Sex is FREE!

I have been wondering how I can use Facebook to do some good for myself, my friends and the world. I have contributed to a few causes and attended events I never would have using Facebook. Last week I begged my friends to set me up on a blind date in my status. I was mathematically sure that 5-6 of my girlfriends could set me up with the only bachelor left in our large BDSM circle. I was probably going to say no because, to be honest with you, he does not really seem to care for me.

However he QUICKLY volunteered himself which was surprising ! On paper he is just fine for me and is either similar in some ways or compatible in others. For instance he is self employed as well eliminating the jealousy that arises when dating a 9-5 drone who answers to a boss first and foremost.

I was surprised, upon meeting him in person, that he knows very little about me and that maybe it is why he volunteered himself. We met for coffee. Again he only seemed mildly interested in the conversation but maybe that is as joyful as he ever gets. Before we were officially a couple, I gave my second husband (the grumpy sys admin at my first Internet-related job) a Matt Groening postcard-sized comic called “The Many Moods Of Binky” (doctored to his name). It had the same Binky impression 25 times over with 25 emotions named below such as ecstatic, elated, happy, sad, etc. So you know I am all about entertaining myself while I try to get my point across. Some guys are not really emo-tive.

I am looking for a primary partner who is in my age range, ideally a bit older but I am always mortified of meeting a guy the first time. It usually means being disappointed in yet another guy who has baggage or needs too much validation to be with someone who is independent and fulfilled. I once saw a t-shirt that reads “I have two cats and a vibrator: What are you going to do for me?” I thought that it kind of describes me if instead it says “I have 3 lovers, a house and a kid (and a cat and a vibrator): What are you going to do for me?”

I only met with him because he is in the good graces of the women I admire most for being independent trailblazers. I figured that maybe he wont hold my independence against me if he is friends with them. That also means he should not be put off by my choice of eccentric hobbies and pastimes. So I would say that the 20-minute coffee meeting went well because I realized 90 minutes later that I was going to be late for my next thing ( ;P was continuation of my day-long date… )

I analyzed his reaction to me and his follow-up e-mail with BF#1. He said “not so good …”. BF#2 said ” he will ask you out again ! “. I realized that it doesn’t matter, what is cool is that “I analyzed…” which is a telltale sign that I gave a fuck what he thinks. I have a bunch of stuff I never got to asking him the first time around. But nothing has really changed, he still comes off as the guy who doesn’t really seem interested in me.

I built my first homepage in early 1995. I have always loved home pages built by people who talk about anything and everything that is of interest to them. I admire someone who will go through the trouble of documenting their life and hobbies to teach others. It takes a bright and intelligent individual to figure out how to make a website and then consistently add to it.

MySpace

Today however, the web is not reserved for bright people anymore and every vapid attention seeker and her dumb little brother can have a MySpace page or a Facebook account. When Kendra Wilkinson or Brody Jenner refer to their MySpace page as their official blog, I just cannot help but chuckle. How can you say this in the same breath as you talk about business and professional aspirations. A few years ago people would have told me to shut my elitist mouth up because MySpace did give us celebrities like Tila Tequila. What would we be without Tila?! In two years will we be asking “Where would we be without Tina Chen“? The state of the world is so glib that the bar has dropped very low on acceptable distractions. Anything will do.

Facebook

I have never had a MySpace account but I joined Facebook after a few friend nagged me to join (By that I mean in person nagging, not stupid e-mail spam notifications.) While Facebook is getting dumbed down, it is possible to configure it so you don’t have to suffer the consequences. Today I only have a few applications and they all display things that I have made myself such as my pictures, my videos, my Kiva.org businesses, my crafts, RSS feeds from 4 blogs (but not this one) and the few books I have read through. No glitter text porn star name for me (though I am very proud to not only, have a “porn star name”, but own the accompanying domain name too LOL) Basically my motto is: “If I didn’t painstakingly make it myself, it does not belong on my Facebook profile.”

I am quick to point out to people the security problems associated with certain settings in Facebook especially when it comes to viewable pictures that might depict something that is funny to them and their friends but perhaps not appropriate to show friends-of-friends or the public at large. That’s when they usually think I am a crazy stalker and ignore me until they run into someone they barely know who make salacious comments about their new thong bikini.

