Sex is FREE; but they get you on the accessories!!!

Long time no see.

I had access to the Web while I was in Toronto but I made it a point not to check too much. The last 10 days were perhaps the best experience of living in the moment of my whole life. This is what I seek from a vacation or a trip. In fact, in the past few years I have been on a quest to stop thinking or worrying about twelve things at the same time. I truly believe that I am now able to enjoy the unique experiences that I have crafted for myself and the fun opportunities that come my way. I think I was able to accomplish all of my objectives and, as a bonus, I met some great (and yummy!) people along the way.

I gave my Cock Bondage workshop 3 times. One of the questions I had was: “Who the heck is going to take a Cock Bondage workshop?” As it turns out, women who took my class were awesome like-minded crafty/geeky chicks and we had lots of giggly fun together. I was also amazed that many brought a partner (cock puppet) to practice on. I was delighted by people’s comments on the post class surveys and had a fun time pondering what else I could teach. I found out that explaining these possibilities made men cringe in fear and women giggle uncontrollably… I am a sensual player and not a sadist. I don’t do CBT but perhaps an ‘Emotional CBT’ workshop is in my future!

I brought M0j0D4ddy to Montreal to learn more about him and see him in action. After my organiser task was over I still had a whole week of time to spend with him. I also got to spend quality time with my mentor Lady Viktoria whom I had not seen much of since she moved back to Toronto.

I was extremely fortunate to have a meeting with George and Enza of Northbound Leather, promotional partner of some of our workshops in Canada. I saw the whole building including the design and manufacturing area. What a treat it was to see the Leather/Fetish Mecca of Canada. I went to a sex toy and education party with Lady Viktoria where I was able to observe 10 vanilla girls in their early twenties discuss sexuality as they know/live it. This fascinated me as I live in kinky/sex 2.0 minset 24/7. I met a few hot guys but was completely taken by surprise by all the hot chicks that came on to me! I made a few connections that I know will be life changing.

M0j0D4ddy and I surprised and shocked each other in many ways and that allowed us to really understand each other in person and in context. Because I scheduled him all day long, every day, I was worried that we would not find enough one-on-one time but we did. We made a lot of headway in discussing what D/s dynamic is most appropriate for us. I cannot explain it right now, it is for lack of a better word… peculiar. I don’t consider myself a classic Domina because I always prioritize what a partner needs over what I want.  Again, I say partner because I do not waste my time on submissive men who have no ambition or purpose other than to crawl at my feet. I may let you lick my boots for 20 minutes but I get my fix from being served by powerful ambitious knights and Kings. Such endeavors require sophisticated and compassionate emotional work and I grow as a person from that process. For 10 days I treated M0j0D4ddy to what he wanted, some of which most people would not be able to orchestrate, and I observed and discovered exactly who he is. Now I know what he needs. But now it’s my turn to get what I need and so I will enjoy that for the next little while.

In closing here is a bit of eye candy with some mostly nekkid M0j0d4ddy! I enjoyed watching him get all those bruises through 8 of his 12 hours of fight training. He decorates very well but I didn’t have to break a nail to find out… though I almost broke a toe nail giving him the biggest bruise of them all while applying what I learned in his self-defense class (bottom left in last picture.) Pictures of us wrestling are on my Bitty FetLife profile.

I cannot say that I have had the opportunity to work on something so engaging in the past few years as this weekend of workshops. Okay so organizing e-learning and in person workshops for Big Pharma was exciting too but not naughty.

Who knew that being sex obsessed for the past 25 years, paying attention to Martha Stewart (and practicing) for the past 20 years and doing project management and Web for the past 15 years and allowing myself to do more of what I love to do for the past 5 would lead to this.

This is four and a half months in the making for M0j0D4ddy and I who had a missed connection in 2006. I often wonder what would have happened had we talked back then. Would we have hit it off in an instant as we did back in November?

In retrospect this has been a very laboured process of us getting to know each other remotely. I have known dozens of people in a very virtual way since the olden days of Fidonet (1991) but I never worked at it to intently create a long-term relationship. Sure, the Bearded DiCaprio and I met on Lavalife in 2004 BUT it’s the exception that confirms the rule as online dating and I don’t mix. While I lived my plentiful love life blissfully and in peace for almost 5 years since my last monogamous long-long-term relationship, the world of Social Media has brought something new to my door: unrequited third party meddling and gossip. It is quite the window into the underbelly of BDSM steeple wars and power trips! For this I take a page from the book of John Stewart, no not the one about American history (a fine read) but the one about looking at the world attentively and picking out the important stuff and… perhaps talking about it in an informative yet humorous manner.

