Sex is FREE; but they get you on the accessories!!!

Everyday I wake up and look at the news to see who’s lying today. Politicians are turning into soul whores and it takes a lot of work to figure out who’s sponsoring their words and vote on any given day. What has become really odd this week though is that a relatively mundane miss-tweet has been blown up to immense importance. And you kind of expect news outlets like Fox and becoming-like-Fox CNN to avoid covering actual news and descend into water-cooler gossip but it gets worse. This week Jon Stewart devotied 4-5 show segments to Anthony Wiener’s²! Really!? Colbert followed suit on Wednesday by ALSO talking about the Wiener tweets which reference The Colbert Report and The Daily Show. Not only was that not necessary, it VERY Entertainment Tonight. I expect more from these people like biting commentary and funny skits about what actually matters.

I saw the Wiener tweet as it came out. Not from the source but as a screen grab repost. I immediately thought about the time I used Twitter’s new multi-account iPad app to tweet my glee about being invited to a lesbian sex party… to my consultant account!!! Big Oops. This is the kind of thing that will happen to everyone who uses social media services with the intent of sharing private information. Where mere mortals once embarrassed themselves by Replying to all, they now mistakingly @reply instead of private messaging. Yes, it will happen to you too!

Now that the content of the tweets are coming out I am surprised at how un-creepy they are. And I’m not comparing Wiener to Tiger Woods here (who should hold the creepy SMS message crown for a long time to come) but to messages that I have seen or received myself from married or attached men. I will explain later why those are inevitable. I tend to limit access to me by married men but I still count many a close friends.

As to pundits judging Wiener for cheating on his spouse, I find it odd and weird. Personally I reserve the term cheating on a spouse to engaging in secret behavior (sexual or emotional) that can harm a relationship or goes against a couple’s stated rules. Any act in itself cannot be construed as cheating by strangers who are not aware of a couple’s relationship rules. As a very attached polyamorous woman I spend a lot of time discussing such matters with a select group of people. In addition to my principal partner, I have one lover and recently released my slave boi after coaching him to build the BDSM relationship he wanted with his wife. Coaching men to accomplish their ideal sexual lifestyle is what I do… So obviously I spend a lot of time planning out my activities with my lovers and friends and keep my principal partner informed of my activities. In the end however I am responsible for my choices and my actions so I cannot go around sexting random men or tweeting naked pictures of myself because that would be unreasonable for someone who has no problem creating quality F2F time. I understand the incredible embarrassment public people must feel when their private conversations become public but I also think they should have known better. I take for granted that all my internet activity is public event if distributed in a very organized way to reach only the intended reader. I am not doing it to be secretive, I am doing it to spare people TMI moments. It very well may be that one of those recipients would release our conversations or that such conversations could become public through technology shortcomings, failure or vandalism.

There are some tidbits of info that don’t seem to be common knowledge yet.

Ladies, one of the things men worry about all the time is ‘Am I attractive to women in a sexual way?’. And they worry about this constantly even if they already have ONE woman. This only decreases slightly when they have TWO. While they are doing the stuff that Wiener did, they are seeking validation and thrills. It has nothing to do with intent to cheat on their partner. This is incredibly immature and very annoying for women but it’s the state of the world we live in. At this point it seems like all elected officials are using their clout and celebrity to get laid while proclaiming their family values, sexting shouldn’t be an issue.

And here’s another thing.

Gentlemen, most women on this planet will frown at receiving an intimate picture of you. 99% of women will puke when receiving a picture of your penis. I try to take this into consideration when teaching my cock-bondage class. I offer double warning when posting pictures of my previous work and mention in BOLD LETTERS in my class descriptions that I will have a live model and that many participants will bring their own pet trouser snakes to practice on (read: boyfriend or submissive).

And now we move into almost secret territory.

Male nudity makes women uncomfortable because we are not raised an socialized to see a man’s genitals as a source of pleasure. For a great portion of women on this planet, a penis is a sign of miss-used authority, a weapon of war, a tool of rape and a constant reminder of men’s sexual obsession made even more obvious today by pervasive porn culture in everyday media. If you are not sure yet that porn culture has invaded the media at large, just watch the MTV movie awards for just 30 minutes to hear at least 10 references to extreme sex acts which us Sex educators, perverts and BDSM folks usually reserve for discreet private conversations.

