Sex is FREE; but they get you on the accessories!!!

I am currently watching ‘The Long Way Round’ with Uber Hottie Ewan McGregor. He sports a fabulous beard for most of his motorcycle trip around the world. Looks like Ewan is also a fan of Puppy Kisses! It seems like I don’t have much time to think about sex these days, it’s all garage sales organizing, dance recital and… kitten kisses . But next week I will see my Scotsmen and I promise myself to go out on TWO dates!

This video is awesome! An BTW Ewan, that dog is simply hungry and he’s begging you to throw him up some food LOL

Do you remember when porn had merit as an art form? When performers seemed sincere and situations, while a bit contrived, were fun and realistic. Do you remember when porn actors looked like you and me? When male actors were filmed above the waist? When performers were rather nice to each other and were not expected to perform a series of parlor tricks, most of which are unpleasant and unsafe? Probably not because that was a LONG time ago!

I started watching ‘porn’ on television in the late seventies. I wasn’t even a teenager back then but I began seeking out and watching ‘adult’ entertainment. I don’t mean porn per say just things that were made for a more mature crowd. It was kind of hard to find but I persisted. I remember when Playboy TV came on and, low and behold, guests were allowed to use the Fword in interviews on the station’s ‘Late Night’ show. I remember one of the guest in the late eighties, he used to pick up chicks off the street and film himself or another actor having sex in a very amateurish way. His name was Buttman a.k.a. John Stagliano. He gave us Gonzo, imported Rocco Siffredi and, unfortunately, a market for copycat Max Hardcore.

Sometimes my encyclopedic knowledge of porn kind of spills out in vanilla settings and causes a bit of an uncomfortable moment. The first time I saw Rocco Siffredi on screen, in Night Trip II (1990), I thought he was so hot that I mentioned it to my girlfriends at school the next day. My college girlfriends knew I was a bit ‘different’ because I submitted anonymous ‘confessions’ to our college papers and eventually came out to them… But they were not fans of porn.

While I started watching erotica at a very young age, I am glad that sex was not yet packaged as a product. A product so different from reality that it would have prevented or ruined my enjoyment of it. Sex in older films looked more sincere, more real. It was attainable! Sex in old porn looks like my own sex life! Yes, even the freaky threesome parts! Sex in current porn I could have but why?! And I am perfectly comfortable with explaining to a partner why I don’t care to have ‘porno’ sex.

I don’t think porn is demeaning to women in general. The oversexualization of everything else might be. But porn is porn and the performers are paid to act out unrealistic sexual encounters which are supposed to be male sexual fantasies. Based on my research they are more based on a system of one-upmanship than actual fantasies of your average guy. Porn is one of many industries where profit is king and people are used, abused and thrown away quickly. There are a few male porn stars who appear to be skilled sexual tops (one of which is Mark Ashley) but all in all men in porn seem to have sex AT a woman rather than with her. These nuances are not obvious to teenagers who start watching hardcore porn at a very early age today. I think that watching porn hurts a man’s enjoyment of sex, lowers his self-esteem and provides little usable skill. But, having had a few partners who have grown up with access to Internet porn in their teenage years, I cannot say that I have noticed ‘porn damage’ anymore in men in their 20s over men in their 30s through 50s. Porn hurts women by making men annoyingly insecure. It takes away their ability to enjoy regular women over twenty. Of all my male friends and lovers, those who do not watch porn much or at all report having and enjoying a normal sex life. They are generally more happy people.

However I do not think the male landscape has changed that much. I’ve always thought that only one guy in 20 is worth fucking so rather than fuck the next 100, I have decided to develop skills to spot a keeper and then… well keep him, at least for a while.

But back to the fake sex…

There are a few people in porn that I admire. They are the ones who take it up a notch or have a real insight into their work in the grander scale of things and are truly enjoyable to listen to and watch.

In 1982, Annie Sprinkle, already a frequent performer in x-rated loops, directed her first full-length movie. When I saw this recently I thought it was adorable and I have included the first few minutes of it. Dr. Annie Sprinkle has explored human sexuality for 30 years and is still active as a lifestyle educator today.

[...video removed...]

