Recently, a woman asked Mitt Romney a follow-up question about his stated support for the ‘life at conception’ amendment. She made it easy on the Mitt, including basic reproduction and contraception information so that it might be easier for him to formulate an answer. With the affect of a frightened dad receiving an awkward sex-related question from his daughter, Mitt simply demonstrated his complete incompetence on matters of sexuality, reproduction and contraception with a dismissive non-answer. His constituent then explained something very important: Hormonal birth control prevents attachment of the fertilized egg to the uterine wall potentially making many forms of birth control illegal if a ‘life at conception’ amendment was to become law. Rachel Maddow explained this in more detail on her October 20th man-cave segment. It is worth noting that all contraception methods that would become illegal are those methods that a woman can choose and use at her own discretion. They are used by most adult women, often in addition to a condom which protects against STDs.

Why are creepy old men injecting themselves into the private life of women?

It becomes really obvious that the ideology behind these abortion push-back bills is to declare women incompetent when it comes to making decisions about their body. This can also be seen in a really creepy video shown by Melissa Harris Perry on The Rachel Maddow show of August 30th, 2011 (at 3:17 of the segment). The old gray-haired men whom, by the way, have failed to display any knowledge or understanding of women, their bodies and reproductive system sincerely feel they are better adept at making decisions regarding reproduction than women and even their doctor. In their world, the condom is the only convenient method of contraception, and therefore the man, is the one who decides the purpose and outcome of sexual activity.

Without reproductive freedom, all women are sentenced to poverty.

Because we have to work harder for less pay and raise children while we take on most or all of the household work, it is imperative for us women to control when and how we have children so as to give them the best possible care during their life. This is why the demonization of Planned Parenthood in the U.S. is so shocking. The fact that abortion is legal and the idea of family planning is what has contributed to the betterment of the lives of millions of people in the last 40 years. Regardless, 1/5th of children in the U.S. still live in poverty and poverty affects women at a greater rate than men.

This medieval mindset rules the GOP.

In addition to having no knowledge of reproduction and contraception, Mitt Romney has very little regard for women’s concerns as he dismissed a woman’s extremely important question without ever answering it! Furthermore, the birth-control pill has many other uses including, but not limited to, as a menstrual cycle regulator for millions of women whom, like me, suffer from Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrom (PCOS).

This article by Salon.com titled The sex ed hall of shame attempts to explain the lack of important education in the US school system. I have been a long-time observer of the United States culturally, economically and politically. Originally I was just watching a very entertaining slow train wreck but after almost 30 years of way too much TV, newspapers and magazines, I see my spotted trends realized and I am VERY sad for the future.

If sex if free, then why do people spend so much of their money on the mere promise of it?

I have come to believe that most North Americans do not know what sex is whatever their age. It takes a long time to develop sexual intelligence and sexual competence but it seems everything is set up to disable people from attaining these goals. For me sex is a fun, pleasurable and bonding activity and I now credit my success at it on my basic knowledge of the sexual body, the sexual brain and, very importantly, on my ability to select ideal compatible partners. For most people, sex is a product created to separate them from their money.

There is a weird catch-22 going on in sex today. Schools teach abstinence only to teenagers who are marketed sex 24/7. If teenagers had true, scientific and usable information about sexuality they could build on their sexual intelligence. Knowing what a healthy and pleasurable sexual lifestyle is, they would probably not buy into the sex that is sold to them in pornography or rom-coms. As an adult, I spend a considerable amount of time researching sexuality through reading, discussing and practicing awesome sex with awesome partners. What few people know is that most human sexuality is unrelated to the sum of its sexual parts. But in order to discover the wonderful sex life that is 75% technically abstinent, you have to grow up in a gender-equal community that values knowledge and emotional intelligence and accepts discussion about all topics of adult life including sexuality (and economics, parenting, marriage, etc.) Just a note here, abstaining from having sex with sexually uneducated, incompatible and immature partners is a good thing. Going through a series of regrettable experiences forced upon you by peer pressure in a society of one-upmanship fueled by Internet porn is not so great…

I am very sad when I get very basic questions about sex from men in their twenties. I have sat in a room full of twenty something women talking about their sex life. It has always seemed to me that young women take for granted that what they know is correct and ae the ones less likely to ask for directions. But then again, indirectly, I notice more women in adult sex classes. And yes, as an adult, you should attend sex classes!!!

