Courtney Stodden is a teenage dominatrix who is currently punking the world with her bimbo experiment. For months when I saw Courtney and Doug on The Ridiculist I usually felt that she would probably wake up at 24 and be completely embarrassed by the past 8 years (as young adults often do…) But now I have changed my theory and it makes much more sense to me; or at least it gives more hope for humanity.

When I was Courtney’s age I fantasized that I was exactly the same person I have become today. In my fantasies I had 100% control over my life, did many spur of the moment projects, was in a plural marriage with 3 awesome men who got along great and dated a lot of really creative people. This is what I fantasized about constantly from about 12 until my early 20′s when I was able to do concrete things to realize my fantasies. It is therefore entirely believable to me that Courtney’s current phase could be a ploy to realize a very specific socio-sexual fantasy.

So far she has put on an award-worthy bimbo show, lured in a z-list celebrity husband who lives to clean up after her, shopped a lucrative reality tv show and has Dr. Drew on speed dial. Dr. Drew’s secret theory seems to be that Courtney will wind up on his ‘Celebrity Rehab’ program before she is even 21 but I am holding out for my own prize.

My theory is that after only a few years of punking the media with her bimbo experiment, creepy wedding and subsequent shower of inappropriate Facebook pictures, Courtney will tell us it was all a joke/performance to distract us and come out with a tell all book about the vapid creepy Hollywood bubble she now inhabits.

‘Cuz that would be funny and I would say ‘Bravo!’ and buy that book…

Everyday I wake up and look at the news to see who’s lying today. Politicians are turning into soul whores and it takes a lot of work to figure out who’s sponsoring their words and vote on any given day. What has become really odd this week though is that a relatively mundane miss-tweet has been blown up to immense importance. And you kind of expect news outlets like Fox and becoming-like-Fox CNN to avoid covering actual news and descend into water-cooler gossip but it gets worse. This week Jon Stewart devotied 4-5 show segments to Anthony Wiener’s²! Really!? Colbert followed suit on Wednesday by ALSO talking about the Wiener tweets which reference The Colbert Report and The Daily Show. Not only was that not necessary, it VERY Entertainment Tonight. I expect more from these people like biting commentary and funny skits about what actually matters.

I saw the Wiener tweet as it came out. Not from the source but as a screen grab repost. I immediately thought about the time I used Twitter’s new multi-account iPad app to tweet my glee about being invited to a lesbian sex party… to my consultant account!!! Big Oops. This is the kind of thing that will happen to everyone who uses social media services with the intent of sharing private information. Where mere mortals once embarrassed themselves by Replying to all, they now mistakingly @reply instead of private messaging. Yes, it will happen to you too!

Now that the content of the tweets are coming out I am surprised at how un-creepy they are. And I’m not comparing Wiener to Tiger Woods here (who should hold the creepy SMS message crown for a long time to come) but to messages that I have seen or received myself from married or attached men. I will explain later why those are inevitable. I tend to limit access to me by married men but I still count many a close friends.

As to pundits judging Wiener for cheating on his spouse, I find it odd and weird. Personally I reserve the term cheating on a spouse to engaging in secret behavior (sexual or emotional) that can harm a relationship or goes against a couple’s stated rules. Any act in itself cannot be construed as cheating by strangers who are not aware of a couple’s relationship rules. As a very attached polyamorous woman I spend a lot of time discussing such matters with a select group of people. In addition to my principal partner, I have one lover and recently released my slave boi after coaching him to build the BDSM relationship he wanted with his wife. Coaching men to accomplish their ideal sexual lifestyle is what I do… So obviously I spend a lot of time planning out my activities with my lovers and friends and keep my principal partner informed of my activities. In the end however I am responsible for my choices and my actions so I cannot go around sexting random men or tweeting naked pictures of myself because that would be unreasonable for someone who has no problem creating quality F2F time. I understand the incredible embarrassment public people must feel when their private conversations become public but I also think they should have known better. I take for granted that all my internet activity is public event if distributed in a very organized way to reach only the intended reader. I am not doing it to be secretive, I am doing it to spare people TMI moments. It very well may be that one of those recipients would release our conversations or that such conversations could become public through technology shortcomings, failure or vandalism.

