Courtney Stodden is a teenage dominatrix who is currently punking the world with her bimbo experiment. For months when I saw Courtney and Doug on The Ridiculist I usually felt that she would probably wake up at 24 and be completely embarrassed by the past 8 years (as young adults often do…) But now I have changed my theory and it makes much more sense to me; or at least it gives more hope for humanity.

When I was Courtney’s age I fantasized that I was exactly the same person I have become today. In my fantasies I had 100% control over my life, did many spur of the moment projects, was in a plural marriage with 3 awesome men who got along great and dated a lot of really creative people. This is what I fantasized about constantly from about 12 until my early 20′s when I was able to do concrete things to realize my fantasies. It is therefore entirely believable to me that Courtney’s current phase could be a ploy to realize a very specific socio-sexual fantasy.

So far she has put on an award-worthy bimbo show, lured in a z-list celebrity husband who lives to clean up after her, shopped a lucrative reality tv show and has Dr. Drew on speed dial. Dr. Drew’s secret theory seems to be that Courtney will wind up on his ‘Celebrity Rehab’ program before she is even 21 but I am holding out for my own prize.

My theory is that after only a few years of punking the media with her bimbo experiment, creepy wedding and subsequent shower of inappropriate Facebook pictures, Courtney will tell us it was all a joke/performance to distract us and come out with a tell all book about the vapid creepy Hollywood bubble she now inhabits.

‘Cuz that would be funny and I would say ‘Bravo!’ and buy that book…

This article by Salon.com titled The sex ed hall of shame attempts to explain the lack of important education in the US school system. I have been a long-time observer of the United States culturally, economically and politically. Originally I was just watching a very entertaining slow train wreck but after almost 30 years of way too much TV, newspapers and magazines, I see my spotted trends realized and I am VERY sad for the future.

If sex if free, then why do people spend so much of their money on the mere promise of it?

I have come to believe that most North Americans do not know what sex is whatever their age. It takes a long time to develop sexual intelligence and sexual competence but it seems everything is set up to disable people from attaining these goals. For me sex is a fun, pleasurable and bonding activity and I now credit my success at it on my basic knowledge of the sexual body, the sexual brain and, very importantly, on my ability to select ideal compatible partners. For most people, sex is a product created to separate them from their money.

There is a weird catch-22 going on in sex today. Schools teach abstinence only to teenagers who are marketed sex 24/7. If teenagers had true, scientific and usable information about sexuality they could build on their sexual intelligence. Knowing what a healthy and pleasurable sexual lifestyle is, they would probably not buy into the sex that is sold to them in pornography or rom-coms. As an adult, I spend a considerable amount of time researching sexuality through reading, discussing and practicing awesome sex with awesome partners. What few people know is that most human sexuality is unrelated to the sum of its sexual parts. But in order to discover the wonderful sex life that is 75% technically abstinent, you have to grow up in a gender-equal community that values knowledge and emotional intelligence and accepts discussion about all topics of adult life including sexuality (and economics, parenting, marriage, etc.) Just a note here, abstaining from having sex with sexually uneducated, incompatible and immature partners is a good thing. Going through a series of regrettable experiences forced upon you by peer pressure in a society of one-upmanship fueled by Internet porn is not so great…

I am very sad when I get very basic questions about sex from men in their twenties. I have sat in a room full of twenty something women talking about their sex life. It has always seemed to me that young women take for granted that what they know is correct and ae the ones less likely to ask for directions. But then again, indirectly, I notice more women in adult sex classes. And yes, as an adult, you should attend sex classes!!!

I understand why our world is set up to create people incredibly uninformed about sex. As North Americans we are groomed to become consumers and therefore purchase every aspect of our humanity ready-made. We purchase our values printed on t-shirts, paint-on our gender with makeup, select passive entertainment from a database of millions of titles as we eat our food pre-prepared and drink suspect liquids from a plastic bottle because we have even forgotten that water comes from the tap. Oh and of course, most of these products come packaged with the sexual innuendo-filled promise of sexy sex.

Here’s a tidbit of info: Even if you reach the base camp of Mount Consumerism, you won’t be able to see the top of the mountain and will always feel like you need more things to be happy, sexy and fulfilled. Powerful moneyed people demonstrate everyday how there is not enough money in the world to reach the top of that mountain.

We live surrounded by sex but very little useful information about sex. We know all the details of the ailing sexual lives of politicians, false prophets and billionaires. We can watch the regrettable sexual encounters of celebrities online but have very little insight from people who are doing sex right. So without ongoing comprehensive age-appropriate sex ed, teenagers will continue to learn about sex through a series of regrettable experiences forced upon them by peer pressure in a society of one-upmanship fueled by Internet porn. And that path doesn’t even lead to a happy and fulfilling adult sex life.