But in the meantime, I work on delivering an informative yet humorous workshop on a completely random topic. Cock Bondage is the inside joke that has gone international as people have reserved from the US and Ontario LOL I think that by giving a class on tying up a guy’s junk I will effectively cause people to refer to me as someone VERY serious about CBT when in fact the whole process is not painful (quite the contrary) and very intimate and loving. I promised John Baku I would not reffer to the whole male genital area as Junk anymore but I will pay my fine on Saturday at the FetLife Mixer!

I really look forward to hearing about how people react to this presentation and hope that they will enthusiastically gossip about it because I’m doing it again in Toronto!

I hope to see you there.

Hearing the comments of vanilla people as they exited The Dungeon at the Everything to do with Sex Show kind of made it worth my while. I was minding the FetLife booth for a few shifts on Saturday and the crowd was way more vanilla than I had expected.

I have become so un-phased by anything sexual, seemingly perverted or perhaps deviant that I forget what BDSM or Alt sexuality looks like to the uninitiated. It’s like vanilla people are not detached from other people’s behavior or sexuality and feel personally offended or involved somehow and must defend themselves by passing a comment or judgment. The biggest misconception about BDSM I encountered is that it is coercive or non consensual in nature. For some reason, people were afraid that they would be pulled into getting tied up or spanked as soon as they entered the Dungeon. I just told them to gawk away and ask questions if they wanted. In the D/s lifestyle, unless you are REALLY assertive or even agressive as a bottom, you will never get to play. If you are socially awkward as a Top you are likely to suffer the same fate LOL

I for one, like the asking for play, the negotiation process and the waiting (or looking forward to) and that is why I spend 95% time socializing and 5% time playing over an average year and for now that is fine with me. I was way overdressed (prude!) for the occasion but still mingled with a few hot Doms. I don’t expect anyone I meet out of the blue to ‘get’ what I am about or understand where I sit on the scale because I Mentor certain people and serve others. Really it’s a case-by-case thing.

The Mortician chatted with me and I asked him to string me up in the suspension bondage frame (I call him that because he was wearing a cute mortician shirt when I first met him 2 years ago.) The red ropes looked very good against my black outfit and I was suspended on my back. It was my second suspension, the first one I did in a Midori intensive Rope Dojo a few years ago and it pinched like Hell. This time it was very pleasant but for the sore neck and the migraine from Hell. I think it took me about 3-4 minutes to settle into it. I commented to my rigger that the position I was in would be perfect for a certain sexual act. Oh the things I will say when inconvenienced by dozens of onlookers…

I did have a great time with Erus (whom I had on loan from LadyC for some of the afternoon) and ran into a few key people. I took in a workshop on anal sex presented by a woman from Toronto who had the most awesome way of speaking French.

I spent all of Sunday in excruciating pain, which I already knew would happen. This week I will see about my pain level because it has gotten out of hand again with the fall a few months ago.

I had planned on being back in the gym by now, I’m really bummed out about my health again.

I am completely drained of inspiration and humor.

I had to declare martial law, take a prisoner and instigate a curfew! No that is not inspired humor at all, unfortunately it is true. I don’t need to put him in a dog house, we’ve actually been having fun with the interrogations. I don’t know why, even though the subjects are super touchy and difficult (akin to a vice-presidential vetting process) I just love going through the process. And he’s being transparent but that’s not what is surprising me, he is not reacting the way that a guy like him should be reacting to being chastised. I’ve been gossiping about CJO with a common close friend talking about how I put him on ‘Shut The Fuck Up’ pills for a few months to treat his ‘foot in mouth’ disease. I never saw him laugh so hard as did when I told him that. Hmmm, that’s just not normal for Mr. Testosterone Man!

I am pretty much open to each person about what I do. I mean all guys I date know what I do with the others (which is mostly nothing LOL.) I don’t go into details about what I would LIKE to do or PLAN on doing (wishful thinking?!) but I really do not mind talking about it but it gets a bit old. I have to bear the criticism of my lifestyle sometimes but it’s really not that bad. I’m trying to make that a relationship rule with everybody I date or am in a relationship with. However, outside of our communication channel, CJO doesn’t get the additional fishbowl effect of social networks and how total strangers meddle if they feel like it. I am intent on and working on a life-long relationships with him, I have to address every little bit of issues and dramarama that comes up AND every shituation that could transpire in the future! He wants to do something that makes him scrutinized by default and even though he has a secret security clearance, I will still vet him like a politician. I am curious to know how long it takes for him to tell me it’s cramping his style LOL

I took a picture as my souvenir because my chocoholicness will take care of that in no time. You know I wish I could come up with a fantastic “I’m sorry I fucked up” product for men to give to their sweetie ‘cuz I’d like to get me a piece of that pie!!!

I have spent too much time over the past three days killing people with kindness. I have a migraine from it but it’s not necessarily what is foremost on my mind. I was expecting an unpleasant phone conversation with CJO tonight but when issues are addressed immediately, it’s always less awkward than expected.

