I have been writing articles for my upcoming sex education website paying special attention on outlining my articles on porn. While I will attempt to provide some useful info on a category of 13,000 products that fail to come with instructions, I do not plan on selling porn. Not that it wouldn’t be a great cash cow but I haven’t made money from porn online so far so now is a great time NOT to start. I feel that in a sea of ’sex products’ pornography is the one commodity that adds absolutely no value to consumer’s life. And it’s going to be quite interesting to write how porn fails to deliver on all levels and go through the long list of misinformation that is propagated by porn.

Yesterday I watched BBC3’s 2007 special Teens Hooked on Porn (it is available on Youtube) and I was quite shocked. For the past year I have been keen to progressively kick one of my partners into sex rehab after realizing that his addiction to online dating sites and porn is keeping him back in all areas of life. I was shocked to see these 16-year-old boys progressively destroy their potential for life enjoyment though abusive use of pornography. How sad it is to discover sexuality as a packaged product rather than the old fashion way (secretly making out in the shed!?) When you think about it, us girls still had to put up with old gropey pervs who made inappropriate comments when we were growing up (in the 80’s) altering our perception of adulthood, sexuality and men. And it sucked. When boys tap into pornography they are inviting the same kind of ideas, short-circuiting their brain before they even develop their ability to socialize with their peers and girls. What I have been discovering over the past 5 years of talking about porn and asking questions is that porn is very harmful to men in so many ways.

So about a month ago I realized that I did not want to enter into a lifelong commitment with someone whom I feel is on the road to personal destruction. And I am not talking here about how his addictions are fucking up any and all chances for us to have a normal relationship but how it is first and foremost making him his worst enemy. Sex addiction is tricky because it would appear that it has very little to do with sex and a lot to do with socio-affective anxiety. I live for the day I can take him along when traveling around the world to document that happy, joyful, sad and shocking state of sex around the world today, however, at this stage he would not be able to deal with this and not because of the topic of sex, because of the issues of violence, hate, anger, misogyny and bullying that surround the commercialization of sex as a product.

I was quite surprised that rather than walk away he has made every effort to address the situation seeking a therapist for weekly sessions and going to SAA group 2-3 times a week. He even deleted all his online dating accounts and porn and has maintained sobriety for over a month. While I am very impressed, it is most interesting to talk about it and see his outlook change from a culture of outside validation to a state of inner satisfaction with accomplishing a bunch of stuff he had put off. Because that is the issue here… not HOW he spends his time (he could be wasting time gaming or drinking… it’s all the same) but the fact that he makes a concerned effort to accomplish things that are important to him and that is what fills the well of self worth, creates joy and attracts interaction with other joyful people.

More and more I feel that addiction to porn or reliance on less mindfull entertainment like video games, movies/TV and online memes is a sign that someone has fallen into the soul killing downward spiral of :

Loneliness and Boredom

SUPRA SEX

Jobs in the First Earth (Battalion) are based on capabilities. Sex, age, color, or religious preferences are not considerations. Culture has, however, programmed men and women so that they feel pressure to relate to each other sexually. This sexual protocol can be overcome by a series of extended exercises requiring the absolute interdependence of all participants until a level is trust is developed that supersedes and rises above any kind of sexual relationship. Fortunately love is still the by-product. (First Earth Battalion Field Manual, Jim Cannon, 1979)

I recently learned about this New Agey experimental army project when Jon Ronson, author of The Men who Stare at Goats made an appearance on The Colbert Report last week. While I think that this Cannon dude smoked some good shit, the whole process of ‘winning the heart of the enemy through amorous gestures and sparkly eyes’ intrigued me. I then found the above passage in the field manual and I though it made a lot of sense. In fact it’s been my tactic for a while now and it works fantastically well.

Of course it also dawned on me that I am most likely intimately connected to one of them sparkly eyed psychic spies… When confronted he said: “I can’t talk about those things…” Well, it’s not like it’s classified anymore, the frickin’ manual is on the Internet! And maybe if I had been involved in such crazy research in the eighties I wouldn’t want to talk about it either LOL The Daddy and I are going see the movie together when I meet his family on Thanksgiving.