I understand why our world is set up to create people incredibly uninformed about sex. As North Americans we are groomed to become consumers and therefore purchase every aspect of our humanity ready-made. We purchase our values printed on t-shirts, paint-on our gender with makeup, select passive entertainment from a database of millions of titles as we eat our food pre-prepared and drink suspect liquids from a plastic bottle because we have even forgotten that water comes from the tap. Oh and of course, most of these products come packaged with the sexual innuendo-filled promise of sexy sex.

Here’s a tidbit of info: Even if you reach the base camp of Mount Consumerism, you won’t be able to see the top of the mountain and will always feel like you need more things to be happy, sexy and fulfilled. Powerful moneyed people demonstrate everyday how there is not enough money in the world to reach the top of that mountain.

We live surrounded by sex but very little useful information about sex. We know all the details of the ailing sexual lives of politicians, false prophets and billionaires. We can watch the regrettable sexual encounters of celebrities online but have very little insight from people who are doing sex right. So without ongoing comprehensive age-appropriate sex ed, teenagers will continue to learn about sex through a series of regrettable experiences forced upon them by peer pressure in a society of one-upmanship fueled by Internet porn. And that path doesn’t even lead to a happy and fulfilling adult sex life.

In order to know what sex is, one has to get correct basic information about our sexual organs and how they work. Most information available online about the sexual organs of humans are still incomplete! There are three facets to the physical sexual curriculum, reproduction, sexuality and sexual health and hygiene.

The majority of our sexuality lives in the brain. In order to enjoy it we must know how to do research, communicate with others, ask questions and talk about sex in a mature non-judgmental way.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to seriously tackle the issues of sexual conversation in a connected age with education about sexting, social media and online dating.

We have to discuss other aspects of adult life related to procreation such as the true personal and financial costs of child bearing, birth and rearing (parenting and family planning).

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

In order to go through adolescence understanding the changes that we go through and that our peers go through, we have to develop an understanding of what gender is and what sexual orientation is (and know that these two things are VERY different from each other.)

We have to develop tools to understand ourselves and what we value in a partner whether it is for play or for a long-term relationship.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to look at sexual and gender roles through history and see how sexuality followed suit.

We have to be able to look at suggestive or sexual messaging in various marketing forms and develop the skills to understand how it lies about the sexuality it is trying to sell us. This tools are very useful in preventing the epidemic body-issues that affect boys and girls and will impact negatively in their future sex-life.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss how pornography (the leading source of sexual information for children and teens) affects people in a negative way both emotionally and physically (in addition to being very questionable as a source of sex info.)

We have to discuss illegal and prescription drugs and how they enable, inhibit, improve or impair sexual activity and sexual health.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss consensuality, emotional abuse, sexual assault and rape.

We have to discuss what an ethical sexual lifestyle might entail. From discussions on selecting and vetting potential partners to negotiating sexual encounters.

And we still haven’t had sex yet!

We have to discuss what marriage is, what committed relationships are, what monogamy or being faithful means and develop communication skills to attain egalitarian relationships where all parties proactively define what these things mean within their own relationship.

We have to look at a a gazillion sexual products, most of which come without instructions, and dissect what they are for, their potential benefits or risks and if even if they have any use at all.

And of course we would have to talk about the complete relationship cycle in today’s intensely connected digital world including breakup etiquette.

And we probably still haven’t had sex yet!

This incomplete curriculum could certainly sustain weekly sex ed through 8 years of schooling! And there are so many more topics to tackle once we reach college!

If abstinence-only education came with actual information about sex rather than a bucket load of shame and denial then it wouldn’t be detrimental to the lives of so many young people.

Sexual education is not about having sex, it’s about learning to survive and eventually thrive in a world that specifically intends to keep you from reaching a healthy mature *AWESOME* sex life.

I tried to comment on this post on Jezebel but it didn’t work for some reason so here it goes.

