Sex is FREE; but they get you on the accessories!!!

I think, I formulate hypothesis and then ask a bunch of overly-personal questions… It yields interesting albeit frightening answers sometimes.

I don’t want to be out of touch, I have been really interested how teenagers grow and mature into adults. And I am also interested in generational differences and how people turn out differently depending on the quality of their relationship with their parents. Mind you I do it also to figure out how to raise my child to become a happy fulfilled independent adult. It is not obvious because I have raised 7 boys but now I have a daughter! Maybe I will have a daughter who is well informed on the matter of boys! Right now we talk about friendship and girl-cliques a lot. I am also concerned with age-appropriateness of the things I teach her. We have started talking about the internet, consumerism and cell phones. Next year she will be in third grade and that’s when everything starts to change.

But there’s a long way ’til the end of high school and college still. And right now I’m doing some research with university students to assess their needs for self-defense classes, notably Patrick’s Modern self-denfense class that addresses recent statistics of acquaintance sexual assault and rape.

I was very fortunate to have a conversation with a recent university grad last night and when he saw the course ware for Modern Self-Defense for Sexual Situations that become Non-Consensual, he said quite matter-of-factly that this was a sorely needed class. This class was originally developed for people involved in the BDSM lifestyle and those are usually more self-aware and negotiation-oriented than your average vanilla peeps. However, Patrick and I are re-working it for an audience of people who seem to need it way more notably college & university-aged women as well as sex workers, transsexuals and gay men. For each clientele the documentation and the communication has to be adapted because this is a touchy subject and it is really hard to convince people to take this compulsory life class. People would rather not think about it or talk about it.

I asked my recent university grad a bit of a downer question… But it is the basis for the current documentation I am writing for the college version of this class.

Out of all your girlfriends in your Facebook list, 20-25% of them have been sexually assaulted or raped. Do you know who they are?

He answered: “Unfortunately, yes…” It was interesting for me to listen to his take on the matter.

Self-defense classes are available but there aren’t enough instructors who specialize in real-world situations faced by young people today espescially young women 18-25. Let’s face it, women are sexually active and therefore encounter guys who range the scale from clueless to careless to just plain dangerous. And then there are those who are simply bad. But much harm is done by the first category and girls should learn to avoid or protect themselves against all bad sexual situations that could become non-consensual.

Over the years I’ve listened and and heard…

I told him to put on a condom but he tricked me and didn’t use one.

He bit me too hard.

He came once, didn’t tell me and we kept having sex. This is likely how I got pregnant.

I have a stupid random question, Is is rape if you were under the influence?

I believe that a happy safe sex life for men and women is born of sex education and sexual confidence. There is a lack of sex education if these kinds of situations keep happening every few seconds.

Self-defense is only one part of the puzzle but it is necessary and should be pursued on a regular basis. This is something women should be involved in on a yearly basis if one does not want to pursue a regular weekly martial arts program.

Patrick will be coming back to Montreal and hopefully Ottawa to teach. You can write to me to be notified when that happens at evavavoom [at] gmail.com. There will be separate and specific clientele-based classes and the curriculum is based on three years of listening to the specific questions of students in the class and the most recently available statistics from various rape-crisis center in North-America’s colleges and universities.

In Toronto, Sex educator Viktoria organizes Women’s REALISTIC Self Defense classes with her martial arts and self defense instructor. Write or call Viktoria for info ladyviktoria [at] ymail.com or 416-887-5621.

*Photo by nyki_m

There is little I have to say about Bullshit with Penn and Teller because it is usually informative, right on the money and entertaining. However, I do have something to say about their first show this season. They took on “The Big O” or the female orgasm and all those services that are supposed to help women achieve bigger and better orgasms.

This was perhaps the most poorly researched episode in seven seasons. Very little of the show was devoted to sex toys or sex tools as I tend to call them, most of which are crap for various reasons. Instead they focused a lot of air time on a few ‘sex coaches’ who offer teaching on sexuality’s function and pleasure.

We need more devoted and skilled people to teach adults how to have an enjoyable sex life! Three of the most important aspect of our adult lives are money/credit, sex/relationship and raising children and those skills we still acquire by fucking up along the way.

I suck tremendously at managing my money, I was fortunate enough to practice raising other people’s children as a nanny before I had my own. However, when it comes to sex, it took me 15-20 years before I hit my stride. And to think I have been obsessed with the topic for 25 years! In the past 5 years I was lucky to have access to an expert on sex and threw myself into every adult sex class she and other experts gave, just for the fun of it. It helped!