The Men Who Stare at Goats is coming out as a film starring two of my favorite hunks of man meat George Clooney and Ewan McGregor. And of course it’s been made into a goofy comedy.

But speaking of dubious research… I’ve been reading with great delight Mary Roach’s Bonk. It is filled with gems of dubious research about sexuality through the 20th century.

When I bought the book I was actually looking for Becoming Batman: The Possibility of a Superhero and I had a sales girl hanging on me helping me to find the book. Usually when faced with a cute Chapter’s sales clerk I ask for the most perverted book I can think of just to see their reaction. But this time I simply said that I had to give this book to my boyfriend because it proves he has twice as much training as Batman. And she was all fascinated with this book she had never heard of. She said: “This may sound completely geeky but it must be a fascinating book!” I really need to get myself simple business cards with only my name and e-mail on them. This nerdy chick was really cute.. I missed a score!

I am spending the weekend in New York City. I have the use of a studio on the Upper West Side conveniently close to a man I am looking forward to meeting. He has written on the topic of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), something that is still largely misunderstood. I’m going to try to be aloof and not spend my whole time talking about his work however fascinating it is. Quick, think of charming girlie topics! Actually I hope we can go see Capitalism: A Love Story together.

It came out at work last week that I have more than one boyfriend. I made a point to say that I do not find men, that they find me. My co-worker, who is in a sense my client as I solve his technical SEO issues, joked that I was well-referenced. And I thought this was a great metaphor! However, there is more to being conveniently found by guys who want to get to know me, I have to have a hook and pertinent content to back it up so they subscribe to my feed Hahaha!

Do you remember when porn had merit as an art form? When performers seemed sincere and situations, while a bit contrived, were fun and realistic. Do you remember when porn actors looked like you and me? When male actors were filmed above the waist? When performers were rather nice to each other and were not expected to perform a series of parlor tricks, most of which are unpleasant and unsafe? Probably not because that was a LONG time ago!

I started watching ‘porn’ on television in the late seventies. I wasn’t even a teenager back then but I began seeking out and watching ‘adult’ entertainment. I don’t mean porn per say just things that were made for a more mature crowd. It was kind of hard to find but I persisted. I remember when Playboy TV came on and, low and behold, guests were allowed to use the Fword in interviews on the station’s ‘Late Night’ show. I remember one of the guest in the late eighties, he used to pick up chicks off the street and film himself or another actor having sex in a very amateurish way. His name was Buttman a.k.a. John Stagliano. He gave us Gonzo, imported Rocco Siffredi and, unfortunately, a market for copycat Max Hardcore.

Sometimes my encyclopedic knowledge of porn kind of spills out in vanilla settings and causes a bit of an uncomfortable moment. The first time I saw Rocco Siffredi on screen, in Night Trip II (1990), I thought he was so hot that I mentioned it to my girlfriends at school the next day. My college girlfriends knew I was a bit ‘different’ because I submitted anonymous ‘confessions’ to our college papers and eventually came out to them… But they were not fans of porn.

While I started watching erotica at a very young age, I am glad that sex was not yet packaged as a product. A product so different from reality that it would have prevented or ruined my enjoyment of it. Sex in older films looked more sincere, more real. It was attainable! Sex in old porn looks like my own sex life! Yes, even the freaky threesome parts! Sex in current porn I could have but why?! And I am perfectly comfortable with explaining to a partner why I don’t care to have ‘porno’ sex.

