Sex is FREE; but they get you on the accessories!!!

The message I hope men get from this video is that they should not tolerate such comments from other men and be fully involved in the battle against this sort of attitude which has no place in today’s supposedly evolved society. (See below for context of this ad in the UK)

I grew up in a family situation where talk about sex was snarky, where comments about women were demeaning. When complaining about my mother’s peeping-tom boyfriend she would call me viscous and whore, which were words I did not understand. I understand what it is like to grow up in a place that blames women for the lewdness and vile actions of men. Such an education made me a ‘pervert’ starting at a young age (when I would have been just happy not having to deal with adult topics or sexuality) and it took me decades to develop a healthy sex life.

Now, as an adult woman involved in raising boys I understand that I also have a huge part to play in educating them in a positive and non-judgmental way about sex and women.

Emotionally mature and sexually educated men are a great gift to women

We need to shift from telling women not to get raped to telling men (who are the problem) that they have an important role to play in fostering a society where responsible sexual freedom flourishes and women are not victimized in the process. We are at a juncture in history where we must get together and end the cycle of violence (verbal, physical and sexual) against women in our Western society so that we may save the future of all man and womankind.

While I enjoy tremendous freedom as a polyamorous life hacker and dominatrix, I realize that I do not live is a sexually free society. Over the last 100 years, women have gone from being considered ‘non-humans’ to attaining a sort of liberation. The cost of this liberation is immense. Women may seem free to do as they please but have to endure endless criticism about the attractiveness of every part of their body, face ageism and wage discrimination in a society that still expects them to be twice as good and work twice as hard, while looking great, to merely fit into a world still rules by greedy rich old white men. Women may be free but they remain objects and products to a large sector of the male population.

I started thinking about these issues while writing promotional material for a self-defense class for women. Self-defense classes today do not address the reality that 97% of women who report rape or sexual assault knew their attacker. In most cases it is the romantic partner or date who victimizes a woman. Yet regular self-defense still teaches women how not to get mugged in a alley because if a woman gets victimized while on a date or during sex that becomes non-consensual, then she “was asking for it”. It became soul killing for me to sell self-protection to women when it is men who are the problem so I shifted my thought process to figure out a way to teach men how not to rape and I might be on to something that is positive, fun and in-line with my appreciation of men.

One important aspect of sex education that might be missing from the curriculum is teaching teens how to identify and not tolerate misogynistic speech and behavior around them. Right now, however, we are seeing the pendulum of sexism swing dangerously in the misandry direction. Negative speech about men abounds in ads and tv shows and it’s creating a divisive situation (for profit) that might infect a generation and make it harder to attain true equality of the sexes.

Another important step in educating young people to create a society where they enjoy a life of sexual knowledge, sexual quality and sexual happiness is misinformation. The lack of quality sex education in the past 20 years, or rather ‘abstinence only’ education, creates a wide open place for misinformation about sexuality. On one side, peer-to-peer education lacks context and facts. On the other, pornography is completely devoid of useful sex information. In the culture of porn one-upmanship actors perform to a sexual script that isn’t pleasurable to either participant. Also, for some reason porn producers have decided to package most everything they do as a product that infantilizes, demeans and victimizes women. I can see how creating a product that is highly addictive and captivating while harming the viewer’s self-confidence and reducing his ability to communicate with women is a wicked brilliant business plan… but it is hardly useful to us women.

I can attest with authority that men DO enjoy the intimate company of strong intelligent women who do not dress like teenagers. Usually, these are the same men who consume little to no porn and have well-aligned priorities. And, I am not down on all adult entertainment because intellectually challenging and emotionally mature ‘porn’ is awesome.

But back to the topic of sexual education…

The UK is WAY ahead of us on sex ed but only as a an urgent reaction to being the worst off country in Europe when it comes to STIs and teen pregnancies. Add legendary UK teen heavy drinking and drugs to the mix and you get the new reality of rape and assault which is that over 97% of women are assaulted by someone they know (NOTE: The same percentage of women report knowing their attacker in Canada and the US) Because there is a very low number of actual criminally insane serial rapists in the world compared to the growing number of crimes reported, it means that rape happens at a juncture of immaturity, impaired judgment, lack of education, misogynistic attitude, carelessness and stupidity and it is entirely preventable through a change in attitude and though education starting in high school.

Blaming women for rape is akin to saying rape is unpreventable and therefore it removes the blame from men who rape. It is wrong.

All of us have to figure out ways to fix this situation together here in the West. Then, and only then, we will not have the maturity and strength to help women and girls in developing countries recover from the violence of war and genocide and prosper. Else we are ALL fucked.

My sweetheart came home late on Friday night and said: ‘It’s very good for my 42 year-old ego to wipe the floor with a bunch of young guys.’ He had just finished four hours of training at his martial arts school where all but 2 of his students are half his age. The night before he told me how he planned to train his students until they couldn’t walk anymore (squats, push-ups and his special brand of crazy neurological shock exercises that make you want to vomit) and then do defense against multiple attackers. Then he said I would be happy to avoid that class. I retorted by asking: “You are having a Gang Rape Play class and think I will enjoy NOT being there?!?” That made him laugh… for quite a while. He can count on me to twist everything he says and does into a kinky way but I do it for entertainment.