And this brings me to the next topic: Men behaving extremely badly.

I have been scrutinizing the media and researching women’s issues for about 30 years. I started reading Playboy and Penthouse at 10 years of age and have been searching for adult material since then. By adult material I mostly mean media created for adults, it didn’t have to be sex-related. But I can say that I have closely watched the commercialization of women’s sexuality in both pornography, TV, movies, beauty and fashion. And now I find myself living in a strange time. In the West we have women who think they are empowered but devote an enormous amount of their time being a slave to fashion and beauty standards that are unreasonable and unattainable. At work, they are still discriminated against, paid less and have to put up with men who behave like immature morons and get away with the sleaziest habits.

There is one thing that I am happy about right now. The ascension of women in the media. Because more and more women are journalists and gain clout in the editorial room, the stories of the women of the world are coming through in media. Stories of war, rape, assault, discrimination and also the stories of women heroes who are working hard to make a difference. These stories may be overshadowed by all the noise created by the Weiner’s² gigglefest but they are there to us who seek true reporting about what really matters.

It is imperative that we work to bring equality for women everywhere because it is women who create the most value in this world and are the stewards of quality of life. And they continue to do it out of compassion and love despite being grossly violated along the way. The fabric of our society is disintegrating before our eyes as 50% of the world’s population is violently kept from contributing to a better tomorrow.

We have to stop gawking at the sex scandal of the day and focus on issues that have an enormous impact on our future.

Here are some stories that require your attention and why:

Does Wal-Mart Have A Sex Discrimination Problem?
Stay tuned, we’ll find out in 2025 because for the past 10 years women who have been systematically discriminated against during their employment at Wal-Mart have been fighting an interesting battle. They want to band together and sue Wal-Mart but the insanely rich company is fighting against their right to a class-action lawsuit. 10 whole years to get a decision on this matter?! This lawsuit demonstrate how hard it is for regular folks to bring attention to grave corporate matters because they have to take on armies of lawyers who have all the money in the world to drag out lawsuits until the complainants run out of money. However, this lawsuit affects 1.6 million women and it is the largest potential class-action suit ever proposed. The Supreme Court’s decision will give us an insight into their priority. I can’t wait to find out: Does the Supreme Court work for the biological people or the corporate people?

The Secret World of Child Brides
All over the world, girls and young women are traded as property and sexual objects. I am fascinated by international stories of family, love, sex and cultural traditions. In fact I would love to travel the world to document personal life, courtship, love and marriage in the world. There are two topics which are important in my every day life and those are sexual and reproductive freedom. Women in developing countries who do not have those rights and choices find themselves harmed by their elders before they even have the time to reach adulthood. I will repeat that women are the Earth’s greatest treasure and failing them will kill any hope we have for a decent future civilization.

And there are many more.

I enjoyed a great weekend at Floating World 09, met interesting people and continued to observe life on the fringe. Coming back, I thought I would write about all the fun I had there and some really awesome developments in my life but this whole big article will be about a tiny sliver.

I have been watching a bit of Rock of Love, Daisy of Love and Charm School recently. I want to understand the under culture of decorative people (espescially women) and try to figure out their appeal to men. As I watch the antics, cat fights, terrible language and general lack of class… I don’t see it.

We don’t have this culture here in Canada. Sure Montreal has it’s slew of prostitutes, strippers and porn stars but it’s easy to understand who they are and what they accomplish for a living. In the U.S. it’s different. Tila Tequila proved that one can become a celebrity without doing much more than being decorative and milking it for all it’s worth. In Tila’s case, her claim to fame was having the most friends on MySpace. But she wasn’t the first girl famous for being famous, just the first to emerge from Web 2.0 which makes it easy for girls who do not have the technical Savvy of a Cindy Margolis or Danni Ashe to post pictures of themselves and quickly garner thousands of pervy fans. Long before the Internet, there was Carmen Electra, Tawny Kitaen, Apollonia Kotero and others who basically stuck around forever after being in one movie or music video. Through the rise and fall of Anna Nicole Smith, I have watched various media outfits like Entertainment Tonight and E! take advantage of her ‘sex’-appeal for ratings. Throughout and right up until her death, ANS seemed oblivious to the fact that her life was a modern-day freak show.