I don’t think porn is demeaning to women in general. The oversexualization of everything else might be. But porn is porn and the performers are paid to act out unrealistic sexual encounters which are supposed to be male sexual fantasies. Based on my research they are more based on a system of one-upmanship than actual fantasies of your average guy. Porn is one of many industries where profit is king and people are used, abused and thrown away quickly. There are a few male porn stars who appear to be skilled sexual tops (one of which is Mark Ashley) but all in all men in porn seem to have sex AT a woman rather than with her. These nuances are not obvious to teenagers who start watching hardcore porn at a very early age today. I think that watching porn hurts a man’s enjoyment of sex, lowers his self-esteem and provides little usable skill. But, having had a few partners who have grown up with access to Internet porn in their teenage years, I cannot say that I have noticed ‘porn damage’ anymore in men in their 20s over men in their 30s through 50s. Porn hurts women by making men annoyingly insecure. It takes away their ability to enjoy regular women over twenty. Of all my male friends and lovers, those who do not watch porn much or at all report having and enjoying a normal sex life. They are generally more happy people.

However I do not think the male landscape has changed that much. I’ve always thought that only one guy in 20 is worth fucking so rather than fuck the next 100, I have decided to develop skills to spot a keeper and then… well keep him, at least for a while.

But back to the fake sex…

There are a few people in porn that I admire. They are the ones who take it up a notch or have a real insight into their work in the grander scale of things and are truly enjoyable to listen to and watch.

In 1982, Annie Sprinkle, already a frequent performer in x-rated loops, directed her first full-length movie. When I saw this recently I thought it was adorable and I have included the first few minutes of it. Dr. Annie Sprinkle has explored human sexuality for 30 years and is still active as a lifestyle educator today.

[...video removed...]

Why am I revisiting vintage erotica? Well, I have have been thinking of putting my observations of alternate human sexuality over the past 30 years on paper and… well in the meantime a sweet bit of iconic 70s erotica is trying to resurface. We are talking here about the most recognized franchise in erotica for the past 35 years… I don’t know if it is faith but it’s on my desk and I feel what Tom Cruise must have felt when he snagged Mission Impossible… Now I just need to write down my ideas and find me a Paula Wagner!!!

CNN covers the Porn Industry’s request for a 5 Billion dolalr bail-out. Well, the name of this blog illustrates my opinion on this so I need not go into details!

When I saw Crash (Cronenberg) in 1997, I was repulsed. None of the characters made any sense to me and they had absolutely nothing endearing about them. I also don’t have a car fetish. I watch Top Gear for James May and the overall wit but I have always been afraid of cars, namely dying in a car crash. I have driven by myself only a few times. I’d love to learn how to drive for sports (rally) but driving for practical reasons leaves me cold. I am crap at it too.

I spent some time this weekend talking with Mr. P. about having un-natural experiences involving vehicles. He showed me the brace he wore for three months after being chewed up by a plane. Owies… I, on the other hand, was forcibly raped in the behind by a Mazda Protege (while pinned against my Chrysler Neon.) My freaky vehicular three way doesn’t beat flying into power lines… Mr. P is the only other person I’ve met who also has nerve damage and, having been bolted back together extensively, understands what that does. Oh and did I mention he’s a sadist!

I am officially a kinskter now and I am supposed to understand these things… I ALWAYS side with Ebert on everything but I didn’t in the case of Crash. But things make a bit more sense now. Crash was more interesting the second time around, in fact, I can say I had forgotten about most of the first part because the second part annoyed me so much! The characters are still somewhat cold and not that endearing. Yeah, super hottie James Spader manages to come off un-sexy most of the movie!

At least now, I can appreciate people who’s fetishes make little sense to me, just like, I am sure, some of my inclinations make no sense to others.

Everything meets somewhere…

For instance, the day before, I had written part of a story that has one character initiating sex while the other one is crying. Most readers would exclaim “No, that is the worst time to be initiating sex!” This was how I felt the first time I watched the very last scene of Crash!

To check another movie off my ‘to watch list’, I started watching Caligula a month ago. I gave up… Should I even bother to watch the whole thing? John Hurt plays Caligula in I, Claudius… I think that will be much better to watch (when I get to it.)

Yesterday my daughter ‘asked’ me to stop bossing her around.

I wish I had someone to boss me around!

A boss defines a mission, goals and keeps everyone on track.

I watched The Secretary again last night. Hadn’t seen the whole thing in 5 years. Now I feel like a silly, silly, silly girl! I’ve mentioned before how I have never been as socially retarded, unstable or gauche with anyone as I have been in my attempts at getting together with with Mr. M. It’s EPIC F.U. really.