In order to know what sex is, one has to get correct basic information about our sexual organs and how they work. Most information available online about the sexual organs of humans are still incomplete! There are three facets to the physical sexual curriculum, reproduction, sexuality and sexual health and hygiene.

The majority of our sexuality lives in the brain. In order to enjoy it we must know how to do research, communicate with others, ask questions and talk about sex in a mature non-judgmental way.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to seriously tackle the issues of sexual conversation in a connected age with education about sexting, social media and online dating.

We have to discuss other aspects of adult life related to procreation such as the true personal and financial costs of child bearing, birth and rearing (parenting and family planning).

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

In order to go through adolescence understanding the changes that we go through and that our peers go through, we have to develop an understanding of what gender is and what sexual orientation is (and know that these two things are VERY different from each other.)

We have to develop tools to understand ourselves and what we value in a partner whether it is for play or for a long-term relationship.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to look at sexual and gender roles through history and see how sexuality followed suit.

We have to be able to look at suggestive or sexual messaging in various marketing forms and develop the skills to understand how it lies about the sexuality it is trying to sell us. This tools are very useful in preventing the epidemic body-issues that affect boys and girls and will impact negatively in their future sex-life.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss how pornography (the leading source of sexual information for children and teens) affects people in a negative way both emotionally and physically (in addition to being very questionable as a source of sex info.)

We have to discuss illegal and prescription drugs and how they enable, inhibit, improve or impair sexual activity and sexual health.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss consensuality, emotional abuse, sexual assault and rape.

We have to discuss what an ethical sexual lifestyle might entail. From discussions on selecting and vetting potential partners to negotiating sexual encounters.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss what marriage is, what committed relationships are, what monogamy or being faithful means and develop communication skills to attain egalitarian relationships where all parties proactively define what these things mean within their own relationship.

We have to look at a a gazillion sexual products, most of which come without instructions, and dissect what they are for, their potential benefits or risks and if even if they have any use at all.

And of course we would have to talk about the complete relationship cycle in today’s intensely connected digital world including breakup etiquette.

And we probably still haven’t had sex yet!

This incomplete curriculum could certainly sustain weekly sex ed through 8 years of schooling! And there are so many more topics to tackle once we reach college!

If abstinence-only education came with actual information about sex rather than a bucket load of shame and denial then it wouldn’t be detrimental to the lives of so many young people.

Sexual education is not about having sex, it’s about learning to survive and eventually thrive in a world that specifically intends to keep you from reaching a healthy mature *AWESOME* sex life.

Everyday I wake up and look at the news to see who’s lying today. Politicians are turning into soul whores and it takes a lot of work to figure out who’s sponsoring their words and vote on any given day. What has become really odd this week though is that a relatively mundane miss-tweet has been blown up to immense importance. And you kind of expect news outlets like Fox and becoming-like-Fox CNN to avoid covering actual news and descend into water-cooler gossip but it gets worse. This week Jon Stewart devotied 4-5 show segments to Anthony Wiener’s²! Really!? Colbert followed suit on Wednesday by ALSO talking about the Wiener tweets which reference The Colbert Report and The Daily Show. Not only was that not necessary, it VERY Entertainment Tonight. I expect more from these people like biting commentary and funny skits about what actually matters.

I saw the Wiener tweet as it came out. Not from the source but as a screen grab repost. I immediately thought about the time I used Twitter’s new multi-account iPad app to tweet my glee about being invited to a lesbian sex party… to my consultant account!!! Big Oops. This is the kind of thing that will happen to everyone who uses social media services with the intent of sharing private information. Where mere mortals once embarrassed themselves by Replying to all, they now mistakingly @reply instead of private messaging. Yes, it will happen to you too!

Now that the content of the tweets are coming out I am surprised at how un-creepy they are. And I’m not comparing Wiener to Tiger Woods here (who should hold the creepy SMS message crown for a long time to come) but to messages that I have seen or received myself from married or attached men. I will explain later why those are inevitable. I tend to limit access to me by married men but I still count many a close friends.

As to pundits judging Wiener for cheating on his spouse, I find it odd and weird. Personally I reserve the term cheating on a spouse to engaging in secret behavior (sexual or emotional) that can harm a relationship or goes against a couple’s stated rules. Any act in itself cannot be construed as cheating by strangers who are not aware of a couple’s relationship rules. As a very attached polyamorous woman I spend a lot of time discussing such matters with a select group of people. In addition to my principal partner, I have one lover and recently released my slave boi after coaching him to build the BDSM relationship he wanted with his wife. Coaching men to accomplish their ideal sexual lifestyle is what I do… So obviously I spend a lot of time planning out my activities with my lovers and friends and keep my principal partner informed of my activities. In the end however I am responsible for my choices and my actions so I cannot go around sexting random men or tweeting naked pictures of myself because that would be unreasonable for someone who has no problem creating quality F2F time. I understand the incredible embarrassment public people must feel when their private conversations become public but I also think they should have known better. I take for granted that all my internet activity is public event if distributed in a very organized way to reach only the intended reader. I am not doing it to be secretive, I am doing it to spare people TMI moments. It very well may be that one of those recipients would release our conversations or that such conversations could become public through technology shortcomings, failure or vandalism.