I discovered that there are crazy mass befrienders and pedophiles on Facebook when I became friends with Yoshi’s (TPB’s) 13-year-old brother Chibiyoshi. I triangulated all of his “friends” dropping the schoolmates and sports celebrities only to wind up with a list of a dozen random adults he did not seem to know in person. These people were either “friends” with a whole bunch of teenage boys or published inappropriate content (pictures and video) to his SuperWall. I went over the profile with Yoshi and we identified all the inappropriate applications that give access to him (by unknown adults) and Yoshi took care to clean up his little brother’s profile (and endure the firestorm of complaints and anger that ensued obviously.) As adults we are responsible for his well being even if we are not his direct parents. Too many kids are hurt while unrelated adults mind their own business. I think it is hard to explain to young teenagers how adults use their photos because they do not have a sophisticated understanding of “adult sexual intent” and most likely will never fully understand criminal, sexually deviant, psycopathic or sosciopathic intent. The number of these people is not great but applications like Facebook makes it easier for them to find you in search by searching through high schools. After almost 20 years on BBses and the Internet, I am still learning the makeup of the intent, desires and thought process or people who fall into those categories. After using Facebook to track and hunt down a very active criminal I can also appreciate that Facebook is a great counterstrike tool as well.

I feel that I must do something though to warn parents who’s 13 year olds will soon have access to Facebook as they enter high school next month. I live in a French speaking area and I fear French speaking parents do not have access to adequate information to understand and supervise their teen’s access to Facebook. The few articles written on the subject are only available in English and they only scrape the surface of how Facebook works. There are other issues as well because Facebook will most likely be the first public forum that teens access where online responsibility is a must. Because Facebook associates everything to your real name, great care must be taken when you use it.

But then again, sometimes we can be glad some dumb people don’t.

I was going to write about how I love Facebook too but I’ll keep it for another time…

I returned to Lavalife a few days ago in order to look at their better interface. Actually it’s much worse than it used to be! I created a brief profile in the orange section. I’m not trolling for sex with random strangers I just don’t feel my profile fits into the other categories.

I am looking for a man who is a lion in the board room and a freak in the bedroom.

Writing that phrase made me laugh! I don’t expect to find anyone on LL because I really never have other than BF#2 (I restrain myself from writing long posts about how much I adore him; I just tell him as often as I can <3)

Strangely enough I got messages from two guys from my past: The Venetian Prince and the Starbucks Dude.

I've met The Venetian Prince three times and have mentioned to him that the economic canyon that separates us makes me feel uncomfortable. He is a member of the Colbert “White Gold” Club and left F1 in 2004 before buying a business in Montreal. I do like the guy I mean he is enterprising and bright but he never gave me the impression that he was very much into me. I told him about this too. So again after saying he wishes we could get together, I bet he will continue to not call or write to me.

Then there is the incredibly hot Starbucks dude. We hooked up 3 1/2 years ago and he looks as yummy as ever. I could also call him the milf hunter! He is funny, stable, open minded and a bit Scottish. I can’t find anything to hold against him, he’s all kinds of adorable. I guess he is your average pervertible English-Canadian boy, the kind that makes an excellent long-term secret boyfriend

Other than that I made a few first contacts with 2-3 guys but I don’t expect anything from it. To make sure they absolutely never write back unless they know what they are getting into I sent them the link to my blogs.

I still have not found a succinct way to make a guy understand that there is no way I will ever be interested in him sexually unless an intellectual connection exists between us. Every sexual advance that comes before that is a total turn off for me.

Recently the shy nerdy guy who used to sit next to me in HS French class asked me out for a beer. That totally made my day until I realized I could not go And I asked him to keep trying but he hasn’t yet. And to think I was jumping up and down about having a chance to catch up with him.

And the Lavalife profile is now deleted

The “sit down chat” is a tool I use to get to know someone. It is a short meeting with a set ending time (because I always have a meeting after.) I am usually the one who initiates the chat and sets the rules.

This is contrary to modern courtship rules. Customs dictates that a man should invite a lady to a nice dinner as a first date. I don’t care to “date”. A date involves spending 2-3 holes hours with someone who just might be a complete bore. For a first meeting, a short chat is sufficient.