A week doesn’t go by without one of my friends telling me I should teach classes on relationship 2.0 and advanced sex. I really like getting sex questions from my vanilla friends. I get more questionning about sex that I think I should be getting. It’s not as if there’s no info out there but it’s easier and more beneficial to ask a person because by definition, a sex question should have follow-ups. Sometimes friends ask curiosity questions about my sex life but most of the time they ask about bettering their own sex life. Our conversations will often circle around relationship building that allows for more and better sex.

Two months ago I spent 5 hours in a Toronto living room with ten 25-year-old women and I was scandalized by how little they knew about sexuality, sex tools and sex toys. I was a fly on the wall and I kept my kinky mouth shut while my friend Viktoria gave a wonderful presentation. As Toronto’s premier sex toy confidente she gave the girls information on the latest toys and which are toxic and which are safe and also answered a million questions. Each woman was then able to see her one-on-one and purchase whatever they wanted. It was fun and the shy-ness about asking questions decreased tremendously as the wine bottles emptied. I learned so many things… about women One of which is that young women are generally very uncomfortable about talking to their partners about the specifics of sex. And they do not negotiate or plan ahead. It would seem that there is stigma attached to being knowledgeable about, talking about or planning sex. After hanging out with other women sex geeks for years, this realization was quite sobering.

Being around people who are knowledgeable about sex and have a very positive non-judgmental attitude tends to lower sexual shame and increase sexual confidence. So I will re-iterate that we need more sex coaches in the world not less!!

Just as people have started reading my blog, I’ve wandered off tinkering with crafty things. While some of those things are a bit kinky, there is no success to report yet.

Witness this attempt at making cute nipple jewelry. Basically I want to create a basic shape in wire that has something going on atop the nipple and a place to put dangles. I find the current models a bit boring.

But so far. Nipple Jewelry = FAIL. Kinky word die earrings are going a bit better though. pictures to come.

I’ve been feeling super blue lately espescially with the developing situation in Iran. In my opinion Iran has the greatest disparity between the loveliness of its people and the darkness of its leaders. I sincerely believe that progress is inevitable and Iran doesn’t lack bright progressive people but my fears lie with the possibility of international meddling.

Mr. M. and I have been doing a bit of writing back and forth. He has a blog now and if he gets to writing in semi-public the truth he tells in private, it may become a must read. Since I’ve had the miss communication problems with him last year I’ve been working on creating greater communication flow between my partners and I (old and new.) Not that all interpersonal conflict in my life are my fault but I try to gain insight from ALL situations.

I should always strive to be a better communicator because I have many partners and I have limited time to spend with each one in person so I have to make it count. The quality of my daily communications with them by phone or in writing will make a huge difference in the quality of our relationship in the long run. I had been looking to attain a new level of honesty, directness, closeness with them but also to foster security in my partners regarding our respective relationships. The only tool I have for that is communication.

Because my goal is to have only one partner in an exclusive monogamous relationship, I have to be honest about it with my partners. Communicating about how our relationship may wind up having a time-limit is a bit strange. Though it’s not as daunting as discussing poly partner rank (or priority.) Right now, I do not have a primary poly partner. BelovedSchoolBoy was my ‘interim spouse’ for a while when we lived together but that was an unfair situation for him being 15-20 years younger than the spouse I want to be with. I have no idea if this wish will ever materialize. It may just be that my goal to enter into a TiH relationship is outdated or that a ‘husband-type’ would not care for my previous lifestyle or obsessive interest in alternate sexuality LOL. But I digress…

While I do not talk much with The Bearded DiCaprio even though he has been my lover for 5 years, I communicate quasi-daily with The General, M0j0D4ddy and Mr. P (All of which are over 40.) I also maintain the communication line open with BelovedSchoolBoy because even though we have been separated since December, I love hearing about how happy he is and how much he pro-actively rules his entourage like a successful little Kingdom. I also love how after we separated he continued to ask me for advice on many matters including how to approach and ‘land’ his adorable new girlfriend (with whom he now lives.) Then it dawned on me that I have raised him to be like the man I wish I could meet in my 35-45 y.o. age group. At 21, I think he will provide me with a lifetime of awe. I also truly enjoy the constant appreciation and thank yous for the last 3 years.

I grew up in a family where partners were not self-aware and were secretive in order to avoid conflict. Avoiding the matter or editing the news is a very bad strategy. Honest direct communication is so rare that when I hear it my heightened appreciation of the communicator outshines the content of the message! Recently, I have gotten many flowers from my lovers (and some friends) regarding the ‘quality of our relationship’ in regards to communication so I must be affecting things right.