There are some tidbits of info that don’t seem to be common knowledge yet.

Ladies, one of the things men worry about all the time is ‘Am I attractive to women in a sexual way?’. And they worry about this constantly even if they already have ONE woman. This only decreases slightly when they have TWO. While they are doing the stuff that Wiener did, they are seeking validation and thrills. It has nothing to do with intent to cheat on their partner. This is incredibly immature and very annoying for women but it’s the state of the world we live in. At this point it seems like all elected officials are using their clout and celebrity to get laid while proclaiming their family values, sexting shouldn’t be an issue.

And here’s another thing.

Gentlemen, most women on this planet will frown at receiving an intimate picture of you. 99% of women will puke when receiving a picture of your penis. I try to take this into consideration when teaching my cock-bondage class. I offer double warning when posting pictures of my previous work and mention in BOLD LETTERS in my class descriptions that I will have a live model and that many participants will bring their own pet trouser snakes to practice on (read: boyfriend or submissive).

And now we move into almost secret territory.

Male nudity makes women uncomfortable because we are not raised an socialized to see a man’s genitals as a source of pleasure. For a great portion of women on this planet, a penis is a sign of miss-used authority, a weapon of war, a tool of rape and a constant reminder of men’s sexual obsession made even more obvious today by pervasive porn culture in everyday media. If you are not sure yet that porn culture has invaded the media at large, just watch the MTV movie awards for just 30 minutes to hear at least 10 references to extreme sex acts which us Sex educators, perverts and BDSM folks usually reserve for discreet private conversations.

And this brings me to the next topic: Men behaving extremely badly.

I have been scrutinizing the media and researching women’s issues for about 30 years. I started reading Playboy and Penthouse at 10 years of age and have been searching for adult material since then. By adult material I mostly mean media created for adults, it didn’t have to be sex-related. But I can say that I have closely watched the commercialization of women’s sexuality in both pornography, TV, movies, beauty and fashion. And now I find myself living in a strange time. In the West we have women who think they are empowered but devote an enormous amount of their time being a slave to fashion and beauty standards that are unreasonable and unattainable. At work, they are still discriminated against, paid less and have to put up with men who behave like immature morons and get away with the sleaziest habits.

There is one thing that I am happy about right now. The ascension of women in the media. Because more and more women are journalists and gain clout in the editorial room, the stories of the women of the world are coming through in media. Stories of war, rape, assault, discrimination and also the stories of women heroes who are working hard to make a difference. These stories may be overshadowed by all the noise created by the Weiner’s² gigglefest but they are there to us who seek true reporting about what really matters.

It is imperative that we work to bring equality for women everywhere because it is women who create the most value in this world and are the stewards of quality of life. And they continue to do it out of compassion and love despite being grossly violated along the way. The fabric of our society is disintegrating before our eyes as 50% of the world’s population is violently kept from contributing to a better tomorrow.

We have to stop gawking at the sex scandal of the day and focus on issues that have an enormous impact on our future.

Here are some stories that require your attention and why:

Does Wal-Mart Have A Sex Discrimination Problem?
Stay tuned, we’ll find out in 2025 because for the past 10 years women who have been systematically discriminated against during their employment at Wal-Mart have been fighting an interesting battle. They want to band together and sue Wal-Mart but the insanely rich company is fighting against their right to a class-action lawsuit. 10 whole years to get a decision on this matter?! This lawsuit demonstrate how hard it is for regular folks to bring attention to grave corporate matters because they have to take on armies of lawyers who have all the money in the world to drag out lawsuits until the complainants run out of money. However, this lawsuit affects 1.6 million women and it is the largest potential class-action suit ever proposed. The Supreme Court’s decision will give us an insight into their priority. I can’t wait to find out: Does the Supreme Court work for the biological people or the corporate people?

The Secret World of Child Brides
All over the world, girls and young women are traded as property and sexual objects. I am fascinated by international stories of family, love, sex and cultural traditions. In fact I would love to travel the world to document personal life, courtship, love and marriage in the world. There are two topics which are important in my every day life and those are sexual and reproductive freedom. Women in developing countries who do not have those rights and choices find themselves harmed by their elders before they even have the time to reach adulthood. I will repeat that women are the Earth’s greatest treasure and failing them will kill any hope we have for a decent future civilization.

And there are many more.