There are some tidbits of info that don’t seem to be common knowledge yet.

Ladies, one of the things men worry about all the time is ‘Am I attractive to women in a sexual way?’. And they worry about this constantly even if they already have ONE woman. This only decreases slightly when they have TWO. While they are doing the stuff that Wiener did, they are seeking validation and thrills. It has nothing to do with intent to cheat on their partner. This is incredibly immature and very annoying for women but it’s the state of the world we live in. At this point it seems like all elected officials are using their clout and celebrity to get laid while proclaiming their family values, sexting shouldn’t be an issue.

And here’s another thing.

Gentlemen, most women on this planet will frown at receiving an intimate picture of you. 99% of women will puke when receiving a picture of your penis. I try to take this into consideration when teaching my cock-bondage class. I offer double warning when posting pictures of my previous work and mention in BOLD LETTERS in my class descriptions that I will have a live model and that many participants will bring their own pet trouser snakes to practice on (read: boyfriend or submissive).

And now we move into almost secret territory.

Male nudity makes women uncomfortable because we are not raised an socialized to see a man’s genitals as a source of pleasure. For a great portion of women on this planet, a penis is a sign of miss-used authority, a weapon of war, a tool of rape and a constant reminder of men’s sexual obsession made even more obvious today by pervasive porn culture in everyday media. If you are not sure yet that porn culture has invaded the media at large, just watch the MTV movie awards for just 30 minutes to hear at least 10 references to extreme sex acts which us Sex educators, perverts and BDSM folks usually reserve for discreet private conversations.

And this brings me to the next topic: Men behaving extremely badly.

I have been scrutinizing the media and researching women’s issues for about 30 years. I started reading Playboy and Penthouse at 10 years of age and have been searching for adult material since then. By adult material I mostly mean media created for adults, it didn’t have to be sex-related. But I can say that I have closely watched the commercialization of women’s sexuality in both pornography, TV, movies, beauty and fashion. And now I find myself living in a strange time. In the West we have women who think they are empowered but devote an enormous amount of their time being a slave to fashion and beauty standards that are unreasonable and unattainable. At work, they are still discriminated against, paid less and have to put up with men who behave like immature morons and get away with the sleaziest habits.

There is one thing that I am happy about right now. The ascension of women in the media. Because more and more women are journalists and gain clout in the editorial room, the stories of the women of the world are coming through in media. Stories of war, rape, assault, discrimination and also the stories of women heroes who are working hard to make a difference. These stories may be overshadowed by all the noise created by the Weiner’s² gigglefest but they are there to us who seek true reporting about what really matters.

It is imperative that we work to bring equality for women everywhere because it is women who create the most value in this world and are the stewards of quality of life. And they continue to do it out of compassion and love despite being grossly violated along the way. The fabric of our society is disintegrating before our eyes as 50% of the world’s population is violently kept from contributing to a better tomorrow.

We have to stop gawking at the sex scandal of the day and focus on issues that have an enormous impact on our future.

Here are some stories that require your attention and why:

Does Wal-Mart Have A Sex Discrimination Problem?
Stay tuned, we’ll find out in 2025 because for the past 10 years women who have been systematically discriminated against during their employment at Wal-Mart have been fighting an interesting battle. They want to band together and sue Wal-Mart but the insanely rich company is fighting against their right to a class-action lawsuit. 10 whole years to get a decision on this matter?! This lawsuit demonstrate how hard it is for regular folks to bring attention to grave corporate matters because they have to take on armies of lawyers who have all the money in the world to drag out lawsuits until the complainants run out of money. However, this lawsuit affects 1.6 million women and it is the largest potential class-action suit ever proposed. The Supreme Court’s decision will give us an insight into their priority. I can’t wait to find out: Does the Supreme Court work for the biological people or the corporate people?