I now live in a world where women fight for the sexual interest and attention of men (online and off) and horde it so that their man must not pay any attention to anyone else! While I may have had a foot in the eye candy market when I was 20 and hadn’t yet had my drastic breast reduction, I found that it didn’t provide me with access to very interesting men. Today, I do not even try to sell sex (be sexy) because as a 38 year-old woman, I would simply look like a clown next to a 20-year-old (I’ve watched the real Housewives of New Jersey!) I have also come to realize that most pretty women (even the ones who are naturally lovely) feel insecure about their looks and seem much less happy than the average. Also, women who are professionally decorative, are rarely role models and exhibit the worse behavior and lack of class (Hello Charm School!) Even if this can change over time, it will always be overshadowed by reality tv antics! Beauty is a rat race with no prize at the end. Most women do not know this because standards change and the race never ends.

However, in the contest of being smart, open, non judgmental and communicative, I can occupy a place that is more stable and permanent in the emotional space even with those who are easily distracted by the eye candy. Because I have been able to develop truly meaningful and loving fulfilling relationships based on these new communication efforts over the past six months, I have rethunk the narrow definition of ‘lover’. I hate it when people say ‘we are just friends’. As someone who has had true friends for 30 years and, in absence of having a spouse, puts friend before lover, I find that a bit insulting. It would seem to me that in a world where ‘friend’ has been diluted to mean ‘someone I never talk to who is in my Facebook list’, we should have a new definition for ‘lover’ as well. So I have decided to consider someone my lover when they declare loving me and have spontaneously said that we shall be together ‘forever’ (…and then re-iterate it a few times just to make sure LOL) As long as this feeling is mutual and we do have a somewhat sensual relationship then ‘lover’ seems like an appropriate term. Too bad it sounds very sexual when said out loud. Even though I may use that term here, I will still refer to most people in my life as friends. Never ‘just’ friends or worse ‘fuck’ friends which are two terms that diminish the importance of the friend relationships in life.

I have been quite happy with most of my relationships as of late and feel very loved, secure and appreciated. That was never my goal but what a wonderful gift. On the other hand, I know one of my relationships is doomed to end soon but it has been on that path for a while. Right now, I have no craving for attention or even sex so I am hurting my sexual relationships by electing to stay home alone rather than go out. But I do say yes to going out when asked.

But I don’t want to go see too many movies… I strive for conversation and communication!

I would have to say that conversation with Mr. M. is crack cocaine. Though, NOW, I know that we will communicate briefly, his words or questions will open up a can of worms (and inspiration) then he will disappear unexplained leaving me with withdrawal anxiety. I have always been overwhelming and gauche in my struggle to gain access to him. I would love to be able to count on him for conversation even if it was scheduled or limited in time. (I sometimes schedule time-restricted conversations… seems weird but it works!)

I have multiple partners who put up with the fact that I am not exclusive nore very available (physically) because I provide them with rare difference, openness and acceptance. I put up with Mr. M. because he provides me with rare higher intelligence and dry wit or irony and also because his interest channels seem to be aligned with mine. Though sometimes his dumb typos will open up a door for unexpected hilarity such as the time he wrote that his girlfriend gave him a ‘dry mouth’ piece of artwork for his birthday. So I sassed him on how such artwork is the kind that you look at, bewildered, with your mouth open for a long time (thus inducing dry mouth.) I could also have pondered how it is the opposite of mouth watering artwork (which could be a still life of food or, as marketers would define it, graphics that are mostly orange.) So I was eventually accused of being corny while I was simply making fun on his attempt to (I suspect) write ‘dry mount’.

I have been developing a relationship with a Lady who seems fascinating to me. While she has been generous so far with giving me access to her (providing her personal number and inviting me to go stay with her) I am worried about being overwhelming. I was very forthcoming about my desire to serve her (in the BDSM sense) for the simple pleasure of personal access to her but it turns out I do not really have anything specific to offer that she needs (and that will be until I have the chance to cook for her.) I like having a ‘device’ to warrant regular communication with a Dom or Sub during the initial phase of getting to know each other because I have developed ‘access anxiety’.

I’m sure this is heightened by not wanting to experience the pain that I felt when Mr. M. and I hit it off very well and then NOT after only a short time. I had given him unrestricted access to me talking for hours into the night which I never do because I need my sleep to be able to manage an eight year old during the day. It is unfortunate that such an experience has made me scared of giving access or time again for the purpose of developing friendship or love.

Long time no see.

I had access to the Web while I was in Toronto but I made it a point not to check too much. The last 10 days were perhaps the best experience of living in the moment of my whole life. This is what I seek from a vacation or a trip. In fact, in the past few years I have been on a quest to stop thinking or worrying about twelve things at the same time. I truly believe that I am now able to enjoy the unique experiences that I have crafted for myself and the fun opportunities that come my way. I think I was able to accomplish all of my objectives and, as a bonus, I met some great (and yummy!) people along the way.