What is interesting though is that all of his students pay for the privilege of getting a severe beat up and then come back for more. Maybe they are masochists…

I am not a masochist but I am in a truly happy relationship with a professional torturer. While all the other torturers I have known in my life are motivated by desperate fear and low self-esteem (abusive bullies) my sweetheart is a physical scientist who has spent decades studying how the body and brain works when it comes to violence and fear. He’s completely encompassed into this world of war nerdiness and all of his recent friends are special forces and combat geeks. This specialization is typical of his Aspergers but he is knowledgeable in other areas as well. Working with him has reduced my pain and stress-related tension levels and has improved my mobility. He walks on me, has attacked my permanently cramped muscles with whips, sticks, knives, shovels and hatchets. It is more painful than anything I have ever felt except of course being crushed in between two cars. All of this ‘therapeutic torture’ comes from a generous intelligent place making it beneficial physically and emotionally. The whole metaphysical aspect of his martial arts is a bit harder to grasp. His discipline comes from an old tradition of Soviet special forces and it’s only been practiced outside of the iron curtain for 15 years. I call his instructors vampires because it’s obvious they are not made from the same stuff that we are. I cannot explain their advanced capabilities as they seem to read and control the mind. So I continue to observe the interesting relationship he has with his students. While my boyfriend is not kinky, he understand the BDSM dynamic and has noted publicly the similarities in his field of work many years ago. He is his student’s Dom.

In the meantime I am learning to take care of my man in the same way because he is not immune to tension from spending most of his time training and grappling. So, I still get to whack the heck out of someone but with a more therapeutic inclination. This might be my Dominatrix Phd.

In the past 6 months I have learned to let go of my issues with pain. It’s important because I have a serious fear of winding up in the situation I was in 2008-2009 when pain from injuries sustained years before got so bad that it rendered me unable to think at the same level as before. I got mathematical amnesia and was unable to do my job (programmer analyst). I am working again in my field making continuous headway to my ideal job. But even though being in pain is no longer as stressful, I still harbour fear of losing my intellectual abilities because of it. I can accomplish really awesome things using my brain, from coming up with solutions to inventing stories to entertain and amuse my friends in a way that is more sustainable than by simply being pretty. In return I get compliments, admiration, love and long-term attachment in ways that always surprise me. I am very attached to my intellect!!!

As a woman, and an almost 40 year old one at that, it’s hard to blend in the martial art class. I am pitted against shy 17-21 year olds who take a long time to get passed the awkwardness of grappling with a woman. In my head I do not look at myself with the lens of gender and in essence always forget that I am a woman so when the mirror of my gender is thrown at me by my grappling opponent and I realize that we are not equal, it’s somewhat disappointing. I have finally convinced my ex (TPB) to continue coming with me because he is quite used to horizontal activities with me and the unintentional boob grabs don’t phase him. Of course, being close to him like that brings its own set of awkwardness but it beats being shoved around by the class dimwit uncoordinated gorilla who has injured me twice in the past two months.

When I can’t (or don’t want to) grapple with the young ones, I simply sit on the edge of the mat and watch my boyfriend tap out guys one after the other from his own class and his partner’s MMA class. And then we go out for burgers and talk about particle physics or the UFC and then go home to have sex. This has kind of been my life for a few months.

A few years ago I stumbled onto The Ultimate Fighter (season 6) and I have been a fan ever since. This show provides enough male-o-drama to satisfy my weekly cravings. Now that I have SpikeTV it’s hard to look away from the endless stream of UFC specials, recaps and compilations.

I am not unfamiliar with the world of fighting. I grew up on wrestling in the mid 70s. My experience of this entertainment started with the Rougeau Brothers and ended with the Roddy Piper. After that, wrestling became an overblown fake soap opera outside of the ring as well. While I was looking away I stumbled onto an epic episode of ‘The Weakest Link’ with the MacMahons as special guests and I was overjoyed to realize that HHH (fellow Québécois Paul Levesque) and his wife Stephanie, daughter of senate hopeful Linda McMahon, were quite witty and fun. In fact the meathead stereotype associated with fighters is incorrect. It would appear that there are more brainiacs per-capita in the UFC than in other professional sports.

This week, I was overjoyed by Bones when Temperance Brennan exclaimed ‘Eureka: A gathering of Guidos!’. I had been told to pay attention last year but never got passed the first episode of Jersey Shore, that documentary about the Guido tribe. Good thing our favorite anthropologist is paying attention! Myself, I will continue to study the UFC tribe which is surprisingly large.

