This article by Salon.com titled The sex ed hall of shame attempts to explain the lack of important education in the US school system. I have been a long-time observer of the United States culturally, economically and politically. Originally I was just watching a very entertaining slow train wreck but after almost 30 years of way too much TV, newspapers and magazines, I see my spotted trends realized and I am VERY sad for the future.

If sex if free, then why do people spend so much of their money on the mere promise of it?

I have come to believe that most North Americans do not know what sex is whatever their age. It takes a long time to develop sexual intelligence and sexual competence but it seems everything is set up to disable people from attaining these goals. For me sex is a fun, pleasurable and bonding activity and I now credit my success at it on my basic knowledge of the sexual body, the sexual brain and, very importantly, on my ability to select ideal compatible partners. For most people, sex is a product created to separate them from their money.

There is a weird catch-22 going on in sex today. Schools teach abstinence only to teenagers who are marketed sex 24/7. If teenagers had true, scientific and usable information about sexuality they could build on their sexual intelligence. Knowing what a healthy and pleasurable sexual lifestyle is, they would probably not buy into the sex that is sold to them in pornography or rom-coms. As an adult, I spend a considerable amount of time researching sexuality through reading, discussing and practicing awesome sex with awesome partners. What few people know is that most human sexuality is unrelated to the sum of its sexual parts. But in order to discover the wonderful sex life that is 75% technically abstinent, you have to grow up in a gender-equal community that values knowledge and emotional intelligence and accepts discussion about all topics of adult life including sexuality (and economics, parenting, marriage, etc.) Just a note here, abstaining from having sex with sexually uneducated, incompatible and immature partners is a good thing. Going through a series of regrettable experiences forced upon you by peer pressure in a society of one-upmanship fueled by Internet porn is not so great…

I am very sad when I get very basic questions about sex from men in their twenties. I have sat in a room full of twenty something women talking about their sex life. It has always seemed to me that young women take for granted that what they know is correct and ae the ones less likely to ask for directions. But then again, indirectly, I notice more women in adult sex classes. And yes, as an adult, you should attend sex classes!!!

I understand why our world is set up to create people incredibly uninformed about sex. As North Americans we are groomed to become consumers and therefore purchase every aspect of our humanity ready-made. We purchase our values printed on t-shirts, paint-on our gender with makeup, select passive entertainment from a database of millions of titles as we eat our food pre-prepared and drink suspect liquids from a plastic bottle because we have even forgotten that water comes from the tap. Oh and of course, most of these products come packaged with the sexual innuendo-filled promise of sexy sex.

Here’s a tidbit of info: Even if you reach the base camp of Mount Consumerism, you won’t be able to see the top of the mountain and will always feel like you need more things to be happy, sexy and fulfilled. Powerful moneyed people demonstrate everyday how there is not enough money in the world to reach the top of that mountain.

We live surrounded by sex but very little useful information about sex. We know all the details of the ailing sexual lives of politicians, false prophets and billionaires. We can watch the regrettable sexual encounters of celebrities online but have very little insight from people who are doing sex right. So without ongoing comprehensive age-appropriate sex ed, teenagers will continue to learn about sex through a series of regrettable experiences forced upon them by peer pressure in a society of one-upmanship fueled by Internet porn. And that path doesn’t even lead to a happy and fulfilling adult sex life.

In order to know what sex is, one has to get correct basic information about our sexual organs and how they work. Most information available online about the sexual organs of humans are still incomplete! There are three facets to the physical sexual curriculum, reproduction, sexuality and sexual health and hygiene.

The majority of our sexuality lives in the brain. In order to enjoy it we must know how to do research, communicate with others, ask questions and talk about sex in a mature non-judgmental way.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to seriously tackle the issues of sexual conversation in a connected age with education about sexting, social media and online dating.

We have to discuss other aspects of adult life related to procreation such as the true personal and financial costs of child bearing, birth and rearing (parenting and family planning).

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

In order to go through adolescence understanding the changes that we go through and that our peers go through, we have to develop an understanding of what gender is and what sexual orientation is (and know that these two things are VERY different from each other.)

We have to develop tools to understand ourselves and what we value in a partner whether it is for play or for a long-term relationship.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to look at sexual and gender roles through history and see how sexuality followed suit.

We have to be able to look at suggestive or sexual messaging in various marketing forms and develop the skills to understand how it lies about the sexuality it is trying to sell us. This tools are very useful in preventing the epidemic body-issues that affect boys and girls and will impact negatively in their future sex-life.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss how pornography (the leading source of sexual information for children and teens) affects people in a negative way both emotionally and physically (in addition to being very questionable as a source of sex info.)

We have to discuss illegal and prescription drugs and how they enable, inhibit, improve or impair sexual activity and sexual health.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss consensuality, emotional abuse, sexual assault and rape.

We have to discuss what an ethical sexual lifestyle might entail. From discussions on selecting and vetting potential partners to negotiating sexual encounters.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss what marriage is, what committed relationships are, what monogamy or being faithful means and develop communication skills to attain egalitarian relationships where all parties proactively define what these things mean within their own relationship.