I gave my Cock Bondage workshop 3 times. One of the questions I had was: “Who the heck is going to take a Cock Bondage workshop?” As it turns out, women who took my class were awesome like-minded crafty/geeky chicks and we had lots of giggly fun together. I was also amazed that many brought a partner (cock puppet) to practice on. I was delighted by people’s comments on the post class surveys and had a fun time pondering what else I could teach. I found out that explaining these possibilities made men cringe in fear and women giggle uncontrollably… I am a sensual player and not a sadist. I don’t do CBT but perhaps an ‘Emotional CBT’ workshop is in my future!

I brought M0j0D4ddy to Montreal to learn more about him and see him in action. After my organiser task was over I still had a whole week of time to spend with him. I also got to spend quality time with my mentor Lady Viktoria whom I had not seen much of since she moved back to Toronto.

I was extremely fortunate to have a meeting with George and Enza of Northbound Leather, promotional partner of some of our workshops in Canada. I saw the whole building including the design and manufacturing area. What a treat it was to see the Leather/Fetish Mecca of Canada. I went to a sex toy and education party with Lady Viktoria where I was able to observe 10 vanilla girls in their early twenties discuss sexuality as they know/live it. This fascinated me as I live in kinky/sex 2.0 minset 24/7. I met a few hot guys but was completely taken by surprise by all the hot chicks that came on to me! I made a few connections that I know will be life changing.

M0j0D4ddy and I surprised and shocked each other in many ways and that allowed us to really understand each other in person and in context. Because I scheduled him all day long, every day, I was worried that we would not find enough one-on-one time but we did. We made a lot of headway in discussing what D/s dynamic is most appropriate for us. I cannot explain it right now, it is for lack of a better word… peculiar. I don’t consider myself a classic Domina because I always prioritize what a partner needs over what I want.  Again, I say partner because I do not waste my time on submissive men who have no ambition or purpose other than to crawl at my feet. I may let you lick my boots for 20 minutes but I get my fix from being served by powerful ambitious knights and Kings. Such endeavors require sophisticated and compassionate emotional work and I grow as a person from that process. For 10 days I treated M0j0D4ddy to what he wanted, some of which most people would not be able to orchestrate, and I observed and discovered exactly who he is. Now I know what he needs. But now it’s my turn to get what I need and so I will enjoy that for the next little while.

In closing here is a bit of eye candy with some mostly nekkid M0j0d4ddy! I enjoyed watching him get all those bruises through 8 of his 12 hours of fight training. He decorates very well but I didn’t have to break a nail to find out… though I almost broke a toe nail giving him the biggest bruise of them all while applying what I learned in his self-defense class (bottom left in last picture.) Pictures of us wrestling are on my Bitty FetLife profile.

Something in my modem went awry! Being offline for 24 hours was not pleasant!

I had mentioned somewhere that I’m heterosexual because all the women I know and am attracted to are transitioning to become men one after the other. This kind of implies that they were men all along and perhaps I recognized that subconsciously as we met. But I wouldn’t want to say I have special FtM detection powers or anything!?! I found out that yet another one is going to follow suit and it’s still under wraps. It was fun that we were together this weekend and there were NO OTHERS from our usual crowd so we got to hang out an cuddle for a quite a while. It was the first time in three years we got to do that. Her friends are totally cool as well. Here’s the best lesson on friendship I can pass along. Stick to friends who are absolute gems. They may not be very available compared to total losers but they will invariably attract ONLY people who are gems as well and then it gets really interesting really fast!

I think my surroundings have been loser-free for almost a decade (other than the obligatory family assholes I’ve had to put up with.) Moving to Montreal was my wake-up call to clean up my life. Also, throwing myself into a mosh pit of queer-girl fabulousness (via the Unholy Army) was the best way to learn how to develop awesome friendships with women. I have to keep working at it because well, like I said before they are transitioning into men left and right or moving away! I am still terrified of vanilla girls, espescially their habit of judging me for my kinky inclinations. Shrug…

Speaking of vanilla girls… I remember telling Mr. M on U.S. Thanksgiving that I was hoping Yoshi getting a job at The Coffee Shop would let him meet new girls to keep him busy and ease our separation. Well he did exactly that! And she is so adorable and I am ever so proud of Yoshi AND he is such a Dom LOL Obviously there is more to this than what I will write here and when I told TheBaku a month ago he didn’t believe me Yoshi could find someone who fit a very specific profile… Well his head will explode pretty soon!!!

I am so late on everything! I am not sure this will have a Part III yet.

Oh Stephen you made me blush with your show on Monday night… many times. And now that I have a laptop in my comfy bed, I can write down what I think without freezing my ass on a plastic chair. Which explains my recent long posts.