There is controversy brewing about Dr. Bachmann’s practice in the media. Last night, Jon Stewart and Jerry Seinfeld did a very funny segment on Mr. Bachmann’s apparently gay affect. Jon called him a hypocrite which shocked me. I am a coach myself, I teach men to attain relationship and sexual bliss. A lot of that involves establishing a strategy and putting in into play over many months. Journalists deride the Bachmann’s in various ways bout it is obvious to me that these are two sincere individuals. You can’t be sincere AND a hypocrite at the same time. You can be sincere AND completely wrong that’s for sure. I have researched the ‘pray the gay away’ movement and come to the conclusion that the only people who sincerely think that homosexuality is a choice are the people who have chosen not to be gay. I am someone who has specifically chosen my lifestyle and constructed a life of bliss based on my vision of adulthood since I was 12 (i.e. being an influential person in the life of my friends and enjoying a non-monogamous lifestyle of knowledge, play and sex) The Bachmanns seem to me like people who have accomplished that as well. They seem happy together, sound sincere when they speak and have raised 5 children and fostered two dozen more. As a couple who devotes time every single day to the welfare of other, they are exceptional. They are walking the walk on what THEY sincerely believe unlike the Koch whores who make up a considerable amount of Congress. Considering what appears to be Mr. Bachmann’s choice, it’s probably not easy! I can’t deride them for making a choice and sticking to it and I understand why their first jest would be to get others in on their bliss!

The caveat is that I know from experience that embarking into a ‘role’ in adulthood or a relationship can be, as Michele says: ‘Bondage!’ and lead to heart disease, depression and regret in some people. Life is kinda short and that tends to hit home in the 40s. And you thought that was a mid-life crisis?!

Now as much as I admire them for their family skills, they would be unlikely to admire me. I gladly travel on the edge of society and every time I’ve gone once around, I discover that the edge has moved a little bit outward and once again I go. I upgrade my knowledge of how people think, feel and love on a daily basis. The Bachmanns, however, are running on legacy software. Faith is one thing. For instance, it’s quite cool that God speaks to Michele directly. Hey God speaks directly to me too! But I suspect her entourage may also have helped convince her to go into politics. Religion is a whole nother ball game though. It’s a program. And religious people’s reasoning is based on a database of information which has little to do with facts or science. Clusters of people who run on the same legacy software like Catholicism or Evangelical Christianism are natively compatible and they get along swell. Often these people are in the same age group so their priorities are similar as well. But their legacy software is full of security holes (superstitions) that pose a REAL threat to progressive society. But when legacy software people try to broadcast their antiquated ideas and pseudo facts to a generation under 30, we collectively return a WTF?! error. And that happens en masse during political campaigns.

There are moneyed interests whom, after years of investing in think tanks, have figured out a way to hack the legacy software and install it in all aspects of U.S. life with devastating effect. And kudos to them for acting at the exact right time when people who run on buggy and insecure legacy software are still young enough to be bought and used in politics, notably the U.S. Congress. And what a resounding success it has been for the roll back of human rights in the U.S.

Just so you understand my position here :

It is wrong to prevent people from unionizing or uniting for a cause when corporations can have unlimited amount of lawyers. It is abusive to prevent people from expressing their gender and sexuality. It is psychologically abusive to indoctrinate children into a religion. It is anti-humanistic to remove access to sexual health preventative medical care. It is just plain cruel to declare women unable to make decisions about their own heath and reproduction. And, it is also wrong to micro-manage a soldier’s career based on whether or not they attend religious rallies organized by some of their leaders.

You know when you grow up and suddenly realize that your parents don’t know any better, are blatantly wrong, are somewhat embarrassingly daft. Well it must be how some young adults are feeling in the U.S. At least I hope that that is how they are feeling because they are stuck interacting with people who refuse to upgrade their database to include recently acquired knowledge, scientific progress and a reasonable understanding of how people experience their lives today. Unfortunately we can’t enlighten them against their will. We could try to influence them by writing what is important to us on 100$ bills! Perhaps Colbert SuperPAC can make a difference even though progressives are a few years lacking in that effort.

It is important to push DIFFERENT people into politics. Sincere people who make sense. Michele and Marcus represent a subset of the population who are working hard to turn all of us into the gut bacteria of giant multinational corporations. That is their hopes and dreams for the future.

But take the case of Ron Paul. I don’t know if his policies are all feasible yet but researching them is quite an adventure! Heck he could be sincere AND wrong like the Bachmanns but most of what he says makes enough sense to me to be involved into researching whether or not ending the Federal Reserve is feasible or even a good idea. Mr. Paul is sincere and consistent and that has netted him his own army of followers and helpers. When Ron Paul speaks you get the impression he is speaking to the priorities of his core supporters who affect his work through volunteering, not just giving money!!! So it is possible for non-billionaires to affect the quality of politician we get!