Of course, it can be expected, he’s the first Dominant type I’ve ever encountered in a personal setting. I can’t help but get myself into trouble with him time and time again. Everything was going fine until the mission and plan we had set fell through. And since then I have been the silly, silly, silly girl who has tried without success to get a mission and plan back on track.

I’ve been trying to figure this out recently and I even mentioned it to him… I told him he is kind of hot when he remains out of reach. In fact, he is even hotter when out of reach but just two feet away! I thought that it was inaccessibility that was causing my brain to short circuit. Nope, out-of-reach is hot.

It’s the absence of a mission or common goal, however simple, is what is driving me nuts!!!

I don’t think it is such a good idea to come to a Domination/submission relationship in the same haphazard way as Lee and Mr. Grey do in ‘The Secretary’. I mean they live happily ever after but really, their whole journey is kind of hard to watch and creepy at times. Mr. M. and I have come to this situation quite haphazardly as there was NO indication originally that he would have this kind of effect on me. As I mentioned before, he inspired my recent introspection and change in strategy.

While I do have a learned approach to D/s, I have zero experience as the ’s’. I am motivated to ‘try to please’ him but since there is no specific goal coming from him, it gives me nothing to accomplish. It makes me impatient.

I have a hard time waiting when I do not know what for.

However, I have unlimited patience if I do know why I am waiting.

Mr. M. is the one that initiated the journey and as much as I want him, we seem doomed. I cannot succeed in getting his attention when I want it and when he is there, I cannot place limits on him. Not limiting his access to me originally was my mistake. He is implacable.

I love being around those who express that they want or appreciate me in their life or simply love or appreciate the person that I am. I have gotten used to this kind of attention over the past 4-5 years. I have had it easy and continue to be spoiled (well, obviously I have worked for that appreciation at some point but it keeps on giving LOL)

As much as I love intense people and have confidence in my ability to deal with intense situations within a relationship, Mr. M.’s supremacy is scary.

In ALL my interactions with other people I dictate the rules of engagement, from when we can talk, and for how long, to what is acceptable as far as conversations go. My strategy of sidetracking CJO into a ‘project’ is working swimmingly. But it has it’s own issues which are fun to discuss (he teaches D/s dynamics so as far as mentors go, I can’t ask for a better one.) It’s awesome to be involved in the process of changing his life. It’s not all work, Once a week, out of the blue, and at an inopportune time he calls to break all the rules and  rattle my cage!

If there is no point, no mission and no goal then I obviously feel at a loss and cannot function properly in my interactions with others. I guess this is a confirmation that I am a total NERD.

I am looking for a level of power exchange that is intense enough that I cannot take this process lightly and I need to do it in a way that I am comfortable with as I discover myself and the kind of Man that I will mesh with the best.

Being a silly, silly, silly girl (around Mr. M.) does not embarrass me per say. Maybe it is my true submissive personae, my subspace; at least it is the only one I know for now.

But why the fuck would anybody want to be with someone so inept, hapless and uncontrolled!?!

I saw La Pianiste last weekend. I had not seen such a shocking movie in a long time. While it’s just too bad to see yet another movie in which a masochist is portrayed as someone with a mental disorder, I really enjoyed it. I want to do a scene by scene analysis of this movie with screen shots. However, before I do that, I have asked Yoshi to watch it as I know he will see a totally different movie in it. Follow-up discussion should be interesting.

So many things happen to me I should get a frickin’ Twitter going.