Do you know what Stephen Colbert does? He interviews serious guests in his blowhard conservative pundit character. He also talks directly to his viewer which can sometimes be freaky. On my birthday Stephen said that if I was a 35 y.o. woman today, my chances of finding a man were nonexistent… Hmmm, that was a really strange coincidence.

By now his guests know what he is going to do to them. There is one video of Stephen out there showing him interacting with John Kerry pre-interview however, it has never been clear how his guests are prepared.

Both Stewart and Colbert have high quality guests on. Many are unassuming and geeky authors who probably don’t have to put up with such a character on a regular basis. What I have figured out is that he will ask one question to let his guest “plug the product” but after that the gloves come off and the rest is an unexpected avalanche of rhetoric and twisted logic. His guest are left to fend for themselves. Some give him all the room and some manage to get a word in edgewise. They are unlikely to shut him up but it has happened.

I am most entertained when Stephen has women guests on. On Monday he had TWO female guests: Kathleen Parker, a syndicated columnist and Bethany McLean, author of “The Smartest Guys in the Room”.

McLean was absolutely delightful as she brought really serious issues to the table. She managed to get a lot of good points out even though Stephen was like a pittbull with her! I have absolutely no idea what went through her mind but I had the feeling I could see her heart miss a beat a few times… By the end she seemed upset in a “what the fuck just happened?” kind of way and as the camera went wide and faded Stephen seemed to notice and immediately grabbed her hand to do the aftercare!

Parker, who was the featured guest, seemed to enjoy her “conversation” with Stephen… and by that I mean “really enjoy it” the way I would… This episode is available online (Oct. 13, 2008) and I don’t want to read too much into the body language of people who will Google themselves to find that I have put their serious interview into a kinky context. Some people are quite masterful at putting serious politics into a kinky context (Dana Gould, 8mins+)

I can tell you what Stephen Colbert does to me though! One cannot expect what Stephen is going to say next and that is really exciting. He will bring something to the table and commit to it in a powerful way. He can completely overpower a conversation with gems of irony that make heads of state explode (pun intended.) Stephen has a huge set of brass balls and he is very proud of them. When Stephen speaks I cannot help but listen to everything he says and then try to dissect the layers of comedy and irony that he and his writers pack-in so tightly. Stephen has the best writers (with Emmy and Peabody to support that) but he must be praised highly for his delivery.

I am guilty of trying to drive conversations like Stephen and when my friends bite, it’s all sorts of fun… but I want to be on the receiving end of that conversation!

Something really awesome happened to me a few weeks ago and I am still giddy about it. Mr. M. and I were chatting through Skype and for some reason my mute button became activated. While I could hear him, he could not hear me but I assume he could see me. So as I was looking for which of the 3 ways the mute could be on he proceeded to verbally assault me for a few minutes. I was really impressed with how he berated me (incessantly and in a funny way.) I guess I could have been upset but instead, it tickled me in a very naughty way. He was essentially giving me a verbal spanking making it impossible to find what I was looking for. He made me giggly, shocked and excited but could not hear the results of his effect on me as my mute button was still on. I truly hope he saw me laughing and withering!

I have gotten into trouble with Mr. M. for assuming that what he does is deliberate and planned… Does he improvise or is he premeditated? I wonder this because I know I can be very premeditated as I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can steer conversations toward absurd comedy or make someone laugh. There is an enormous amount of intent in me and I am becoming more comfortable telling the world that I am not the wallflower I sometimes pretend to be.

I am not evil but I wish I was and I was able to play that character officially in a gamers magazine interview a few months ago. This interview was unanimously defined as hilarious. Moreover, the reaction male readers had was exactly on mark, they were shocked and scared of me, the evil dominatrix bent on taking over the world! I can’t ask for anything more!!!

Mr. M. can be Machiavellian in the way he puts forward his ideas and perhaps does not realize the exciting and awesome evil villain he brings to the table. This is but one of his Mad Skillz. He is a Valmont, but unlike the cruel ways in which the Vicomte has been portrayed (and I have avidly eaten all iterations), Mr. M. seemed to come along with a promise to reveal the humanity behind the man who corrupted Cecile and destroyed Madame de Tourvel. Are you seeing a theme here? What is improvised and what is premediated? Is it “I couldn’t help myslef” or “I actually meant to do that”? I know he is not evil but he is so good at the craft as he commits to it in very powerful way. While I admit that I did get drunk on this experience I retained a lot of my petulant self. Perhaps I hoped that Mr. M. would be a formidable opponent. I saw him as superior to me! In many ways, he was going to be the most fun and challenging person to lose to. At least I hoped he would win. However, when I clearly needed to be put in my place, he chose not to… so as not to be hurtful…

There is a duality in that… While being called on what I did or said could be construed as a bad experience, for me it is an enlightening experience. It is not just about being disciplined for doing something wrong but it’s also about realizing the exact consequences of my actions by hearing it from him, learning from that and hopefully reveling in how masterfully the lecture or correction is delivered. Sure the correction could be delivered constructively but also with a wide variety of emotions like anger, disdain, coldness, etc. but it is what it is and unfortunately it is not something I get to experience in play and too rarely in life.