So I mentioned in a previous post that I was going to have a sit down chat with my #1 crush. I made a quip that if he wanted to pay me cash for my services there was a coffee fee. He happily invited me for coffee and during a confirmation call turned that into dinner (a very early dinner because I still had my thing to get to afterwards!)

Now here’s the thing. Obviously, I think this guy is awesome and therefore I know it shows in my attitude towards him. Now, he, on the other hand, doesn’t know who I am besides a friend of a friend and a business contact. So I was prepared for this to be somewhat awkward (for him!)

The meeting was delightful and what struck me as most interesting is how he is EXACTLY the way I figured him to be. What is most strange is that I had planned on making a joke about the hidden letter in his name but instead just asked him what it stood for. He made the exact same joke. Makes sense, we are the same age which means or comedic approach to certain things are similar.

He is English Canadian so it can be expected that he would have an encyclopedic knowledge of Kids In The Hall. I too was devouring them with the same interest but since I am French Canadian, people tend to think I will not know anything about anglo culture. Getting who I am is a bit more complicated. I am this unique gizmo that can provide really random entertainment but my user interface can only be figured out by bright and creative people.

Obviously there is no reason for us to sit down like this on a regular basis so I just enjoyed the moment.

He inspires weird sketches in my head but not in his usual character. It is his ability to appear serious that inspires me more. I see a time in the future where we collaborate on something funny but at this time I see no path to it. Perhaps it is because he is the one who will initiate the collaboration and I have no control over that.

So I move on with my busy and crazy life. In fact the day after my sit down chat with my #1 crush I spent 8-9 hours in a writing meeting with Yoshi to discuss topics for MilfandHoney.net.

Detail’s Blog takes on Crazy Chicks. Yes, guys do like crazy girls and I don’t say that because I am crazy but because I like to observe.

There is no bigger heartbreak than to invest months of “getting-to-know-you” time into the most jaw-dropping sexy geeky perfect guy ever and watch the crazy girl waltz in, fuck him and talk her way into his apartment within a month. And then it’s heartbreaking again when you hear the smidge of regret in his voice a week later. Then it’s even more heartbreaking to hear her give me this advice: “Well if you like them you better move in and fuck them else you’ll be stuck in the friend zone forever!” Next time I am in her presence I will bring ear plugs because she always manages to say things that are deeply insulting to me. I have given up on him because according to BF#1 the chances of him breaking up with her are slim because he is the kind of guy who is loyal and always wants to do the right thing. (In poly-world I could aspire to being GF#2 but since GF#1 values spontaneous fucking around and devalues his preference for <gesticular quoting>relationships</gesticular quoting>, that would just make my head explode.)

Sigh…

It’s not like this has never happened before. In 1991, I was on the verge of getting back together with my high school sweetheart but the girl he had recently dated threatened to kill herself. Heck, I can’t compete with that kind of crazy! I always bow out of those challenges, turn around and walk away briskly.

I take a very long time to get to know a guy just for that reason. I cannot afford to be with someone who is weak in the presence of a crazy girl but to a certain extent, all guys are. More on that later.

Right now I have my sight set on a guy I totally fell for at first sight over 18 months ago. I have never made a move on him but I observe from afar and read between the lines of his Facebook statuses. Nope, none of them contain any secret messages to me unless of course he mentions me by name LOL I’ve never felt that I had to make a move on him because I know I will run into him again. It would help though if I went to see his shows instead of going to bed at 8pm on Saturday night! Alright, I have missed all the events I am supposed to run into him! He is a fuckin’ Rock star with fans galore but comes off as reserved and not at all promiscuous. I don’t think he has any idea how awesome I think he is and even if he did, he would lump my interest in with the adulation that he gets from the hundreds of suicide girls (and gay men) who send him Xs and Os everyday. Through my patience and attention to his career I have found myself working with the Rock star in him. Though I must admit when I have to deal with the Rock star I filter it out and I observe the traditional small town Catholic boy raised with military precision. I think that represents 75% of who he is but I have to admit that I admire him for breaking so far out of that mold and making himself into an extravagant celebrity. I know I am making assumptions based on what he does, says or writes but consider that what a man does speaks volumes about his character… It is 1000% more indicative of who he is compared to let’s say… what he might say about himself on a first date!

