Sex is FREE; but they get you on the accessories!!!

I almost threw away this delightfully mistranslated trial packet of lubricant! I think that Chinese translation cannot be blamed for this one.

I worry about people’s inability to be away from a cell phone that beeps and rings. I understand that it makes them feel like somewhere out there someone ‘needs’ or ‘wants’ them but it progressively undermines social and emotional intelligence (if there was any to begin with.)

Here is an interesting video from PBS about Cellphone Etiquette.

Around 8:45, Fernando Castrillon talks about affective issues that develop in teenage years. Though I think it bears saying that people who are under 35 live in a mindset that is truly akin to those of a teenager and they can remain teens as long as they wish for corporations and marketers love them best that way. However, for all the envy we have for teens for being young and devoting a lot of their time to having fun, teens often seem incredibly lonely and sad.

Besides sadness and loneliness, teens have to learn to deal with boredom and with a device that beeps all the time to give you the impression that you are ‘in a network’ or ‘have friends’, you can’t face those feelings or learn to deal with them. The inability to deal with sadness, boredom and loneliness lead to addiction.

I have a crappy old phone and train people NOT to call me… EVER. It doesn’t have a camera and it’s incredibly clunky. It’s a pay-as-you-go hand-me-down from my editor-in-chief (I get the prize for most hyphenated word in a phrase right there!) I know for a fact that life is blissful having fun with the person or people who are right in front of me, right now.

I make allocation for business people who have to be reached for a decision, clarification or emergency; God knows I have loved a many system administrators who have those coitus preventing devices strapped to their groin; but if you answer your phone while you are with me and it is apparently pointless and you do not have the balls to cut it off immediately, I will gladly get up and leave.

You see that’s the thing, I have a long list of actual things to accomplish and people I love to be with so there is little room in my life for a smart phone that would allow people and machines to ping me and distract me. There is little room in my life for other people’s annoying smart phones and that’s why most of my friends and lovers don’t have smart phones (or a cell phone at all) And that is how I know that a smart phone does not make your life better.

Right now I never get a phone call from a lover while I am having sex with another lover! And the list of reasons why I don’t mind it when I forget my phone is very long!

If you have a cell phone, you have to have the ability and intelligence to manage access to yourself and your time very wisely so that you protect the quality of your time with the people who are right in front of you.

And I hear you say that you need an iPhone for work but I know from over-hearing all of you mad gab about that latest application that makes poo that business is not what keeps you completely addicted to your iPhone.

In closing I have to admit that I have a small yearning for a Motorola Milestone because I want to develop Android applications. When I do get it, I will have to hide it because I refuse to see my quality of life and intellect go down because I have a smart phone. A few months ago a TV director friend of mine friend lent me his Blackberry for a week and I found myself looking at it while crossing the street. That clitoris-like trackball thingy is absolutely awesome and possibly deadly!

Oops, I don’t think this is what the writer wrote but while we are on the subject… Yes I would like intelligent sex, who wouldn’t. Oh and the crap I have put up with in order to get there in my life is immense.

Here’s some tabletop prose I created with BelovedSchoolBoy. I am making earrings… a bit slow on that task simply because drilling small hole in the corner of those dice is hard. But I think I will post them on Etsy soon.

Just as people have started reading my blog, I’ve wandered off tinkering with crafty things. While some of those things are a bit kinky, there is no success to report yet.

Witness this attempt at making cute nipple jewelry. Basically I want to create a basic shape in wire that has something going on atop the nipple and a place to put dangles. I find the current models a bit boring.

But so far. Nipple Jewelry = FAIL. Kinky word die earrings are going a bit better though. pictures to come.

I’ve been feeling super blue lately espescially with the developing situation in Iran. In my opinion Iran has the greatest disparity between the loveliness of its people and the darkness of its leaders. I sincerely believe that progress is inevitable and Iran doesn’t lack bright progressive people but my fears lie with the possibility of international meddling.

Mr. M. and I have been doing a bit of writing back and forth. He has a blog now and if he gets to writing in semi-public the truth he tells in private, it may become a must read. Since I’ve had the miss communication problems with him last year I’ve been working on creating greater communication flow between my partners and I (old and new.) Not that all interpersonal conflict in my life are my fault but I try to gain insight from ALL situations.