I have enjoyed a nice weekend. Obviously Halloween was fun. I went to a grade school dance party dressed as someone really repulsive (nerd with pimples, black glasses, a unibrow and poorly orchestrated wardrobe) My friend Jenny noted the lack of attractiveness of my costume. It’s okay the D.I.L.F. factor was very low. Upon discussing boyfriend issues (or lack thereof) Jenny (who is extra vanilla and in her forties) asked me to flip her one of mine. In a sense it is unfair that she should have none and I have many. Normally I am quite happy to share but in this situation it’s NOT a good idea! I wonder if she saw my coureur des bois raking the lawn on Monday afternoon. He is in her age range but he wants 12 kids on a farm (the only lifestyle hard enough to keep him busy) so that would not be a match made in heaven. If she did see him, I will hear about it ;P

Chuck came over to spend a few days with me and rake me a huge 4 feet by 6 feet pile of leaves and yard debris!?! I was happy to catch up with him. He is holding steady on this tantra meditation and focusing thing that he has been doing for years. I think it makes him super-human now LOL I can appreciate his chaste lifestyle as I have been limiting sex a lot in the past 2-3 months. At first it was a pain issue, then in the middle it was a strategic decision as I was getting to know Mr. M. Now, I have no specific reason so things are picking up slowly. In addition to catching up, Chuck and I watched Man Vs. Wild and I picked out episodes of places he had been or worked at. The Alps episode (season 1, episode 3) brought back a lot of memories. He was a ski instructor for many years and worked in Italy leading groups over the border into France for lunch and then back. He told me about all the misadventures, that came his way. Turns out this wild skiing is more dangerous than one would imagine even when your not parachuting onto virgin slopes.

Oh and despite Halloween, I have stuck to my low candy rule. There is a LOT of candy in the house and I desire none of it!!! How cool is that? Perhaps, it is simply because I am courting a fitness obsessed Dom right now. Oh no, wait, he is courting me because… oh well maybe I will tell you some other time… it’s serendipity! I am way over the halfway mark on my weight-loss plan

The best part of my weekend was spending time with my baby daddy. We had dinner together on Friday as the wunderdaughter handed out candy. I made him Pad Tai because he likes it and there are few occasions for me to make it. On Saturday, we went riding around Ile-Bizard in his noisy vintage summer car. It’s noisy in a good way except when I see it I hear Jeremy Clarkson puttin git down in my head LOL This was my vague wish from 3 weeks back. Simple, eh?! As usual we talked about geeky things and gossiped about our daughter (she hates that but she was at her dance class!) I was a little apprehensive since he told me on Thursday that he got me in his OKCupid Quiver Match email (oops!). There is a lot of personal info in my profile though it’s not scandalous. There must be a link to this blog somewhere too. I doubt he would tell me he found a door ajar on my secret life given that he had always been curious about it. That would only encourage me to close it! I can’t control who reads this anyway and have become more comfortable with my perverted self.

Last night Yoshi came over and we watched James May, I mean Top Gear. Seems like James got my note about combing his hair, even if just for the first episode! Congrats on your beautiful Lorrie and performance the first Top Gear race Captain Slow!

I have watched the first part of Gunpowder, Treason and Plot. I was looking for Kevin McKidd without the fake accents. He was hot in Journeyman (which is not the best show…) I absolutely fell in love with him in the pilot of Rome (as Veronius) a year ago and now I am mad at his character for being a pig headed man in the rest of the episodes!

I really got my wish with McKidd as Lord Bothwell in Gunpowder, Treason & Plot. I love the scene where Mary calls him back as he leads the cavalry and enters England without her orders. While Bothwell serves his Queen, he is still the dark knight to be reckoned with. At times, Gunpowder is a bit melodramatic but the characters are unhinged, the situations are raw and the dialogue is sometimes deliciously venomous. As it happens, it’s a story of Queens and Ladies.

