into his creations. Read the rest of this entry »

(This entry was written around September 15 and has been edited for verb tense.)

You know, it has gotten to the point where I can simply write things down in a script as they happen rather than make shit up… The universe is telling me to write… perhaps even something that would be read by someone else and not just this blogging into the void of space.

A few weekends ago I had a wonderful date. After a full day of kinky Fetish Weekend workshops I met up with the guy from Boston. We’ve been chatting casually on and off and it’s surprising to me how he comes off as an easygoing, fun to be with teenager. Though it’s important to state that he is in his early forties! I REALLY like a guy with a nice package (err.. by that I mean a nice package of education and life experiences.) There is a world of difference between me, a maladjusted orphaned college dropout poly kinkster who wants to make her next career writing quasi-porno entertainment for adults and a VP who has conveniently studied at the world’s most celebrated colleges and universities and is so ’special’ he got two fellowships (I looked him up!) I told him that I am looking for someone fitting his profile (busy, accomplished, dad, forties, cute!) however I wondered if my whole dominatrix sex educator/writer personae would fly with the hypothetical-husband’s friends and co-workers in the stuffy world of billionaire venture capitalists. He answered, with a chuckle, “Well I think he would be proud!” which is a great answer I wasn’t expecting at all. However, he does have an awkward co-parenting arrangement and he travels extensively so we’ll see how this goes.

Oh and about the kinky workshops. Most of them were on rope with Rigger Jay and Dov. And I was wearing a tribal necklace made of three t-shirts cut into stretched strips. I realized that within this necklace of long loops was enough material to tie a whole person up : ) Put that away for when I want to bring bondage equipment somewhere very discreetly. I also practiced, with jute rope, on a really sexy woman who said she should take me back to her hotel room : P And as usual, I just brushed it off as a joke even though I recently came to the conclusion that women are mostly serious when saying this kind of thing to me Hahaha! But I shall continue to pretend it’s a joke, I have enough woman worries as it is.

So what else is new? You remember Paisley, the chick who completely fell in love with my Daddy and has been on his case ever since? Well she has a lot of stuff in her bag of tricks. However, those tricks cannot possibly be the techniques she teaches in her classes on how to seduce a man. Next trick would be: Lesson number 16: Get pregnant so he’ll be stuck with you.

A few weeks ago she turned to me to get support because things weren’t going HER WAY with Patrick. Awkward? Not really, I was totally expecting it. I was deadpan realistic with her and she told me she would move on. I have not spoken to her since then. However she has kept e-mailing, texting and calling him ever since and he has been trying to let her down gently. I told him that he cannot win with her and therefore he should simply strategize to “lose less”. Which is a very toned down version of the way I usually teach/coach a guy on how to ‘control them bitches’ LOL

Right now Paisley is in the process of burning down the house that she cannot get into. She is driving a wedge between Patrick and I. Perfect! It is those moments that make us stronger!

I find all of this drama rather interesting. I am trying to impart upon Patrick the importance of not reacting too fast and planning ahead. Paisley will not shut up and has been pushing all his buttons at the same time leaving him bewildered, confused and tired. Again… not a very good man hacking trick and not very becoming of a slave looking for a Master. While I have been letting Patrick deal with this on his own he does talk to me about it. Her technique of seducing him has been to burn his ear off for hours on end every single day with her every feeling and thoughts and telling him how fantastic she is and using every emotionally manipulating phrase she can think of. Her offer is basically “I am everything you will ever need” but you have to sing on the dotted line RIGHT NOW or I will vanish forever.

I told her initially how I won Patrick’s attention for a few days and turned it into a few weeks, months and still working everyday to turn it into years. She said that in her case it cannot be like that because her situation with Patrick is romantic.

How do I loathe people who think romance and relationahips are magical and require no work? Lots! Plonk!

Now she is part of the past. But she turned out to be a good teachable moment.

Now back on the home front…

I have a new slave boi. He is quite the keeper (He’s still going on about how cool it was for him to read that LOL) After our first meeting he drove me to Ottawa to meet my lift for Floating World. How conveenient! And this week he drove me around on his motorcycle. Tonight we are going to go shopping for vintage cars and then go to a huge sex shop. But there is only one thing on my shopping list…

As a proverbial ‘Fuck You’ to ‘The Man’, I am having brunch on a Wednesday and making out in a vegetarian restaurant.