The other night, I told my sweetie how my teenage boyfriend found me on Facebook. He is an Ontarian I met when our 9^th grade classes were matched in 1985. I can trace my total anglo-canadian fetish back to that exact day. I kissed him in the lobby of the Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City. It was a little bit passed the curfew! We continued our relationship for years through mail and the phone. I sent him lots of letters and even a topless picture of me. One thing that people don’t know about me is that I have lived a more eventful life than the average person and many of those experiences involve choosing to do risky things just for the experience. So one day I went to the local Zellers-type store at my local mall and stood hiding the photo chute for 4-minutes until my topless pictures came out. In today’s camera phone obsessed world it’s hard to know for sure, but there aren’t supposed to be any nude pictures of me on the Internet. When I was a senior in high school, I used my exemption from the English class to write my beloved Ontarian sexy stories. I am confident that doing so provided me with more education than being in a moronic English as a second language class. In fact I always had a disdain for ESL classes because they missed the mark completely by not teaching social and conversation English. Back then I read Penthouse Letters and watched Playboy Channel for a peek into adult culture. I also took over my college-level English class about idioms by using a particularly awesome vintage Rolling Stone Magazine articles about drugs.
During my long-distance teenage relationship with the sexy Ontarian, I remember I had other relationships, I have always been sort of poly I guess, even if I obeyed the physical rules of monogamy.

When I was 18 and between two stints as a tour guide (guiding groups of tourists in tour busses in U.S” and Canada), I was ‘technically single’ and I went to visit him. My stay there was rather awkward. I came home with a sense that he wasn’t that into me and continued my life. The next week I met Chuck in Amos (a fellow tour guide) and so many formative and life-changing things happened to me since then. When I read the profusely affectionate and apologetical e-mails he sent me this week, it seemed odd because to me, it seemed like he would have forgotten that I ever existed by now.

I guess Facebook does that to people every day, thrusting them back together after twenty years and giving them the opportunity to reconnect where they left off. But one thing is for sure is that I am not the same person I was twenty years ago and it is unusual to have someone in front of me who has no knowledge of my life adventures.
While I am always very attached to and place great value on people whom I have known for a long time, I don’t really need yet another married man friend in my life who comes to me for entertaining conversation, stories of my life on the other side and advice about marriage. It doesn’t bring me anything in return.

I’m still dating all the other guys I was dating last year while searching for my sweetie. I don’t consider that I have enough time to conduct another sexual relationship right now but it’s fun to be offered the possibility all the time. Even though I’m not open to having other sexual relationships right now the growing emotional attachment I have with the others winds up being the same as if we were having sex. I have decided not to close the door on my established relationship with my slave boy. But I have goals to accomplish before I can continue that relationship and, of course, I will have to have a discussion with my partner about it. Have you ever had a talk with your boyfriend that starts with: ‘How would you feel about me having a slave boy?’

This week my current supervisor sent a meeting request to my old supervisor and myself and the title of the meeting was “Affection Eva”. I can appreciate this novel way of organizing a hot threesome. In this meeting my old supervisor said he would love to have me back on his team but we reached an agreement where I split my time between both at my discretion based on a few priority rules. I think I have experience managing and splitting my time between two guys… and my supervisor does know how to write “affectation” but in my experience, Freudian slips are always true… it’s perhaps the only thing Freud got right.

And today is Friday and I have my long meeting with my favorite co-worker. We have cool strategy to do and perhaps a bit of gossiping but other than that this week I hit my hustlin’ high score on Tuesday as I continued to mold my job and make strategic partnerships for idea development Wednesday and Thursday. Yes, you read this right, I have concluded three (3) major business partnerships and moved on a few more for incredibly fun projects. I have a new brand in soft launch and that is why I have put Puremoan.com on the back burner until next week when my UK associate is on vacation.

That’s not bad for a girl who was looking at hitting Detroit for the Leather Leadership Conference. The past few weeks have been huge as I have stuck to my promise not to worry about M0J0D4ddy and just do my thing. I did specifically sit him down on March 24th before he left Montreal to go back home to discuss how he cannot be my priority anymore. But I will continue to call him on the weekend to see how he is moving along with his medical issues. That is why we are not meeting in Detroit this weekend. I have a plane ticket banked and I might use it to go to Virginia this summer.

So there 10% of the cool stuff that happened this week… but I’m out of time!

Little did I know that when attending an evening of travel presentation at the local Yacht Club with Mr. P., I would meet Tas, a talented baker of perverted cakes. Tas, whose background is computer science and math, is even looking for ways to incorporate advanced features (animated parts) into his creations. Read the rest of this entry »

SUPRA SEX

Jobs in the First Earth (Battalion) are based on capabilities. Sex, age, color, or religious preferences are not considerations. Culture has, however, programmed men and women so that they feel pressure to relate to each other sexually. This sexual protocol can be overcome by a series of extended exercises requiring the absolute interdependence of all participants until a level is trust is developed that supersedes and rises above any kind of sexual relationship. Fortunately love is still the by-product. (First Earth Battalion Field Manual, Jim Cannon, 1979)

I recently learned about this New Agey experimental army project when Jon Ronson, author of The Men who Stare at Goats made an appearance on The Colbert Report last week. While I think that this Cannon dude smoked some good shit, the whole process of ‘winning the heart of the enemy through amorous gestures and sparkly eyes’ intrigued me. I then found the above passage in the field manual and I though it made a lot of sense. In fact it’s been my tactic for a while now and it works fantastically well.