For years I have gotten my strength from my court and army. What makes a warrior? Tempestuously manly and devoted but not “mine” in the same sense as those who are in my court. I fear that in my quest for order I may have tamed my Scottish warriors. I have addressed this with them separately but perhaps not efficiently enough. They used to make me want to slap them in the face. Now, not so much though we still see each other as much as time permits. My warriors are busy, they have trees to chop, camps to build and “wars” to fight so I do not distract them so much. I have entertainment closer to home…

I still have one warrior who will not be curbed. He is a seasoned coureur des bois and a Briton. He is multi-talented and can build a house all by himself; I admire that. He grew up on the same street I did, less than 10 houses away. My mom, who was still a nun at the time, was his high school religion teacher. She remembers him… not so fondly. Yet we did not know of each other until he captured and ravished me (in Abitibi-Témiscamingue of all places) when I was a teenager. I have always accepted his way and have not attempted to change it. I can control him with physical distance. For decades he was all over the World. That kept him busy. He’s sent letters and now e-mails. I travel to his kingdom on occasion but rarely tell him. Almost a decade ago I told him to go back to his dark lonely place. He did what I asked! But only because I was married. In fact being married was a safe cage that protected me from having to deal with him and his ways. When he realized I was single, he made me understand that things had not changed. After that I started pondering where he fits into my life. He is a brute. He’s a brigand. He is beneath me. He is a loose end that requires tying up. He hides behind his “I’m a cool laid-back French dude” attitude. He may be warm, polite and friendly but when it comes down to it he will not listen to me. He just crumples up what I say and throws it in the garbage. Originally, I fought him off (after a moment of truly fearing for my life) and made him wait for a proper and explicit permission. I did not tell him I was 18, he did not need to know that. He thought I was 25. That moment shaped me into a person who is not afraid of tempestuous men (like Scots and Klingons!) He has requested an audience, again… This time I want to say yes. I now live in a place where his impulsive behavior will not do. I have not shared much of my private life with him. He does not even know I rule. I do not want to lose his affection and his loyalty has been constant. When he returns to my castle, I have decided that he will have to obey my rules. He does not know or expect this. I am who I am today in large part because of him but I would rather explain this in person and in private. Will he get down on his knees? Or will I know the strap, again. No, that would not do, he will kneel.

I had a restless night sandwiched in between the final chapters of Reichs’ Monday Mourning. <spoiler>The part where the perpetrator’s dungeon of doom and captives are discovered in the basement of a Pointe-Saint-Charles home</spoiler>. I’ll save you the gory details. At least the suspense has picked up, I was about to ditch the book just as I had Brown’s Digital Fortress recently. Oh and by the way, the full title of that Dan Brown book is Digital Fortress: A Thriller… I’ll be the judge of that.

<dream>I dreamt of Mr. M. and spent a part of the night trying to remember every detail. I do not have good recall of dreams. They are vivid as they happen and then are taken from me once I wake up. I saw him randomly and he took me to a remote place. I wasn’t necessarily happy to see him but as usual intrigued by his plans and story lines. I wish I could recall the details of our encounter but it was intense enough to cause me to scream (not out of horror.) Then he simply vanished abandoning me there. Another sexless aborted plan. Exciting but frustrating… and life goes on.</dream>

While he is long gone and may soon vanish from my memory… I have been waiting to follow-up on something… You see I am curious. He made a vague historical reference concerning Caesar (misspelling another name.) It took me a while to find the actual historical event (and which frickin’ Caesar he was referring to) and realize it was something out of the series Rome. I just started re-watching episodes 1-6 as they are the only ones I had originally kept. My tracker is still showing ETA 1y 9w until I can see the aforementioned episode… I shall not tell you what it is and from which episode, you should watch the whole series. It’s full of things you wish you could discuss at the water cooler but probably wont. I will soon discuss them here I cannot afford the DVDs and the Rogers DVD rental service (formerly Zipsomething) has sent me so many unplayable scratched disks that I gave up on it. I don’t want to search endlessly for blogger opinions about the storyline, I want to see it myself.

This morning I find this story in my Facebook feed: Teen Girl Charged With Sex Offense For Sending Nude Pictures of Herself. Oh dear what has this world come to?