We have to look at a a gazillion sexual products, most of which come without instructions, and dissect what they are for, their potential benefits or risks and if even if they have any use at all.

And of course we would have to talk about the complete relationship cycle in today’s intensely connected digital world including breakup etiquette.

And we probably still haven’t had sex yet!

This incomplete curriculum could certainly sustain weekly sex ed through 8 years of schooling! And there are so many more topics to tackle once we reach college!

If abstinence-only education came with actual information about sex rather than a bucket load of shame and denial then it wouldn’t be detrimental to the lives of so many young people.

Sexual education is not about having sex, it’s about learning to survive and eventually thrive in a world that specifically intends to keep you from reaching a healthy mature *AWESOME* sex life.

I tried to comment on this post on Jezebel but it didn’t work for some reason so here it goes.

There is controversy brewing about Dr. Bachmann’s practice in the media. Last night, Jon Stewart and Jerry Seinfeld did a very funny segment on Mr. Bachmann’s apparently gay affect. Jon called him a hypocrite which shocked me. I am a coach myself, I teach men to attain relationship and sexual bliss. A lot of that involves establishing a strategy and putting in into play over many months. Journalists deride the Bachmann’s in various ways bout it is obvious to me that these are two sincere individuals. You can’t be sincere AND a hypocrite at the same time. You can be sincere AND completely wrong that’s for sure. I have researched the ‘pray the gay away’ movement and come to the conclusion that the only people who sincerely think that homosexuality is a choice are the people who have chosen not to be gay. I am someone who has specifically chosen my lifestyle and constructed a life of bliss based on my vision of adulthood since I was 12 (i.e. being an influential person in the life of my friends and enjoying a non-monogamous lifestyle of knowledge, play and sex) The Bachmanns seem to me like people who have accomplished that as well. They seem happy together, sound sincere when they speak and have raised 5 children and fostered two dozen more. As a couple who devotes time every single day to the welfare of other, they are exceptional. They are walking the walk on what THEY sincerely believe unlike the Koch whores who make up a considerable amount of Congress. Considering what appears to be Mr. Bachmann’s choice, it’s probably not easy! I can’t deride them for making a choice and sticking to it and I understand why their first jest would be to get others in on their bliss!

The caveat is that I know from experience that embarking into a ‘role’ in adulthood or a relationship can be, as Michele says: ‘Bondage!’ and lead to heart disease, depression and regret in some people. Life is kinda short and that tends to hit home in the 40s. And you thought that was a mid-life crisis?!

Now as much as I admire them for their family skills, they would be unlikely to admire me. I gladly travel on the edge of society and every time I’ve gone once around, I discover that the edge has moved a little bit outward and once again I go. I upgrade my knowledge of how people think, feel and love on a daily basis. The Bachmanns, however, are running on legacy software. Faith is one thing. For instance, it’s quite cool that God speaks to Michele directly. Hey God speaks directly to me too! But I suspect her entourage may also have helped convince her to go into politics. Religion is a whole nother ball game though. It’s a program. And religious people’s reasoning is based on a database of information which has little to do with facts or science. Clusters of people who run on the same legacy software like Catholicism or Evangelical Christianism are natively compatible and they get along swell. Often these people are in the same age group so their priorities are similar as well. But their legacy software is full of security holes (superstitions) that pose a REAL threat to progressive society. But when legacy software people try to broadcast their antiquated ideas and pseudo facts to a generation under 30, we collectively return a WTF?! error. And that happens en masse during political campaigns.

There are moneyed interests whom, after years of investing in think tanks, have figured out a way to hack the legacy software and install it in all aspects of U.S. life with devastating effect. And kudos to them for acting at the exact right time when people who run on buggy and insecure legacy software are still young enough to be bought and used in politics, notably the U.S. Congress. And what a resounding success it has been for the roll back of human rights in the U.S.

Just so you understand my position here :

It is wrong to prevent people from unionizing or uniting for a cause when corporations can have unlimited amount of lawyers. It is abusive to prevent people from expressing their gender and sexuality. It is psychologically abusive to indoctrinate children into a religion. It is anti-humanistic to remove access to sexual health preventative medical care. It is just plain cruel to declare women unable to make decisions about their own heath and reproduction. And, it is also wrong to micro-manage a soldier’s career based on whether or not they attend religious rallies organized by some of their leaders.

You know when you grow up and suddenly realize that your parents don’t know any better, are blatantly wrong, are somewhat embarrassingly daft. Well it must be how some young adults are feeling in the U.S. At least I hope that that is how they are feeling because they are stuck interacting with people who refuse to upgrade their database to include recently acquired knowledge, scientific progress and a reasonable understanding of how people experience their lives today. Unfortunately we can’t enlighten them against their will. We could try to influence them by writing what is important to us on 100$ bills! Perhaps Colbert SuperPAC can make a difference even though progressives are a few years lacking in that effort.

It is important to push DIFFERENT people into politics. Sincere people who make sense. Michele and Marcus represent a subset of the population who are working hard to turn all of us into the gut bacteria of giant multinational corporations. That is their hopes and dreams for the future.