Why am I revisiting vintage erotica? Well, I have have been thinking of putting my observations of alternate human sexuality over the past 30 years on paper and… well in the meantime a sweet bit of iconic 70s erotica is trying to resurface. We are talking here about the most recognized franchise in erotica for the past 35 years… I don’t know if it is faith but it’s on my desk and I feel what Tom Cruise must have felt when he snagged Mission Impossible… Now I just need to write down my ideas and find me a Paula Wagner!!!

Link to video @ TheOnion

A while back I wrote on this blog that CJO is a bit like Mark Anthony. At the time it was because he had suggested we get together to shoot some slaves. This reminded me of one of the most obnoxious scenes in Rome (He has never watched Rome.) I figured he was saying this for the benefit of a certain slave who was within earshot. Personally I would rather not shoot at anyone. I’m not a sissy, I just think that the words ‘non lethal’ in the name of certain ammo is marketing bullshit. But give me a paint gun and I may change my mind; I’ll just make sure the sniper is on MY team!!!

When I started watching Rome in October, I thought that having a household like Atia and Servillia would be cool. Obviously, I have no use for decorative slaves but I could definitely use a chauffeur and a butler. Just once in a while. Everybody in this neighborhood seems to know that I am the thrifty single mom. I don’t even have a car when most others have 2.5 trucks and 1.25 cars. I noticed that having handsome guys appear out of nowhere to rake my yard and shovel my snow attracts some attention and questions. So if my daughter ever started a phrase with “Our butler…” it might trigger more questions than I care to answer…

Just like Mark Anthony, my sweetie is a very good warrior. As long as it supports his long term goals in some way, he will likely do anything I ask. I have missions lined up into 2010 for him and some are NOT easy! I’m courting a veteran Dom by being a total Domina and he LIKES it. Raising (elevating) Dominants is my shtick! I make sure regularly that it’s okay for me to hit him with the ‘to do’ stick harder and harder as the deadlines get closer. When both parties are sincere and fully into it, Dominance and submission are the exact same thing. I may joke about it but I see my management of his current engagements and his overall career change as ‘service’ to him.

Because he KNOWS that my thing is to help him get what he wants he has been more open about a lot of things. I am considering him as a life partner so I want to know what he wants however lofty, capricious or eccentric it may be. It’s a test in itself because at his age he is supposed to know what he wants. One of the recurring themes that has come up is that he wants a household (with slaves.)

I’ve suspected this for a long time and I have nothing against the concept. I don’t think it looks the same in my head as it does in his though! I LOVE this kind of relationship talk! Using his logic of having slaves giving him more time to do the cool stuff he’d rather do (like gardening and sex.) I will gladly lay down a plan that includes him as my landscaping and sex slave!

I’m spending all afternoon in bed with James May because I fell on a patch of ice and REALLY hurt my left arm. Oh shits! I’m not blind though, I can still read. Episode six of this season’s Top Gear is giggles from beginning to end.

I had a restless night sandwiched in between the final chapters of Reichs’ Monday Mourning. <spoiler>The part where the perpetrator’s dungeon of doom and captives are discovered in the basement of a Pointe-Saint-Charles home</spoiler>. I’ll save you the gory details. At least the suspense has picked up, I was about to ditch the book just as I had Brown’s Digital Fortress recently. Oh and by the way, the full title of that Dan Brown book is Digital Fortress: A Thriller… I’ll be the judge of that.

<dream>I dreamt of Mr. M. and spent a part of the night trying to remember every detail. I do not have good recall of dreams. They are vivid as they happen and then are taken from me once I wake up. I saw him randomly and he took me to a remote place. I wasn’t necessarily happy to see him but as usual intrigued by his plans and story lines. I wish I could recall the details of our encounter but it was intense enough to cause me to scream (not out of horror.) Then he simply vanished abandoning me there. Another sexless aborted plan. Exciting but frustrating… and life goes on.</dream>

While he is long gone and may soon vanish from my memory… I have been waiting to follow-up on something… You see I am curious. He made a vague historical reference concerning Caesar (misspelling another name.) It took me a while to find the actual historical event (and which frickin’ Caesar he was referring to) and realize it was something out of the series Rome. I just started re-watching episodes 1-6 as they are the only ones I had originally kept. My tracker is still showing ETA 1y 9w until I can see the aforementioned episode… I shall not tell you what it is and from which episode, you should watch the whole series. It’s full of things you wish you could discuss at the water cooler but probably wont. I will soon discuss them here I cannot afford the DVDs and the Rogers DVD rental service (formerly Zipsomething) has sent me so many unplayable scratched disks that I gave up on it. I don’t want to search endlessly for blogger opinions about the storyline, I want to see it myself.