The message I hope men get from this video is that they should not tolerate such comments from other men and be fully involved in the battle against this sort of attitude which has no place in today’s supposedly evolved society. (See below for context of this ad in the UK)

I grew up in a family situation where talk about sex was snarky, where comments about women were demeaning. When complaining about my mother’s peeping-tom boyfriend she would call me viscous and whore, which were words I did not understand. I understand what it is like to grow up in a place that blames women for the lewdness and vile actions of men. Such an education made me a ‘pervert’ starting at a young age (when I would have been just happy not having to deal with adult topics or sexuality) and it took me decades to develop a healthy sex life.

Now, as an adult woman involved in raising boys I understand that I also have a huge part to play in educating them in a positive and non-judgmental way about sex and women.

Emotionally mature and sexually educated men are a great gift to women

We need to shift from telling women not to get raped to telling men (who are the problem) that they have an important role to play in fostering a society where responsible sexual freedom flourishes and women are not victimized in the process. We are at a juncture in history where we must get together and end the cycle of violence (verbal, physical and sexual) against women in our Western society so that we may save the future of all man and womankind.

While I enjoy tremendous freedom as a polyamorous life hacker and dominatrix, I realize that I do not live is a sexually free society. Over the last 100 years, women have gone from being considered ‘non-humans’ to attaining a sort of liberation. The cost of this liberation is immense. Women may seem free to do as they please but have to endure endless criticism about the attractiveness of every part of their body, face ageism and wage discrimination in a society that still expects them to be twice as good and work twice as hard, while looking great, to merely fit into a world still rules by greedy rich old white men. Women may be free but they remain objects and products to a large sector of the male population.

I started thinking about these issues while writing promotional material for a self-defense class for women. Self-defense classes today do not address the reality that 97% of women who report rape or sexual assault knew their attacker. In most cases it is the romantic partner or date who victimizes a woman. Yet regular self-defense still teaches women how not to get mugged in a alley because if a woman gets victimized while on a date or during sex that becomes non-consensual, then she “was asking for it”. It became soul killing for me to sell self-protection to women when it is men who are the problem so I shifted my thought process to figure out a way to teach men how not to rape and I might be on to something that is positive, fun and in-line with my appreciation of men.

One important aspect of sex education that might be missing from the curriculum is teaching teens how to identify and not tolerate misogynistic speech and behavior around them. Right now, however, we are seeing the pendulum of sexism swing dangerously in the misandry direction. Negative speech about men abounds in ads and tv shows and it’s creating a divisive situation (for profit) that might infect a generation and make it harder to attain true equality of the sexes.

Another important step in educating young people to create a society where they enjoy a life of sexual knowledge, sexual quality and sexual happiness is misinformation. The lack of quality sex education in the past 20 years, or rather ‘abstinence only’ education, creates a wide open place for misinformation about sexuality. On one side, peer-to-peer education lacks context and facts. On the other, pornography is completely devoid of useful sex information. In the culture of porn one-upmanship actors perform to a sexual script that isn’t pleasurable to either participant. Also, for some reason porn producers have decided to package most everything they do as a product that infantilizes, demeans and victimizes women. I can see how creating a product that is highly addictive and captivating while harming the viewer’s self-confidence and reducing his ability to communicate with women is a wicked brilliant business plan… but it is hardly useful to us women.

I can attest with authority that men DO enjoy the intimate company of strong intelligent women who do not dress like teenagers. Usually, these are the same men who consume little to no porn and have well-aligned priorities. And, I am not down on all adult entertainment because intellectually challenging and emotionally mature ‘porn’ is awesome.

But back to the topic of sexual education…

The UK is WAY ahead of us on sex ed but only as a an urgent reaction to being the worst off country in Europe when it comes to STIs and teen pregnancies. Add legendary UK teen heavy drinking and drugs to the mix and you get the new reality of rape and assault which is that over 97% of women are assaulted by someone they know (NOTE: The same percentage of women report knowing their attacker in Canada and the US) Because there is a very low number of actual criminally insane serial rapists in the world compared to the growing number of crimes reported, it means that rape happens at a juncture of immaturity, impaired judgment, lack of education, misogynistic attitude, carelessness and stupidity and it is entirely preventable through a change in attitude and though education starting in high school.

Blaming women for rape is akin to saying rape is unpreventable and therefore it removes the blame from men who rape. It is wrong.

All of us have to figure out ways to fix this situation together here in the West. Then, and only then, we will not have the maturity and strength to help women and girls in developing countries recover from the violence of war and genocide and prosper. Else we are ALL fucked.