So your homework today is to change the world changing the politicians. You will look around you and try to spot that one person under 30 whom you feel has the leadership qualities to represent you. And then you will embark on a campaign to get them to accomplish something important on their list of things to do. Then, you will continue this effort by getting them into a leadership position at a local or state level. One would have to be a raging narcissist to decide for themselves to go into the political scene (Or want to increase their speaking fees and sell more books…) Leadership develops really well when people around you encourage you to take issues and projects on.

Everyday I wake up and look at the news to see who’s lying today. Politicians are turning into soul whores and it takes a lot of work to figure out who’s sponsoring their words and vote on any given day. What has become really odd this week though is that a relatively mundane miss-tweet has been blown up to immense importance. And you kind of expect news outlets like Fox and becoming-like-Fox CNN to avoid covering actual news and descend into water-cooler gossip but it gets worse. This week Jon Stewart devotied 4-5 show segments to Anthony Wiener’s²! Really!? Colbert followed suit on Wednesday by ALSO talking about the Wiener tweets which reference The Colbert Report and The Daily Show. Not only was that not necessary, it VERY Entertainment Tonight. I expect more from these people like biting commentary and funny skits about what actually matters.

I saw the Wiener tweet as it came out. Not from the source but as a screen grab repost. I immediately thought about the time I used Twitter’s new multi-account iPad app to tweet my glee about being invited to a lesbian sex party… to my consultant account!!! Big Oops. This is the kind of thing that will happen to everyone who uses social media services with the intent of sharing private information. Where mere mortals once embarrassed themselves by Replying to all, they now mistakingly @reply instead of private messaging. Yes, it will happen to you too!

Now that the content of the tweets are coming out I am surprised at how un-creepy they are. And I’m not comparing Wiener to Tiger Woods here (who should hold the creepy SMS message crown for a long time to come) but to messages that I have seen or received myself from married or attached men. I will explain later why those are inevitable. I tend to limit access to me by married men but I still count many a close friends.

As to pundits judging Wiener for cheating on his spouse, I find it odd and weird. Personally I reserve the term cheating on a spouse to engaging in secret behavior (sexual or emotional) that can harm a relationship or goes against a couple’s stated rules. Any act in itself cannot be construed as cheating by strangers who are not aware of a couple’s relationship rules. As a very attached polyamorous woman I spend a lot of time discussing such matters with a select group of people. In addition to my principal partner, I have one lover and recently released my slave boi after coaching him to build the BDSM relationship he wanted with his wife. Coaching men to accomplish their ideal sexual lifestyle is what I do… So obviously I spend a lot of time planning out my activities with my lovers and friends and keep my principal partner informed of my activities. In the end however I am responsible for my choices and my actions so I cannot go around sexting random men or tweeting naked pictures of myself because that would be unreasonable for someone who has no problem creating quality F2F time. I understand the incredible embarrassment public people must feel when their private conversations become public but I also think they should have known better. I take for granted that all my internet activity is public event if distributed in a very organized way to reach only the intended reader. I am not doing it to be secretive, I am doing it to spare people TMI moments. It very well may be that one of those recipients would release our conversations or that such conversations could become public through technology shortcomings, failure or vandalism.

There are some tidbits of info that don’t seem to be common knowledge yet.

Ladies, one of the things men worry about all the time is ‘Am I attractive to women in a sexual way?’. And they worry about this constantly even if they already have ONE woman. This only decreases slightly when they have TWO. While they are doing the stuff that Wiener did, they are seeking validation and thrills. It has nothing to do with intent to cheat on their partner. This is incredibly immature and very annoying for women but it’s the state of the world we live in. At this point it seems like all elected officials are using their clout and celebrity to get laid while proclaiming their family values, sexting shouldn’t be an issue.

And here’s another thing.

Gentlemen, most women on this planet will frown at receiving an intimate picture of you. 99% of women will puke when receiving a picture of your penis. I try to take this into consideration when teaching my cock-bondage class. I offer double warning when posting pictures of my previous work and mention in BOLD LETTERS in my class descriptions that I will have a live model and that many participants will bring their own pet trouser snakes to practice on (read: boyfriend or submissive).

And now we move into almost secret territory.