The Secret World of Child Brides
All over the world, girls and young women are traded as property and sexual objects. I am fascinated by international stories of family, love, sex and cultural traditions. In fact I would love to travel the world to document personal life, courtship, love and marriage in the world. There are two topics which are important in my every day life and those are sexual and reproductive freedom. Women in developing countries who do not have those rights and choices find themselves harmed by their elders before they even have the time to reach adulthood. I will repeat that women are the Earth’s greatest treasure and failing them will kill any hope we have for a decent future civilization.

And there are many more.

The message I hope men get from this video is that they should not tolerate such comments from other men and be fully involved in the battle against this sort of attitude which has no place in today’s supposedly evolved society. (See below for context of this ad in the UK)

I grew up in a family situation where talk about sex was snarky, where comments about women were demeaning. When complaining about my mother’s peeping-tom boyfriend she would call me viscous and whore, which were words I did not understand. I understand what it is like to grow up in a place that blames women for the lewdness and vile actions of men. Such an education made me a ‘pervert’ starting at a young age (when I would have been just happy not having to deal with adult topics or sexuality) and it took me decades to develop a healthy sex life.

Now, as an adult woman involved in raising boys I understand that I also have a huge part to play in educating them in a positive and non-judgmental way about sex and women.

Emotionally mature and sexually educated men are a great gift to women

We need to shift from telling women not to get raped to telling men (who are the problem) that they have an important role to play in fostering a society where responsible sexual freedom flourishes and women are not victimized in the process. We are at a juncture in history where we must get together and end the cycle of violence (verbal, physical and sexual) against women in our Western society so that we may save the future of all man and womankind.

While I enjoy tremendous freedom as a polyamorous life hacker and dominatrix, I realize that I do not live is a sexually free society. Over the last 100 years, women have gone from being considered ‘non-humans’ to attaining a sort of liberation. The cost of this liberation is immense. Women may seem free to do as they please but have to endure endless criticism about the attractiveness of every part of their body, face ageism and wage discrimination in a society that still expects them to be twice as good and work twice as hard, while looking great, to merely fit into a world still rules by greedy rich old white men. Women may be free but they remain objects and products to a large sector of the male population.

I started thinking about these issues while writing promotional material for a self-defense class for women. Self-defense classes today do not address the reality that 97% of women who report rape or sexual assault knew their attacker. In most cases it is the romantic partner or date who victimizes a woman. Yet regular self-defense still teaches women how not to get mugged in a alley because if a woman gets victimized while on a date or during sex that becomes non-consensual, then she “was asking for it”. It became soul killing for me to sell self-protection to women when it is men who are the problem so I shifted my thought process to figure out a way to teach men how not to rape and I might be on to something that is positive, fun and in-line with my appreciation of men.

One important aspect of sex education that might be missing from the curriculum is teaching teens how to identify and not tolerate misogynistic speech and behavior around them. Right now, however, we are seeing the pendulum of sexism swing dangerously in the misandry direction. Negative speech about men abounds in ads and tv shows and it’s creating a divisive situation (for profit) that might infect a generation and make it harder to attain true equality of the sexes.

Another important step in educating young people to create a society where they enjoy a life of sexual knowledge, sexual quality and sexual happiness is misinformation. The lack of quality sex education in the past 20 years, or rather ‘abstinence only’ education, creates a wide open place for misinformation about sexuality. On one side, peer-to-peer education lacks context and facts. On the other, pornography is completely devoid of useful sex information. In the culture of porn one-upmanship actors perform to a sexual script that isn’t pleasurable to either participant. Also, for some reason porn producers have decided to package most everything they do as a product that infantilizes, demeans and victimizes women. I can see how creating a product that is highly addictive and captivating while harming the viewer’s self-confidence and reducing his ability to communicate with women is a wicked brilliant business plan… but it is hardly useful to us women.

I can attest with authority that men DO enjoy the intimate company of strong intelligent women who do not dress like teenagers. Usually, these are the same men who consume little to no porn and have well-aligned priorities. And, I am not down on all adult entertainment because intellectually challenging and emotionally mature ‘porn’ is awesome.