My sweetheart came home late on Friday night and said: ‘It’s very good for my 42 year-old ego to wipe the floor with a bunch of young guys.’ He had just finished four hours of training at his martial arts school where all but 2 of his students are half his age. The night before he told me how he planned to train his students until they couldn’t walk anymore (squats, push-ups and his special brand of crazy neurological shock exercises that make you want to vomit) and then do defense against multiple attackers. Then he said I would be happy to avoid that class. I retorted by asking: “You are having a Gang Rape Play class and think I will enjoy NOT being there?!?” That made him laugh… for quite a while. He can count on me to twist everything he says and does into a kinky way but I do it for entertainment.

What is interesting though is that all of his students pay for the privilege of getting a severe beat up and then come back for more. Maybe they are masochists…

I am not a masochist but I am in a truly happy relationship with a professional torturer. While all the other torturers I have known in my life are motivated by desperate fear and low self-esteem (abusive bullies) my sweetheart is a physical scientist who has spent decades studying how the body and brain works when it comes to violence and fear. He’s completely encompassed into this world of war nerdiness and all of his recent friends are special forces and combat geeks. This specialization is typical of his Aspergers but he is knowledgeable in other areas as well. Working with him has reduced my pain and stress-related tension levels and has improved my mobility. He walks on me, has attacked my permanently cramped muscles with whips, sticks, knives, shovels and hatchets. It is more painful than anything I have ever felt except of course being crushed in between two cars. All of this ‘therapeutic torture’ comes from a generous intelligent place making it beneficial physically and emotionally. The whole metaphysical aspect of his martial arts is a bit harder to grasp. His discipline comes from an old tradition of Soviet special forces and it’s only been practiced outside of the iron curtain for 15 years. I call his instructors vampires because it’s obvious they are not made from the same stuff that we are. I cannot explain their advanced capabilities as they seem to read and control the mind. So I continue to observe the interesting relationship he has with his students. While my boyfriend is not kinky, he understand the BDSM dynamic and has noted publicly the similarities in his field of work many years ago. He is his student’s Dom.

In the meantime I am learning to take care of my man in the same way because he is not immune to tension from spending most of his time training and grappling. So, I still get to whack the heck out of someone but with a more therapeutic inclination. This might be my Dominatrix Phd.

In the past 6 months I have learned to let go of my issues with pain. It’s important because I have a serious fear of winding up in the situation I was in 2008-2009 when pain from injuries sustained years before got so bad that it rendered me unable to think at the same level as before. I got mathematical amnesia and was unable to do my job (programmer analyst). I am working again in my field making continuous headway to my ideal job. But even though being in pain is no longer as stressful, I still harbour fear of losing my intellectual abilities because of it. I can accomplish really awesome things using my brain, from coming up with solutions to inventing stories to entertain and amuse my friends in a way that is more sustainable than by simply being pretty. In return I get compliments, admiration, love and long-term attachment in ways that always surprise me. I am very attached to my intellect!!!

As a woman, and an almost 40 year old one at that, it’s hard to blend in the martial art class. I am pitted against shy 17-21 year olds who take a long time to get passed the awkwardness of grappling with a woman. In my head I do not look at myself with the lens of gender and in essence always forget that I am a woman so when the mirror of my gender is thrown at me by my grappling opponent and I realize that we are not equal, it’s somewhat disappointing. I have finally convinced my ex (TPB) to continue coming with me because he is quite used to horizontal activities with me and the unintentional boob grabs don’t phase him. Of course, being close to him like that brings its own set of awkwardness but it beats being shoved around by the class dimwit uncoordinated gorilla who has injured me twice in the past two months.

When I can’t (or don’t want to) grapple with the young ones, I simply sit on the edge of the mat and watch my boyfriend tap out guys one after the other from his own class and his partner’s MMA class. And then we go out for burgers and talk about particle physics or the UFC and then go home to have sex. This has kind of been my life for a few months.

A few years ago I stumbled onto The Ultimate Fighter (season 6) and I have been a fan ever since. This show provides enough male-o-drama to satisfy my weekly cravings. Now that I have SpikeTV it’s hard to look away from the endless stream of UFC specials, recaps and compilations.

I am not unfamiliar with the world of fighting. I grew up on wrestling in the mid 70s. My experience of this entertainment started with the Rougeau Brothers and ended with the Roddy Piper. After that, wrestling became an overblown fake soap opera outside of the ring as well. While I was looking away I stumbled onto an epic episode of ‘The Weakest Link’ with the MacMahons as special guests and I was overjoyed to realize that HHH (fellow Québécois Paul Levesque) and his wife Stephanie, daughter of senate hopeful Linda McMahon, were quite witty and fun. In fact the meathead stereotype associated with fighters is incorrect. It would appear that there are more brainiacs per-capita in the UFC than in other professional sports.