Of course it also dawned on me that I am most likely intimately connected to one of them sparkly eyed psychic spies… When confronted he said: “I can’t talk about those things…” Well, it’s not like it’s classified anymore, the frickin’ manual is on the Internet! And maybe if I had been involved in such crazy research in the eighties I wouldn’t want to talk about it either LOL The Daddy and I are going see the movie together when I meet his family on Thanksgiving.

The Men Who Stare at Goats is coming out as a film starring two of my favorite hunks of man meat George Clooney and Ewan McGregor. And of course it’s been made into a goofy comedy.

But speaking of dubious research… I’ve been reading with great delight Mary Roach‘s Bonk. It is filled with gems of dubious research about sexuality through the 20th century.

When I bought the book I was actually looking for Becoming Batman: The Possibility of a Superhero and I had a sales girl hanging on me helping me to find the book. Usually when faced with a cute Chapter’s sales clerk I ask for the most perverted book I can think of just to see their reaction. But this time I simply said that I had to give this book to my boyfriend because it proves he has twice as much training as Batman. And she was all fascinated with this book she had never heard of. She said: “This may sound completely geeky but it must be a fascinating book!” I really need to get myself simple business cards with only my name and e-mail on them. This nerdy chick was really cute.. I missed a score!

I am spending the weekend in New York City. I have the use of a studio on the Upper West Side conveniently close to a man I am looking forward to meeting. He has written on the topic of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), something that is still largely misunderstood. I’m going to try to be aloof and not spend my whole time talking about his work however fascinating it is. Quick, think of charming girlie topics! Actually I hope we can go see Capitalism: A Love Story together.

It came out at work last week that I have more than one boyfriend. I made a point to say that I do not find men, that they find me. My co-worker, who is in a sense my client as I solve his technical SEO issues, joked that I was well-referenced. And I thought this was a great metaphor! However, there is more to being conveniently found by guys who want to get to know me, I have to have a hook and pertinent content to back it up so they subscribe to my feed Hahaha!

I enjoyed a great weekend at Floating World 09, met interesting people and continued to observe life on the fringe. Coming back, I thought I would write about all the fun I had there and some really awesome developments in my life but this whole big article will be about a tiny sliver.

I have been watching a bit of Rock of Love, Daisy of Love and Charm School recently. I want to understand the under culture of decorative people (espescially women) and try to figure out their appeal to men. As I watch the antics, cat fights, terrible language and general lack of class… I don’t see it.

We don’t have this culture here in Canada. Sure Montreal has it’s slew of prostitutes, strippers and porn stars but it’s easy to understand who they are and what they accomplish for a living. In the U.S. it’s different. Tila Tequila proved that one can become a celebrity without doing much more than being decorative and milking it for all it’s worth. In Tila’s case, her claim to fame was having the most friends on MySpace. But she wasn’t the first girl famous for being famous, just the first to emerge from Web 2.0 which makes it easy for girls who do not have the technical Savvy of a Cindy Margolis or Danni Ashe to post pictures of themselves and quickly garner thousands of pervy fans. Long before the Internet, there was Carmen Electra, Tawny Kitaen, Apollonia Kotero and others who basically stuck around forever after being in one movie or music video. Through the rise and fall of Anna Nicole Smith, I have watched various media outfits like Entertainment Tonight and E! take advantage of her ‘sex’-appeal for ratings. Throughout and right up until her death, ANS seemed oblivious to the fact that her life was a modern-day freak show.

Nevertheless, there seems to be hundreds of self-made Myspace models who are breaking out as semi-professionals by appearing on a variety of reality shows turning their Online popularity into fancy confined living, free drinks and a chance to open-mouth kiss an ugly Rock Star on national television (ewww!.) I am trying really hard to think of someone who might have broken through the stampede of heavily tattooed and wigged chicks in stripper heels to emerge as an inspiration for the rest of us. I give up…

Of all the decorative people in Hollywood, Megan Hauserman is probably one of the most active models appearing on countless reality shows. I have always liked Megan since I first saw her on one of my favorite shows Beauty and The Geek (which she won) a few years back. However, Megan seems to have acquired a few monkeys on her back and made some questionable business decisions. When watching the preview first episode of Megan Wants a Millionaire six weeks ago, it became obvious to me that VH1 is punking Megan by introducing her to 14 rather unattractive men who just happen to be millionaires. It would have been great to see if, despite this, Megan would find a gem. However, the one contestant who was somewhat palatable was recently found dead following an apparent suicide after being chased down by the police and accused of killing his quickie Vegas bride and stuffing her dismantled body in a suitcase. This unfortunate turn of events has forced VH1 to cancel Megan Wants a Millionaire… not that I would have watched the train wreck anyway.