But back to the topic of sexual education…

The UK is WAY ahead of us on sex ed but only as a an urgent reaction to being the worst off country in Europe when it comes to STIs and teen pregnancies. Add legendary UK teen heavy drinking and drugs to the mix and you get the new reality of rape and assault which is that over 97% of women are assaulted by someone they know (NOTE: The same percentage of women report knowing their attacker in Canada and the US) Because there is a very low number of actual criminally insane serial rapists in the world compared to the growing number of crimes reported, it means that rape happens at a juncture of immaturity, impaired judgment, lack of education, misogynistic attitude, carelessness and stupidity and it is entirely preventable through a change in attitude and though education starting in high school.

Blaming women for rape is akin to saying rape is unpreventable and therefore it removes the blame from men who rape. It is wrong.

All of us have to figure out ways to fix this situation together here in the West. Then, and only then, we will not have the maturity and strength to help women and girls in developing countries recover from the violence of war and genocide and prosper. Else we are ALL fucked.

This vapid report from ABC news sounds a bit strange but they are reporting that Heidi Montag wants larger breasts. Which is most interesting is that they posit she has Body Dismorphic Issues which is something I brought up in my Puremoan.com article this week called Heidi Montag: The Impact of Glamour Comes Full Circle. Oh Heidi, you don’t even look like Heidi anymore!

I have been writing articles for my upcoming sex education website paying special attention on outlining my articles on porn. While I will attempt to provide some useful info on a category of 13,000 products that fail to come with instructions, I do not plan on selling porn. Not that it wouldn’t be a great cash cow but I haven’t made money from porn online so far so now is a great time NOT to start. I feel that in a sea of ‘sex products’ pornography is the one commodity that adds absolutely no value to consumer’s life. And it’s going to be quite interesting to write how porn fails to deliver on all levels and go through the long list of misinformation that is propagated by porn.

Yesterday I watched BBC3′s 2007 special Teens Hooked on Porn (it is available on Youtube) and I was quite shocked. For the past year I have been keen to progressively kick one of my partners into sex rehab after realizing that his addiction to online dating sites and porn is keeping him back in all areas of life. I was shocked to see these 16-year-old boys progressively destroy their potential for life enjoyment though abusive use of pornography. How sad it is to discover sexuality as a packaged product rather than the old fashion way (secretly making out in the shed!?) When you think about it, us girls still had to put up with old gropey pervs who made inappropriate comments when we were growing up (in the 80′s) altering our perception of adulthood, sexuality and men. And it sucked. When boys tap into pornography they are inviting the same kind of ideas, short-circuiting their brain before they even develop their ability to socialize with their peers and girls. What I have been discovering over the past 5 years of talking about porn and asking questions is that porn is very harmful to men in so many ways.

So about a month ago I realized that I did not want to enter into a lifelong commitment with someone whom I feel is on the road to personal destruction. And I am not talking here about how his addictions are fucking up any and all chances for us to have a normal relationship but how it is first and foremost making him his worst enemy. Sex addiction is tricky because it would appear that it has very little to do with sex and a lot to do with socio-affective anxiety. I live for the day I can take him along when traveling around the world to document that happy, joyful, sad and shocking state of sex around the world today, however, at this stage he would not be able to deal with this and not because of the topic of sex, because of the issues of violence, hate, anger, misogyny and bullying that surround the commercialization of sex as a product.

I was quite surprised that rather than walk away he has made every effort to address the situation seeking a therapist for weekly sessions and going to SAA group 2-3 times a week. He even deleted all his online dating accounts and porn and has maintained sobriety for over a month. While I am very impressed, it is most interesting to talk about it and see his outlook change from a culture of outside validation to a state of inner satisfaction with accomplishing a bunch of stuff he had put off. Because that is the issue here… not HOW he spends his time (he could be wasting time gaming or drinking… it’s all the same) but the fact that he makes a concerned effort to accomplish things that are important to him and that is what fills the well of self worth, creates joy and attracts interaction with other joyful people.