I’ve been waiting for the end of July for a while so that all the kinky fun I have planned in August can start. But I decided to start a bit early. This week I was tinkering and made a really awesome flogger from a t-shirt. Yeah, you read that right, a flogger from an old 25 cent man’s black t-shirt that I got at a thrift store. That’s not what it was supposed to be originally for but that what it turned into. And it is quite exquisite. Not only is it light and soft but it provides a very interesting sting. I had Mr. P. try it out on me when he picked me up for our little bi-weekly fruits & veggies shopping date. It is not as stingy as a parachute rope flogger and not as thudy as a leather flogger but it works. Now I must find an even bigger t-shirt to start from so I get extra long tails. It’s yet another work in progress.

Today was a very nice sensual day. Yesterday I took it upon myself to write a little note to a guy who made my day. I often watch TED.com talks but his talk on life’s successes and failures rang a bell. So I woke up to a very nice note from him. What this prolific author and journalist doesn’t know is that I am a fan. He is quite the philosopher but he has a very sensual side to him. In fact I think he is quite gorgeous. I wanted to tell him that I really loved how he described the special feeling, texture and look of the walls in and around the modernist Swiss house he grew up in. De Botton’s childhood home was built around an atrium in the style of a Zen garden and has humongous windows that open wide to make the occupant feel as if he is outside. It is one of the most awesome houses I have ever see in a TV show. But yesterday’s conversation was mostly about work and I left out the fangirl gossip.

Today I got together to talk about work with an old employee who is now a peer. We do the exact same thing though I am more technical. I had not seen him face to face for 6 years. He is looking quite good! We have been going up for the same mandates recently and exchanging some info along the way. So we have decided to write a modern description of what we do in order to better sell our respective services to companies who need us. But also we have a little side project… Let’s call it our ‘Zack & Miri Make a Porno’ project though it is far more sophisticated and complex to undertake. He has access to a legendary erotic brand and the brand owner wants to see that brand live again. I am very familiar with the brand having read the books when I was 9 or 10, seen all the movies and have literally lived my whole life to become the embodiment of that brand! I have told so many people that the only reason I have never worked on erotica/porn on the Web because everything has been done before… However, if I could do something awesome, positive and new… I would. So as usual, what I ask for has been delivered in the form of an opportunity and it is mine to coddle and harvest. we had a wonderful ‘producer’ meeting and from it we have 3-5 projects brewing.

In the afternoon I scheduled a little ‘why not?!’ meeting with a young guy who had contacted me recently. I cannot meet every Tom, Dick and Harry who sends me messages through my profiles on social sites but this one is remarkably adorable. More and more I find psychological BDSM play to be VERY amusing.  And we had a lot of fun in the one restaurant we could find that had effective air conditioning. After 3 hours of talking about sex within earshot of senior citizens in a Cora… the empty restaurant was a welcomed respite. And we had a lot of fun. He is quite the keeper and he will make a very nice puppy. It’s a good thing that I have been growing my nails very long. It will be easier to carve out the words ‘pet’ with long nails. I tried that on a MMA fighter a few months ago but I only got out the P and E before he realized this wasn’t a good idea after all…

Tonight I had the option of going to boink the BeardedDiCaprio but since I am on a long vacation by myself, I can be a bit more flexible with my schedule. Of course the Bodyguard is coming back from The Tundra tomorrow so I look forward to seeing him again pretty soon. If he is not immediately shipped off to China, we can look at my new book on International security and pick the places where he would enjoy working the most. But while it is fun to help others with their career I have to line up some contracts for myself and work on my own projects foremost.

I think Britney Spears met my M0j0D4ddy and wrote a song about him. But all things considered I have developed a comprehensive appreciation of him over the past 9 months. This weekend I woke up to the fact that I have developed really useful skills in relationship building and managing.

I mean I must not have been that bad at it before having juggled the 4 boyfriends BUT I think that having one relationship for the long term with a piece of work, no less, would be A LOT more complex.