Nevertheless, there seems to be hundreds of self-made Myspace models who are breaking out as semi-professionals by appearing on a variety of reality shows turning their Online popularity into fancy confined living, free drinks and a chance to open-mouth kiss an ugly Rock Star on national television (ewww!.) I am trying really hard to think of someone who might have broken through the stampede of heavily tattooed and wigged chicks in stripper heels to emerge as an inspiration for the rest of us. I give up…

Of all the decorative people in Hollywood, Megan Hauserman is probably one of the most active models appearing on countless reality shows. I have always liked Megan since I first saw her on one of my favorite shows Beauty and The Geek (which she won) a few years back. However, Megan seems to have acquired a few monkeys on her back and made some questionable business decisions. When watching the preview first episode of Megan Wants a Millionaire six weeks ago, it became obvious to me that VH1 is punking Megan by introducing her to 14 rather unattractive men who just happen to be millionaires. It would have been great to see if, despite this, Megan would find a gem. However, the one contestant who was somewhat palatable was recently found dead following an apparent suicide after being chased down by the police and accused of killing his quickie Vegas bride and stuffing her dismantled body in a suitcase. This unfortunate turn of events has forced VH1 to cancel Megan Wants a Millionaire… not that I would have watched the train wreck anyway.

So it goes without saying that I have always wondered about the secret life of decorative women who live in dramarama, err… Hollywood and get invited to every party at the Playboy mansion.

I had the pleasure of meeting such a person recently. After admitting that she had read everything I had ever written (elsewhere and under a different pseudonym LOL) and was intimidated at the thought of meeting me, she proceeded to tell me about herself so I would agree to let her spend time with MY man. This is rather amusing. Of course I did not object… Unless she was carrying a concealed weapon or was completely crazy.

So let’s call her Paisley for simplicity’s sake. She is quite nice and interesting and I took an immediate liking to her. However she also said her IQ was 183! When we spent time together I was more concerned with listening to her than making fun of her for being quite exceptional considering an IQ is usually measured on a scale capping at 165. Having M0j0D4ddy otherwise occupied with a girl allowed me to have important conversations with very important people and sleep at night!

While I am pretty sure Paisley really is a quasi-famous pole dancer, she also said she was an experienced model and would be in a few publications I am familiar with including Forbes.

For various reasons if Forbes actually puts her and other “women in the business” in a pictorial in their magazine it will change everything (I have already publicly riled against CNN, Time Magazine and Forbes for dousing their Web media counterpart with sex in order to get more eyes on their content.) But I am dubious as to the stories of this professionally decorative woman because she also said she would be in/on Perfect 10 and I was sure they were all about women who did not have implants!? But in all it was super interesting to spend time with her.

But then I started thinking…

Pretty women are rarely contradicted therefore they develop and very high opinion of their own intellect and personality. I also have this theory that being singled out as beautiful from early on in life will influence someone to put too much importance on outward appearance over intelligence or learned abilities. While I personally cannot help but be in awe of someone male or female who is naturally beautiful without any artifice, beauty in itself is no accomplishment to be proud of. However, it is the most important quality in U.S. culture. Beauty is also the last bastion of sexism. In media and entertainment, men are chosen based on competence and women often need to be both competent and beautiful to stand out. And if competence is not that important, as is the case for much of TV talking heads, beauty must win over brains as so many anchorwomen have that deer caught in the headlights look permanently plastered on their face.

My uncle, who is close to 80, lives in Florida and spends six weeks a year in Canada remarked on the difference in the quality of news anchors in Canada VS the U.S. this weekend. This also prompted a discussion on the importance of beauty over competence and the confusion between fame and infamy in the U.S. where someone can attain great fame simply by being controversial and stupid…

So back to my recent encounter with Paisley… Being set aside after a 48 hour fling, she has developed an interesting case of desperation and is coming off as the complete opposite of who she said she is. She is a ticking bomb… though going off would not serve her very well. I have watched as she has fallen madly in love with MY man and is trying desperately to worm her way into his life. For months I have been telling M0j0D4ddy that he is not very good at protecting his time which, coupled with his ability to get distracted by shiny things, will forever leave him without any feelings of accomplishing concrete things. Of course that is only a small glimpse into a bigger picture but this is a beautiful opportunity to watch him try to manage this woman in a way that is appropriate to the situation. Unfortunately, this is a reactive situation, yet again and very few good things come out of reactive situations. I much rather plan ahead… After all M0j0D4ddy’s life is a story I’ve already written.