More and more I feel that addiction to porn or reliance on less mindfull entertainment like video games, movies/TV and online memes is a sign that someone has fallen into the soul killing downward spiral of :

Loneliness and Boredom

ANNA

The Garden of Earthly Delights by Hieronymus Bosch inspired Anna’s collection shown
in the last episode of The Fashion Show.

As a child I spent hours looking a this painting. We had a reproduction of this in three panels at home. Originally it seemed strange and pornographic. Today I find it quite entertaining and modern.

Can you spot the tit in the picture above?
How about the anal bead?

Click on the image and find the gerbil in a tube!

This painting delivers!

Anna’s collection was delightful.

It was not too matchy, in fact each piece could be declined into three garments and all of it is very sell-able. I loved her knit pieces which were very light and flowy espescially the one that incorporated a breastplate of long beads.

I loved the two dresses that were shown first.

But my favorite dress was the elephant print day dress…
It is sooo sexy secretary…

I want it!!!

While I think that all designers brought something great to the show,
Anna is the most obvious choice as her style and collection
is the most viable commercially.

Just as people have started reading my blog, I’ve wandered off tinkering with crafty things. While some of those things are a bit kinky, there is no success to report yet.

Witness this attempt at making cute nipple jewelry. Basically I want to create a basic shape in wire that has something going on atop the nipple and a place to put dangles. I find the current models a bit boring.

But so far. Nipple Jewelry = FAIL. Kinky word die earrings are going a bit better though. pictures to come.

I’ve been feeling super blue lately espescially with the developing situation in Iran. In my opinion Iran has the greatest disparity between the loveliness of its people and the darkness of its leaders. I sincerely believe that progress is inevitable and Iran doesn’t lack bright progressive people but my fears lie with the possibility of international meddling.

Mr. M. and I have been doing a bit of writing back and forth. He has a blog now and if he gets to writing in semi-public the truth he tells in private, it may become a must read. Since I’ve had the miss communication problems with him last year I’ve been working on creating greater communication flow between my partners and I (old and new.) Not that all interpersonal conflict in my life are my fault but I try to gain insight from ALL situations.

I should always strive to be a better communicator because I have many partners and I have limited time to spend with each one in person so I have to make it count. The quality of my daily communications with them by phone or in writing will make a huge difference in the quality of our relationship in the long run. I had been looking to attain a new level of honesty, directness, closeness with them but also to foster security in my partners regarding our respective relationships. The only tool I have for that is communication.

Because my goal is to have only one partner in an exclusive monogamous relationship, I have to be honest about it with my partners. Communicating about how our relationship may wind up having a time-limit is a bit strange. Though it’s not as daunting as discussing poly partner rank (or priority.) Right now, I do not have a primary poly partner. BelovedSchoolBoy was my ‘interim spouse’ for a while when we lived together but that was an unfair situation for him being 15-20 years younger than the spouse I want to be with. I have no idea if this wish will ever materialize. It may just be that my goal to enter into a TiH relationship is outdated or that a ‘husband-type’ would not care for my previous lifestyle or obsessive interest in alternate sexuality LOL. But I digress…

While I do not talk much with The Bearded DiCaprio even though he has been my lover for 5 years, I communicate quasi-daily with The General, M0j0D4ddy and Mr. P (All of which are over 40.) I also maintain the communication line open with BelovedSchoolBoy because even though we have been separated since December, I love hearing about how happy he is and how much he pro-actively rules his entourage like a successful little Kingdom. I also love how after we separated he continued to ask me for advice on many matters including how to approach and ‘land’ his adorable new girlfriend (with whom he now lives.) Then it dawned on me that I have raised him to be like the man I wish I could meet in my 35-45 y.o. age group. At 21, I think he will provide me with a lifetime of awe. I also truly enjoy the constant appreciation and thank yous for the last 3 years.