I am kind of tortured right now. I am being deluged with flowers, adoration and praise by those who actually deserve my attention and yet, out of the blue, Mr. M. shows up to ask a whole bunch of questions about my current relationships and plans. He seems to love to prove me wrong so he has not disappeared at the first sign of conflict but hey, it’s barely been a week!

Of course I have current relationships and plans. Have I ever not had those!? He kind of waltzes in like he’s Caesar or somthin’ asking a whole bunch of personal questions (bringing us right back to square one of what we want/need from each otehr and life in general…)

I have current relationships and plans with guys who are not too impressed with how Mr. M. wooed me and sort of dumped me 10 months ago… look it up! I have an active love-life and while I look forward to focusing on a spouse in a monogamous relationship, I cannot easily be plucked from my life and conveniently divorced from it… Even by the Prissy Emperor.  At least now I much less inept, hapless and uncontrolled around him… I have been working on my secretarial skills with M0j0D4ddy for the past 9 months! I’ve even been working on the silly, silly girl part!

Today, at lunch, I fessed up to The General that while last year he suggested a definite NEITHER when I posed the question: “M0j0D4ddy or Mr. M.?” I seem to be stuck with both. Mr. M. because, well, just because I have annoying inexplicable feelings of wanting him ohhh so very much… and M0j0D4ddy because I have worked my butt off to define a custom-made lifetime relationship that is really cool for each one of us (The stage after our current Boss/Secretary-like thing.)

Scandalously, that relationship is akin to a BDSM Daddy-Girl dynamic (which can mean a million things.) The General, who is a vanilla dad, asked: “WTF, is a Daddy-Girl relationship!?” and I simply answered: “It’s the exact same thing as you and me!!!” That he seemed to understand quite well even in his hyper-vanilla way LOL Originally when I was attracted to The General I did not know that the mentorship-protection-encouragement was what I was actually looking for from him. I pondered this for years! I don’t say that I have daddy-issues… I have ‘no-daddy’ issues hahaha

In the past 5 years I have dissected what I want from that dynamic and the fact that I have been able to maintain healthy and very happy relationships with men over the past 5 years is entirely related to the love and support that I get from The General (and he knows it.) So it would appear that in absence of having a supportive family of my own, this relationship is key to me having the strength and security to deal, intelligently and gracefully, with all those relationship issues that normally arise as well as with personal issues such as parenting, health and work. But The General is moving on this Fall or early next year… hence the opening for a new mentor-type in my life.

So I told my would-be Daddy this weekend that I was seriously considering petitioning him officially for this role. It’s a lifelong leather-bond. In our definition it is non-romantic and non-sexual and not particularly Dom/sub either, simply the close protective emotionally bonded relationship of two people who have projects and goals in common. I once wrote that I wanted a pet lion because I was unaware of the existing Daddy-girl dynamic and I got myself EXACTLY that. I’m not letting go!!! And I have been “Daddy’s little princess that can do no wrong” for a while already and I hear all the time how he is very proud of me.

But there are variables that I do not know of. How do our prospective spouses (that do not exist at this time) deal with this very non-traditional relationship?! We both REALLY want to get married again! I want to be with a man who is strong enough to deal with this and I inform the men I date of my ’special’ relationship with M0j0D4ddy ahead of them becoming attached or possessive of me. But unless M0j0D4ddy and I travel together, which we should do a few times a year, he lives 1000 miles away and doesn’t believe in meddling in my relationships. It is super obvious to me that none of my existing mentor-type relationships, even though they have existed for 1-10 years, would supersede my relationship with my spouse…

So I continue to ponder my decision while my pet lion is already rolling around purring all happy. I think I am going to make and send him something crafty this week as I await for his roar to come back. The poor kitty has lost his voice after breathing particles while isolating his attic.

Just as people have started reading my blog, I’ve wandered off tinkering with crafty things. While some of those things are a bit kinky, there is no success to report yet.

Witness this attempt at making cute nipple jewelry. Basically I want to create a basic shape in wire that has something going on atop the nipple and a place to put dangles. I find the current models a bit boring.

But so far. Nipple Jewelry = FAIL. Kinky word die earrings are going a bit better though. pictures to come.