So it goes without saying that I have always wondered about the secret life of decorative women who live in dramarama, err… Hollywood and get invited to every party at the Playboy mansion.

I had the pleasure of meeting such a person recently. After admitting that she had read everything I had ever written (elsewhere and under a different pseudonym LOL) and was intimidated at the thought of meeting me, she proceeded to tell me about herself so I would agree to let her spend time with MY man. This is rather amusing. Of course I did not object… Unless she was carrying a concealed weapon or was completely crazy.

So let’s call her Paisley for simplicity’s sake. She is quite nice and interesting and I took an immediate liking to her. However she also said her IQ was 183! When we spent time together I was more concerned with listening to her than making fun of her for being quite exceptional considering an IQ is usually measured on a scale capping at 165. Having M0j0D4ddy otherwise occupied with a girl allowed me to have important conversations with very important people and sleep at night!

While I am pretty sure Paisley really is a quasi-famous pole dancer, she also said she was an experienced model and would be in a few publications I am familiar with including Forbes.

For various reasons if Forbes actually puts her and other “women in the business” in a pictorial in their magazine it will change everything (I have already publicly riled against CNN, Time Magazine and Forbes for dousing their Web media counterpart with sex in order to get more eyes on their content.) But I am dubious as to the stories of this professionally decorative woman because she also said she would be in/on Perfect 10 and I was sure they were all about women who did not have implants!? But in all it was super interesting to spend time with her.

But then I started thinking…

Pretty women are rarely contradicted therefore they develop and very high opinion of their own intellect and personality. I also have this theory that being singled out as beautiful from early on in life will influence someone to put too much importance on outward appearance over intelligence or learned abilities. While I personally cannot help but be in awe of someone male or female who is naturally beautiful without any artifice, beauty in itself is no accomplishment to be proud of. However, it is the most important quality in U.S. culture. Beauty is also the last bastion of sexism. In media and entertainment, men are chosen based on competence and women often need to be both competent and beautiful to stand out. And if competence is not that important, as is the case for much of TV talking heads, beauty must win over brains as so many anchorwomen have that deer caught in the headlights look permanently plastered on their face.

My uncle, who is close to 80, lives in Florida and spends six weeks a year in Canada remarked on the difference in the quality of news anchors in Canada VS the U.S. this weekend. This also prompted a discussion on the importance of beauty over competence and the confusion between fame and infamy in the U.S. where someone can attain great fame simply by being controversial and stupid…

So back to my recent encounter with Paisley… Being set aside after a 48 hour fling, she has developed an interesting case of desperation and is coming off as the complete opposite of who she said she is. She is a ticking bomb… though going off would not serve her very well. I have watched as she has fallen madly in love with MY man and is trying desperately to worm her way into his life. For months I have been telling M0j0D4ddy that he is not very good at protecting his time which, coupled with his ability to get distracted by shiny things, will forever leave him without any feelings of accomplishing concrete things. Of course that is only a small glimpse into a bigger picture but this is a beautiful opportunity to watch him try to manage this woman in a way that is appropriate to the situation. Unfortunately, this is a reactive situation, yet again and very few good things come out of reactive situations. I much rather plan ahead… After all M0j0D4ddy’s life is a story I’ve already written.

In this case I correctly guessed that any new conquest who met me and got my approval would like me and then when things didn’t match her fantasy anymore, she would look to me for support, cliff notes, F.A.Q., etc. As she calls me to get support, I try to be a realist and tell it to her like it is. I sincerely would like us to be friends in the long run. Time will tell if she uses this information to walk away gracefully or create more drama and continue to act the opposite of how she said she would manage the situation. But throughout the week I have seen her use a few manipulative techniques that I do not approve of. Perhaps I will write about those eventually.

As a proverbial ‘Fuck You’ to ‘The Man’, I am having brunch on a Wednesday and making out in a vegetarian restaurant.

I’ve been waiting for the end of July for a while so that all the kinky fun I have planned in August can start. But I decided to start a bit early. This week I was tinkering and made a really awesome flogger from a t-shirt. Yeah, you read that right, a flogger from an old 25 cent man’s black t-shirt that I got at a thrift store. That’s not what it was supposed to be originally for but that what it turned into. And it is quite exquisite. Not only is it light and soft but it provides a very interesting sting. I had Mr. P. try it out on me when he picked me up for our little bi-weekly fruits & veggies shopping date. It is not as stingy as a parachute rope flogger and not as thudy as a leather flogger but it works. Now I must find an even bigger t-shirt to start from so I get extra long tails. It’s yet another work in progress.