Male nudity makes women uncomfortable because we are not raised an socialized to see a man’s genitals as a source of pleasure. For a great portion of women on this planet, a penis is a sign of miss-used authority, a weapon of war, a tool of rape and a constant reminder of men’s sexual obsession made even more obvious today by pervasive porn culture in everyday media. If you are not sure yet that porn culture has invaded the media at large, just watch the MTV movie awards for just 30 minutes to hear at least 10 references to extreme sex acts which us Sex educators, perverts and BDSM folks usually reserve for discreet private conversations.

And this brings me to the next topic: Men behaving extremely badly.

I have been scrutinizing the media and researching women’s issues for about 30 years. I started reading Playboy and Penthouse at 10 years of age and have been searching for adult material since then. By adult material I mostly mean media created for adults, it didn’t have to be sex-related. But I can say that I have closely watched the commercialization of women’s sexuality in both pornography, TV, movies, beauty and fashion. And now I find myself living in a strange time. In the West we have women who think they are empowered but devote an enormous amount of their time being a slave to fashion and beauty standards that are unreasonable and unattainable. At work, they are still discriminated against, paid less and have to put up with men who behave like immature morons and get away with the sleaziest habits.

There is one thing that I am happy about right now. The ascension of women in the media. Because more and more women are journalists and gain clout in the editorial room, the stories of the women of the world are coming through in media. Stories of war, rape, assault, discrimination and also the stories of women heroes who are working hard to make a difference. These stories may be overshadowed by all the noise created by the Weiner’s² gigglefest but they are there to us who seek true reporting about what really matters.

It is imperative that we work to bring equality for women everywhere because it is women who create the most value in this world and are the stewards of quality of life. And they continue to do it out of compassion and love despite being grossly violated along the way. The fabric of our society is disintegrating before our eyes as 50% of the world’s population is violently kept from contributing to a better tomorrow.

We have to stop gawking at the sex scandal of the day and focus on issues that have an enormous impact on our future.

Here are some stories that require your attention and why:

Does Wal-Mart Have A Sex Discrimination Problem?
Stay tuned, we’ll find out in 2025 because for the past 10 years women who have been systematically discriminated against during their employment at Wal-Mart have been fighting an interesting battle. They want to band together and sue Wal-Mart but the insanely rich company is fighting against their right to a class-action lawsuit. 10 whole years to get a decision on this matter?! This lawsuit demonstrate how hard it is for regular folks to bring attention to grave corporate matters because they have to take on armies of lawyers who have all the money in the world to drag out lawsuits until the complainants run out of money. However, this lawsuit affects 1.6 million women and it is the largest potential class-action suit ever proposed. The Supreme Court’s decision will give us an insight into their priority. I can’t wait to find out: Does the Supreme Court work for the biological people or the corporate people?

The Secret World of Child Brides
All over the world, girls and young women are traded as property and sexual objects. I am fascinated by international stories of family, love, sex and cultural traditions. In fact I would love to travel the world to document personal life, courtship, love and marriage in the world. There are two topics which are important in my every day life and those are sexual and reproductive freedom. Women in developing countries who do not have those rights and choices find themselves harmed by their elders before they even have the time to reach adulthood. I will repeat that women are the Earth’s greatest treasure and failing them will kill any hope we have for a decent future civilization.

And there are many more.

The message I hope men get from this video is that they should not tolerate such comments from other men and be fully involved in the battle against this sort of attitude which has no place in today’s supposedly evolved society. (See below for context of this ad in the UK)

I grew up in a family situation where talk about sex was snarky, where comments about women were demeaning. When complaining about my mother’s peeping-tom boyfriend she would call me viscous and whore, which were words I did not understand. I understand what it is like to grow up in a place that blames women for the lewdness and vile actions of men. Such an education made me a ‘pervert’ starting at a young age (when I would have been just happy not having to deal with adult topics or sexuality) and it took me decades to develop a healthy sex life.

Now, as an adult woman involved in raising boys I understand that I also have a huge part to play in educating them in a positive and non-judgmental way about sex and women.

Emotionally mature and sexually educated men are a great gift to women

We need to shift from telling women not to get raped to telling men (who are the problem) that they have an important role to play in fostering a society where responsible sexual freedom flourishes and women are not victimized in the process. We are at a juncture in history where we must get together and end the cycle of violence (verbal, physical and sexual) against women in our Western society so that we may save the future of all man and womankind.