But take the case of Ron Paul. I don’t know if his policies are all feasible yet but researching them is quite an adventure! Heck he could be sincere AND wrong like the Bachmanns but most of what he says makes enough sense to me to be involved into researching whether or not ending the Federal Reserve is feasible or even a good idea. Mr. Paul is sincere and consistent and that has netted him his own army of followers and helpers. When Ron Paul speaks you get the impression he is speaking to the priorities of his core supporters who affect his work through volunteering, not just giving money!!! So it is possible for non-billionaires to affect the quality of politician we get!

So your homework today is to change the world changing the politicians. You will look around you and try to spot that one person under 30 whom you feel has the leadership qualities to represent you. And then you will embark on a campaign to get them to accomplish something important on their list of things to do. Then, you will continue this effort by getting them into a leadership position at a local or state level. One would have to be a raging narcissist to decide for themselves to go into the political scene (Or want to increase their speaking fees and sell more books…) Leadership develops really well when people around you encourage you to take issues and projects on.

The message I hope men get from this video is that they should not tolerate such comments from other men and be fully involved in the battle against this sort of attitude which has no place in today’s supposedly evolved society. (See below for context of this ad in the UK)

I grew up in a family situation where talk about sex was snarky, where comments about women were demeaning. When complaining about my mother’s peeping-tom boyfriend she would call me viscous and whore, which were words I did not understand. I understand what it is like to grow up in a place that blames women for the lewdness and vile actions of men. Such an education made me a ‘pervert’ starting at a young age (when I would have been just happy not having to deal with adult topics or sexuality) and it took me decades to develop a healthy sex life.

Now, as an adult woman involved in raising boys I understand that I also have a huge part to play in educating them in a positive and non-judgmental way about sex and women.

Emotionally mature and sexually educated men are a great gift to women

We need to shift from telling women not to get raped to telling men (who are the problem) that they have an important role to play in fostering a society where responsible sexual freedom flourishes and women are not victimized in the process. We are at a juncture in history where we must get together and end the cycle of violence (verbal, physical and sexual) against women in our Western society so that we may save the future of all man and womankind.

While I enjoy tremendous freedom as a polyamorous life hacker and dominatrix, I realize that I do not live is a sexually free society. Over the last 100 years, women have gone from being considered ‘non-humans’ to attaining a sort of liberation. The cost of this liberation is immense. Women may seem free to do as they please but have to endure endless criticism about the attractiveness of every part of their body, face ageism and wage discrimination in a society that still expects them to be twice as good and work twice as hard, while looking great, to merely fit into a world still rules by greedy rich old white men. Women may be free but they remain objects and products to a large sector of the male population.

I started thinking about these issues while writing promotional material for a self-defense class for women. Self-defense classes today do not address the reality that 97% of women who report rape or sexual assault knew their attacker. In most cases it is the romantic partner or date who victimizes a woman. Yet regular self-defense still teaches women how not to get mugged in a alley because if a woman gets victimized while on a date or during sex that becomes non-consensual, then she “was asking for it”. It became soul killing for me to sell self-protection to women when it is men who are the problem so I shifted my thought process to figure out a way to teach men how not to rape and I might be on to something that is positive, fun and in-line with my appreciation of men.

One important aspect of sex education that might be missing from the curriculum is teaching teens how to identify and not tolerate misogynistic speech and behavior around them. Right now, however, we are seeing the pendulum of sexism swing dangerously in the misandry direction. Negative speech about men abounds in ads and tv shows and it’s creating a divisive situation (for profit) that might infect a generation and make it harder to attain true equality of the sexes.

Another important step in educating young people to create a society where they enjoy a life of sexual knowledge, sexual quality and sexual happiness is misinformation. The lack of quality sex education in the past 20 years, or rather ‘abstinence only’ education, creates a wide open place for misinformation about sexuality. On one side, peer-to-peer education lacks context and facts. On the other, pornography is completely devoid of useful sex information. In the culture of porn one-upmanship actors perform to a sexual script that isn’t pleasurable to either participant. Also, for some reason porn producers have decided to package most everything they do as a product that infantilizes, demeans and victimizes women. I can see how creating a product that is highly addictive and captivating while harming the viewer’s self-confidence and reducing his ability to communicate with women is a wicked brilliant business plan… but it is hardly useful to us women.

I can attest with authority that men DO enjoy the intimate company of strong intelligent women who do not dress like teenagers. Usually, these are the same men who consume little to no porn and have well-aligned priorities. And, I am not down on all adult entertainment because intellectually challenging and emotionally mature ‘porn’ is awesome.

But back to the topic of sexual education…

The UK is WAY ahead of us on sex ed but only as a an urgent reaction to being the worst off country in Europe when it comes to STIs and teen pregnancies. Add legendary UK teen heavy drinking and drugs to the mix and you get the new reality of rape and assault which is that over 97% of women are assaulted by someone they know (NOTE: The same percentage of women report knowing their attacker in Canada and the US) Because there is a very low number of actual criminally insane serial rapists in the world compared to the growing number of crimes reported, it means that rape happens at a juncture of immaturity, impaired judgment, lack of education, misogynistic attitude, carelessness and stupidity and it is entirely preventable through a change in attitude and though education starting in high school.

