Sex is FREE; but they get you on the accessories!!!

JT Stockroom, purveyor to the pervs, have just added a new item to their most interesting and unusual selection of sex toys and tools, the Ultimate 12-inch Power Bullet. It would seem it is the same as little portable bullets with a button on the end except it’s huge! Why not outfit it with a wall plug because it’s certainly not that portable. This is the giggle of the day.

There is this fantastic show coming from the U.K. called The Sex Education Show. The information is passed on in a really mature matter of fact way and it’s not ewwww inducing like A Girls Guide to 21st Century Sex‘s super porno internal sex cam! I wish I could share this with my daughter but she cringes when she sees two people kissing. Well… she is only 8 now so I’ll keep it for later.

On another note…

See the couple’s page here.

You know there is a certain advantage to dating chubby blue-eyed geeks. Most of them never bother me with the immediate status of their physical fitness. As if I give a fuck anyway.

While I did have fun taking M0J0D4ddy (a non-chubby blue-eyed geek) to his rigorous macho man classes for a week, I am SUPER annoyed when he dares say he is out of shape!

He is perhaps one of the most fit 45-year-olds on this fuckin’ planet.

Paul Zerh, who is, like Patrick, both a scientist and a Martial Arts black belt, studied what makes Batman possible. It just so happens that Patrick has the physical profile of Batman and the 15 extra years of training he holds are explained by the fact that fictional character Bruce Wayne is barely 30 years-old.

But I live by evidence so…

Witness this clip featuring 28 guys in a martial arts class doing a warm up exercise. This is Patrick’s second 90-minute class for the day. We spent the interim 5 hours walking in downtown Toronto. The exercise consists of holding one’s self in a push up position and counting to twenty while slowly going up and down… and up again. Patrick is on the left wearing a khaki t-shirt. He has bandages on both his arms from wicked mat burns sustained while training in Montreal. As you can see the teacher (one of Canada’s leading Systema instructors) is able to talk through this exercise… and by the end there is only one other person not grunting or visibly struggling through this exercise… Patrick!

As M0j0D4ddy’s aspiring arch-nemesis, I urge anyone who ever hears him complain about being out of shape to kick him (gently so as not to bruise his fabulous behind!!)

He will know that deep down inside that kick comes from me!!!

(Evil grin!)

I haven’t written much lately because I have been doing write-ups for my event coming up in March. It is coming together very well. While this endeavor started as an excuse to spend time with M0j0D4DDY, whom I’ve been getting to know over the past three months, it is evolving into a swanky weekend affair which will leave us with little time to spend together!

I can’t do things half-assed, so I am going all out and using so many skills acquired from twenty years of work background in tourism, Web and project management to make Spring Fever a super fun, well put together, classy and naughty event. Last time M0J0D4DDy was here, in 2006 during the OutGames, he did not teach his BDSM workshops only his Modern Self-Defense for Women class and the ever popular Elegant Pain Compliance workshop. These are all workshops topics that have not been taught in Montreal yet so I am REALLY looking forward to them! And when I say looking forward I mean REALLY looking forward because I know the content and M0J0D4DDy is NOT a wallflower, it is going to be HARDCORE.

And I will be teaching Cock Bondage.  I heard someone say a few weeks ago “So and so told me you are the foremost expert in the world on Cock Bondage!” Well, thank you but a better description would be that I am the ONLY person in the world who has cared to do this craftily and document the process. My upcoming workshop is really a 90-minute long comedic presentation created to make people wince and giggle. Oh, it is going to be informative alright but it goes way further than that. It is the start of an EPIC event. It will make a wonderful intro to the next workshop, the Erotic Humiliation one. I haven’t even given my darn class yet and I am already booked twice more in Toronto!

Henceforth I will be known as the chick who ties up guys’ junk…

Link to video @ TheOnion

The guys who asked me last week if I love him, after asking me to move in with him, gave me a huge box of Lindt chocolates yesterday. He then said as he dropped me off at my place: “When you eat your chocolates you should eat fruits at the same time so the ascorbate inhibits the oxidization of [noise....I flunked chemistry...noise] else the sugar causes aging.” Or something to that effect. And I just kissed him goodnight.

I swear he doesn’t have any romantic intentions towards me and he’s still blabbing on about how he’s going to fix me up with his buddy Ben, the ubergeek and inventor. I’m all like, sure, if he really is on the verge of becoming a trillionaire with his latest invention, he can buy me a local franchise of the ‘Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation’. The prospect of meeting someone handpicked by Mr. P is incredibly intriguing because he notices important personality traits about people and this ability has been very insightful. He is supposed to be a good matchmaker. Often he will start phrases with: “Well it’s because you are…” or “Well it’s because you do…” which is unheard of for me. Most people are too intimidated by me to dare give me any useful insight into how I am, or at least how I am with them, which would help me improve the relationship.