I’ve been feeling super blue lately espescially with the developing situation in Iran. In my opinion Iran has the greatest disparity between the loveliness of its people and the darkness of its leaders. I sincerely believe that progress is inevitable and Iran doesn’t lack bright progressive people but my fears lie with the possibility of international meddling.

Mr. M. and I have been doing a bit of writing back and forth. He has a blog now and if he gets to writing in semi-public the truth he tells in private, it may become a must read. Since I’ve had the miss communication problems with him last year I’ve been working on creating greater communication flow between my partners and I (old and new.) Not that all interpersonal conflict in my life are my fault but I try to gain insight from ALL situations.

I should always strive to be a better communicator because I have many partners and I have limited time to spend with each one in person so I have to make it count. The quality of my daily communications with them by phone or in writing will make a huge difference in the quality of our relationship in the long run. I had been looking to attain a new level of honesty, directness, closeness with them but also to foster security in my partners regarding our respective relationships. The only tool I have for that is communication.

Because my goal is to have only one partner in an exclusive monogamous relationship, I have to be honest about it with my partners. Communicating about how our relationship may wind up having a time-limit is a bit strange. Though it’s not as daunting as discussing poly partner rank (or priority.) Right now, I do not have a primary poly partner. BelovedSchoolBoy was my ‘interim spouse’ for a while when we lived together but that was an unfair situation for him being 15-20 years younger than the spouse I want to be with. I have no idea if this wish will ever materialize. It may just be that my goal to enter into a TiH relationship is outdated or that a ‘husband-type’ would not care for my previous lifestyle or obsessive interest in alternate sexuality LOL. But I digress…

While I do not talk much with The Bearded DiCaprio even though he has been my lover for 5 years, I communicate quasi-daily with The General, M0j0D4ddy and Mr. P (All of which are over 40.) I also maintain the communication line open with BelovedSchoolBoy because even though we have been separated since December, I love hearing about how happy he is and how much he pro-actively rules his entourage like a successful little Kingdom. I also love how after we separated he continued to ask me for advice on many matters including how to approach and ‘land’ his adorable new girlfriend (with whom he now lives.) Then it dawned on me that I have raised him to be like the man I wish I could meet in my 35-45 y.o. age group. At 21, I think he will provide me with a lifetime of awe. I also truly enjoy the constant appreciation and thank yous for the last 3 years.

I grew up in a family where partners were not self-aware and were secretive in order to avoid conflict. Avoiding the matter or editing the news is a very bad strategy. Honest direct communication is so rare that when I hear it my heightened appreciation of the communicator outshines the content of the message! Recently, I have gotten many flowers from my lovers (and some friends) regarding the ‘quality of our relationship’ in regards to communication so I must be affecting things right.

I now live in a world where women fight for the sexual interest and attention of men (online and off) and horde it so that their man must not pay any attention to anyone else! While I may have had a foot in the eye candy market when I was 20 and hadn’t yet had my drastic breast reduction, I found that it didn’t provide me with access to very interesting men. Today, I do not even try to sell sex (be sexy) because as a 38 year-old woman, I would simply look like a clown next to a 20-year-old (I’ve watched the real Housewives of New Jersey!) I have also come to realize that most pretty women (even the ones who are naturally lovely) feel insecure about their looks and seem much less happy than the average. Also, women who are professionally decorative, are rarely role models and exhibit the worse behavior and lack of class (Hello Charm School!) Even if this can change over time, it will always be overshadowed by reality tv antics! Beauty is a rat race with no prize at the end. Most women do not know this because standards change and the race never ends.

However, in the contest of being smart, open, non judgmental and communicative, I can occupy a place that is more stable and permanent in the emotional space even with those who are easily distracted by the eye candy. Because I have been able to develop truly meaningful and loving fulfilling relationships based on these new communication efforts over the past six months, I have rethunk the narrow definition of ‘lover’. I hate it when people say ‘we are just friends’. As someone who has had true friends for 30 years and, in absence of having a spouse, puts friend before lover, I find that a bit insulting. It would seem to me that in a world where ‘friend’ has been diluted to mean ’someone I never talk to who is in my Facebook list’, we should have a new definition for ‘lover’ as well. So I have decided to consider someone my lover when they declare loving me and have spontaneously said that we shall be together ‘forever’ (…and then re-iterate it a few times just to make sure LOL) As long as this feeling is mutual and we do have a somewhat sensual relationship then ‘lover’ seems like an appropriate term. Too bad it sounds very sexual when said out loud. Even though I may use that term here, I will still refer to most people in my life as friends. Never ‘just’ friends or worse ‘fuck’ friends which are two terms that diminish the importance of the friend relationships in life.