The only reservation I would have about being with him is that he would not be my first famous or incredibly popular acolyte and it’s really hard to get quiet time with someone like that. There is always someone who calls, interrupts our conversations, stops them at street corners or starts screaming in the near vicinity of my ears (ouch!) Through all of this I know that there is 99% chance that one of the many, many, many profusely tattooed, pierced and pink-haired extravagant beauties he sees everyday will come in and swoop him off his feet before I even get to our first face-to-face sit down chat. I expect that chat to happen in the near future but that will probably be too late. For that I am not getting my hopes up.

You know, the last time I was so incredibly enamored with a boy, I found out that he had a secret crush on me… 6 years later! I have had countless long-term relationships based on an early connection like this hence why I am like “Well if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be” about it. I like to celebrate knowing somebody who is worth getting all excited about. I only meet one crush-worthy person each year, I better make the most of it! These are people I instantly absolutely adore and none of them (in 20 years) have ever turned out to be assholes so I must be a good judge of character.

Let’s go back 4 years.

- 2004: My Scottish Boy (BF #2) I love him so!
- 2005: Boyfriend #3 (now-ex) AND the girl-friend that is becoming the boy-friend
- 2006: The blow-job worthy sys admin
- 2007: The subject of most of this entry who’s nickname will either become “My Sweetheart” or “That Guy who Thinks I’m His Crazy Stalker”. Time will tell.

(Before 2004 I was in two back-to-back long term monogamous relationships lasting almost 12 years.)

I am very patient and my patience has served me right over the years. I have two partners who are secure and I trust that they will not put their life (or mine) in danger because of some crazy bitch. Okay perhaps I am editing the news here… One of them was temporarily distracted by a self-serving bitch on the rebound and bent on revenge but he still maintains she is not a bitch. She broke his heart and dumped him for the first guy that came along and luckily she is now locked away in marriage and into the dream-house her husband can’t really afford. I had correctly calculated that it would cost me about 3 months of time away from my sweetie (kudos on me telling my girlfriend how it would go down and being right) But I also lost another 6 months because he was sorry and hiding in shame. (If you read this sweetie I hope you know that I will never interfere, I trust that you can learn to protect yourself and that the next one will be “The One”. I am more worried about you when you go on your crazy extreme sports trips in the middle of nowhere and I pray that nobody dies on this one!!!)

After 4 years of thinking about who I am today and what I want out of life I am open to having a primary partner. That is someone I live with and love through encouragement, kinky sex and good cooking. Even though I am far away from being financially secure, I already have the house in the suburbs and the most fantastic daughter (as voted on by most other parents in a 4 mile radius!) My biological clock is not ticking even though I wish I could be a doting auntie to my two (soon to be three) nieces in Quebec City. I am not looking for some guy to complete me or take me shopping. The only consideration I have is for character and the other things I think all men should strive to accomplish (Yummyness, blow-job worthyness and mad skillz.) I am simply looking for someone who loves me, accept me the way I am and encourage me in my odd complicated pass-times.

Part of the reason I will not make the first move is because I want to be with someone who really wants to be with me and will make an effort. But as I wrote in my last post: He must be well-informed as to what he is getting into. My #1 crush knows me professionally now. As far as I am concerned, I am still in the “doesn’t know I exist” category.

Why am I complex? I am 75% Martha Stewart, 25% Nina Hartley and overjoyed when I encounter a guy who is astute enough and confident enough to call me on it.

Unfortunately a lot of guys my age are into young crazy girls who brings excitement and chaos into their boring life. The Internet appears to be how they find tons of those if I judge from the online dating landscape. Yet most will admit (and I do ask!) that they know they are shopping at Bitches’R'Us. There they find a semblance of excitement and lots of grief and walk away still hungry. But these guys cannot take the non-crazy that I bring to the table. I don’t do crazy things “in the name of love” and that comes of as cold to a guy who needs validation.