I grew up in a family where partners were not self-aware and were secretive in order to avoid conflict. Avoiding the matter or editing the news is a very bad strategy. Honest direct communication is so rare that when I hear it my heightened appreciation of the communicator outshines the content of the message! Recently, I have gotten many flowers from my lovers (and some friends) regarding the ‘quality of our relationship’ in regards to communication so I must be affecting things right.

I now live in a world where women fight for the sexual interest and attention of men (online and off) and horde it so that their man must not pay any attention to anyone else! While I may have had a foot in the eye candy market when I was 20 and hadn’t yet had my drastic breast reduction, I found that it didn’t provide me with access to very interesting men. Today, I do not even try to sell sex (be sexy) because as a 38 year-old woman, I would simply look like a clown next to a 20-year-old (I’ve watched the real Housewives of New Jersey!) I have also come to realize that most pretty women (even the ones who are naturally lovely) feel insecure about their looks and seem much less happy than the average. Also, women who are professionally decorative, are rarely role models and exhibit the worse behavior and lack of class (Hello Charm School!) Even if this can change over time, it will always be overshadowed by reality tv antics! Beauty is a rat race with no prize at the end. Most women do not know this because standards change and the race never ends.

However, in the contest of being smart, open, non judgmental and communicative, I can occupy a place that is more stable and permanent in the emotional space even with those who are easily distracted by the eye candy. Because I have been able to develop truly meaningful and loving fulfilling relationships based on these new communication efforts over the past six months, I have rethunk the narrow definition of ‘lover’. I hate it when people say ‘we are just friends’. As someone who has had true friends for 30 years and, in absence of having a spouse, puts friend before lover, I find that a bit insulting. It would seem to me that in a world where ‘friend’ has been diluted to mean ‘someone I never talk to who is in my Facebook list’, we should have a new definition for ‘lover’ as well. So I have decided to consider someone my lover when they declare loving me and have spontaneously said that we shall be together ‘forever’ (…and then re-iterate it a few times just to make sure LOL) As long as this feeling is mutual and we do have a somewhat sensual relationship then ‘lover’ seems like an appropriate term. Too bad it sounds very sexual when said out loud. Even though I may use that term here, I will still refer to most people in my life as friends. Never ‘just’ friends or worse ‘fuck’ friends which are two terms that diminish the importance of the friend relationships in life.

I have been quite happy with most of my relationships as of late and feel very loved, secure and appreciated. That was never my goal but what a wonderful gift. On the other hand, I know one of my relationships is doomed to end soon but it has been on that path for a while. Right now, I have no craving for attention or even sex so I am hurting my sexual relationships by electing to stay home alone rather than go out. But I do say yes to going out when asked.

But I don’t want to go see too many movies… I strive for conversation and communication!

I would have to say that conversation with Mr. M. is crack cocaine. Though, NOW, I know that we will communicate briefly, his words or questions will open up a can of worms (and inspiration) then he will disappear unexplained leaving me with withdrawal anxiety. I have always been overwhelming and gauche in my struggle to gain access to him. I would love to be able to count on him for conversation even if it was scheduled or limited in time. (I sometimes schedule time-restricted conversations… seems weird but it works!)

I have multiple partners who put up with the fact that I am not exclusive nore very available (physically) because I provide them with rare difference, openness and acceptance. I put up with Mr. M. because he provides me with rare higher intelligence and dry wit or irony and also because his interest channels seem to be aligned with mine. Though sometimes his dumb typos will open up a door for unexpected hilarity such as the time he wrote that his girlfriend gave him a ‘dry mouth’ piece of artwork for his birthday. So I sassed him on how such artwork is the kind that you look at, bewildered, with your mouth open for a long time (thus inducing dry mouth.) I could also have pondered how it is the opposite of mouth watering artwork (which could be a still life of food or, as marketers would define it, graphics that are mostly orange.) So I was eventually accused of being corny while I was simply making fun on his attempt to (I suspect) write ‘dry mount’.