I have been quite happy with most of my relationships as of late and feel very loved, secure and appreciated. That was never my goal but what a wonderful gift. On the other hand, I know one of my relationships is doomed to end soon but it has been on that path for a while. Right now, I have no craving for attention or even sex so I am hurting my sexual relationships by electing to stay home alone rather than go out. But I do say yes to going out when asked.

But I don’t want to go see too many movies… I strive for conversation and communication!

I would have to say that conversation with Mr. M. is crack cocaine. Though, NOW, I know that we will communicate briefly, his words or questions will open up a can of worms (and inspiration) then he will disappear unexplained leaving me with withdrawal anxiety. I have always been overwhelming and gauche in my struggle to gain access to him. I would love to be able to count on him for conversation even if it was scheduled or limited in time. (I sometimes schedule time-restricted conversations… seems weird but it works!)

I have multiple partners who put up with the fact that I am not exclusive nore very available (physically) because I provide them with rare difference, openness and acceptance. I put up with Mr. M. because he provides me with rare higher intelligence and dry wit or irony and also because his interest channels seem to be aligned with mine. Though sometimes his dumb typos will open up a door for unexpected hilarity such as the time he wrote that his girlfriend gave him a ‘dry mouth’ piece of artwork for his birthday. So I sassed him on how such artwork is the kind that you look at, bewildered, with your mouth open for a long time (thus inducing dry mouth.) I could also have pondered how it is the opposite of mouth watering artwork (which could be a still life of food or, as marketers would define it, graphics that are mostly orange.) So I was eventually accused of being corny while I was simply making fun on his attempt to (I suspect) write ‘dry mount’.

I have been developing a relationship with a Lady who seems fascinating to me. While she has been generous so far with giving me access to her (providing her personal number and inviting me to go stay with her) I am worried about being overwhelming. I was very forthcoming about my desire to serve her (in the BDSM sense) for the simple pleasure of personal access to her but it turns out I do not really have anything specific to offer that she needs (and that will be until I have the chance to cook for her.) I like having a ‘device’ to warrant regular communication with a Dom or Sub during the initial phase of getting to know each other because I have developed ‘access anxiety’.

I’m sure this is heightened by not wanting to experience the pain that I felt when Mr. M. and I hit it off very well and then NOT after only a short time. I had given him unrestricted access to me talking for hours into the night which I never do because I need my sleep to be able to manage an eight year old during the day. It is unfortunate that such an experience has made me scared of giving access or time again for the purpose of developing friendship or love.

The FetLife Badge (buttons) I created for John for the FetLife Mixer are now official promotion images for your blog or website. Show your love for “The Facebook for Kinky People” with these cute buttons!

Soon there will be more things available from that page, but I can’t tell you yet

Long time no see.

I had access to the Web while I was in Toronto but I made it a point not to check too much. The last 10 days were perhaps the best experience of living in the moment of my whole life. This is what I seek from a vacation or a trip. In fact, in the past few years I have been on a quest to stop thinking or worrying about twelve things at the same time. I truly believe that I am now able to enjoy the unique experiences that I have crafted for myself and the fun opportunities that come my way. I think I was able to accomplish all of my objectives and, as a bonus, I met some great (and yummy!) people along the way.

I gave my Cock Bondage workshop 3 times. One of the questions I had was: “Who the heck is going to take a Cock Bondage workshop?” As it turns out, women who took my class were awesome like-minded crafty/geeky chicks and we had lots of giggly fun together. I was also amazed that many brought a partner (cock puppet) to practice on. I was delighted by people’s comments on the post class surveys and had a fun time pondering what else I could teach. I found out that explaining these possibilities made men cringe in fear and women giggle uncontrollably… I am a sensual player and not a sadist. I don’t do CBT but perhaps an ‘Emotional CBT’ workshop is in my future!