Obviously sending a naked picture of one’s self to someone else is not a good idea espescially if you are not yet an adult. However, how can a girl be charged for possessing child pornography when the pictures are of herself? Isn’t this equal to saying she does not have the right to enjoy her own body? It is as insulting as a victim seeing her rapist(s) getting a fine rather than jailtime. And where do you draw the line as to what is sexy and what is indecent? I have a hard time believing that this is a criminal case but I may just be affected by double standards. What about a 15 year old boys who sends naked pictures of himself to other teens. While I have never read of such a case it suddenly seems more sinister. This is a behavior that is not criminal, it is influenced by the over-sexualization of teens in general. By a culture that presents teens indulging in all sorts of adult activities. However I strongly feel that this is a case of misconduct that should be addressed at the school, by the administration, parents and counselors. If other criteria are met it could fall into sexual harassment or misconduct. These kids are young, that process alone should give them pause before doing something else that is stupid. However people (parents?) have become whiny babies who love attention and would rather cause a scene than address it themselves (with their children) and discreetly like mature people. As it stands both teenagers could get juvenile detention AND find themselves on the registered sex offenders list. This list is becoming a repository of everybody and their cousin who once got drunk and took a piss in an alley only to be inadvertently seen by passers-by. The mass tacking of people on that registry and the paranoia it causes in everybody else should soon become an official factor on the list of risks for heart disease. However, inadvertently seeing boobies has never scarred anyone for life. I am going off on a tangent here because I think there is a difference between malice and stupidity. (Watch The Woodsman with Kevin Bacon, it’s a good movie) And in the interest of disclosure I am guilty of playing if you show me yours I’ll show you mine. Insert current technology into the mix and you can multiply the embarrassment factor by 1000 but it doesn’t make it a crime.

Oh, I should be working… I have a date this afternoon. I look forward to it.

So I like forensic pathology shows and movies. I started watching CHiPs when I was 8 or 9 but then discovered Hawaii 5-0. It was on much later but had bloody murder in it! At the time however, I did not dare watch Quincy because I thought I would pass out like the guy in the opening credits. Those shows may not have been appropriate for tweens but they were light fare compared to today’s gore and sex fest television. I grew up in an insular French-Canadian community (Beauport, Québec) watching US tv shows made for adults. I had access to knowledge and ideas that would only filter down to my community 2-3 years later if ever. It would be “impossible” for a teenage girl in the early 80’s to be well-read (TIMES magazine), informed (20/20) and smart so I had to endure the stigma of being weird all my adolescence. To some degree I still do because I have candor on life and can discuss most anything without getting overly emotional about it like crime and criminals.

So back to the cop shows, an enduring obsession for decades… The whole idea of reverse engineering a violent crime based on the scene is really fascinating to me especially when there is nobody to tell the tale. I watch CSI (the original) and miss the days when the writers had a dart board of perversions in their office and would randomly select a kink to fabricate a gory murder scenario (okay I only SUSPECT that’s how they managed the first 4-5 year’s plots.) I can’t say I would be good at the science that goes into forensics (especially chemistry and physics) but I always figure out the motives and psychological machinations of the murderer early on in the plot.

In the past month I have found following, documenting and analyzing a very active criminal in Montreal very interesting. After speaking with his little brother who admitted his older sibling was “like that” for about 11 years, I told him that I had testimony of his actions as young as 8 years old… and that kind of surprised him proving that EVERYONE who knows that man is obfuscated by his lies even his mom, dad and little brother. This finally proves my theory that he doesn’t actually exist in the same sense that WE do. In the end when you put his whole story together it becomes somewhat comical, maybe not to his countless past and future victims but to the rest of the world who can see that a life of crime is useless, pathetic and lonely.

In the movie Pathology we follow a rag tag of competitive forensic pathologists who enjoy discussing the perfect murder, amongst other questionable activities. I don’t believe there is such a thing; today anyway. I believe “crime solving professionals” are not as well equipped in time, money and equipment as TV shows make us believe.

I enjoyed this movie because it is mostly set in medical examiner labs (complete with a sea of dead bodies in various stages of examination.) It has long medical terms I’ve never heard before. I find that much more interesting than watching movies that follow flamboyant serial killers with inexplicable pathologies on their pre-meditated killing spree… But don’t think Pathology doesn’t have any of those!

Pathology is a very gory and dark film that leaves me with one question: “Why would a fine doctor like Grey (Ventimiglia) play along?”