In this case I correctly guessed that any new conquest who met me and got my approval would like me and then when things didn’t match her fantasy anymore, she would look to me for support, cliff notes, F.A.Q., etc. As she calls me to get support, I try to be a realist and tell it to her like it is. I sincerely would like us to be friends in the long run. Time will tell if she uses this information to walk away gracefully or create more drama and continue to act the opposite of how she said she would manage the situation. But throughout the week I have seen her use a few manipulative techniques that I do not approve of. Perhaps I will write about those eventually.

I cannot say that I have had the opportunity to work on something so engaging in the past few years as this weekend of workshops. Okay so organizing e-learning and in person workshops for Big Pharma was exciting too but not naughty.

Who knew that being sex obsessed for the past 25 years, paying attention to Martha Stewart (and practicing) for the past 20 years and doing project management and Web for the past 15 years and allowing myself to do more of what I love to do for the past 5 would lead to this.

This is four and a half months in the making for M0j0D4ddy and I who had a missed connection in 2006. I often wonder what would have happened had we talked back then. Would we have hit it off in an instant as we did back in November?

In retrospect this has been a very laboured process of us getting to know each other remotely. I have known dozens of people in a very virtual way since the olden days of Fidonet (1991) but I never worked at it to intently create a long-term relationship. Sure, the Bearded DiCaprio and I met on Lavalife in 2004 BUT it’s the exception that confirms the rule as online dating and I don’t mix. While I lived my plentiful love life blissfully and in peace for almost 5 years since my last monogamous long-long-term relationship, the world of Social Media has brought something new to my door: unrequited third party meddling and gossip. It is quite the window into the underbelly of BDSM steeple wars and power trips! For this I take a page from the book of John Stewart, no not the one about American history (a fine read) but the one about looking at the world attentively and picking out the important stuff and… perhaps talking about it in an informative yet humorous manner.

But in the meantime, I work on delivering an informative yet humorous workshop on a completely random topic. Cock Bondage is the inside joke that has gone international as people have reserved from the US and Ontario LOL I think that by giving a class on tying up a guy’s junk I will effectively cause people to refer to me as someone VERY serious about CBT when in fact the whole process is not painful (quite the contrary) and very intimate and loving. I promised John Baku I would not reffer to the whole male genital area as Junk anymore but I will pay my fine on Saturday at the FetLife Mixer!

I really look forward to hearing about how people react to this presentation and hope that they will enthusiastically gossip about it because I’m doing it again in Toronto!

I hope to see you there.

I am completely drained of inspiration and humor.

I had to declare martial law, take a prisoner and instigate a curfew! No that is not inspired humor at all, unfortunately it is true. I don’t need to put him in a dog house, we’ve actually been having fun with the interrogations. I don’t know why, even though the subjects are super touchy and difficult (akin to a vice-presidential vetting process) I just love going through the process. And he’s being transparent but that’s not what is surprising me, he is not reacting the way that a guy like him should be reacting to being chastised. I’ve been gossiping about CJO with a common close friend talking about how I put him on ‘Shut The Fuck Up’ pills for a few months to treat his ‘foot in mouth’ disease. I never saw him laugh so hard as did when I told him that. Hmmm, that’s just not normal for Mr. Testosterone Man!

I am pretty much open to each person about what I do. I mean all guys I date know what I do with the others (which is mostly nothing LOL.) I don’t go into details about what I would LIKE to do or PLAN on doing (wishful thinking?!) but I really do not mind talking about it but it gets a bit old. I have to bear the criticism of my lifestyle sometimes but it’s really not that bad. I’m trying to make that a relationship rule with everybody I date or am in a relationship with. However, outside of our communication channel, CJO doesn’t get the additional fishbowl effect of social networks and how total strangers meddle if they feel like it. I am intent on and working on a life-long relationships with him, I have to address every little bit of issues and dramarama that comes up AND every shituation that could transpire in the future! He wants to do something that makes him scrutinized by default and even though he has a secret security clearance, I will still vet him like a politician. I am curious to know how long it takes for him to tell me it’s cramping his style LOL

I took a picture as my souvenir because my chocoholicness will take care of that in no time. You know I wish I could come up with a fantastic “I’m sorry I fucked up” product for men to give to their sweetie ‘cuz I’d like to get me a piece of that pie!!!