This week, I was overjoyed by Bones when Temperance Brennan exclaimed ‘Eureka: A gathering of Guidos!’. I had been told to pay attention last year but never got passed the first episode of Jersey Shore, that documentary about the Guido tribe. Good thing our favorite anthropologist is paying attention! Myself, I will continue to study the UFC tribe which is surprisingly large.

The other night, I told my sweetie how my teenage boyfriend found me on Facebook. He is an Ontarian I met when our 9^th grade classes were matched in 1985. I can trace my total anglo-canadian fetish back to that exact day. I kissed him in the lobby of the Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City. It was a little bit passed the curfew! We continued our relationship for years through mail and the phone. I sent him lots of letters and even a topless picture of me. One thing that people don’t know about me is that I have lived a more eventful life than the average person and many of those experiences involve choosing to do risky things just for the experience. So one day I went to the local Zellers-type store at my local mall and stood hiding the photo chute for 4-minutes until my topless pictures came out. In today’s camera phone obsessed world it’s hard to know for sure, but there aren’t supposed to be any nude pictures of me on the Internet. When I was a senior in high school, I used my exemption from the English class to write my beloved Ontarian sexy stories. I am confident that doing so provided me with more education than being in a moronic English as a second language class. In fact I always had a disdain for ESL classes because they missed the mark completely by not teaching social and conversation English. Back then I read Penthouse Letters and watched Playboy Channel for a peek into adult culture. I also took over my college-level English class about idioms by using a particularly awesome vintage Rolling Stone Magazine articles about drugs.
During my long-distance teenage relationship with the sexy Ontarian, I remember I had other relationships, I have always been sort of poly I guess, even if I obeyed the physical rules of monogamy.

When I was 18 and between two stints as a tour guide (guiding groups of tourists in tour busses in U.S” and Canada), I was ‘technically single’ and I went to visit him. My stay there was rather awkward. I came home with a sense that he wasn’t that into me and continued my life. The next week I met Chuck in Amos (a fellow tour guide) and so many formative and life-changing things happened to me since then. When I read the profusely affectionate and apologetical e-mails he sent me this week, it seemed odd because to me, it seemed like he would have forgotten that I ever existed by now.

I guess Facebook does that to people every day, thrusting them back together after twenty years and giving them the opportunity to reconnect where they left off. But one thing is for sure is that I am not the same person I was twenty years ago and it is unusual to have someone in front of me who has no knowledge of my life adventures.
While I am always very attached to and place great value on people whom I have known for a long time, I don’t really need yet another married man friend in my life who comes to me for entertaining conversation, stories of my life on the other side and advice about marriage. It doesn’t bring me anything in return.

I’m still dating all the other guys I was dating last year while searching for my sweetie. I don’t consider that I have enough time to conduct another sexual relationship right now but it’s fun to be offered the possibility all the time. Even though I’m not open to having other sexual relationships right now the growing emotional attachment I have with the others winds up being the same as if we were having sex. I have decided not to close the door on my established relationship with my slave boy. But I have goals to accomplish before I can continue that relationship and, of course, I will have to have a discussion with my partner about it. Have you ever had a talk with your boyfriend that starts with: ‘How would you feel about me having a slave boy?’

PETa offers actresses the opportunity to pose naked and attract attention to themselves and re-energize or boost their career or rise their decorative stardom. Let’s face it, there are few people who advocate for the kicking of puppies, so a PETA ad is safe and as a bonus, delivers all the attention-whoring punch of a Playboy pictorial without the stigma.

I appreciate Sasha Grey’s effort to diversify her activities and career but while some of my guy friends talk incessantly about how hot she is, they have yet to read her mainstream media articles or interviews or watch her mainstream movies and therefore the Sasha Grey conversation begins and ends rather quickly. I think her fan base is ONLY interested in her lack of a gag reflex so perhaps PETA’s aims to reach the porn gobbling masses with this message will not get much reach. And that is too bad because there is more to Sasha Grey than the extreme and unsafe sexual party tricks she can perform on screen for money (a little bit more…)

The day that the millions of children who are enslaved into work or sexual slavery (espescially girls) get to go to school and get at minimum a 10th grade education, I will start to really care about the general welfare of cats and dogs in North America. People should not contribute to PETA financially because it has no significant effect on global welfare. In North America, pets are products and even people who vehemently scold others about animal welfare dress up their toy dogs and drive the market for questionable practices of massively inbreeding expensive dogs leaving them susceptible to terrible congenital malformations and painful diseases. Treatment of animals is unlikely to change until people recognize that animals are animals and not anthropomorphized accessories that drive a billion dollar pet accessory industry.

While pets will never seek revenge on us for mistreating them, millions of forgotten, mistreated and enslaved children around the world will eventually wreck havoc on a global scale… or at least those who survive to adulthood.