Heck, I am not immune to suicide boys myself. I cannot tell you how many times I have told The Paper Boy that I fear my friends and lovers will discredit me for years for sticking with him through all the grief he put me through. Our relationship is the most drama-filled 18 months I have ever had. A lot of it is not directly his fault though, it was a few people around him who stir the pot and get on my last nerve with their drama. The silver lining to it is that I appear to have set him straight and he is profusely thankful for it. I am being unfair by lumping an immature teenage boy with possibly insane crazy girls (who are adults.)

I do not admire a guy who lets a girl walk all over him. Those things include not letting him see his friends alone (removing the support group), dictate how he spends his money (financial control), yell hysterically over everything (make him think he has done something wrong and must apologize again) and worse yet, fake pregnancies and break all his shit.

The only way to redeem yourself in my eyes after that is to learn from it and become crazy-bitch-fortified.

I have spent most of the past 2 months sick on every free weekend I had, and come to think of it on every not-free weekend too. Every two weeks I have a childless Saturday afternoon and evening that I may use for the purpose of ‘wasting’ the day away. The next day (Sunday) I usually have a very productive uninterrupted day of inspired creative work.

This means that on Thursday afternoon I begin to dream about what I could do on that day. Right now I am thinking about how great it would be to spend my whole Saturday afternoon knitting and watching all the Julie Delpy movies I have not yet seen.

Here’s my problem… tomorrow I should catch up on housework I was not able to do while sick. I also have a quasi-professional event and a gig in the evening to go to. Will I go? I really want to get out of the house!

I have a solution for this and it is to take my lover up on his offer to have a whole-day date (on Sunday) which is basically the same thing as my version except with sex and video games. Hmmm… let me make a few phone calls.

A bit over 3 years ago when I became single after 10 years in long-term monogamous relationships, I signed up for Lavalife. I quickly found out that people don’t really use the dating and relationship sections, just the “player” one. I was kind of put off by most profiles and only got messages from 20 year olds. User base is a bit young. Still I met the most wonderful guy (still lovin’ after more than 3 years!) and also became acquainted with someone who introduced me to my friend Viky and consequently most of my female friends in Montreal. He also became a friend and frequent business partner. So while I think that Lavalife was mostly a bad source of datable men, there appear to be a few good apples in there.

I tried Science Connection. It is a site for science geeks. I have known of its existence since 1990 when they ran ads in Toronto weekend papers. I used to have a lot of time on my hands while working in a museum and would read the Ottawa, Toronto and Montreal Saturday papers from cover to cover during my shifts, including the funny personals. SC has very few members in my area, like 3 at the most. I dated M., a 52 year-old scientist who passed for 30 everywhere we went. He’s since move to Toronto. I also went on a date with a German post-doctorate from New York City. We ran around Soho looking for official fireman t-shirts. Often, very geeky guys find me amusing (maybe attractive) but are too shy to do anything about it. But it’s okay, it’s a date not a contest.

I was invited by a geeky friend to try Badoo (He’s yummy but would rather talk about dragons than take me out.) Profiles on badoo are robo-texted from a membership form. It has a wide base of users from other countries. It is also full of ‘Nigerian’ scammers. I quickly noticed that men on Badoo do not have reading or writing skills. Here are a few funny ones:

I deleted my profile a while back. I was irked by the messages I was getting even though I was specifically asking for LOCAL only, no chatting or camming. All I got was crude requests written in LOLCat. I could not find anything redeeming about Badoo to tell you about.

I recently created a profile on OKCupid. I joined a while back because of the funny tests.

As an aside, here’s my recent collection of funny questions from the site.

That’s what people in polling call a leading question. Bombs, no but AWESOME bombs, maybe!

This one from an equality and acceptance test. Had some interesting questions!

This from a sexual purity test that has 100 question and failed towards the end. I don’t have the patience to do it again. To think that when I saw this question at first I was like: “Kewl a new sex thing!”

OK Cupid is actually a dating site. It’s free and it is full of geeks!!! It must have a lot of shirtless 20 year-olds with backwards caps but I can’t see them because of the matching system. I feel like it’s 1994 again and I am surrounded by true tech nerds I already know W. my best match on the site. He clocks in a 80% compatibility way above everyone else. He is a fantastic person so I have confidence in their matching capabilities. I am surprised that guys read all the way through my purposefully long profile and make specific comments on parts of it. Wow, they can actually read, and even between the lines, impressive!!! Now all I have to do is kick myself out of the house to go on a date and I am doing that tonight.