Blaming women for rape is akin to saying rape is unpreventable and therefore it removes the blame from men who rape. It is wrong.

All of us have to figure out ways to fix this situation together here in the West. Then, and only then, we will not have the maturity and strength to help women and girls in developing countries recover from the violence of war and genocide and prosper. Else we are ALL fucked.

My sweetheart came home late on Friday night and said: ‘It’s very good for my 42 year-old ego to wipe the floor with a bunch of young guys.’ He had just finished four hours of training at his martial arts school where all but 2 of his students are half his age. The night before he told me how he planned to train his students until they couldn’t walk anymore (squats, push-ups and his special brand of crazy neurological shock exercises that make you want to vomit) and then do defense against multiple attackers. Then he said I would be happy to avoid that class. I retorted by asking: “You are having a Gang Rape Play class and think I will enjoy NOT being there?!?” That made him laugh… for quite a while. He can count on me to twist everything he says and does into a kinky way but I do it for entertainment.

What is interesting though is that all of his students pay for the privilege of getting a severe beat up and then come back for more. Maybe they are masochists…

I am not a masochist but I am in a truly happy relationship with a professional torturer. While all the other torturers I have known in my life are motivated by desperate fear and low self-esteem (abusive bullies) my sweetheart is a physical scientist who has spent decades studying how the body and brain works when it comes to violence and fear. He’s completely encompassed into this world of war nerdiness and all of his recent friends are special forces and combat geeks. This specialization is typical of his Aspergers but he is knowledgeable in other areas as well. Working with him has reduced my pain and stress-related tension levels and has improved my mobility. He walks on me, has attacked my permanently cramped muscles with whips, sticks, knives, shovels and hatchets. It is more painful than anything I have ever felt except of course being crushed in between two cars. All of this ‘therapeutic torture’ comes from a generous intelligent place making it beneficial physically and emotionally. The whole metaphysical aspect of his martial arts is a bit harder to grasp. His discipline comes from an old tradition of Soviet special forces and it’s only been practiced outside of the iron curtain for 15 years. I call his instructors vampires because it’s obvious they are not made from the same stuff that we are. I cannot explain their advanced capabilities as they seem to read and control the mind. So I continue to observe the interesting relationship he has with his students. While my boyfriend is not kinky, he understand the BDSM dynamic and has noted publicly the similarities in his field of work many years ago. He is his student’s Dom.

In the meantime I am learning to take care of my man in the same way because he is not immune to tension from spending most of his time training and grappling. So, I still get to whack the heck out of someone but with a more therapeutic inclination. This might be my Dominatrix Phd.

In the past 6 months I have learned to let go of my issues with pain. It’s important because I have a serious fear of winding up in the situation I was in 2008-2009 when pain from injuries sustained years before got so bad that it rendered me unable to think at the same level as before. I got mathematical amnesia and was unable to do my job (programmer analyst). I am working again in my field making continuous headway to my ideal job. But even though being in pain is no longer as stressful, I still harbour fear of losing my intellectual abilities because of it. I can accomplish really awesome things using my brain, from coming up with solutions to inventing stories to entertain and amuse my friends in a way that is more sustainable than by simply being pretty. In return I get compliments, admiration, love and long-term attachment in ways that always surprise me. I am very attached to my intellect!!!

As a woman, and an almost 40 year old one at that, it’s hard to blend in the martial art class. I am pitted against shy 17-21 year olds who take a long time to get passed the awkwardness of grappling with a woman. In my head I do not look at myself with the lens of gender and in essence always forget that I am a woman so when the mirror of my gender is thrown at me by my grappling opponent and I realize that we are not equal, it’s somewhat disappointing. I have finally convinced my ex (TPB) to continue coming with me because he is quite used to horizontal activities with me and the unintentional boob grabs don’t phase him. Of course, being close to him like that brings its own set of awkwardness but it beats being shoved around by the class dimwit uncoordinated gorilla who has injured me twice in the past two months.

When I can’t (or don’t want to) grapple with the young ones, I simply sit on the edge of the mat and watch my boyfriend tap out guys one after the other from his own class and his partner’s MMA class. And then we go out for burgers and talk about particle physics or the UFC and then go home to have sex. This has kind of been my life for a few months.

A few years ago I stumbled onto The Ultimate Fighter (season 6) and I have been a fan ever since. This show provides enough male-o-drama to satisfy my weekly cravings. Now that I have SpikeTV it’s hard to look away from the endless stream of UFC specials, recaps and compilations.

I am not unfamiliar with the world of fighting. I grew up on wrestling in the mid 70s. My experience of this entertainment started with the Rougeau Brothers and ended with the Roddy Piper. After that, wrestling became an overblown fake soap opera outside of the ring as well. While I was looking away I stumbled onto an epic episode of ‘The Weakest Link’ with the MacMahons as special guests and I was overjoyed to realize that HHH (fellow Québécois Paul Levesque) and his wife Stephanie, daughter of senate hopeful Linda McMahon, were quite witty and fun. In fact the meathead stereotype associated with fighters is incorrect. It would appear that there are more brainiacs per-capita in the UFC than in other professional sports.