After my hamburger chat with his 4th neighbor I went to visit Mr. P’s house. I have to see if, in fact, it would make a nice place for me to squat, given that I foresee needing money to travel more in the next year (and therefore not being there much.) Mr. P and I also discussed this week being married on Thursdays. Actually, I think Tuesdays would be much better for me. Okay so I need to think this through a bit more.

The work involved in ridding his house of superfluous scientific equipment is immense! But then again he doesn’t necessarily want to get rid of it either because he foresees needing it in the future for some project or other. The problem is that I am the same way, it’s just my collections of art & craft material is neatly sorted and mostly out of the way! I am not sure there is enough room in his house for me and my posse. I picked up a bag of white pellets in the kitchen and said: “Tapioca!” to which he replied: “Noooo, it’s sodium silicate!” as if it is normal for anyone to have desiccant in a bag next to radioactive Polonium where I would have a neatly assembled array of spices and condiments. Look it up, Polonium is not a Spanish chicken spice mix. Also, I do not find random stacking, a predominantly male aesthetic movement, pleasing to the eye. I have to mention here that he does have a few girlfriends and he does get laid. The nerdy is just more entertaining to me. My faux-James May set up his alarm system as we left his house and I asked: “Why? Are you afraid people will break into your house to put their stuff there?!”

I’m watching UFC this morning. That’s ultimate fighting cats. They are so cute. They fight and roll around and have not yet figured out that they could simply just cuddle and kiss. The little girl is still winning every time but my fat tabby is no longer stressed out and he just goes with the flow.

I woke up at 7:30 but I waited an hour before waking up CJO. He had me wake him up on MLK day as well. I would do it everyday but I only set my alarm when my daughter is with me. CJO is in a good mood. Last Tuesday, I had given him a warning because he had been complaining a lot in the past week. I do not like whiny babies. It’s not my fault he can’t find his tools to fix his wiring. And also he should not constantly whine that he needs to get himself a slave to clean his house and suck his dick he should just work on finding one. I mean if I had contacts around where he lives I WOULD call someone to deliver cooked food to his house and if he liked her he could let her inside to clean his house and suck his dick. But I don’t have such wonderful girlfriends around there. But he did tell me yesterday that he may have found someone even though she is not that available. He said: “And she is safe.” to which I replied: “Safe as in, no mental disorders?!” He said: “No. Safe as in she is no threat to you.” After which he proceeded to explain to me how no outside influence can change what we have. How adorable is he?!

CJO has been in a better mood (and smiling widely which I love) so we have opened up the communication channel when it comes to sex and BDSM. This is something that has to be done! In 2 months I will spend 9 whole days with him! I’ve packed up those days full of classes, networking luncheons and dinners and trips to his favorite Martial Arts schools but I will still have to get along with him. I already have an insight into the overworked, underfed and cranky Man but that will be quite the test LOL. It’s a week of doing what he loves (he makes me feel included in that statement ahem…)

He’s going to teach a class on ‘Erotic Humiliation’ in March and that is a fun Pandora’s box to open. Most of what I write tends to deal with this topic, inadvertently, in a similar way that it is touched on in The Secretary. And yes CJO made fun of me for being very situational in the way I fantasize. I really find it more interesting to think about conversations or situations that could lead to sex than outright sex.

I have really fun and fascinating people in my life, I am so lucky !

Just a little something to stick to your brain matter for the dayweek!

My local IGA has a very well defined bachelor trajectory. In fact it must be the most planned out part of any supermarket. However, it is separated into two areas. Confirmed Bachelor and Overgrown Teenager. These two areas are connected by the Milk Lane. The Confirmed Bachelor starts with the prepared food and fancy frozen food which are products also consumed widely by the Overworked Mom. The Overgrown Teenager section has frozen pizzas, pizza pockets, pop, chips and beer with a convenient Nut Alley just before the cash registers. These are areas that you can go to without having to ever concern yourself with anything un-processed or un-packaged like ingredients, fruits and vegetables. Because I go into the aisles, I usually avoid these areas. But once in a while I find truly mind boggling things in there.

This is obviously marketed to ‘adults’ because it is called a panini rather than a sandwich. It microwaveable toast!!!

I can understand why people eat cereal for dinner, I do that too sometimes but who buys microwavable toasts or already cooked spaghetti for that matter!?!

I used to read Perez Hilton and now I am much more into Secret Tweet. There are lots of secret Twitter accounts and confession accounts but this one has the best stuff because it is moderated.

I don’t like being totally secretive so, a while ago, when I Secret Tweeted about CJO, I sent it to him and he replied That being said, he doesn’t read this blog even though he knows I am plotting against him. Mouhahahahah!

I highly suspect that CJO is Batman. Perhaps that makes him less paranoid than most people. Actually, if you believe Becoming Batman he is Batman². Batman is superior but if I beat Batman it means I am the superiorest! Mouhahahahah!

Evil plans are awesome!