Today was a very nice sensual day. Yesterday I took it upon myself to write a little note to a guy who made my day. I often watch TED.com talks but his talk on life’s successes and failures rang a bell. So I woke up to a very nice note from him. What this prolific author and journalist doesn’t know is that I am a fan. He is quite the philosopher but he has a very sensual side to him. In fact I think he is quite gorgeous. I wanted to tell him that I really loved how he described the special feeling, texture and look of the walls in and around the modernist Swiss house he grew up in. De Botton’s childhood home was built around an atrium in the style of a Zen garden and has humongous windows that open wide to make the occupant feel as if he is outside. It is one of the most awesome houses I have ever see in a TV show. But yesterday’s conversation was mostly about work and I left out the fangirl gossip.

Today I got together to talk about work with an old employee who is now a peer. We do the exact same thing though I am more technical. I had not seen him face to face for 6 years. He is looking quite good! We have been going up for the same mandates recently and exchanging some info along the way. So we have decided to write a modern description of what we do in order to better sell our respective services to companies who need us. But also we have a little side project… Let’s call it our ‘Zack & Miri Make a Porno’ project though it is far more sophisticated and complex to undertake. He has access to a legendary erotic brand and the brand owner wants to see that brand live again. I am very familiar with the brand having read the books when I was 9 or 10, seen all the movies and have literally lived my whole life to become the embodiment of that brand! I have told so many people that the only reason I have never worked on erotica/porn on the Web because everything has been done before… However, if I could do something awesome, positive and new… I would. So as usual, what I ask for has been delivered in the form of an opportunity and it is mine to coddle and harvest. we had a wonderful ‘producer’ meeting and from it we have 3-5 projects brewing.

In the afternoon I scheduled a little ‘why not?!’ meeting with a young guy who had contacted me recently. I cannot meet every Tom, Dick and Harry who sends me messages through my profiles on social sites but this one is remarkably adorable. More and more I find psychological BDSM play to be VERY amusing.  And we had a lot of fun in the one restaurant we could find that had effective air conditioning. After 3 hours of talking about sex within earshot of senior citizens in a Cora… the empty restaurant was a welcomed respite. And we had a lot of fun. He is quite the keeper and he will make a very nice puppy. It’s a good thing that I have been growing my nails very long. It will be easier to carve out the words ‘pet’ with long nails. I tried that on a MMA fighter a few months ago but I only got out the P and E before he realized this wasn’t a good idea after all…

Tonight I had the option of going to boink the BeardedDiCaprio but since I am on a long vacation by myself, I can be a bit more flexible with my schedule. Of course the Bodyguard is coming back from The Tundra tomorrow so I look forward to seeing him again pretty soon. If he is not immediately shipped off to China, we can look at my new book on International security and pick the places where he would enjoy working the most. But while it is fun to help others with their career I have to line up some contracts for myself and work on my own projects foremost.

I think, I formulate hypothesis and then ask a bunch of overly-personal questions… It yields interesting albeit frightening answers sometimes.

I don’t want to be out of touch, I have been really interested how teenagers grow and mature into adults. And I am also interested in generational differences and how people turn out differently depending on the quality of their relationship with their parents. Mind you I do it also to figure out how to raise my child to become a happy fulfilled independent adult. It is not obvious because I have raised 7 boys but now I have a daughter! Maybe I will have a daughter who is well informed on the matter of boys! Right now we talk about friendship and girl-cliques a lot. I am also concerned with age-appropriateness of the things I teach her. We have started talking about the internet, consumerism and cell phones. Next year she will be in third grade and that’s when everything starts to change.

But there’s a long way ’til the end of high school and college still. And right now I’m doing some research with university students to assess their needs for self-defense classes, notably Patrick’s Modern self-denfense class that addresses recent statistics of acquaintance sexual assault and rape.

I was very fortunate to have a conversation with a recent university grad last night and when he saw the course ware for Modern Self-Defense for Sexual Situations that become Non-Consensual, he said quite matter-of-factly that this was a sorely needed class. This class was originally developed for people involved in the BDSM lifestyle and those are usually more self-aware and negotiation-oriented than your average vanilla peeps. However, Patrick and I are re-working it for an audience of people who seem to need it way more notably college & university-aged women as well as sex workers, transsexuals and gay men. For each clientele the documentation and the communication has to be adapted because this is a touchy subject and it is really hard to convince people to take this compulsory life class. People would rather not think about it or talk about it.

I asked my recent university grad a bit of a downer question… But it is the basis for the current documentation I am writing for the college version of this class.

Out of all your girlfriends in your Facebook list, 20-25% of them have been sexually assaulted or raped. Do you know who they are?

He answered: “Unfortunately, yes…” It was interesting for me to listen to his take on the matter.

Self-defense classes are available but there aren’t enough instructors who specialize in real-world situations faced by young people today espescially young women 18-25. Let’s face it, women are sexually active and therefore encounter guys who range the scale from clueless to careless to just plain dangerous. And then there are those who are simply bad. But much harm is done by the first category and girls should learn to avoid or protect themselves against all bad sexual situations that could become non-consensual.