This week, I was overjoyed by Bones when Temperance Brennan exclaimed ‘Eureka: A gathering of Guidos!’. I had been told to pay attention last year but never got passed the first episode of Jersey Shore, that documentary about the Guido tribe. Good thing our favorite anthropologist is paying attention! Myself, I will continue to study the UFC tribe which is surprisingly large.

The other night, I told my sweetie how my teenage boyfriend found me on Facebook. He is an Ontarian I met when our 9^th grade classes were matched in 1985. I can trace my total anglo-canadian fetish back to that exact day. I kissed him in the lobby of the Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City. It was a little bit passed the curfew! We continued our relationship for years through mail and the phone. I sent him lots of letters and even a topless picture of me. One thing that people don’t know about me is that I have lived a more eventful life than the average person and many of those experiences involve choosing to do risky things just for the experience. So one day I went to the local Zellers-type store at my local mall and stood hiding the photo chute for 4-minutes until my topless pictures came out. In today’s camera phone obsessed world it’s hard to know for sure, but there aren’t supposed to be any nude pictures of me on the Internet. When I was a senior in high school, I used my exemption from the English class to write my beloved Ontarian sexy stories. I am confident that doing so provided me with more education than being in a moronic English as a second language class. In fact I always had a disdain for ESL classes because they missed the mark completely by not teaching social and conversation English. Back then I read Penthouse Letters and watched Playboy Channel for a peek into adult culture. I also took over my college-level English class about idioms by using a particularly awesome vintage Rolling Stone Magazine articles about drugs.
During my long-distance teenage relationship with the sexy Ontarian, I remember I had other relationships, I have always been sort of poly I guess, even if I obeyed the physical rules of monogamy.

When I was 18 and between two stints as a tour guide (guiding groups of tourists in tour busses in U.S” and Canada), I was ‘technically single’ and I went to visit him. My stay there was rather awkward. I came home with a sense that he wasn’t that into me and continued my life. The next week I met Chuck in Amos (a fellow tour guide) and so many formative and life-changing things happened to me since then. When I read the profusely affectionate and apologetical e-mails he sent me this week, it seemed odd because to me, it seemed like he would have forgotten that I ever existed by now.

I guess Facebook does that to people every day, thrusting them back together after twenty years and giving them the opportunity to reconnect where they left off. But one thing is for sure is that I am not the same person I was twenty years ago and it is unusual to have someone in front of me who has no knowledge of my life adventures.
While I am always very attached to and place great value on people whom I have known for a long time, I don’t really need yet another married man friend in my life who comes to me for entertaining conversation, stories of my life on the other side and advice about marriage. It doesn’t bring me anything in return.

I’m still dating all the other guys I was dating last year while searching for my sweetie. I don’t consider that I have enough time to conduct another sexual relationship right now but it’s fun to be offered the possibility all the time. Even though I’m not open to having other sexual relationships right now the growing emotional attachment I have with the others winds up being the same as if we were having sex. I have decided not to close the door on my established relationship with my slave boy. But I have goals to accomplish before I can continue that relationship and, of course, I will have to have a discussion with my partner about it. Have you ever had a talk with your boyfriend that starts with: ‘How would you feel about me having a slave boy?’

Whenever I write a long-winded post about how entertainingly fantastic my life is, I lose it. Recently my old hard drive died taking along with it a post about the day-to-day description of the best week ever. Almost everyday is the best day ever but writing about it seems like gloating but that post had some funny bits.

Most of what I find fascinating about the soap opera that is my life is the connection I feel to my friends and lovers. It is that trust and comfort that allows for free and open face to face communication. For the past two decades my entire professional life has been spent dealing with things in the virtual world. Over the past 5 years I have managed to create a deep connection with people in the real world because I see how online is eroding the connection we have to each other. It makes my life truly joyful everyday to create and nurture those connections.

I recently fired my boss. I am not talking about the hot ‘daddy’ that is my supervisor but the guy above him… the guy that is so ‘connected’ he never looks up from his Blackberry or iPad to talk to his employees. I find that unacceptable. My boss was not universally disliked but I think he provided little in the way of leadership and was perhaps the least value-added person I have ever met. I often talk about leadership because it is a misunderstood skill that too few people have. However, my boss’ absenteeism provided me with the immense freedom of suggesting some cool improvements and networking with a lot of key people in the company. Perhaps one day my boss will find out about what I did at work when one after the other all his directors say: “It’s too bad Eva left, she would have known how to fix this problem.” I once called my boss an imbecile within earshot of others (and I had valid reason) therefore it was useless for me to be all happy-go-lucky and positive towards him after he got a slap on the wrist for being a stranger and HAD to come over and talk to me. I changed department despite his “Give us a chance…” because his general douchebaggery is progressively pushing out all the best employees. Since he tweeted about being underpaid, he will likely use the ‘cachet’ provided by his current position to land a similar position elsewhere.