Last night I went over to LadyC’s house to hang out with her hubby Erus. She is out of town and asked me to husband sit. Her intentions being that I actually sit on her husband but of course I’m not going to do that! But certainly the fact that she pimped out her man for a date is really cute and I think she and I will get along quite well!

Yep, I went over to a total stranger’s house LOL Stranger is a bit of a stretch because friends of friends are hardly such strangers. I live by the friends of friends rule. We had dinner and I played Guitar Hero III (Crap songs 4 a crap guitarist LOL) while he tried patiently to put this celtic knot ring back together. After two years I just want to puke when I see it, I have lost all patience. We spent a lot of time talking about TheBaku and wondering what the deal is with him. I talked to him last night and AGAIN he went on and on about how “I’m all set ‘cuz I’m dating left and right” rather than push his own agenda.

Supercalifragilisticexpialedocious!

There you go. Safe word called. No more interrogating unless it’s about me and not anybody else.

Was that a crazy plan? Bringing over dinner to my favorite overworked coder!? It didn’t actually work in so much that I got what I wanted over the phone without having to spring for food LOLz But I didn’t get a beard cuddle though I got interrogated by TheBaku even more specifically this time. He better be careful because I will gladly answer ANY questions he asks and it just seems to make him more bewildered about me. But that is fine. He’s the guy I have a crush on so he can ask any question he wants about my relationships and intentions towards any bumblebee that buzzes around me. But he doesn’t ask about my intentions towards him which is kind of funny. Though he has spies to tell him all about that I think. But my intent to drop over with some food was just that because I had dinner plans.

Tonight I had dinner with Lloyd Jr. I found him without motherly intervention and he replied immediately. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to schedule something until today. I was expectinghim not to care too much about getting together but he’s always been the one to ask or try to get a hold of me. I realized yesterday morning that he is the first person from the ‘legacy life’ who is going to get the unedited news. By legacy life I mean all these people from my hometown, family, school and work from years ago that have no insight into my life other than as a geeky mom. Lloyd Jr. and I haven’t spoken in 5 years. In fact the last time I ran into him I was on my way to the opera with A., my best gay. It was a few weeks before A. talked me into gay-crowding the fetish party at Cream. We went with his bf and 3 gay friends. And then the rest is history!

OMG!1! He’s still so friggin’ cute. He looks like a man now (wider!) We had the most fascinating of conversations blowing the lid on so many things we were never supposed to tell each other. I am now scandalized about the secret life of Lloyd Jr. It’s like I know him but I don’t because we both feel that our time together was hindered by going through tough crap and not yet knowing who we were (being under 20.) I told him about Mr. M. and he noted the similarity telling me to go to London where he said he had run into many twins of his LOL He says he is now open to ‘new things’. Guys should never tell me THAT hahaha. I’ll most likely nag him to come to a workshop in March, probably the BDSM relationship one, that will shed some light on the lifestyle for him. He’s still an exigent top control freak, always has been, always will be! I want him in my life and I told him. He’s a stickler for follow through and HE follows through having driven our getting together since I wrote to him a few weeks back. Oh and that thing I wrote that I wanted to do with him (it’s a secret), well HE brought it up first so we’ll see where that goes.

When I saw Crash (Cronenberg) in 1997, I was repulsed. None of the characters made any sense to me and they had absolutely nothing endearing about them. I also don’t have a car fetish. I watch Top Gear for James May and the overall wit but I have always been afraid of cars, namely dying in a car crash. I have driven by myself only a few times. I’d love to learn how to drive for sports (rally) but driving for practical reasons leaves me cold. I am crap at it too.

I spent some time this weekend talking with Mr. P. about having un-natural experiences involving vehicles. He showed me the brace he wore for three months after being chewed up by a plane. Owies… I, on the other hand, was forcibly raped in the behind by a Mazda Protege (while pinned against my Chrysler Neon.) My freaky vehicular three way doesn’t beat flying into power lines… Mr. P is the only other person I’ve met who also has nerve damage and, having been bolted back together extensively, understands what that does. Oh and did I mention he’s a sadist!

I am officially a kinskter now and I am supposed to understand these things… I ALWAYS side with Ebert on everything but I didn’t in the case of Crash. But things make a bit more sense now. Crash was more interesting the second time around, in fact, I can say I had forgotten about most of the first part because the second part annoyed me so much! The characters are still somewhat cold and not that endearing. Yeah, super hottie James Spader manages to come off un-sexy most of the movie!

At least now, I can appreciate people who’s fetishes make little sense to me, just like, I am sure, some of my inclinations make no sense to others.

Everything meets somewhere…

For instance, the day before, I had written part of a story that has one character initiating sex while the other one is crying. Most readers would exclaim “No, that is the worst time to be initiating sex!” This was how I felt the first time I watched the very last scene of Crash!