A while back I changed my status in Facebook to single (from undeclared.) I was curious to know who would take notice either publicly or privately. Funny comments on the change from “aww shucks!, to Congratulations!” making it obvious there are ‘sphreres’ of knowledge about my private life in my acquaintances. Giggles. Getting a lot of compliments on the weight loss which I used to think was creepy (espescially coming from almost strangers) but now it’s nice because I am OBVIOUSLY thinner and it doesn’t sound like a weird socially retarded line.

Followed a lot of interesting convos about chastity and abstinence on the BDSM boards. I suspect it will take a long time before I have actual insight into how it is to not have a sex life. So far I’ve been more busy having PMS from Hell. But I feel happy (even though I keep getting the quasi-daily boohoo! and attitude from the one I still have to work with.)

Right now I am totally enamored with someone I cannot be with. Argh!

My nurturing heart aches because I have no guy to dote on but my big tabby cat. Yesterday, I was super down because of it. I just have to transfer that effort to me and to my work, espescially the current opportunity that can put me back into the industry as if I haven’t left. I’ve been on the ‘Fuck you corporations and your antiquated expectation of 9-5 productivity, I’m working from home’ sick leave for 2 years. Every few years I get an opportunity to write my own job description and paycheck and I have failed to capture these opportunities since being crushed in between two cars (can’t bring myself to call it the  accident as it was negligence.) I have to regain confidence in my ability to conform to the regular work schedule. I mean, I do, at home but there’s no time-sucking commute. I’m working on writing my health-related activities into my job description and if that means shooting for a 4-day a week V.P. job then it’s worth a try.

Today I’m celebrating being totally pain free! So far it’s been ten(10) days without pain killers (but 4 aspirins.) Soon, as if maybe tomorrow, I switch to decaf coffee.

This week I am going to get stuff done before the new contract and whip a few people who are late on their homework, like CJO (who, until recently, didn’t even use MSN and just bought a webcam! Left the cutest ‘I just got me a webcam!’ message on my answering machine – how 1998 of him!) He is in danger of falling victim to the time-sucking hobby of being ‘accessible’ to his young female ‘fans’. It’s kind of cool to ‘see him’ (I put my fake nerdy glasses on and then spent 15 minutes chewing gum and popping bubbles in his ears. Made him laugh. I’ll come up with something else for next time.) I think camming is initially novel but quickly unproductive. I’ve only very rarely used mine. I will tell him things about using a webcam that Clay Aiken was obviously never told!

I am also planning to head back to the nunnery for a week (I was never a nun, just stayed there for a few days in 1991.) No tech, no phones, no tv, just me and the chicks who are married to the Jebus and actually live on the other side of the a locked gate. Will definately sneak in some books and embroidery/knitting. When I told my daughter this she giggled as if ‘nuns’ are funny characters from a movie. Am not sure she would find it fun there, espescially in the middle of winter.

Oh Stephen you made me blush with your show on Monday night… many times. And now that I have a laptop in my comfy bed, I can write down what I think without freezing my ass on a plastic chair. Which explains my recent long posts.

Do you know what Stephen Colbert does? He interviews serious guests in his blowhard conservative pundit character. He also talks directly to his viewer which can sometimes be freaky. On my birthday Stephen said that if I was a 35 y.o. woman today, my chances of finding a man were nonexistent… Hmmm, that was a really strange coincidence.

By now his guests know what he is going to do to them. There is one video of Stephen out there showing him interacting with John Kerry pre-interview however, it has never been clear how his guests are prepared.

Both Stewart and Colbert have high quality guests on. Many are unassuming and geeky authors who probably don’t have to put up with such a character on a regular basis. What I have figured out is that he will ask one question to let his guest “plug the product” but after that the gloves come off and the rest is an unexpected avalanche of rhetoric and twisted logic. His guest are left to fend for themselves. Some give him all the room and some manage to get a word in edgewise. They are unlikely to shut him up but it has happened.

I am most entertained when Stephen has women guests on. On Monday he had TWO female guests: Kathleen Parker, a syndicated columnist and Bethany McLean, author of “The Smartest Guys in the Room”.