I brought M0j0D4ddy to Montreal to learn more about him and see him in action. After my organiser task was over I still had a whole week of time to spend with him. I also got to spend quality time with my mentor Lady Viktoria whom I had not seen much of since she moved back to Toronto.

I was extremely fortunate to have a meeting with George and Enza of Northbound Leather, promotional partner of some of our workshops in Canada. I saw the whole building including the design and manufacturing area. What a treat it was to see the Leather/Fetish Mecca of Canada. I went to a sex toy and education party with Lady Viktoria where I was able to observe 10 vanilla girls in their early twenties discuss sexuality as they know/live it. This fascinated me as I live in kinky/sex 2.0 minset 24/7. I met a few hot guys but was completely taken by surprise by all the hot chicks that came on to me! I made a few connections that I know will be life changing.

M0j0D4ddy and I surprised and shocked each other in many ways and that allowed us to really understand each other in person and in context. Because I scheduled him all day long, every day, I was worried that we would not find enough one-on-one time but we did. We made a lot of headway in discussing what D/s dynamic is most appropriate for us. I cannot explain it right now, it is for lack of a better word… peculiar. I don’t consider myself a classic Domina because I always prioritize what a partner needs over what I want.  Again, I say partner because I do not waste my time on submissive men who have no ambition or purpose other than to crawl at my feet. I may let you lick my boots for 20 minutes but I get my fix from being served by powerful ambitious knights and Kings. Such endeavors require sophisticated and compassionate emotional work and I grow as a person from that process. For 10 days I treated M0j0D4ddy to what he wanted, some of which most people would not be able to orchestrate, and I observed and discovered exactly who he is. Now I know what he needs. But now it’s my turn to get what I need and so I will enjoy that for the next little while.

In closing here is a bit of eye candy with some mostly nekkid M0j0d4ddy! I enjoyed watching him get all those bruises through 8 of his 12 hours of fight training. He decorates very well but I didn’t have to break a nail to find out… though I almost broke a toe nail giving him the biggest bruise of them all while applying what I learned in his self-defense class (bottom left in last picture.) Pictures of us wrestling are on my Bitty FetLife profile.

I cannot say that I have had the opportunity to work on something so engaging in the past few years as this weekend of workshops. Okay so organizing e-learning and in person workshops for Big Pharma was exciting too but not naughty.

Who knew that being sex obsessed for the past 25 years, paying attention to Martha Stewart (and practicing) for the past 20 years and doing project management and Web for the past 15 years and allowing myself to do more of what I love to do for the past 5 would lead to this.

This is four and a half months in the making for M0j0D4ddy and I who had a missed connection in 2006. I often wonder what would have happened had we talked back then. Would we have hit it off in an instant as we did back in November?

In retrospect this has been a very laboured process of us getting to know each other remotely. I have known dozens of people in a very virtual way since the olden days of Fidonet (1991) but I never worked at it to intently create a long-term relationship. Sure, the Bearded DiCaprio and I met on Lavalife in 2004 BUT it’s the exception that confirms the rule as online dating and I don’t mix. While I lived my plentiful love life blissfully and in peace for almost 5 years since my last monogamous long-long-term relationship, the world of Social Media has brought something new to my door: unrequited third party meddling and gossip. It is quite the window into the underbelly of BDSM steeple wars and power trips! For this I take a page from the book of John Stewart, no not the one about American history (a fine read) but the one about looking at the world attentively and picking out the important stuff and… perhaps talking about it in an informative yet humorous manner.

But in the meantime, I work on delivering an informative yet humorous workshop on a completely random topic. Cock Bondage is the inside joke that has gone international as people have reserved from the US and Ontario LOL I think that by giving a class on tying up a guy’s junk I will effectively cause people to refer to me as someone VERY serious about CBT when in fact the whole process is not painful (quite the contrary) and very intimate and loving. I promised John Baku I would not reffer to the whole male genital area as Junk anymore but I will pay my fine on Saturday at the FetLife Mixer!

I really look forward to hearing about how people react to this presentation and hope that they will enthusiastically gossip about it because I’m doing it again in Toronto!