While I enjoy tremendous freedom as a polyamorous life hacker and dominatrix, I realize that I do not live is a sexually free society. Over the last 100 years, women have gone from being considered ‘non-humans’ to attaining a sort of liberation. The cost of this liberation is immense. Women may seem free to do as they please but have to endure endless criticism about the attractiveness of every part of their body, face ageism and wage discrimination in a society that still expects them to be twice as good and work twice as hard, while looking great, to merely fit into a world still rules by greedy rich old white men. Women may be free but they remain objects and products to a large sector of the male population.

I started thinking about these issues while writing promotional material for a self-defense class for women. Self-defense classes today do not address the reality that 97% of women who report rape or sexual assault knew their attacker. In most cases it is the romantic partner or date who victimizes a woman. Yet regular self-defense still teaches women how not to get mugged in a alley because if a woman gets victimized while on a date or during sex that becomes non-consensual, then she “was asking for it”. It became soul killing for me to sell self-protection to women when it is men who are the problem so I shifted my thought process to figure out a way to teach men how not to rape and I might be on to something that is positive, fun and in-line with my appreciation of men.

One important aspect of sex education that might be missing from the curriculum is teaching teens how to identify and not tolerate misogynistic speech and behavior around them. Right now, however, we are seeing the pendulum of sexism swing dangerously in the misandry direction. Negative speech about men abounds in ads and tv shows and it’s creating a divisive situation (for profit) that might infect a generation and make it harder to attain true equality of the sexes.

Another important step in educating young people to create a society where they enjoy a life of sexual knowledge, sexual quality and sexual happiness is misinformation. The lack of quality sex education in the past 20 years, or rather ‘abstinence only’ education, creates a wide open place for misinformation about sexuality. On one side, peer-to-peer education lacks context and facts. On the other, pornography is completely devoid of useful sex information. In the culture of porn one-upmanship actors perform to a sexual script that isn’t pleasurable to either participant. Also, for some reason porn producers have decided to package most everything they do as a product that infantilizes, demeans and victimizes women. I can see how creating a product that is highly addictive and captivating while harming the viewer’s self-confidence and reducing his ability to communicate with women is a wicked brilliant business plan… but it is hardly useful to us women.

I can attest with authority that men DO enjoy the intimate company of strong intelligent women who do not dress like teenagers. Usually, these are the same men who consume little to no porn and have well-aligned priorities. And, I am not down on all adult entertainment because intellectually challenging and emotionally mature ‘porn’ is awesome.

But back to the topic of sexual education…

The UK is WAY ahead of us on sex ed but only as a an urgent reaction to being the worst off country in Europe when it comes to STIs and teen pregnancies. Add legendary UK teen heavy drinking and drugs to the mix and you get the new reality of rape and assault which is that over 97% of women are assaulted by someone they know (NOTE: The same percentage of women report knowing their attacker in Canada and the US) Because there is a very low number of actual criminally insane serial rapists in the world compared to the growing number of crimes reported, it means that rape happens at a juncture of immaturity, impaired judgment, lack of education, misogynistic attitude, carelessness and stupidity and it is entirely preventable through a change in attitude and though education starting in high school.

Blaming women for rape is akin to saying rape is unpreventable and therefore it removes the blame from men who rape. It is wrong.

All of us have to figure out ways to fix this situation together here in the West. Then, and only then, we will not have the maturity and strength to help women and girls in developing countries recover from the violence of war and genocide and prosper. Else we are ALL fucked.

And to illustrate my point, I will simply share with you a screen cap of an Entertainment page on The Huffington Post.

I have been writing articles for my upcoming sex education website paying special attention on outlining my articles on porn. While I will attempt to provide some useful info on a category of 13,000 products that fail to come with instructions, I do not plan on selling porn. Not that it wouldn’t be a great cash cow but I haven’t made money from porn online so far so now is a great time NOT to start. I feel that in a sea of ‘sex products’ pornography is the one commodity that adds absolutely no value to consumer’s life. And it’s going to be quite interesting to write how porn fails to deliver on all levels and go through the long list of misinformation that is propagated by porn.