McLean was absolutely delightful as she brought really serious issues to the table. She managed to get a lot of good points out even though Stephen was like a pittbull with her! I have absolutely no idea what went through her mind but I had the feeling I could see her heart miss a beat a few times… By the end she seemed upset in a “what the fuck just happened?” kind of way and as the camera went wide and faded Stephen seemed to notice and immediately grabbed her hand to do the aftercare!

Parker, who was the featured guest, seemed to enjoy her “conversation” with Stephen… and by that I mean “really enjoy it” the way I would… This episode is available online (Oct. 13, 2008) and I don’t want to read too much into the body language of people who will Google themselves to find that I have put their serious interview into a kinky context. Some people are quite masterful at putting serious politics into a kinky context (Dana Gould, 8mins+)

I can tell you what Stephen Colbert does to me though! One cannot expect what Stephen is going to say next and that is really exciting. He will bring something to the table and commit to it in a powerful way. He can completely overpower a conversation with gems of irony that make heads of state explode (pun intended.) Stephen has a huge set of brass balls and he is very proud of them. When Stephen speaks I cannot help but listen to everything he says and then try to dissect the layers of comedy and irony that he and his writers pack-in so tightly. Stephen has the best writers (with Emmy and Peabody to support that) but he must be praised highly for his delivery.

I am guilty of trying to drive conversations like Stephen and when my friends bite, it’s all sorts of fun… but I want to be on the receiving end of that conversation!

Something really awesome happened to me a few weeks ago and I am still giddy about it. Mr. M. and I were chatting through Skype and for some reason my mute button became activated. While I could hear him, he could not hear me but I assume he could see me. So as I was looking for which of the 3 ways the mute could be on he proceeded to verbally assault me for a few minutes. I was really impressed with how he berated me (incessantly and in a funny way.) I guess I could have been upset but instead, it tickled me in a very naughty way. He was essentially giving me a verbal spanking making it impossible to find what I was looking for. He made me giggly, shocked and excited but could not hear the results of his effect on me as my mute button was still on. I truly hope he saw me laughing and withering!

I have gotten into trouble with Mr. M. for assuming that what he does is deliberate and planned… Does he improvise or is he premeditated? I wonder this because I know I can be very premeditated as I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can steer conversations toward absurd comedy or make someone laugh. There is an enormous amount of intent in me and I am becoming more comfortable telling the world that I am not the wallflower I sometimes pretend to be.

I am not evil but I wish I was and I was able to play that character officially in a gamers magazine interview a few months ago. This interview was unanimously defined as hilarious. Moreover, the reaction male readers had was exactly on mark, they were shocked and scared of me, the evil dominatrix bent on taking over the world! I can’t ask for anything more!!!

Mr. M. can be Machiavellian in the way he puts forward his ideas and perhaps does not realize the exciting and awesome evil villain he brings to the table. This is but one of his Mad Skillz. He is a Valmont, but unlike the cruel ways in which the Vicomte has been portrayed (and I have avidly eaten all iterations), Mr. M. seemed to come along with a promise to reveal the humanity behind the man who corrupted Cecile and destroyed Madame de Tourvel. Are you seeing a theme here? What is improvised and what is premediated? Is it “I couldn’t help myslef” or “I actually meant to do that”? I know he is not evil but he is so good at the craft as he commits to it in very powerful way. While I admit that I did get drunk on this experience I retained a lot of my petulant self. Perhaps I hoped that Mr. M. would be a formidable opponent. I saw him as superior to me! In many ways, he was going to be the most fun and challenging person to lose to. At least I hoped he would win. However, when I clearly needed to be put in my place, he chose not to… so as not to be hurtful…

There is a duality in that… While being called on what I did or said could be construed as a bad experience, for me it is an enlightening experience. It is not just about being disciplined for doing something wrong but it’s also about realizing the exact consequences of my actions by hearing it from him, learning from that and hopefully reveling in how masterfully the lecture or correction is delivered. Sure the correction could be delivered constructively but also with a wide variety of emotions like anger, disdain, coldness, etc. but it is what it is and unfortunately it is not something I get to experience in play and too rarely in life.