This morning I find this story in my Facebook feed: Teen Girl Charged With Sex Offense For Sending Nude Pictures of Herself. Oh dear what has this world come to?

Obviously sending a naked picture of one’s self to someone else is not a good idea espescially if you are not yet an adult. However, how can a girl be charged for possessing child pornography when the pictures are of herself? Isn’t this equal to saying she does not have the right to enjoy her own body? It is as insulting as a victim seeing her rapist(s) getting a fine rather than jailtime. And where do you draw the line as to what is sexy and what is indecent? I have a hard time believing that this is a criminal case but I may just be affected by double standards. What about a 15 year old boys who sends naked pictures of himself to other teens. While I have never read of such a case it suddenly seems more sinister. This is a behavior that is not criminal, it is influenced by the over-sexualization of teens in general. By a culture that presents teens indulging in all sorts of adult activities. However I strongly feel that this is a case of misconduct that should be addressed at the school, by the administration, parents and counselors. If other criteria are met it could fall into sexual harassment or misconduct. These kids are young, that process alone should give them pause before doing something else that is stupid. However people (parents?) have become whiny babies who love attention and would rather cause a scene than address it themselves (with their children) and discreetly like mature people. As it stands both teenagers could get juvenile detention AND find themselves on the registered sex offenders list. This list is becoming a repository of everybody and their cousin who once got drunk and took a piss in an alley only to be inadvertently seen by passers-by. The mass tacking of people on that registry and the paranoia it causes in everybody else should soon become an official factor on the list of risks for heart disease. However, inadvertently seeing boobies has never scarred anyone for life. I am going off on a tangent here because I think there is a difference between malice and stupidity. (Watch The Woodsman with Kevin Bacon, it’s a good movie) And in the interest of disclosure I am guilty of playing if you show me yours I’ll show you mine. Insert current technology into the mix and you can multiply the embarrassment factor by 1000 but it doesn’t make it a crime.

Oh, I should be working… I have a date this afternoon. I look forward to it.

You know what I like to do? I like to hang out in places I am not supposed to. Sometimes it’s planned, sometimes not.

I remember back in 1990 my roomate worked in one of Quebec City’s few gay saunas. I had to go see him for some reason and stopped by his work. This 19 year old girl had to stand there for 15 minutes ‘inside a gay sauna’. At some point the manager walked by me and backed up. He said hi and physically moved me so that I could not be seen and said to me: “You know a lot of the guys here are married, they will freak out if they see a girl!” For a while I pondered why married men would hang out at gay saunas but my boyfriend Nicolas, who was a gorgeous 27 year-old intellectual bisexual separatist prostitute from Lac-Saint-Jean, explained it to me in great details.

Obviously I should not be hanging out in a gay sauna but what I found out later is that it’s less annoying than hanging out in a straight sauna.

I also get a kick out of hearing stuff I am not supposed to hear. I love to hear what guys say to each other when they forget that a woman is listening. I used to watch ‘The Man Show‘ and made a it a point to keep tabs on what guys like to watch.

A few months ago I was vedging on Bearded Dicaprio’s sofa on a Saturday afternoon. (That is my new nickname for BF#2. Even though there is a fine line between Dicaprio in a Beard and This, I can’t get enough of the beard.) We were watching his immense bachelor HD flat screen TV and flipping through all those cable channels and still there was nothing interesting on. I saw a glimpse of this show on Spike TV called “The Ultimate Fighter”. “Dumb-looking teenagers hitting each other in the face!” I exclamed. I was really curious about htis so I downloaded an episode the next week. Turns out it wasn’t teenagers I had just flipped channels when Matt Riddle was on and… well you catch my drift. So I started watching this show and got totally hooked.

At first I thought the guys were like nothing I’d ever seen or heard before… and then that sort of became why I liked it. Essentially they are also like guys I am unlinkely to run into, ever so it’s quite interesting.