Over the years I’ve listened and and heard…

I told him to put on a condom but he tricked me and didn’t use one.

He bit me too hard.

He came once, didn’t tell me and we kept having sex. This is likely how I got pregnant.

I have a stupid random question, Is is rape if you were under the influence?

I believe that a happy safe sex life for men and women is born of sex education and sexual confidence. There is a lack of sex education if these kinds of situations keep happening every few seconds.

Self-defense is only one part of the puzzle but it is necessary and should be pursued on a regular basis. This is something women should be involved in on a yearly basis if one does not want to pursue a regular weekly martial arts program.

Patrick will be coming back to Montreal and hopefully Ottawa to teach. You can write to me to be notified when that happens at evavavoom [at] gmail.com. There will be separate and specific clientele-based classes and the curriculum is based on three years of listening to the specific questions of students in the class and the most recently available statistics from various rape-crisis center in North-America’s colleges and universities.

In Toronto, Sex educator Viktoria organizes Women’s REALISTIC Self Defense classes with her martial arts and self defense instructor. Write or call Viktoria for info ladyviktoria [at] ymail.com or 416-887-5621.

*Photo by nyki_m

Just as people have started reading my blog, I’ve wandered off tinkering with crafty things. While some of those things are a bit kinky, there is no success to report yet.

Witness this attempt at making cute nipple jewelry. Basically I want to create a basic shape in wire that has something going on atop the nipple and a place to put dangles. I find the current models a bit boring.

But so far. Nipple Jewelry = FAIL. Kinky word die earrings are going a bit better though. pictures to come.

I’ve been feeling super blue lately espescially with the developing situation in Iran. In my opinion Iran has the greatest disparity between the loveliness of its people and the darkness of its leaders. I sincerely believe that progress is inevitable and Iran doesn’t lack bright progressive people but my fears lie with the possibility of international meddling.

Mr. M. and I have been doing a bit of writing back and forth. He has a blog now and if he gets to writing in semi-public the truth he tells in private, it may become a must read. Since I’ve had the miss communication problems with him last year I’ve been working on creating greater communication flow between my partners and I (old and new.) Not that all interpersonal conflict in my life are my fault but I try to gain insight from ALL situations.

I should always strive to be a better communicator because I have many partners and I have limited time to spend with each one in person so I have to make it count. The quality of my daily communications with them by phone or in writing will make a huge difference in the quality of our relationship in the long run. I had been looking to attain a new level of honesty, directness, closeness with them but also to foster security in my partners regarding our respective relationships. The only tool I have for that is communication.

Because my goal is to have only one partner in an exclusive monogamous relationship, I have to be honest about it with my partners. Communicating about how our relationship may wind up having a time-limit is a bit strange. Though it’s not as daunting as discussing poly partner rank (or priority.) Right now, I do not have a primary poly partner. BelovedSchoolBoy was my ‘interim spouse’ for a while when we lived together but that was an unfair situation for him being 15-20 years younger than the spouse I want to be with. I have no idea if this wish will ever materialize. It may just be that my goal to enter into a TiH relationship is outdated or that a ‘husband-type’ would not care for my previous lifestyle or obsessive interest in alternate sexuality LOL. But I digress…

While I do not talk much with The Bearded DiCaprio even though he has been my lover for 5 years, I communicate quasi-daily with The General, M0j0D4ddy and Mr. P (All of which are over 40.) I also maintain the communication line open with BelovedSchoolBoy because even though we have been separated since December, I love hearing about how happy he is and how much he pro-actively rules his entourage like a successful little Kingdom. I also love how after we separated he continued to ask me for advice on many matters including how to approach and ‘land’ his adorable new girlfriend (with whom he now lives.) Then it dawned on me that I have raised him to be like the man I wish I could meet in my 35-45 y.o. age group. At 21, I think he will provide me with a lifetime of awe. I also truly enjoy the constant appreciation and thank yous for the last 3 years.

I grew up in a family where partners were not self-aware and were secretive in order to avoid conflict. Avoiding the matter or editing the news is a very bad strategy. Honest direct communication is so rare that when I hear it my heightened appreciation of the communicator outshines the content of the message! Recently, I have gotten many flowers from my lovers (and some friends) regarding the ‘quality of our relationship’ in regards to communication so I must be affecting things right.

I now live in a world where women fight for the sexual interest and attention of men (online and off) and horde it so that their man must not pay any attention to anyone else! While I may have had a foot in the eye candy market when I was 20 and hadn’t yet had my drastic breast reduction, I found that it didn’t provide me with access to very interesting men. Today, I do not even try to sell sex (be sexy) because as a 38 year-old woman, I would simply look like a clown next to a 20-year-old (I’ve watched the real Housewives of New Jersey!) I have also come to realize that most pretty women (even the ones who are naturally lovely) feel insecure about their looks and seem much less happy than the average. Also, women who are professionally decorative, are rarely role models and exhibit the worse behavior and lack of class (Hello Charm School!) Even if this can change over time, it will always be overshadowed by reality tv antics! Beauty is a rat race with no prize at the end. Most women do not know this because standards change and the race never ends.