Almost ten years ago I began a working relationship with a man who was loud, grumpy and impulsive. He even had a reputation for making people cry but I later learned that those people were easy cryers. He had one quality that I had never encountered in someone else: he could have a shouting match with me and never step out of line or bring the conversation down with irrelevant stuff. At first it was surprising! I don’t yell but I won my points enough times that he eventually handed over the keys to the castle. So I won… or did I? Because dealing with him so intensely on a daily basis made me feel really happy, excited and alive. It was awesome fuel. Today, we are attached to each other in blissful way… His love, acceptance and encouragement has effectively fueled my ability to deal with really hard situations and challenges. We don’t fight anymore. We seems to agree on everything. We seem to understand and trust each other fully.

I can honestly say that it is where I had wished to go with Mr. M. so I gave him the opportunity to define a place for me that I agreed with (check!) and then put me into it officially an masterfully. I know it’s a huge expectation. I am a dominant person (a survivalist) which seems at odds with the developing dynamics between Mr. M. and I but the “negotiation” process I am referring to is just that… a back and forth planning process that can come across as un-romantic. For me, it’s really exciting, because I like procedures. Also, it is what I learned from my Lady and from Midori over the years. It is the only way that I know to get to SSC or RACK. However, it comes from a very clinical BDSM framework and it killed the magical meeting of the minds that originally happened between us.

Sigh…

I thought this video was cute. It is two guys kissing after being prodded or dared by their friends. If they were girls it would be soooo 1999.

The last comment in my cap is priceless. Sure homosexuality is wrong in your head, but in your pants it’s oh so right!

And yes for the record I love to watch guys kissing but in RL, not so much on video.

I built my first homepage in early 1995. I have always loved home pages built by people who talk about anything and everything that is of interest to them. I admire someone who will go through the trouble of documenting their life and hobbies to teach others. It takes a bright and intelligent individual to figure out how to make a website and then consistently add to it.

MySpace

Today however, the web is not reserved for bright people anymore and every vapid attention seeker and her dumb little brother can have a MySpace page or a Facebook account. When Kendra Wilkinson or Brody Jenner refer to their MySpace page as their official blog, I just cannot help but chuckle. How can you say this in the same breath as you talk about business and professional aspirations. A few years ago people would have told me to shut my elitist mouth up because MySpace did give us celebrities like Tila Tequila. What would we be without Tila?! In two years will we be asking “Where would we be without Tina Chen“? The state of the world is so glib that the bar has dropped very low on acceptable distractions. Anything will do.

Facebook

I have never had a MySpace account but I joined Facebook after a few friend nagged me to join (By that I mean in person nagging, not stupid e-mail spam notifications.) While Facebook is getting dumbed down, it is possible to configure it so you don’t have to suffer the consequences. Today I only have a few applications and they all display things that I have made myself such as my pictures, my videos, my Kiva.org businesses, my crafts, RSS feeds from 4 blogs (but not this one) and the few books I have read through. No glitter text porn star name for me (though I am very proud to not only, have a “porn star name”, but own the accompanying domain name too LOL) Basically my motto is: “If I didn’t painstakingly make it myself, it does not belong on my Facebook profile.”

I am quick to point out to people the security problems associated with certain settings in Facebook especially when it comes to viewable pictures that might depict something that is funny to them and their friends but perhaps not appropriate to show friends-of-friends or the public at large. That’s when they usually think I am a crazy stalker and ignore me until they run into someone they barely know who make salacious comments about their new thong bikini.

I discovered that there are crazy mass befrienders and pedophiles on Facebook when I became friends with Yoshi’s (TPB’s) 13-year-old brother Chibiyoshi. I triangulated all of his “friends” dropping the schoolmates and sports celebrities only to wind up with a list of a dozen random adults he did not seem to know in person. These people were either “friends” with a whole bunch of teenage boys or published inappropriate content (pictures and video) to his SuperWall. I went over the profile with Yoshi and we identified all the inappropriate applications that give access to him (by unknown adults) and Yoshi took care to clean up his little brother’s profile (and endure the firestorm of complaints and anger that ensued obviously.) As adults we are responsible for his well being even if we are not his direct parents. Too many kids are hurt while unrelated adults mind their own business. I think it is hard to explain to young teenagers how adults use their photos because they do not have a sophisticated understanding of “adult sexual intent” and most likely will never fully understand criminal, sexually deviant, psycopathic or sosciopathic intent. The number of these people is not great but applications like Facebook makes it easier for them to find you in search by searching through high schools. After almost 20 years on BBses and the Internet, I am still learning the makeup of the intent, desires and thought process or people who fall into those categories. After using Facebook to track and hunt down a very active criminal I can also appreciate that Facebook is a great counterstrike tool as well.