Don’t give money to Peta, instead, foster cats and dogs from the shelter so they are not stuck in a cage for months I’ve done it! If you can’t have a dog full-time, it is a pleasant experience to keep a cast-off puppy from the shelter and properly socialize it. In fact, you should encourage everybody who shows interest in buying a cat or dog to do this for a month just to make sure they understand the implications of ADULT pet ownership.

If they reply: “But I want a cute puppy!” Kick them for me!

ETA: Given that my neutered male cat, can be convinced to have sex by an un-spayed female, the message on the ad wasn’t necessarely true… so I re-mixed it to something factual and straight-to-the-point.

I have been writing articles for my upcoming sex education website paying special attention on outlining my articles on porn. While I will attempt to provide some useful info on a category of 13,000 products that fail to come with instructions, I do not plan on selling porn. Not that it wouldn’t be a great cash cow but I haven’t made money from porn online so far so now is a great time NOT to start. I feel that in a sea of ‘sex products’ pornography is the one commodity that adds absolutely no value to consumer’s life. And it’s going to be quite interesting to write how porn fails to deliver on all levels and go through the long list of misinformation that is propagated by porn.

Yesterday I watched BBC3′s 2007 special Teens Hooked on Porn (it is available on Youtube) and I was quite shocked. For the past year I have been keen to progressively kick one of my partners into sex rehab after realizing that his addiction to online dating sites and porn is keeping him back in all areas of life. I was shocked to see these 16-year-old boys progressively destroy their potential for life enjoyment though abusive use of pornography. How sad it is to discover sexuality as a packaged product rather than the old fashion way (secretly making out in the shed!?) When you think about it, us girls still had to put up with old gropey pervs who made inappropriate comments when we were growing up (in the 80′s) altering our perception of adulthood, sexuality and men. And it sucked. When boys tap into pornography they are inviting the same kind of ideas, short-circuiting their brain before they even develop their ability to socialize with their peers and girls. What I have been discovering over the past 5 years of talking about porn and asking questions is that porn is very harmful to men in so many ways.

So about a month ago I realized that I did not want to enter into a lifelong commitment with someone whom I feel is on the road to personal destruction. And I am not talking here about how his addictions are fucking up any and all chances for us to have a normal relationship but how it is first and foremost making him his worst enemy. Sex addiction is tricky because it would appear that it has very little to do with sex and a lot to do with socio-affective anxiety. I live for the day I can take him along when traveling around the world to document that happy, joyful, sad and shocking state of sex around the world today, however, at this stage he would not be able to deal with this and not because of the topic of sex, because of the issues of violence, hate, anger, misogyny and bullying that surround the commercialization of sex as a product.

I was quite surprised that rather than walk away he has made every effort to address the situation seeking a therapist for weekly sessions and going to SAA group 2-3 times a week. He even deleted all his online dating accounts and porn and has maintained sobriety for over a month. While I am very impressed, it is most interesting to talk about it and see his outlook change from a culture of outside validation to a state of inner satisfaction with accomplishing a bunch of stuff he had put off. Because that is the issue here… not HOW he spends his time (he could be wasting time gaming or drinking… it’s all the same) but the fact that he makes a concerned effort to accomplish things that are important to him and that is what fills the well of self worth, creates joy and attracts interaction with other joyful people.

More and more I feel that addiction to porn or reliance on less mindfull entertainment like video games, movies/TV and online memes is a sign that someone has fallen into the soul killing downward spiral of :

Loneliness and Boredom

Little did I know that when attending an evening of travel presentation at the local Yacht Club with Mr. P., I would meet Tas, a talented baker of perverted cakes. Tas, whose background is computer science and math, is even looking for ways to incorporate advanced features (animated parts) into his creations. Read the rest of this entry »

It is interesting how in the context of getting to know him for the purpose of a romantic connection in the future, I set aside judgment on his issues. I understand that when people do not know each other very well, they can be guarded, defensive or on their best behavior.

However when he said “we were developing a neutral friendship…” Mr. M. did two things (unintentional as usual). He confirmed that he was ‘not that into me’ and he changed the lens with which I was looking at him. Both things are good. I had been looking for a ‘No’ from him so it was very liberating to read it… it could have been less vague and less wishy washy but nonetheless I will gladly take it and run.

The most surprising thing however was that when I started looking at him with ‘friend material’ scrutiny, I was immediately appalled at all that he is and everything he does. It was surprising, shocking and quite sobering. I explained this to Mr. M. and perhaps I sounded full of myself when I wrote that I have absolutely fantastic friends and the competition is stiff in that arena!  So maybe I was full of my wonderful supportive friends. Anyhow, it wasn’t poetic but I don’t expect a response from him…

He has gotten back together with his ‘newish girlfriend’ for the second or third time in the past few months. The best thing that can happen now is for that to work out well for them.

I shall go back to my old way of picking boyfriends, from the list of guys who are into me and seemingly compatible and work my way from there and now I feel even more confident in my recent decisions.