Yesterday I watched BBC3′s 2007 special Teens Hooked on Porn (it is available on Youtube) and I was quite shocked. For the past year I have been keen to progressively kick one of my partners into sex rehab after realizing that his addiction to online dating sites and porn is keeping him back in all areas of life. I was shocked to see these 16-year-old boys progressively destroy their potential for life enjoyment though abusive use of pornography. How sad it is to discover sexuality as a packaged product rather than the old fashion way (secretly making out in the shed!?) When you think about it, us girls still had to put up with old gropey pervs who made inappropriate comments when we were growing up (in the 80′s) altering our perception of adulthood, sexuality and men. And it sucked. When boys tap into pornography they are inviting the same kind of ideas, short-circuiting their brain before they even develop their ability to socialize with their peers and girls. What I have been discovering over the past 5 years of talking about porn and asking questions is that porn is very harmful to men in so many ways.

So about a month ago I realized that I did not want to enter into a lifelong commitment with someone whom I feel is on the road to personal destruction. And I am not talking here about how his addictions are fucking up any and all chances for us to have a normal relationship but how it is first and foremost making him his worst enemy. Sex addiction is tricky because it would appear that it has very little to do with sex and a lot to do with socio-affective anxiety. I live for the day I can take him along when traveling around the world to document that happy, joyful, sad and shocking state of sex around the world today, however, at this stage he would not be able to deal with this and not because of the topic of sex, because of the issues of violence, hate, anger, misogyny and bullying that surround the commercialization of sex as a product.

I was quite surprised that rather than walk away he has made every effort to address the situation seeking a therapist for weekly sessions and going to SAA group 2-3 times a week. He even deleted all his online dating accounts and porn and has maintained sobriety for over a month. While I am very impressed, it is most interesting to talk about it and see his outlook change from a culture of outside validation to a state of inner satisfaction with accomplishing a bunch of stuff he had put off. Because that is the issue here… not HOW he spends his time (he could be wasting time gaming or drinking… it’s all the same) but the fact that he makes a concerned effort to accomplish things that are important to him and that is what fills the well of self worth, creates joy and attracts interaction with other joyful people.

More and more I feel that addiction to porn or reliance on less mindfull entertainment like video games, movies/TV and online memes is a sign that someone has fallen into the soul killing downward spiral of :

Loneliness and Boredom

Little did I know that when attending an evening of travel presentation at the local Yacht Club with Mr. P., I would meet Tas, a talented baker of perverted cakes. Tas, whose background is computer science and math, is even looking for ways to incorporate advanced features (animated parts) into his creations. Read the rest of this entry »

SUPRA SEX

Jobs in the First Earth (Battalion) are based on capabilities. Sex, age, color, or religious preferences are not considerations. Culture has, however, programmed men and women so that they feel pressure to relate to each other sexually. This sexual protocol can be overcome by a series of extended exercises requiring the absolute interdependence of all participants until a level is trust is developed that supersedes and rises above any kind of sexual relationship. Fortunately love is still the by-product. (First Earth Battalion Field Manual, Jim Cannon, 1979)

I recently learned about this New Agey experimental army project when Jon Ronson, author of The Men who Stare at Goats made an appearance on The Colbert Report last week. While I think that this Cannon dude smoked some good shit, the whole process of ‘winning the heart of the enemy through amorous gestures and sparkly eyes’ intrigued me. I then found the above passage in the field manual and I though it made a lot of sense. In fact it’s been my tactic for a while now and it works fantastically well.

Of course it also dawned on me that I am most likely intimately connected to one of them sparkly eyed psychic spies… When confronted he said: “I can’t talk about those things…” Well, it’s not like it’s classified anymore, the frickin’ manual is on the Internet! And maybe if I had been involved in such crazy research in the eighties I wouldn’t want to talk about it either LOL The Daddy and I are going see the movie together when I meet his family on Thanksgiving.

The Men Who Stare at Goats is coming out as a film starring two of my favorite hunks of man meat George Clooney and Ewan McGregor. And of course it’s been made into a goofy comedy.

But speaking of dubious research… I’ve been reading with great delight Mary Roach‘s Bonk. It is filled with gems of dubious research about sexuality through the 20th century.

When I bought the book I was actually looking for Becoming Batman: The Possibility of a Superhero and I had a sales girl hanging on me helping me to find the book. Usually when faced with a cute Chapter’s sales clerk I ask for the most perverted book I can think of just to see their reaction. But this time I simply said that I had to give this book to my boyfriend because it proves he has twice as much training as Batman. And she was all fascinated with this book she had never heard of. She said: “This may sound completely geeky but it must be a fascinating book!” I really need to get myself simple business cards with only my name and e-mail on them. This nerdy chick was really cute.. I missed a score!