I feel that I must do something though to warn parents who’s 13 year olds will soon have access to Facebook as they enter high school next month. I live in a French speaking area and I fear French speaking parents do not have access to adequate information to understand and supervise their teen’s access to Facebook. The few articles written on the subject are only available in English and they only scrape the surface of how Facebook works. There are other issues as well because Facebook will most likely be the first public forum that teens access where online responsibility is a must. Because Facebook associates everything to your real name, great care must be taken when you use it.

But then again, sometimes we can be glad some dumb people don’t.

I was going to write about how I love Facebook too but I’ll keep it for another time…

A Special Gift
by Eva Vavoom

Well-to-do Waspy parents with their 13-year-old son in the dining room.

Mother: “William, your father and I thought that you deserve a gift for getting good grades this year.”

A proud dad hands his son a flat box that looks like a book with the bold title:

The son’s eyes widen as he opens the box to find a Wi-Fi enabled laptop computer.

William: “This is the coolest gift ever! Thanks mom and dad, I love it so much I am going to sleep with it!”

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These short social commentary and comedy scripts are meant to be made into cartoons, videos or art pieces. They are released under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 Canada. To browse the Creative Commons scripts see the Scripts category. I have further material that is too long to post here at this time and will develop into TV treatments.

A Special Gift by Eva Vavoom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Canada License.
Based on a work at www.evavavoom.com.

A bit over 3 years ago when I became single after 10 years in long-term monogamous relationships, I signed up for Lavalife. I quickly found out that people don’t really use the dating and relationship sections, just the “player” one. I was kind of put off by most profiles and only got messages from 20 year olds. User base is a bit young. Still I met the most wonderful guy (still lovin’ after more than 3 years!) and also became acquainted with someone who introduced me to my friend Viky and consequently most of my female friends in Montreal. He also became a friend and frequent business partner. So while I think that Lavalife was mostly a bad source of datable men, there appear to be a few good apples in there.

I tried Science Connection. It is a site for science geeks. I have known of its existence since 1990 when they ran ads in Toronto weekend papers. I used to have a lot of time on my hands while working in a museum and would read the Ottawa, Toronto and Montreal Saturday papers from cover to cover during my shifts, including the funny personals. SC has very few members in my area, like 3 at the most. I dated M., a 52 year-old scientist who passed for 30 everywhere we went. He’s since move to Toronto. I also went on a date with a German post-doctorate from New York City. We ran around Soho looking for official fireman t-shirts. Often, very geeky guys find me amusing (maybe attractive) but are too shy to do anything about it. But it’s okay, it’s a date not a contest.

I was invited by a geeky friend to try Badoo (He’s yummy but would rather talk about dragons than take me out.) Profiles on badoo are robo-texted from a membership form. It has a wide base of users from other countries. It is also full of ‘Nigerian’ scammers. I quickly noticed that men on Badoo do not have reading or writing skills. Here are a few funny ones:

I deleted my profile a while back. I was irked by the messages I was getting even though I was specifically asking for LOCAL only, no chatting or camming. All I got was crude requests written in LOLCat. I could not find anything redeeming about Badoo to tell you about.

I recently created a profile on OKCupid. I joined a while back because of the funny tests.

As an aside, here’s my recent collection of funny questions from the site.

That’s what people in polling call a leading question. Bombs, no but AWESOME bombs, maybe!

This one from an equality and acceptance test. Had some interesting questions!

This from a sexual purity test that has 100 question and failed towards the end. I don’t have the patience to do it again. To think that when I saw this question at first I was like: “Kewl a new sex thing!”

OK Cupid is actually a dating site. It’s free and it is full of geeks!!! It must have a lot of shirtless 20 year-olds with backwards caps but I can’t see them because of the matching system. I feel like it’s 1994 again and I am surrounded by true tech nerds I already know W. my best match on the site. He clocks in a 80% compatibility way above everyone else. He is a fantastic person so I have confidence in their matching capabilities. I am surprised that guys read all the way through my purposefully long profile and make specific comments on parts of it. Wow, they can actually read, and even between the lines, impressive!!! Now all I have to do is kick myself out of the house to go on a date and I am doing that tonight.