Watching guys bash each other’s face in with the intention to injure was a bit strange in the beginning. But when you think about it I’ve seen people, in person, cut, burn or pierce each other for sport or sexual gratification so to each his/her own. I still fast forward through the fights but enjoy the post-fight description and commentary.

Right now I am very frustrated with Junie Browning. What a punk! I would tell you what I would do to that guy to straighten him out but that would make Yoshi envious. For a while there I thought Junie would never make it to the fight but then again… he still has a bit of time to fuck it up. I have to admit I really like Roli Delgado so I am going to be rooting for him next week.

So I have put The Ultimate Fighter on my metaphorical porn shelf along with The Tudors (and Rome but you’ll have to wait for that porn review.)

So here are my Top Ten reasons to watch The Ultimate Fighter

1. Matt Hughes smiling (or not…) and that recurring shot going up his poster in the training center. Nice chest hair Matt!
2. Nathan Diaz flipping out because he doesn’t get the the actual non-gay meaning of “suck it”
3. Forrest Griffin saying: “Gimme all the ugly guys!”
4. Nice arms and hands.
5. The bio bits before the fight.
6. Perving Dante Rivera, Gray Maynard and Keith Jardine.
7. Watching guys who should know better drink themselves into embarrassing situations, destroy rental properties, fight over stupid shit, say stuff they’ll regret and pee on each other’s bed.
8. Rooting for the nerds like Joe Lauzon and Luke Cummo (I mean that as a compliment.)
9. The over-the top body art.
10. Guys crying. I dig that.

In closing I must say that Dana White uses the work ‘Fuck’ way too much… Dude it’s not really a verb nore an adjective. Only one free ‘fuck*’ per segment… else it makes you sound dim. But that’s just an opinion from a chick your age.

Oh Stephen you made me blush with your show on Monday night… many times. And now that I have a laptop in my comfy bed, I can write down what I think without freezing my ass on a plastic chair. Which explains my recent long posts.

Do you know what Stephen Colbert does? He interviews serious guests in his blowhard conservative pundit character. He also talks directly to his viewer which can sometimes be freaky. On my birthday Stephen said that if I was a 35 y.o. woman today, my chances of finding a man were nonexistent… Hmmm, that was a really strange coincidence.

By now his guests know what he is going to do to them. There is one video of Stephen out there showing him interacting with John Kerry pre-interview however, it has never been clear how his guests are prepared.

Both Stewart and Colbert have high quality guests on. Many are unassuming and geeky authors who probably don’t have to put up with such a character on a regular basis. What I have figured out is that he will ask one question to let his guest “plug the product” but after that the gloves come off and the rest is an unexpected avalanche of rhetoric and twisted logic. His guest are left to fend for themselves. Some give him all the room and some manage to get a word in edgewise. They are unlikely to shut him up but it has happened.

I am most entertained when Stephen has women guests on. On Monday he had TWO female guests: Kathleen Parker, a syndicated columnist and Bethany McLean, author of “The Smartest Guys in the Room”.

McLean was absolutely delightful as she brought really serious issues to the table. She managed to get a lot of good points out even though Stephen was like a pittbull with her! I have absolutely no idea what went through her mind but I had the feeling I could see her heart miss a beat a few times… By the end she seemed upset in a “what the fuck just happened?” kind of way and as the camera went wide and faded Stephen seemed to notice and immediately grabbed her hand to do the aftercare!

Parker, who was the featured guest, seemed to enjoy her “conversation” with Stephen… and by that I mean “really enjoy it” the way I would… This episode is available online (Oct. 13, 2008) and I don’t want to read too much into the body language of people who will Google themselves to find that I have put their serious interview into a kinky context. Some people are quite masterful at putting serious politics into a kinky context (Dana Gould, 8mins+)

I can tell you what Stephen Colbert does to me though! One cannot expect what Stephen is going to say next and that is really exciting. He will bring something to the table and commit to it in a powerful way. He can completely overpower a conversation with gems of irony that make heads of state explode (pun intended.) Stephen has a huge set of brass balls and he is very proud of them. When Stephen speaks I cannot help but listen to everything he says and then try to dissect the layers of comedy and irony that he and his writers pack-in so tightly. Stephen has the best writers (with Emmy and Peabody to support that) but he must be praised highly for his delivery.

I am guilty of trying to drive conversations like Stephen and when my friends bite, it’s all sorts of fun… but I want to be on the receiving end of that conversation!