However, in the contest of being smart, open, non judgmental and communicative, I can occupy a place that is more stable and permanent in the emotional space even with those who are easily distracted by the eye candy. Because I have been able to develop truly meaningful and loving fulfilling relationships based on these new communication efforts over the past six months, I have rethunk the narrow definition of ‘lover’. I hate it when people say ‘we are just friends’. As someone who has had true friends for 30 years and, in absence of having a spouse, puts friend before lover, I find that a bit insulting. It would seem to me that in a world where ‘friend’ has been diluted to mean ‘someone I never talk to who is in my Facebook list’, we should have a new definition for ‘lover’ as well. So I have decided to consider someone my lover when they declare loving me and have spontaneously said that we shall be together ‘forever’ (…and then re-iterate it a few times just to make sure LOL) As long as this feeling is mutual and we do have a somewhat sensual relationship then ‘lover’ seems like an appropriate term. Too bad it sounds very sexual when said out loud. Even though I may use that term here, I will still refer to most people in my life as friends. Never ‘just’ friends or worse ‘fuck’ friends which are two terms that diminish the importance of the friend relationships in life.

I have been quite happy with most of my relationships as of late and feel very loved, secure and appreciated. That was never my goal but what a wonderful gift. On the other hand, I know one of my relationships is doomed to end soon but it has been on that path for a while. Right now, I have no craving for attention or even sex so I am hurting my sexual relationships by electing to stay home alone rather than go out. But I do say yes to going out when asked.

But I don’t want to go see too many movies… I strive for conversation and communication!

I would have to say that conversation with Mr. M. is crack cocaine. Though, NOW, I know that we will communicate briefly, his words or questions will open up a can of worms (and inspiration) then he will disappear unexplained leaving me with withdrawal anxiety. I have always been overwhelming and gauche in my struggle to gain access to him. I would love to be able to count on him for conversation even if it was scheduled or limited in time. (I sometimes schedule time-restricted conversations… seems weird but it works!)

I have multiple partners who put up with the fact that I am not exclusive nore very available (physically) because I provide them with rare difference, openness and acceptance. I put up with Mr. M. because he provides me with rare higher intelligence and dry wit or irony and also because his interest channels seem to be aligned with mine. Though sometimes his dumb typos will open up a door for unexpected hilarity such as the time he wrote that his girlfriend gave him a ‘dry mouth’ piece of artwork for his birthday. So I sassed him on how such artwork is the kind that you look at, bewildered, with your mouth open for a long time (thus inducing dry mouth.) I could also have pondered how it is the opposite of mouth watering artwork (which could be a still life of food or, as marketers would define it, graphics that are mostly orange.) So I was eventually accused of being corny while I was simply making fun on his attempt to (I suspect) write ‘dry mount’.

I have been developing a relationship with a Lady who seems fascinating to me. While she has been generous so far with giving me access to her (providing her personal number and inviting me to go stay with her) I am worried about being overwhelming. I was very forthcoming about my desire to serve her (in the BDSM sense) for the simple pleasure of personal access to her but it turns out I do not really have anything specific to offer that she needs (and that will be until I have the chance to cook for her.) I like having a ‘device’ to warrant regular communication with a Dom or Sub during the initial phase of getting to know each other because I have developed ‘access anxiety’.

I’m sure this is heightened by not wanting to experience the pain that I felt when Mr. M. and I hit it off very well and then NOT after only a short time. I had given him unrestricted access to me talking for hours into the night which I never do because I need my sleep to be able to manage an eight year old during the day. It is unfortunate that such an experience has made me scared of giving access or time again for the purpose of developing friendship or love.

I’m old now, I should be more aware of how I deal with stuff. I noticed that when something bad happens, I am always the one that manages everyone until they feel better. And then it’s my turn to sit down and cry. But by then everyone else has moved on and I feel all alone. And it’s been like this for a few days now.

I am a very strict manager of drama and I never want to involve anyone else into it espescially if it CAN be contained and managed discreetly. And I am very proud to have been on top of all this drama for the past three weeks in a way that should prevent any more drama from popping up out of left field.

But I need a hug. SO I’ve scheduled myself ten, just to make sure it sticks.

All that being said, I am so looking forward to my upcoming event because it is coming together so well and it is very fun to have so many people write to me to tell me how much they are looking forward to meet M0j0D4ddy or see him again. I have people signing up AGAIN for the same classes they took 2 years ago! However since he is a constant student of martial arts his classes evolve with the latest techniques and all his students should continue to learn new skills every time around.

On Saturday I am going to see HeShe Kisses with Dukes of Drag at Sala Rossa (4848 St-Laurent) It’s the show of the year and they always make me laugh until I cry! I really want to go with LadyC. I mean I’ve been ‘dating’ her man and we haven’t even gone out together yet! Let’s make it fair!!