I do not plan on leaving the company unless my other projects make it impossible for me to find enough time in my schedule for a full-time job. I love poking at every part of a big beast just to figure out a path to accomplishing great things. But I can also accomplish things on my own so I am giving myself the freedom to be myself in the process. This way I can align myself with compatible leaders and not scared shit less managers. It’s not easy trying to convince a huge company in reactive mode to take a moment to relax, breathe and plan to be innovative, different and fantastic. There is risk in being fantastic… and its harder ‘to accomplish than simply copying what everyone else is doing. I took a 35% pay cut to join a big company in an entry-level job that is completely different that what I usually do. I have gone form managerial to technical starting back at the very bottom. In return I have gotten a very interesting ‘undercover boss’ experience. Now I am moving into nerd central with all the engineers and it’s going to be a different experience… because I love nerds and engineers!

This week my current supervisor sent a meeting request to my old supervisor and myself and the title of the meeting was “Affection Eva”. I can appreciate this novel way of organizing a hot threesome. In this meeting my old supervisor said he would love to have me back on his team but we reached an agreement where I split my time between both at my discretion based on a few priority rules. I think I have experience managing and splitting my time between two guys… and my supervisor does know how to write “affectation” but in my experience, Freudian slips are always true… it’s perhaps the only thing Freud got right.

And today is Friday and I have my long meeting with my favorite co-worker. We have cool strategy to do and perhaps a bit of gossiping but other than that this week I hit my hustlin’ high score on Tuesday as I continued to mold my job and make strategic partnerships for idea development Wednesday and Thursday. Yes, you read this right, I have concluded three (3) major business partnerships and moved on a few more for incredibly fun projects. I have a new brand in soft launch and that is why I have put Puremoan.com on the back burner until next week when my UK associate is on vacation.

That’s not bad for a girl who was looking at hitting Detroit for the Leather Leadership Conference. The past few weeks have been huge as I have stuck to my promise not to worry about M0J0D4ddy and just do my thing. I did specifically sit him down on March 24th before he left Montreal to go back home to discuss how he cannot be my priority anymore. But I will continue to call him on the weekend to see how he is moving along with his medical issues. That is why we are not meeting in Detroit this weekend. I have a plane ticket banked and I might use it to go to Virginia this summer.

So there 10% of the cool stuff that happened this week… but I’m out of time!

Only in America can a pornstar hire one of the most well-known lawyers in the country to get CNN to broadcast her request for an apology from a celebrity sportsman who appears to be done with her.

I cannot believe that Gloria Allred kept a straight face as she explained that her client halted her career as a pornstar because her lover, Tiger Woods, a married man, was jealous and did not want her to be with other men.

How can a woman, Joslyn James, who chooses of her own free will to pursue a relationship with a married man have any recourse to accuse him of lying when he is either forced to end the relationship upon getting caught or she discovers that she is not the only “other one”.

The daily nitty gritty of their relationship as could be gauged from text messages, e-mails or phone calls, means absolutely nothing considering that they come from someone who has affective issues (sex addiction)

If this is not obvious to this woman, an she is after all a porn star in her 20s born yesterday, then it should be explained to her at length by the people she is seeking legal COUNSEL from. She said: “I do not wish to be a burden to his family” is complete horseshit as she does not have any legal recourse against Woods. If this were true she could certainly shut up. The only way she can eek out a settlement will be by legally polluting his family’s life with the embarrassing rehash of the minutia of their relationship until Wood’s legal team pays her a settlement plus legal bills.

It is very transparent extortion and Allred is driving this circus as she has done many times before. Seeking financial gain from rich assholes is a business that is booming in the US.

I am used to being pursued by married men, know how to put things in perspective and manage my life accordingly. I am also polyamorous and gladly teach men to attain the same lifestyle I enjoy (happy non monogamy) and I don’t think that people are naturally monogamous. I would never in a million years throw away my privacy and quality of life by attracting such attention to myself no matter which superstar I was involved with. I am a bit bewildered that someone with the charisma and the social and financial means that Tiger Woods has could not figure out how to have his cake and eat it too. The amount of mess and embarrassment he has created for himself is monumental. His private life is none of our business but he obviously made a huge mistake by bedding so many attention-wh*res who are all too happy to brag about their involvement with him.

These mistakes understandably impact the part of his career tied to endorsements but as far as the golf is concerned, this should not be an issue.

On the other hand, none of his mistresses, no matter how special they think they are have any legal recourse against him for cheating, lying or any promises he made while vertical or horizontal. Unless one of them can prove that she successfully tricked him into getting her pregnant, it’s simple extortion… in the latter case it’s fraud but that’s another ball of wax.

I am so incensed that CNN chose to air 5 minutes of the Allred press conference right after Wood’s apology. Since I heard about the incidents that lead to this media circus last year I paid very little attention to the stories other than be outraged at the pollution of supposedly serious media with the minutia of Tiger Wood’s alleged second life.

But now can we just get over it and move on?