Something really awesome happened to me a few weeks ago and I am still giddy about it. Mr. M. and I were chatting through Skype and for some reason my mute button became activated. While I could hear him, he could not hear me but I assume he could see me. So as I was looking for which of the 3 ways the mute could be on he proceeded to verbally assault me for a few minutes. I was really impressed with how he berated me (incessantly and in a funny way.) I guess I could have been upset but instead, it tickled me in a very naughty way. He was essentially giving me a verbal spanking making it impossible to find what I was looking for. He made me giggly, shocked and excited but could not hear the results of his effect on me as my mute button was still on. I truly hope he saw me laughing and withering!

I have gotten into trouble with Mr. M. for assuming that what he does is deliberate and planned… Does he improvise or is he premeditated? I wonder this because I know I can be very premeditated as I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can steer conversations toward absurd comedy or make someone laugh. There is an enormous amount of intent in me and I am becoming more comfortable telling the world that I am not the wallflower I sometimes pretend to be.

I am not evil but I wish I was and I was able to play that character officially in a gamers magazine interview a few months ago. This interview was unanimously defined as hilarious. Moreover, the reaction male readers had was exactly on mark, they were shocked and scared of me, the evil dominatrix bent on taking over the world! I can’t ask for anything more!!!

Mr. M. can be Machiavellian in the way he puts forward his ideas and perhaps does not realize the exciting and awesome evil villain he brings to the table. This is but one of his Mad Skillz. He is a Valmont, but unlike the cruel ways in which the Vicomte has been portrayed (and I have avidly eaten all iterations), Mr. M. seemed to come along with a promise to reveal the humanity behind the man who corrupted Cecile and destroyed Madame de Tourvel. Are you seeing a theme here? What is improvised and what is premediated? Is it “I couldn’t help myslef” or “I actually meant to do that”? I know he is not evil but he is so good at the craft as he commits to it in very powerful way. While I admit that I did get drunk on this experience I retained a lot of my petulant self. Perhaps I hoped that Mr. M. would be a formidable opponent. I saw him as superior to me! In many ways, he was going to be the most fun and challenging person to lose to. At least I hoped he would win. However, when I clearly needed to be put in my place, he chose not to… so as not to be hurtful…

There is a duality in that… While being called on what I did or said could be construed as a bad experience, for me it is an enlightening experience. It is not just about being disciplined for doing something wrong but it’s also about realizing the exact consequences of my actions by hearing it from him, learning from that and hopefully reveling in how masterfully the lecture or correction is delivered. Sure the correction could be delivered constructively but also with a wide variety of emotions like anger, disdain, coldness, etc. but it is what it is and unfortunately it is not something I get to experience in play and too rarely in life.

Almost ten years ago I began a working relationship with a man who was loud, grumpy and impulsive. He even had a reputation for making people cry but I later learned that those people were easy cryers. He had one quality that I had never encountered in someone else: he could have a shouting match with me and never step out of line or bring the conversation down with irrelevant stuff. At first it was surprising! I don’t yell but I won my points enough times that he eventually handed over the keys to the castle. So I won… or did I? Because dealing with him so intensely on a daily basis made me feel really happy, excited and alive. It was awesome fuel. Today, we are attached to each other in blissful way… His love, acceptance and encouragement has effectively fueled my ability to deal with really hard situations and challenges. We don’t fight anymore. We seems to agree on everything. We seem to understand and trust each other fully.

I can honestly say that it is where I had wished to go with Mr. M. so I gave him the opportunity to define a place for me that I agreed with (check!) and then put me into it officially an masterfully. I know it’s a huge expectation. I am a dominant person (a survivalist) which seems at odds with the developing dynamics between Mr. M. and I but the “negotiation” process I am referring to is just that… a back and forth planning process that can come across as un-romantic. For me, it’s really exciting, because I like procedures. Also, it is what I learned from my Lady and from Midori over the years. It is the only way that I know to get to SSC or RACK. However, it comes from a very clinical BDSM framework and it killed the magical meeting of the minds that originally happened between us.