I have been developing a relationship with a Lady who seems fascinating to me. While she has been generous so far with giving me access to her (providing her personal number and inviting me to go stay with her) I am worried about being overwhelming. I was very forthcoming about my desire to serve her (in the BDSM sense) for the simple pleasure of personal access to her but it turns out I do not really have anything specific to offer that she needs (and that will be until I have the chance to cook for her.) I like having a ‘device’ to warrant regular communication with a Dom or Sub during the initial phase of getting to know each other because I have developed ‘access anxiety’.

I’m sure this is heightened by not wanting to experience the pain that I felt when Mr. M. and I hit it off very well and then NOT after only a short time. I had given him unrestricted access to me talking for hours into the night which I never do because I need my sleep to be able to manage an eight year old during the day. It is unfortunate that such an experience has made me scared of giving access or time again for the purpose of developing friendship or love.

Do you remember when porn had merit as an art form? When performers seemed sincere and situations, while a bit contrived, were fun and realistic. Do you remember when porn actors looked like you and me? When male actors were filmed above the waist? When performers were rather nice to each other and were not expected to perform a series of parlor tricks, most of which are unpleasant and unsafe? Probably not because that was a LONG time ago!

I started watching ‘porn’ on television in the late seventies. I wasn’t even a teenager back then but I began seeking out and watching ‘adult’ entertainment. I don’t mean porn per say just things that were made for a more mature crowd. It was kind of hard to find but I persisted. I remember when Playboy TV came on and, low and behold, guests were allowed to use the Fword in interviews on the station’s ‘Late Night’ show. I remember one of the guest in the late eighties, he used to pick up chicks off the street and film himself or another actor having sex in a very amateurish way. His name was Buttman a.k.a. John Stagliano. He gave us Gonzo, imported Rocco Siffredi and, unfortunately, a market for copycat Max Hardcore.

Sometimes my encyclopedic knowledge of porn kind of spills out in vanilla settings and causes a bit of an uncomfortable moment. The first time I saw Rocco Siffredi on screen, in Night Trip II (1990), I thought he was so hot that I mentioned it to my girlfriends at school the next day. My college girlfriends knew I was a bit ‘different’ because I submitted anonymous ‘confessions’ to our college papers and eventually came out to them… But they were not fans of porn.

While I started watching erotica at a very young age, I am glad that sex was not yet packaged as a product. A product so different from reality that it would have prevented or ruined my enjoyment of it. Sex in older films looked more sincere, more real. It was attainable! Sex in old porn looks like my own sex life! Yes, even the freaky threesome parts! Sex in current porn I could have but why?! And I am perfectly comfortable with explaining to a partner why I don’t care to have ‘porno’ sex.

I don’t think porn is demeaning to women in general. The oversexualization of everything else might be. But porn is porn and the performers are paid to act out unrealistic sexual encounters which are supposed to be male sexual fantasies. Based on my research they are more based on a system of one-upmanship than actual fantasies of your average guy. Porn is one of many industries where profit is king and people are used, abused and thrown away quickly. There are a few male porn stars who appear to be skilled sexual tops (one of which is Mark Ashley) but all in all men in porn seem to have sex AT a woman rather than with her. These nuances are not obvious to teenagers who start watching hardcore porn at a very early age today. I think that watching porn hurts a man’s enjoyment of sex, lowers his self-esteem and provides little usable skill. But, having had a few partners who have grown up with access to Internet porn in their teenage years, I cannot say that I have noticed ‘porn damage’ anymore in men in their 20s over men in their 30s through 50s. Porn hurts women by making men annoyingly insecure. It takes away their ability to enjoy regular women over twenty. Of all my male friends and lovers, those who do not watch porn much or at all report having and enjoying a normal sex life. They are generally more happy people.

However I do not think the male landscape has changed that much. I’ve always thought that only one guy in 20 is worth fucking so rather than fuck the next 100, I have decided to develop skills to spot a keeper and then… well keep him, at least for a while.

But back to the fake sex…

There are a few people in porn that I admire. They are the ones who take it up a notch or have a real insight into their work in the grander scale of things and are truly enjoyable to listen to and watch.