I have been writing articles for my upcoming sex education website paying special attention on outlining my articles on porn. While I will attempt to provide some useful info on a category of 13,000 products that fail to come with instructions, I do not plan on selling porn. Not that it wouldn’t be a great cash cow but I haven’t made money from porn online so far so now is a great time NOT to start. I feel that in a sea of ‘sex products’ pornography is the one commodity that adds absolutely no value to consumer’s life. And it’s going to be quite interesting to write how porn fails to deliver on all levels and go through the long list of misinformation that is propagated by porn.

Yesterday I watched BBC3′s 2007 special Teens Hooked on Porn (it is available on Youtube) and I was quite shocked. For the past year I have been keen to progressively kick one of my partners into sex rehab after realizing that his addiction to online dating sites and porn is keeping him back in all areas of life. I was shocked to see these 16-year-old boys progressively destroy their potential for life enjoyment though abusive use of pornography. How sad it is to discover sexuality as a packaged product rather than the old fashion way (secretly making out in the shed!?) When you think about it, us girls still had to put up with old gropey pervs who made inappropriate comments when we were growing up (in the 80′s) altering our perception of adulthood, sexuality and men. And it sucked. When boys tap into pornography they are inviting the same kind of ideas, short-circuiting their brain before they even develop their ability to socialize with their peers and girls. What I have been discovering over the past 5 years of talking about porn and asking questions is that porn is very harmful to men in so many ways.

So about a month ago I realized that I did not want to enter into a lifelong commitment with someone whom I feel is on the road to personal destruction. And I am not talking here about how his addictions are fucking up any and all chances for us to have a normal relationship but how it is first and foremost making him his worst enemy. Sex addiction is tricky because it would appear that it has very little to do with sex and a lot to do with socio-affective anxiety. I live for the day I can take him along when traveling around the world to document that happy, joyful, sad and shocking state of sex around the world today, however, at this stage he would not be able to deal with this and not because of the topic of sex, because of the issues of violence, hate, anger, misogyny and bullying that surround the commercialization of sex as a product.

I was quite surprised that rather than walk away he has made every effort to address the situation seeking a therapist for weekly sessions and going to SAA group 2-3 times a week. He even deleted all his online dating accounts and porn and has maintained sobriety for over a month. While I am very impressed, it is most interesting to talk about it and see his outlook change from a culture of outside validation to a state of inner satisfaction with accomplishing a bunch of stuff he had put off. Because that is the issue here… not HOW he spends his time (he could be wasting time gaming or drinking… it’s all the same) but the fact that he makes a concerned effort to accomplish things that are important to him and that is what fills the well of self worth, creates joy and attracts interaction with other joyful people.

More and more I feel that addiction to porn or reliance on less mindfull entertainment like video games, movies/TV and online memes is a sign that someone has fallen into the soul killing downward spiral of :

Loneliness and Boredom

(This entry was written around September 15 and has been edited for verb tense.)

You know, it has gotten to the point where I can simply write things down in a script as they happen rather than make shit up… The universe is telling me to write… perhaps even something that would be read by someone else and not just this blogging into the void of space.

A few weekends ago I had a wonderful date. After a full day of kinky Fetish Weekend workshops I met up with the guy from Boston. We’ve been chatting casually on and off and it’s surprising to me how he comes off as an easygoing, fun to be with teenager. Though it’s important to state that he is in his early forties! I REALLY like a guy with a nice package (err.. by that I mean a nice package of education and life experiences.) There is a world of difference between me, a maladjusted orphaned college dropout poly kinkster who wants to make her next career writing quasi-porno entertainment for adults and a VP who has conveniently studied at the world’s most celebrated colleges and universities and is so ‘special’ he got two fellowships (I looked him up!) I told him that I am looking for someone fitting his profile (busy, accomplished, dad, forties, cute!) however I wondered if my whole dominatrix sex educator/writer personae would fly with the hypothetical-husband’s friends and co-workers in the stuffy world of billionaire venture capitalists. He answered, with a chuckle, “Well I think he would be proud!” which is a great answer I wasn’t expecting at all. However, he does have an awkward co-parenting arrangement and he travels extensively so we’ll see how this goes.

Oh and about the kinky workshops. Most of them were on rope with Rigger Jay and Dov. And I was wearing a tribal necklace made of three t-shirts cut into stretched strips. I realized that within this necklace of long loops was enough material to tie a whole person up : ) Put that away for when I want to bring bondage equipment somewhere very discreetly. I also practiced, with jute rope, on a really sexy woman who said she should take me back to her hotel room : P And as usual, I just brushed it off as a joke even though I recently came to the conclusion that women are mostly serious when saying this kind of thing to me Hahaha! But I shall continue to pretend it’s a joke, I have enough woman worries as it is.

So what else is new? You remember Paisley, the chick who completely fell in love with my Daddy and has been on his case ever since? Well she has a lot of stuff in her bag of tricks. However, those tricks cannot possibly be the techniques she teaches in her classes on how to seduce a man. Next trick would be: Lesson number 16: Get pregnant so he’ll be stuck with you.