Sigh…

So recently some friends of mine got their boy shorts in a bunch over a Bill O’Reilly video where he does his usual shtick and whines about the “maintreamization” of gay culture. He seems to enjoy calling people “provocateurs” for being gay while picking at issues that provoke his base like his classic OMFG!!!l! Dumbledore is Gay! episode (Link to Media Matter and I also recommend Keith Olbermann’s cool segment on the topic).

Bill caters to a group of people that is slowly dwindling:

- The moral majority (formerly known as the Bible Belt) and just about as truthfully descriptive as “The Clean Air Act” or “The No-Spin Zone”.
- Old people who haven’t been out of the house since 1982.
- People like me who will watch for a laugh when he is interviewing someone who is about to POWN him.
- People who really like hearing about gays but must protect their heterosexual house of cards or who don’t have LOGO or Bravo in The Heartland.

He still calls them the 50% of America that agrees with him (they are suppesedly also Bush’s base.) Bill works at Fox, a television network that reads from talking points and rarely looks out the window. He is sort of like Howard Stern but on the other side of the medal… actually I shouldn’t say that because they have the same guests on!

Through his choice of topics he tries to provoke a knee jerk reaction in his viewers whom he recognizes are mostly made up who people who are afraid of gays!

I often feel dismissed by my gay friends when the topic of homophobia comes up. Like my little straight self couldn’t possibly have an expertise on the topic. Excuse-me but this is a subject I KNOW A LOT about as I have spent countless hours in conversation with homophobes. These people fall into many categories most of which are quite benign and that is why I never get my boy shorts in a bunch when I encounter one.

Am I really bad for dismissing homophobes? I mean there are worst things to be in life than a poor sheltered soul who is afraid of gays. And I certainly don’t think homophobe = Hilter. I am grown up and witnessed the emergence of “gay” in mainstream as early as 1985 when Rock Hudson died of illness related to Aids. Then people had “longtime companions” and the closet door started to open. I still have a VHS tape with Ellen’s coming out episode around here somewhere. Watching every step of “gay” becoming mainstream certainly didn’t make me gay.

I don’t watch EVERY gay and lesbian themed show on TV. I admit I threw up in my mouth a little when I saw “A shot at Love with Tile Tequila“.

In my own little straight world I had access to how straight people REALLY feel about gay people… And I ask… a lot! And around me there are people who are totally afraid of gays like they are some kind of vampires with magical powers!

Really my opinion on the matter is not going to change their view on the topic and what I have noticed is that people generally calm down about homosexuality when they realize that someone close to them is gay. They realize that everything will be fine because the world didn’t end when aunt Patricia brought her girlfriend to the Christmas party.

Unfortunately there is probably no cure for that poor woman on Maury who is deftly afraid of pickles.

I have edited down a clip from Big Brother Australia (Season 5) which illustrates various people’s feelings about homosexuality. What Kate will reveal is a common fear amongst people I have talked to (mostly male.) When you consider that 10% of the population is gay, the chances of this happening to you over your lifetime is quite high and Kate is certainly not alone in her fears and it is usually why I do not immediately pass judgment on people who appear homophobic. Homophobia is a knee jerk reaction that comes from people who have little self control or lack maturity and insight into the world around them. I am fascinated at the stories I hear from people I poke on the matter and I have other clips like this that I can analyze.

In this clip, Houseguests are asked to perform their own dare for the rest of the group. Kate reads the instructions. Tim’s dare is to mock the twins in the house (Greg and David) by kissing one and talking to the other. This was obviously intended for the girls. Tim and Greg’s kiss elicits squeals of horror from Kate who then explains she is homophobic. This situation turns into an interesting windows into homophobia.

This is rarely seen footage from a canceled Big Brother roundup show called Uncut (then Adults Only.) That was a truly awesome look into the secret lives of young adults (be it young adults who are cooped up in a house for 100 days) and unfortunately it was too much to handle for the general Australian public and has not been produced for two years.

I have been telling people left and right that if I could invent a new fetish it would be ‘Astronaut Fetish’. Who represents the epitome of mental and physical capability more than an astronaut?! Astronauts are at the top of their class when it comes to scientific knowledge and professional accomplishment AND they patiently train for years in order to get on that coveted space flight.

When the following statement came on Mythbuster last week I nearly fell off my chair! Adam Savage is the only other Astronaut Fetishist I have ever encountered. And to think all these years it was Jamie Hyneman I had on my ‘To Do’ list