Almost ten years ago I began a working relationship with a man who was loud, grumpy and impulsive. He even had a reputation for making people cry but I later learned that those people were easy cryers. He had one quality that I had never encountered in someone else: he could have a shouting match with me and never step out of line or bring the conversation down with irrelevant stuff. At first it was surprising! I don’t yell but I won my points enough times that he eventually handed over the keys to the castle. So I won… or did I? Because dealing with him so intensely on a daily basis made me feel really happy, excited and alive. It was awesome fuel. Today, we are attached to each other in blissful way… His love, acceptance and encouragement has effectively fueled my ability to deal with really hard situations and challenges. We don’t fight anymore. We seems to agree on everything. We seem to understand and trust each other fully.

I can honestly say that it is where I had wished to go with Mr. M. so I gave him the opportunity to define a place for me that I agreed with (check!) and then put me into it officially an masterfully. I know it’s a huge expectation. I am a dominant person (a survivalist) which seems at odds with the developing dynamics between Mr. M. and I but the “negotiation” process I am referring to is just that… a back and forth planning process that can come across as un-romantic. For me, it’s really exciting, because I like procedures. Also, it is what I learned from my Lady and from Midori over the years. It is the only way that I know to get to SSC or RACK. However, it comes from a very clinical BDSM framework and it killed the magical meeting of the minds that originally happened between us.

Sigh…

This might seem like a simple thing to do and it’s pretty strange that the subject hasn’t come up yet. So mommy should say: “So some girls like girls and they are called Lesbians!” End of story.

However, what happens when my daughter meets my dozen girlfriends and identifies them as lesbians. Will they bite her head off like they bite mine off when I ever utter the “L” word? My friends who would identify as lesbians are actually in the closet (one even to ME!) and all others identify as something else. They are “Queer” or some other term I suspect they may have made up like “hottiesexual” (all fun terms to mean bisexual.) For the most part I do not want to get into what each one of these terms means to a 7-year old who fast forwards through the kissing in High School Musical.

My only bisexual girlfriend whom I “really” like, and my daughter met once, decided to be a dude so I already explained the situation to my daughter. This is a way more complicated subject that I take to heart because it took me 20 years of pondering to understand what gender is and is not.

My daughter may not remember it but she has a girlfriend who likes to kiss girls (who’s married mom keeps hitting on me) however they have moved to the US. Originally I was annoyed that she would go around kissing the other girls, including mine, because of germs but then let it go.

But even then, someone who kissed a girl and liked it is not exactly a lesbian or even bisexual for that matter!

My daughter loves Hannah Montana and for once I agree with a 7 year old’s choice of music idol. Miley Cyrus is undeniably talented and as long as she continues releasing the kind of music she introduced us to on her “Introducing Miley Cyrus” album she will do well.

What really annoys me though is that the media is so tired of Lindsay, Britney and Paris that they are trying to make every little thing Miley does out to be slutty, whorish and bad.

Adults use younger and younger kids every year in order to make money and I find this page unacceptable (Best Week Ever My Lil’ Miley Facebook Application.)

When Annie Leibovitz took a picture of Sting muddy and naked on a dry lake I was all like “wow!” Did the media make a fuss about it, start writing articles about his privates or making comments about every detail of his body? No.

When Annie Leibovitz took a picture of Whoopi Goldberg in a bathub full of milk, did anybody make a fuss? No.

Then Annie Leibovitz took a picture of Miley Cyrus in a bed sheet. People started crying wolf, making a huge fuss enough to prompt Cyrus to tell the world she was “embarrassed”. This whole fiasco is mostly embarrassing to Annie Leibovitz who delivered a bland, very boring portrait of Cyrus proving that she consulted with Cyrus and her entourage during the shoot. It was not at all inappropriate or shocking! In 10 years, this portrait will have historical significance but for now it is just a boring portrait of a 15 year old girl in a bed sheet.

Annie Leibovitz is one of the most innovative and talented photographers of our era yet most people in America don’t know or understand her work.

Sometimes it seems that people in the media are just too young or ignorant to analyze a situation within it’s real context considering history in the process. They just yap like little dogs at everything that walks by hoping to stir controversy and fill airtime.