I should always strive to be a better communicator because I have many partners and I have limited time to spend with each one in person so I have to make it count. The quality of my daily communications with them by phone or in writing will make a huge difference in the quality of our relationship in the long run. I had been looking to attain a new level of honesty, directness, closeness with them but also to foster security in my partners regarding our respective relationships. The only tool I have for that is communication.

Because my goal is to have only one partner in an exclusive monogamous relationship, I have to be honest about it with my partners. Communicating about how our relationship may wind up having a time-limit is a bit strange. Though it’s not as daunting as discussing poly partner rank (or priority.) Right now, I do not have a primary poly partner. BelovedSchoolBoy was my ‘interim spouse’ for a while when we lived together but that was an unfair situation for him being 15-20 years younger than the spouse I want to be with. I have no idea if this wish will ever materialize. It may just be that my goal to enter into a TiH relationship is outdated or that a ‘husband-type’ would not care for my previous lifestyle or obsessive interest in alternate sexuality LOL. But I digress…

While I do not talk much with The Bearded DiCaprio even though he has been my lover for 5 years, I communicate quasi-daily with The General, M0j0D4ddy and Mr. P (All of which are over 40.) I also maintain the communication line open with BelovedSchoolBoy because even though we have been separated since December, I love hearing about how happy he is and how much he pro-actively rules his entourage like a successful little Kingdom. I also love how after we separated he continued to ask me for advice on many matters including how to approach and ‘land’ his adorable new girlfriend (with whom he now lives.) Then it dawned on me that I have raised him to be like the man I wish I could meet in my 35-45 y.o. age group. At 21, I think he will provide me with a lifetime of awe. I also truly enjoy the constant appreciation and thank yous for the last 3 years.

I grew up in a family where partners were not self-aware and were secretive in order to avoid conflict. Avoiding the matter or editing the news is a very bad strategy. Honest direct communication is so rare that when I hear it my heightened appreciation of the communicator outshines the content of the message! Recently, I have gotten many flowers from my lovers (and some friends) regarding the ‘quality of our relationship’ in regards to communication so I must be affecting things right.

I now live in a world where women fight for the sexual interest and attention of men (online and off) and horde it so that their man must not pay any attention to anyone else! While I may have had a foot in the eye candy market when I was 20 and hadn’t yet had my drastic breast reduction, I found that it didn’t provide me with access to very interesting men. Today, I do not even try to sell sex (be sexy) because as a 38 year-old woman, I would simply look like a clown next to a 20-year-old (I’ve watched the real Housewives of New Jersey!) I have also come to realize that most pretty women (even the ones who are naturally lovely) feel insecure about their looks and seem much less happy than the average. Also, women who are professionally decorative, are rarely role models and exhibit the worse behavior and lack of class (Hello Charm School!) Even if this can change over time, it will always be overshadowed by reality tv antics! Beauty is a rat race with no prize at the end. Most women do not know this because standards change and the race never ends.

However, in the contest of being smart, open, non judgmental and communicative, I can occupy a place that is more stable and permanent in the emotional space even with those who are easily distracted by the eye candy. Because I have been able to develop truly meaningful and loving fulfilling relationships based on these new communication efforts over the past six months, I have rethunk the narrow definition of ‘lover’. I hate it when people say ‘we are just friends’. As someone who has had true friends for 30 years and, in absence of having a spouse, puts friend before lover, I find that a bit insulting. It would seem to me that in a world where ‘friend’ has been diluted to mean ‘someone I never talk to who is in my Facebook list’, we should have a new definition for ‘lover’ as well. So I have decided to consider someone my lover when they declare loving me and have spontaneously said that we shall be together ‘forever’ (…and then re-iterate it a few times just to make sure LOL) As long as this feeling is mutual and we do have a somewhat sensual relationship then ‘lover’ seems like an appropriate term. Too bad it sounds very sexual when said out loud. Even though I may use that term here, I will still refer to most people in my life as friends. Never ‘just’ friends or worse ‘fuck’ friends which are two terms that diminish the importance of the friend relationships in life.

I have been quite happy with most of my relationships as of late and feel very loved, secure and appreciated. That was never my goal but what a wonderful gift. On the other hand, I know one of my relationships is doomed to end soon but it has been on that path for a while. Right now, I have no craving for attention or even sex so I am hurting my sexual relationships by electing to stay home alone rather than go out. But I do say yes to going out when asked.