A few weeks ago she turned to me to get support because things weren’t going HER WAY with Patrick. Awkward? Not really, I was totally expecting it. I was deadpan realistic with her and she told me she would move on. I have not spoken to her since then. However she has kept e-mailing, texting and calling him ever since and he has been trying to let her down gently. I told him that he cannot win with her and therefore he should simply strategize to “lose less”. Which is a very toned down version of the way I usually teach/coach a guy on how to ‘control them bitches’ LOL

Right now Paisley is in the process of burning down the house that she cannot get into. She is driving a wedge between Patrick and I. Perfect! It is those moments that make us stronger!

I find all of this drama rather interesting. I am trying to impart upon Patrick the importance of not reacting too fast and planning ahead. Paisley will not shut up and has been pushing all his buttons at the same time leaving him bewildered, confused and tired. Again… not a very good man hacking trick and not very becoming of a slave looking for a Master. While I have been letting Patrick deal with this on his own he does talk to me about it. Her technique of seducing him has been to burn his ear off for hours on end every single day with her every feeling and thoughts and telling him how fantastic she is and using every emotionally manipulating phrase she can think of. Her offer is basically “I am everything you will ever need” but you have to sing on the dotted line RIGHT NOW or I will vanish forever.

I told her initially how I won Patrick’s attention for a few days and turned it into a few weeks, months and still working everyday to turn it into years. She said that in her case it cannot be like that because her situation with Patrick is romantic.

How do I loathe people who think romance and relationahips are magical and require no work? Lots! Plonk!

Now she is part of the past. But she turned out to be a good teachable moment.

Now back on the home front…

I have a new slave boi. He is quite the keeper (He’s still going on about how cool it was for him to read that LOL) After our first meeting he drove me to Ottawa to meet my lift for Floating World. How conveenient! And this week he drove me around on his motorcycle. Tonight we are going to go shopping for vintage cars and then go to a huge sex shop. But there is only one thing on my shopping list…

What is a relationship?

Well in medieval times it seems that a woman would find herself in a ‘relationship’ once she was abducted by a pillaging knight… I’m not going to list all the ways in which people have been thrust together in matrimony over the years but simply fast forward to the 20th century where men and women choose each other and either marry or simply cut the red tape and shack up. but even within this freedom to choose a mate I still feel like there is a huge bag of expectations from society about what a relationship should be.

I got married once because… well… because I felt that this is what was expected of me in order to be an adult. Then I quickly ran away from my extremely possessive, jealous and increasingly aggressive husband. I then made the mistake of getting together with #2 less than a week later. Though we were together 7+ years we broke up when he became, you guessed it, possessive, jealous and increasingly aggressive! Then I thought: “Holy Fuck! There’s something wrong with ME!” I then decided not to be in another relationship until I figured out what in me made my man possessive and jealous like that.

However, I immediately fell for my beloved BeardedDicaprio and we will soon be celebrating 5 years of happy non-relationship

I just love my non-relationship with him. I have never met his parents or his family. They don’t even know I exist. I mean if they did then they would definitely have expectations and that would give both of us ulcers because we would have to TELL them about our non-relationship status. It is a wonderful feeling to be on the same page with a guy and be able to communicate about our romantic situation without feeling all weird. I have always looked forward to the day when I can go to his wedding and simply be the miscellaneous friend. I would certainly attend with the only person we know in common. She is a trans woman who worked with him before she transitioned and whom I have only known as a woman.

So since then I have said fuck you to the man and I am having my relationships however which way I want them.

My lover, Mr. P. and I have a lot of fun talking about our relationship. He is incredibly straight forward and not at all diplomatic when talking about this sort of thing. I appreciate honesty and straight-forwardness. However, he gets a lot of crap from women because he also thinks outside the box when it comes to relationships. He is mostly monogamous but he HATES being horded by a woman. But I do not hoarde him. So that is why I have asked him to be my husband only on Tuesdays or Thursdays. And to my surprise today he admitted that he was having fun telling his girlfriends that I had asked that of him. But we are not on the same page for he, being the dominant man that he is, wished that it was a floating day that he could choose. So this is where we are at.

It is worth mentioning that Mr. P. is a 46 year-old libertarian and that he is incredibly intelligent and he has his own ideas about marriage and how it should be. I think that we should all be free to define our own relationships so I welcome his ideas. He has told me that marriage should be a timed contract with an expiration date. This makes sense since marriages seem to already have expiration dates anyway and the fact that they are life contracts is simply making lawyers richer. If I had a timed marriage and my husband was wishy-washy about renewing when the time came around then I would know our time is up and plan to move on.

When people around me and my ex would bring up marriage around me and my ex I simply would skirt the issue and say: “I’m still married to the old one!” within earshot of EVERYONE. This prevented the new one from popping the question. I still had his baby and bought a house with him and those two contracts considered both of us as equal people.

Traditional marriage does not treat men and women as equal.

I am planning my union with M0j0D4ddy and I would like to tell everybody around me about it but I can’t because we are not getting married, we are defining our relationship 2.0… and that’s kind of hard to sell to people who didn’t even know you could invent a new relationship to call you own.

But it’s still fuckin’ fantastic!!!