If history serves us right, next week we’ll get a Beauty & The Geek reunion show. Again this year I did not write much about the season because I wound up watching episodes days if not weeks later. Based on my interaction with geeks from years past, I know they like intelligent discourse on how outsiders perceive them so here I go, praisin’ some and dissin’ some.

I can only imagine how watching BATG can be cathartic for some beauties or geeks on the other side of the TV. This year’s most cathartic moment was watching Amber & Tommy. Amber appears to be a waste of space but she is very attractive physically. So for me watching someone so gorgeous work so hard for cock was really entertaining! Sure it sounds like I am dissing Amber but I am sure she will find herself a rich husband who will appreciate how decorative she can be.

I was truly rooting for Matt and Leticia to win it all.

Congrats to Tommy and Amanda for winning, they worked well together. I hope Tommy watched the show and did not let Amber spend all his money. She was very specific about using Tommy to everyone, except Tommy. I encourage him to tap that if “dating a supermodel” is what he HAS to do. Hey, I’d totally go on a date with Marilyn Manson but be careful what you wish for.

My word of advice to the Tommies of the world:

Hookers charge a fixed price by the hour for a specific service
Gold diggers on the other end, never tell you how much it’s gonna cost or if you’ll even get anything for the pleasure of giving them “gifts”.
Cuddles and kisses from sweethearts who like you for your choice of sweater vests are absolutely free!

This year’s sweetest and most awesome Beauty and The Geek Moment is pictured below.

Leticia returns after winning the plumbing challenge by a landslide. Matt hugs and congratulates her. He tells Leticia he will fix her something. She says he doesn’t have to. He firmly replies: “No, you’re getting something!” That nearly gave me an orgasm!

In one short moment, Matt Carter announced to the world that he is a keeper!

I already chimed in on Jim, the yummiest one. In my opinion he was the most under-explored geek of the season. I think that perhaps he may be too shy to let anyone explore him LOL

I re-opened the commenting. Please comment below instead of sending them by e-mail.

Now I try to get into Big Brother Australia. The cast is superbly odd !

Detail’s Blog takes on Crazy Chicks. Yes, guys do like crazy girls and I don’t say that because I am crazy but because I like to observe.

There is no bigger heartbreak than to invest months of “getting-to-know-you” time into the most jaw-dropping sexy geeky perfect guy ever and watch the crazy girl waltz in, fuck him and talk her way into his apartment within a month. And then it’s heartbreaking again when you hear the smidge of regret in his voice a week later. Then it’s even more heartbreaking to hear her give me this advice: “Well if you like them you better move in and fuck them else you’ll be stuck in the friend zone forever!” Next time I am in her presence I will bring ear plugs because she always manages to say things that are deeply insulting to me. I have given up on him because according to BF#1 the chances of him breaking up with her are slim because he is the kind of guy who is loyal and always wants to do the right thing. (In poly-world I could aspire to being GF#2 but since GF#1 values spontaneous fucking around and devalues his preference for <gesticular quoting>relationships</gesticular quoting>, that would just make my head explode.)

Sigh…

It’s not like this has never happened before. In 1991, I was on the verge of getting back together with my high school sweetheart but the girl he had recently dated threatened to kill herself. Heck, I can’t compete with that kind of crazy! I always bow out of those challenges, turn around and walk away briskly.

I take a very long time to get to know a guy just for that reason. I cannot afford to be with someone who is weak in the presence of a crazy girl but to a certain extent, all guys are. More on that later.

Right now I have my sight set on a guy I totally fell for at first sight over 18 months ago. I have never made a move on him but I observe from afar and read between the lines of his Facebook statuses. Nope, none of them contain any secret messages to me unless of course he mentions me by name LOL I’ve never felt that I had to make a move on him because I know I will run into him again. It would help though if I went to see his shows instead of going to bed at 8pm on Saturday night! Alright, I have missed all the events I am supposed to run into him! He is a fuckin’ Rock star with fans galore but comes off as reserved and not at all promiscuous. I don’t think he has any idea how awesome I think he is and even if he did, he would lump my interest in with the adulation that he gets from the hundreds of suicide girls (and gay men) who send him Xs and Os everyday. Through my patience and attention to his career I have found myself working with the Rock star in him. Though I must admit when I have to deal with the Rock star I filter it out and I observe the traditional small town Catholic boy raised with military precision. I think that represents 75% of who he is but I have to admit that I admire him for breaking so far out of that mold and making himself into an extravagant celebrity. I know I am making assumptions based on what he does, says or writes but consider that what a man does speaks volumes about his character… It is 1000% more indicative of who he is compared to let’s say… what he might say about himself on a first date!