To check another movie off my ‘to watch list’, I started watching Caligula a month ago. I gave up… Should I even bother to watch the whole thing? John Hurt plays Caligula in I, Claudius… I think that will be much better to watch (when I get to it.)

A while back I wrote on this blog that CJO is a bit like Mark Anthony. At the time it was because he had suggested we get together to shoot some slaves. This reminded me of one of the most obnoxious scenes in Rome (He has never watched Rome.) I figured he was saying this for the benefit of a certain slave who was within earshot. Personally I would rather not shoot at anyone. I’m not a sissy, I just think that the words ‘non lethal’ in the name of certain ammo is marketing bullshit. But give me a paint gun and I may change my mind; I’ll just make sure the sniper is on MY team!!!

When I started watching Rome in October, I thought that having a household like Atia and Servillia would be cool. Obviously, I have no use for decorative slaves but I could definitely use a chauffeur and a butler. Just once in a while. Everybody in this neighborhood seems to know that I am the thrifty single mom. I don’t even have a car when most others have 2.5 trucks and 1.25 cars. I noticed that having handsome guys appear out of nowhere to rake my yard and shovel my snow attracts some attention and questions. So if my daughter ever started a phrase with “Our butler…” it might trigger more questions than I care to answer…

Just like Mark Anthony, my sweetie is a very good warrior. As long as it supports his long term goals in some way, he will likely do anything I ask. I have missions lined up into 2010 for him and some are NOT easy! I’m courting a veteran Dom by being a total Domina and he LIKES it. Raising (elevating) Dominants is my shtick! I make sure regularly that it’s okay for me to hit him with the ‘to do’ stick harder and harder as the deadlines get closer. When both parties are sincere and fully into it, Dominance and submission are the exact same thing. I may joke about it but I see my management of his current engagements and his overall career change as ‘service’ to him.

Because he KNOWS that my thing is to help him get what he wants he has been more open about a lot of things. I am considering him as a life partner so I want to know what he wants however lofty, capricious or eccentric it may be. It’s a test in itself because at his age he is supposed to know what he wants. One of the recurring themes that has come up is that he wants a household (with slaves.)

I’ve suspected this for a long time and I have nothing against the concept. I don’t think it looks the same in my head as it does in his though! I LOVE this kind of relationship talk! Using his logic of having slaves giving him more time to do the cool stuff he’d rather do (like gardening and sex.) I will gladly lay down a plan that includes him as my landscaping and sex slave!

I don’t know what possessed me to ask Mr. P. if he wanted to go to a party but I did. I had attended Mistress Jade’s birthday dinner in November but Yoshi and I skipped on the play party. Last time I went to a party was in late May at the last Fetish 4 Play in Montreal. I like going to parties to meet people I know of but haven’t met in person yet. It’s always a surprise who will be there. We went to Le Manoir des Bougainvilleas which is so far out of anywhere I would normally go. What a well equipped place they have.

That being said we spent most of the time on the couch chatting and petting LOL I always love having a nice head to pet. We talked about relationships, plane crashes (his) and physical science. It was almost like being on a date with James May. He is the only person who has ever verbalized what I do as a Domina. I raise Dominants. Yup… Righteous, Assured and Fearless. Why raise serfs when you can raise Lords?

I was fun to be at a play party without being in charge of anyone.  The crowd was mostly francophone and people there didn’t really know what to make of us, constantly asking if I was his submissive. LOL I had a simple empire waist dress and whispy hair bun and he was wearing all black with a sports jacket. Mr P is a Sadist and I am NOT a masochist (well I scream and wimper in an entertaining way but it gets old for me very fast.) We are friends. Last night Mr P was in the mood to pleasure me. Good for him… err. me!

I got to meet a Dom I had wanted to run into for a long time. Rope artist and geek. Not pretentious at all, he oozes sincerity and realness. It’s quite rare! As he was leaving he came over to say goodbye to Mr P. I was on my back leaning against Mr P discreetly masturbating just listening to them talk and after he said goodbye he just spent a little while standing there looking at my face, then he simply turned around and left. That gave me a nice jolt! I wonder if I am enjoying being specifically denied or just playfully ignored because it fits my agenda…

I have just come back from Dollarama, fine purveyor of pervertible items for the thrifty kinkster and they are selling plush handcuffs for Valentine’s Day. The kid’s section has always had cheap plastic cuffs but unless you are into child bondage, they will probably not fit! Handcuffs, never a good idea… Rope, better!

Angela : You don’t have the keys to your own handcuffs?
Rayanne : Well, they’re not exactly mine.
Angela : Right, I guess they belong to some really perverted guy you know
or something.
Rayanne : Yeah, or your parents.
Angela : What?
Rayanne : I found them right here on the bed.
Angela : They were not.
Rayanne : Ask Rickie.
Rickie : [nods] Uh huh.
Angela : Those things do not belong to my parents.

My So-Called Life