I hope to see you there.

Hearing the comments of vanilla people as they exited The Dungeon at the Everything to do with Sex Show kind of made it worth my while. I was minding the FetLife booth for a few shifts on Saturday and the crowd was way more vanilla than I had expected.

I have become so un-phased by anything sexual, seemingly perverted or perhaps deviant that I forget what BDSM or Alt sexuality looks like to the uninitiated. It’s like vanilla people are not detached from other people’s behavior or sexuality and feel personally offended or involved somehow and must defend themselves by passing a comment or judgment. The biggest misconception about BDSM I encountered is that it is coercive or non consensual in nature. For some reason, people were afraid that they would be pulled into getting tied up or spanked as soon as they entered the Dungeon. I just told them to gawk away and ask questions if they wanted. In the D/s lifestyle, unless you are REALLY assertive or even agressive as a bottom, you will never get to play. If you are socially awkward as a Top you are likely to suffer the same fate LOL

I for one, like the asking for play, the negotiation process and the waiting (or looking forward to) and that is why I spend 95% time socializing and 5% time playing over an average year and for now that is fine with me. I was way overdressed (prude!) for the occasion but still mingled with a few hot Doms. I don’t expect anyone I meet out of the blue to ‘get’ what I am about or understand where I sit on the scale because I Mentor certain people and serve others. Really it’s a case-by-case thing.

The Mortician chatted with me and I asked him to string me up in the suspension bondage frame (I call him that because he was wearing a cute mortician shirt when I first met him 2 years ago.) The red ropes looked very good against my black outfit and I was suspended on my back. It was my second suspension, the first one I did in a Midori intensive Rope Dojo a few years ago and it pinched like Hell. This time it was very pleasant but for the sore neck and the migraine from Hell. I think it took me about 3-4 minutes to settle into it. I commented to my rigger that the position I was in would be perfect for a certain sexual act. Oh the things I will say when inconvenienced by dozens of onlookers…

I did have a great time with Erus (whom I had on loan from LadyC for some of the afternoon) and ran into a few key people. I took in a workshop on anal sex presented by a woman from Toronto who had the most awesome way of speaking French.

I spent all of Sunday in excruciating pain, which I already knew would happen. This week I will see about my pain level because it has gotten out of hand again with the fall a few months ago.

I had planned on being back in the gym by now, I’m really bummed out about my health again.

I am completely drained of inspiration and humor.

I had to declare martial law, take a prisoner and instigate a curfew! No that is not inspired humor at all, unfortunately it is true. I don’t need to put him in a dog house, we’ve actually been having fun with the interrogations. I don’t know why, even though the subjects are super touchy and difficult (akin to a vice-presidential vetting process) I just love going through the process. And he’s being transparent but that’s not what is surprising me, he is not reacting the way that a guy like him should be reacting to being chastised. I’ve been gossiping about CJO with a common close friend talking about how I put him on ‘Shut The Fuck Up’ pills for a few months to treat his ‘foot in mouth’ disease. I never saw him laugh so hard as did when I told him that. Hmmm, that’s just not normal for Mr. Testosterone Man!

I am pretty much open to each person about what I do. I mean all guys I date know what I do with the others (which is mostly nothing LOL.) I don’t go into details about what I would LIKE to do or PLAN on doing (wishful thinking?!) but I really do not mind talking about it but it gets a bit old. I have to bear the criticism of my lifestyle sometimes but it’s really not that bad. I’m trying to make that a relationship rule with everybody I date or am in a relationship with. However, outside of our communication channel, CJO doesn’t get the additional fishbowl effect of social networks and how total strangers meddle if they feel like it. I am intent on and working on a life-long relationships with him, I have to address every little bit of issues and dramarama that comes up AND every shituation that could transpire in the future! He wants to do something that makes him scrutinized by default and even though he has a secret security clearance, I will still vet him like a politician. I am curious to know how long it takes for him to tell me it’s cramping his style LOL

I took a picture as my souvenir because my chocoholicness will take care of that in no time. You know I wish I could come up with a fantastic “I’m sorry I fucked up” product for men to give to their sweetie ‘cuz I’d like to get me a piece of that pie!!!