The only reservation I would have about being with him is that he would not be my first famous or incredibly popular acolyte and it’s really hard to get quiet time with someone like that. There is always someone who calls, interrupts our conversations, stops them at street corners or starts screaming in the near vicinity of my ears (ouch!) Through all of this I know that there is 99% chance that one of the many, many, many profusely tattooed, pierced and pink-haired extravagant beauties he sees everyday will come in and swoop him off his feet before I even get to our first face-to-face sit down chat. I expect that chat to happen in the near future but that will probably be too late. For that I am not getting my hopes up.

You know, the last time I was so incredibly enamored with a boy, I found out that he had a secret crush on me… 6 years later! I have had countless long-term relationships based on an early connection like this hence why I am like “Well if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be” about it. I like to celebrate knowing somebody who is worth getting all excited about. I only meet one crush-worthy person each year, I better make the most of it! These are people I instantly absolutely adore and none of them (in 20 years) have ever turned out to be assholes so I must be a good judge of character.

Let’s go back 4 years.

- 2004: My Scottish Boy (BF #2) I love him so!
- 2005: Boyfriend #3 (now-ex) AND the girl-friend that is becoming the boy-friend
- 2006: The blow-job worthy sys admin
- 2007: The subject of most of this entry who’s nickname will either become “My Sweetheart” or “That Guy who Thinks I’m His Crazy Stalker”. Time will tell.

(Before 2004 I was in two back-to-back long term monogamous relationships lasting almost 12 years.)

I am very patient and my patience has served me right over the years. I have two partners who are secure and I trust that they will not put their life (or mine) in danger because of some crazy bitch. Okay perhaps I am editing the news here… One of them was temporarily distracted by a self-serving bitch on the rebound and bent on revenge but he still maintains she is not a bitch. She broke his heart and dumped him for the first guy that came along and luckily she is now locked away in marriage and into the dream-house her husband can’t really afford. I had correctly calculated that it would cost me about 3 months of time away from my sweetie (kudos on me telling my girlfriend how it would go down and being right) But I also lost another 6 months because he was sorry and hiding in shame. (If you read this sweetie I hope you know that I will never interfere, I trust that you can learn to protect yourself and that the next one will be “The One”. I am more worried about you when you go on your crazy extreme sports trips in the middle of nowhere and I pray that nobody dies on this one!!!)

After 4 years of thinking about who I am today and what I want out of life I am open to having a primary partner. That is someone I live with and love through encouragement, kinky sex and good cooking. Even though I am far away from being financially secure, I already have the house in the suburbs and the most fantastic daughter (as voted on by most other parents in a 4 mile radius!) My biological clock is not ticking even though I wish I could be a doting auntie to my two (soon to be three) nieces in Quebec City. I am not looking for some guy to complete me or take me shopping. The only consideration I have is for character and the other things I think all men should strive to accomplish (Yummyness, blow-job worthyness and mad skillz.) I am simply looking for someone who loves me, accept me the way I am and encourage me in my odd complicated pass-times.

Part of the reason I will not make the first move is because I want to be with someone who really wants to be with me and will make an effort. But as I wrote in my last post: He must be well-informed as to what he is getting into. My #1 crush knows me professionally now. As far as I am concerned, I am still in the “doesn’t know I exist” category.

Why am I complex? I am 75% Martha Stewart, 25% Nina Hartley and overjoyed when I encounter a guy who is astute enough and confident enough to call me on it.

Unfortunately a lot of guys my age are into young crazy girls who brings excitement and chaos into their boring life. The Internet appears to be how they find tons of those if I judge from the online dating landscape. Yet most will admit (and I do ask!) that they know they are shopping at Bitches’R'Us. There they find a semblance of excitement and lots of grief and walk away still hungry. But these guys cannot take the non-crazy that I bring to the table. I don’t do crazy things “in the name of love” and that comes of as cold to a guy who needs validation.

Heck, I am not immune to suicide boys myself. I cannot tell you how many times I have told The Paper Boy that I fear my friends and lovers will discredit me for years for sticking with him through all the grief he put me through. Our relationship is the most drama-filled 18 months I have ever had. A lot of it is not directly his fault though, it was a few people around him who stir the pot and get on my last nerve with their drama. The silver lining to it is that I appear to have set him straight and he is profusely thankful for it. I am being unfair by lumping an immature teenage boy with possibly insane crazy girls (who are adults.)

I do not admire a guy who lets a girl walk all over him. Those things include not letting him see his friends alone (removing the support group), dictate how he spends his money (financial control), yell hysterically over everything (make him think he has done something wrong and must apologize again) and worse yet, fake pregnancies and break all his shit.

The only way to redeem yourself in my eyes after that is to learn from it and become crazy-bitch-fortified.