But I don’t want to go see too many movies… I strive for conversation and communication!

I would have to say that conversation with Mr. M. is crack cocaine. Though, NOW, I know that we will communicate briefly, his words or questions will open up a can of worms (and inspiration) then he will disappear unexplained leaving me with withdrawal anxiety. I have always been overwhelming and gauche in my struggle to gain access to him. I would love to be able to count on him for conversation even if it was scheduled or limited in time. (I sometimes schedule time-restricted conversations… seems weird but it works!)

I have multiple partners who put up with the fact that I am not exclusive nore very available (physically) because I provide them with rare difference, openness and acceptance. I put up with Mr. M. because he provides me with rare higher intelligence and dry wit or irony and also because his interest channels seem to be aligned with mine. Though sometimes his dumb typos will open up a door for unexpected hilarity such as the time he wrote that his girlfriend gave him a ‘dry mouth’ piece of artwork for his birthday. So I sassed him on how such artwork is the kind that you look at, bewildered, with your mouth open for a long time (thus inducing dry mouth.) I could also have pondered how it is the opposite of mouth watering artwork (which could be a still life of food or, as marketers would define it, graphics that are mostly orange.) So I was eventually accused of being corny while I was simply making fun on his attempt to (I suspect) write ‘dry mount’.

I have been developing a relationship with a Lady who seems fascinating to me. While she has been generous so far with giving me access to her (providing her personal number and inviting me to go stay with her) I am worried about being overwhelming. I was very forthcoming about my desire to serve her (in the BDSM sense) for the simple pleasure of personal access to her but it turns out I do not really have anything specific to offer that she needs (and that will be until I have the chance to cook for her.) I like having a ‘device’ to warrant regular communication with a Dom or Sub during the initial phase of getting to know each other because I have developed ‘access anxiety’.

I’m sure this is heightened by not wanting to experience the pain that I felt when Mr. M. and I hit it off very well and then NOT after only a short time. I had given him unrestricted access to me talking for hours into the night which I never do because I need my sleep to be able to manage an eight year old during the day. It is unfortunate that such an experience has made me scared of giving access or time again for the purpose of developing friendship or love.

fu·ner·al (ˈfyün-rəl)

A funeral is the only family social gathering one does not have to pretend to enjoy.

I have looked through my writings to bring you certain things that have not been published yet, or republishing certain things that found themselves burried under a pile of unrelated material. This new encyclopedia runs from the phylosophical to the absurd…

This article was written on June 18, 2008 and it is aimed at teenagers.

yard·stick (yärdstk)

We explore here the yardstick by which all success is calculated in modern North American society.

Yardstick: a criterion, a standard for making a critical judgment.

Unlike the party game of limbo where the stick keeps going down as the contest continues the yardstick that measures the success competition keeps going up. In such a contest, nobody is eliminated and people continue to work really hard and consume their way to projecting an image of success through their appearance and material possessions.

After 9/11 Georges Bush told American to keep going on with their lives so that the American Dream must live on. Hanging by the seat of his pants, he was able to push back the current economical turmoil almost 7 years. Americans continue to consume their way to catastrophe as the bloated U.S. economy cannot survive without manic consumerism of useless crap made in China.

As a teen you must accept that you have no control over this stick and you are in no way obligated to reach it. In fact it will probably start falling again very soon as the new successful people become those who have less but more importantly owe nothing.

When I was in 7th grade my biology teacher said that everyone is born with a purpose, whether it is to go to the moon or invent a new cake recipe. I was 13 and that concept seemed simple enough to grasp.

My ex husband’s yardstick for success was purchasing a Ferrari before he was 40. Loathed by our daughter and his girlfriend for being noisy, uncomfortable and stinky, he drove his vintage Ferrari all the way to his High School reunion. It is now officially for sale. I am curious as to what the next yardstick for success will be

Success today is closely linked to fame and fortune, which are two other marketable concepts that, on their own, mean absolutely nothing.

Define where your yardstick is and feel perfectly comfortable with moving it yourself as you grow older and your goals evolve. Don’t ever let other define your success (or lack thereof) based on external things such as your car, your house or your clothes.

A great book to read is Your Money or Your Life.