The Bodyguard returns from the Tundra in nine days. The Anchorman is in the middle of Nowhere, Ontario for the summer. The guy who is too young for me is strangely mature-acting and looking for 26. My Daddy is getting better and he can’t wait for us to resume having normal conversations (not that we ever talk about ‘normal’ things.) And last but not least, I am enjoying seeing the BeardedDiCaprio more than usual.

I started watching ‘Hung’ and it is somewhat interesting. Though it has prompted me to launch another crazy Craigslist social experiment. Yes, another complicated secret Craigslist social experiment.

I think Britney Spears met my M0j0D4ddy and wrote a song about him. But all things considered I have developed a comprehensive appreciation of him over the past 9 months. This weekend I woke up to the fact that I have developed really useful skills in relationship building and managing.

I mean I must not have been that bad at it before having juggled the 4 boyfriends BUT I think that having one relationship for the long term with a piece of work, no less, would be A LOT more complex.

I am kind of tortured right now. I am being deluged with flowers, adoration and praise by those who actually deserve my attention and yet, out of the blue, Mr. M. shows up to ask a whole bunch of questions about my current relationships and plans. He seems to love to prove me wrong so he has not disappeared at the first sign of conflict but hey, it’s barely been a week!

Of course I have current relationships and plans. Have I ever not had those!? He kind of waltzes in like he’s Caesar or somthin’ asking a whole bunch of personal questions (bringing us right back to square one of what we want/need from each otehr and life in general…)

I have current relationships and plans with guys who are not too impressed with how Mr. M. wooed me and sort of dumped me 10 months ago… look it up! I have an active love-life and while I look forward to focusing on a spouse in a monogamous relationship, I cannot easily be plucked from my life and conveniently divorced from it… Even by the Prissy Emperor.  At least now I much less inept, hapless and uncontrolled around him… I have been working on my secretarial skills with M0j0D4ddy for the past 9 months! I’ve even been working on the silly, silly girl part!

Today, at lunch, I fessed up to The General that while last year he suggested a definite NEITHER when I posed the question: “M0j0D4ddy or Mr. M.?” I seem to be stuck with both. Mr. M. because, well, just because I have annoying inexplicable feelings of wanting him ohhh so very much… and M0j0D4ddy because I have worked my butt off to define a custom-made lifetime relationship that is really cool for each one of us (The stage after our current Boss/Secretary-like thing.)

Scandalously, that relationship is akin to a BDSM Daddy-Girl dynamic (which can mean a million things.) The General, who is a vanilla dad, asked: “WTF, is a Daddy-Girl relationship!?” and I simply answered: “It’s the exact same thing as you and me!!!” That he seemed to understand quite well even in his hyper-vanilla way LOL Originally when I was attracted to The General I did not know that the mentorship-protection-encouragement was what I was actually looking for from him. I pondered this for years! I don’t say that I have daddy-issues… I have ‘no-daddy’ issues hahaha

In the past 5 years I have dissected what I want from that dynamic and the fact that I have been able to maintain healthy and very happy relationships with men over the past 5 years is entirely related to the love and support that I get from The General (and he knows it.) So it would appear that in absence of having a supportive family of my own, this relationship is key to me having the strength and security to deal, intelligently and gracefully, with all those relationship issues that normally arise as well as with personal issues such as parenting, health and work. But The General is moving on this Fall or early next year… hence the opening for a new mentor-type in my life.

So I told my would-be Daddy this weekend that I was seriously considering petitioning him officially for this role. It’s a lifelong leather-bond. In our definition it is non-romantic and non-sexual and not particularly Dom/sub either, simply the close protective emotionally bonded relationship of two people who have projects and goals in common. I once wrote that I wanted a pet lion because I was unaware of the existing Daddy-girl dynamic and I got myself EXACTLY that. I’m not letting go!!! And I have been “Daddy’s little princess that can do no wrong” for a while already and I hear all the time how he is very proud of me.

But there are variables that I do not know of. How do our prospective spouses (that do not exist at this time) deal with this very non-traditional relationship?! We both REALLY want to get married again! I want to be with a man who is strong enough to deal with this and I inform the men I date of my ‘special’ relationship with M0j0D4ddy ahead of them becoming attached or possessive of me. But unless M0j0D4ddy and I travel together, which we should do a few times a year, he lives 1000 miles away and doesn’t believe in meddling in my relationships. It is super obvious to me that none of my existing mentor-type relationships, even though they have existed for 1-10 years, would supersede my relationship with my spouse…

So I continue to ponder my decision while my pet lion is already rolling around purring all happy. I think I am going to make and send him something crafty this week as I await for his roar to come back. The poor kitty has lost his voice after breathing particles while isolating his attic.