I am spending the weekend in New York City. I have the use of a studio on the Upper West Side conveniently close to a man I am looking forward to meeting. He has written on the topic of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), something that is still largely misunderstood. I’m going to try to be aloof and not spend my whole time talking about his work however fascinating it is. Quick, think of charming girlie topics! Actually I hope we can go see Capitalism: A Love Story together.

It came out at work last week that I have more than one boyfriend. I made a point to say that I do not find men, that they find me. My co-worker, who is in a sense my client as I solve his technical SEO issues, joked that I was well-referenced. And I thought this was a great metaphor! However, there is more to being conveniently found by guys who want to get to know me, I have to have a hook and pertinent content to back it up so they subscribe to my feed Hahaha!

As a proverbial ‘Fuck You’ to ‘The Man’, I am having brunch on a Wednesday and making out in a vegetarian restaurant.

I’ve been waiting for the end of July for a while so that all the kinky fun I have planned in August can start. But I decided to start a bit early. This week I was tinkering and made a really awesome flogger from a t-shirt. Yeah, you read that right, a flogger from an old 25 cent man’s black t-shirt that I got at a thrift store. That’s not what it was supposed to be originally for but that what it turned into. And it is quite exquisite. Not only is it light and soft but it provides a very interesting sting. I had Mr. P. try it out on me when he picked me up for our little bi-weekly fruits & veggies shopping date. It is not as stingy as a parachute rope flogger and not as thudy as a leather flogger but it works. Now I must find an even bigger t-shirt to start from so I get extra long tails. It’s yet another work in progress.

Today was a very nice sensual day. Yesterday I took it upon myself to write a little note to a guy who made my day. I often watch TED.com talks but his talk on life’s successes and failures rang a bell. So I woke up to a very nice note from him. What this prolific author and journalist doesn’t know is that I am a fan. He is quite the philosopher but he has a very sensual side to him. In fact I think he is quite gorgeous. I wanted to tell him that I really loved how he described the special feeling, texture and look of the walls in and around the modernist Swiss house he grew up in. De Botton’s childhood home was built around an atrium in the style of a Zen garden and has humongous windows that open wide to make the occupant feel as if he is outside. It is one of the most awesome houses I have ever see in a TV show. But yesterday’s conversation was mostly about work and I left out the fangirl gossip.

Today I got together to talk about work with an old employee who is now a peer. We do the exact same thing though I am more technical. I had not seen him face to face for 6 years. He is looking quite good! We have been going up for the same mandates recently and exchanging some info along the way. So we have decided to write a modern description of what we do in order to better sell our respective services to companies who need us. But also we have a little side project… Let’s call it our ‘Zack & Miri Make a Porno’ project though it is far more sophisticated and complex to undertake. He has access to a legendary erotic brand and the brand owner wants to see that brand live again. I am very familiar with the brand having read the books when I was 9 or 10, seen all the movies and have literally lived my whole life to become the embodiment of that brand! I have told so many people that the only reason I have never worked on erotica/porn on the Web because everything has been done before… However, if I could do something awesome, positive and new… I would. So as usual, what I ask for has been delivered in the form of an opportunity and it is mine to coddle and harvest. we had a wonderful ‘producer’ meeting and from it we have 3-5 projects brewing.

In the afternoon I scheduled a little ‘why not?!’ meeting with a young guy who had contacted me recently. I cannot meet every Tom, Dick and Harry who sends me messages through my profiles on social sites but this one is remarkably adorable. More and more I find psychological BDSM play to be VERY amusing.  And we had a lot of fun in the one restaurant we could find that had effective air conditioning. After 3 hours of talking about sex within earshot of senior citizens in a Cora… the empty restaurant was a welcomed respite. And we had a lot of fun. He is quite the keeper and he will make a very nice puppy. It’s a good thing that I have been growing my nails very long. It will be easier to carve out the words ‘pet’ with long nails. I tried that on a MMA fighter a few months ago but I only got out the P and E before he realized this wasn’t a good idea after all…

Tonight I had the option of going to boink the BeardedDiCaprio but since I am on a long vacation by myself, I can be a bit more flexible with my schedule. Of course the Bodyguard is coming back from The Tundra tomorrow so I look forward to seeing him again pretty soon. If he is not immediately shipped off to China, we can look at my new book on International security and pick the places where he would enjoy working the most. But while it is fun to help others with their career I have to line up some contracts for myself and work on my own projects foremost.