I may be in a self-indicated quarantine but that isn’t going to prevent me from going out with my buds. On Saturday, I had brunch with the Kings (now known as Dukes of Drag) and saw their most-attended show ever at the last Meow Mix. I was sick and couldn’t attend it live so it was great to see it on video. My only goal, other than seeing my buds, was to put on a little presentation of the Web strategy to empower the non-techies to contribute to all the online tasks.

I then headed out to the ATQ Velentine’s Day dinner. ATQ is the Quebec Association of Transexuals. I went to the Christmas one with MFB and it was fun to meet new people and hang out with the fabulous Mimi who has been championing Trans rights for 26 years. And she does make the best cake ever. MFB decided to officially transition just before Christmas has managed to come out to dozens of people at his work (well done) but not his mom yet. This time, we were treated to a spaghetti dinner and all the tboys gravitated to our table. We had great conversations with goth gal and her best butch who is thinking about transitioning herself. They have been together for 4 years and I think it’s great that they are going through this process as a couple.

Then it was on to the bi-monthly get together with the kinky girls. Since it was MFB’s birthday all the girls took turns spanking him (and I held him down!). There was another FTM there, close longtime friend of someone in the group, and he and MFB hit it off REALLY well and MFB was all excited about having his first gay sex LOL There was only 11 of us but retro girl from Ottawa was there and it turns out the vintage cashmere “Jackie” coat I just sent her fits like a glove. I was kind of tired so I layed low.

I had spent the whole week at home in total silence, either working, writing or doing complicated crafty things (and mitigating the ex-boyfriend shituation) so Saturday was quite different from what I am used to. I got so much stuff done last week that tonight I will simply catch up on the new season of Big Brother. I wonder, is matching people who have the same personality a good idea? I don’t think so, I don’t even match my salt and pepper shakers.

I introduced him to her. She is great and funny and quirky like most of my other friends. We had a quasi-threesome, about a year ago. She writes a personal journal, we see each other at many sex workshops and parties. It seems I know so much about her. It’s nice to know open and out people who embrace transparency. I am so not there yet, so I admire this about her. Recently she has been “feeling lonely” and writing about it.

I figured he was in her radar and/or the other way around. Whatever goes for me is fine for him too. When you introduce YOUR lover to another person you run the risk of losing them. I am not bisexual so it’s not like I go around organizing threesomes for the sex. So in introducing him to two of my girlfriends I felt I gave him a gift that he might appreciate. I worry more about bringing a guy into my friendship than bringing a girl into my relationship to be honest with you. He may go on and on about how I am the most awesome thing in the world (sexually) but he has only ever been with me. Big fucking deal to be number one out of… well one.

I didn’t seek this poly lifestyle out, I just recently found out there was a word to describe who I am. I am not emulating anyone I know who is poly. I don’t go to poly events. I discuss and draw from my own experience and they tend to dictate my expectations. This lifestyle is something I started fantasizing about when I was about 12. The lifestyle worked for me when I was round twenty and now fifteen years later. I have to tell people I am involved with more than 1 guy sometimes, IN PERSON. However, none of my online profiles have relationship status. I am neither single nor taken and choose mates from a short list of people I have known for years (minimum 6 months.) I knew he existed for 6 months but wasn’t well acquainted with him when we started dating. My boyfriends tend to excuse each other when issues arise but it was different with this one. He got in the easy way, used up my last bit of nerves and the others resent him for it. None know yet…
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Not me but this Website is funny! I delved into the content for this new Bravo show because the host looked like Monica Lewinsky. It’s not. It’s Patti Allen, Millionaire Matchmaker who pushes good manner and class but can’t write a sentence to save her life. I am assuming she is the one who wrote the rules. Dr. Allen is the host of The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo. This show starts tonight and I wont be watching it. Can’t Bravo afford people to revise copy? I recommend you read the 10 dating rules for women and the 15 dating rules for men. Really entertaining.
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