In 1982, Annie Sprinkle, already a frequent performer in x-rated loops, directed her first full-length movie. When I saw this recently I thought it was adorable and I have included the first few minutes of it. Dr. Annie Sprinkle has explored human sexuality for 30 years and is still active as a lifestyle educator today.

[...video removed...]

Why am I revisiting vintage erotica? Well, I have have been thinking of putting my observations of alternate human sexuality over the past 30 years on paper and… well in the meantime a sweet bit of iconic 70s erotica is trying to resurface. We are talking here about the most recognized franchise in erotica for the past 35 years… I don’t know if it is faith but it’s on my desk and I feel what Tom Cruise must have felt when he snagged Mission Impossible… Now I just need to write down my ideas and find me a Paula Wagner!!!

You know there is a certain advantage to dating chubby blue-eyed geeks. Most of them never bother me with the immediate status of their physical fitness. As if I give a fuck anyway.

While I did have fun taking M0J0D4ddy (a non-chubby blue-eyed geek) to his rigorous macho man classes for a week, I am SUPER annoyed when he dares say he is out of shape!

He is perhaps one of the most fit 45-year-olds on this fuckin’ planet.

Paul Zerh, who is, like Patrick, both a scientist and a Martial Arts black belt, studied what makes Batman possible. It just so happens that Patrick has the physical profile of Batman and the 15 extra years of training he holds are explained by the fact that fictional character Bruce Wayne is barely 30 years-old.

But I live by evidence so…

Witness this clip featuring 28 guys in a martial arts class doing a warm up exercise. This is Patrick’s second 90-minute class for the day. We spent the interim 5 hours walking in downtown Toronto. The exercise consists of holding one’s self in a push up position and counting to twenty while slowly going up and down… and up again. Patrick is on the left wearing a khaki t-shirt. He has bandages on both his arms from wicked mat burns sustained while training in Montreal. As you can see the teacher (one of Canada’s leading Systema instructors) is able to talk through this exercise… and by the end there is only one other person not grunting or visibly struggling through this exercise… Patrick!

As M0j0D4ddy’s aspiring arch-nemesis, I urge anyone who ever hears him complain about being out of shape to kick him (gently so as not to bruise his fabulous behind!!)

He will know that deep down inside that kick comes from me!!!

(Evil grin!)

When I saw Crash (Cronenberg) in 1997, I was repulsed. None of the characters made any sense to me and they had absolutely nothing endearing about them. I also don’t have a car fetish. I watch Top Gear for James May and the overall wit but I have always been afraid of cars, namely dying in a car crash. I have driven by myself only a few times. I’d love to learn how to drive for sports (rally) but driving for practical reasons leaves me cold. I am crap at it too.

I spent some time this weekend talking with Mr. P. about having un-natural experiences involving vehicles. He showed me the brace he wore for three months after being chewed up by a plane. Owies… I, on the other hand, was forcibly raped in the behind by a Mazda Protege (while pinned against my Chrysler Neon.) My freaky vehicular three way doesn’t beat flying into power lines… Mr. P is the only other person I’ve met who also has nerve damage and, having been bolted back together extensively, understands what that does. Oh and did I mention he’s a sadist!

I am officially a kinskter now and I am supposed to understand these things… I ALWAYS side with Ebert on everything but I didn’t in the case of Crash. But things make a bit more sense now. Crash was more interesting the second time around, in fact, I can say I had forgotten about most of the first part because the second part annoyed me so much! The characters are still somewhat cold and not that endearing. Yeah, super hottie James Spader manages to come off un-sexy most of the movie!

At least now, I can appreciate people who’s fetishes make little sense to me, just like, I am sure, some of my inclinations make no sense to others.

Everything meets somewhere…

For instance, the day before, I had written part of a story that has one character initiating sex while the other one is crying. Most readers would exclaim “No, that is the worst time to be initiating sex!” This was how I felt the first time I watched the very last scene of Crash!

To check another movie off my ‘to watch list’, I started watching Caligula a month ago. I gave up… Should I even bother to watch the whole thing? John Hurt plays Caligula in I, Claudius… I think that will be much better to watch (when I get to it.)